“Selena Has Already Decided Not To Buy The Lawn Furniture.” COMICS! Sometimes I Look at Saga - The Saga Of The Swamp Thing!

It's Halloween! Gather round, gather round! O, you lucky children! Feast your tiny dead fly sized eyes on a ghoulish gallery fit to chill even the hardiest of souls! Halloween! Sil-VER SHAMROCK! Oh alright, I just scanned in my incomplete Saga of the Swamp Thing comics run. No tricks here, m'dears; only treats! It's mostly covers but also some pin-ups and even Swamp Thing's death certificate. Morbidly apropos eh, what? I hope you enjoy looking at them while I creep up behind you. HOO-HA! Gonna wear your face like knickers! SWAMP THING by Stephen Bissette, John Totleben, Alan Moore, Tatjana Wood & John Constanza

SWAMP THING Created by Berni Wrightson & Len Wein

I started reading Saga of the Swamp Thing (SotST) with # 2 because I was 12 and a morbid little thing. Oh yes, Horror was my jam. I spread it liberally on my toast of terror. I was there, so let me tell you that the 1980s were a pretty awesome time all around for horror in movies, prose and comics. Probably even jam; horror was everywhere. Probably because the 1980s was a pretty awesome time for horror in real life: Thatcher, AIDS, Clause28, The Cold War, Reaganomics, The Miners Strike, Phil Collins; sometimes you just wanted to pull the covers over your head. But then you ran the risk of missing some fab Horror jam. Like SotSW. I stopped reading SotSW with #6. Not because it was rubbish, but because it stopped appearing at my local market cum newstand. Those early issues by Tom Yeates and Martin Pasko aren't the ones people remember but they were pretty decent. Issue 3 with the vampires was nice (nice enough for Moore to call back later in #38 & #39) and #4 had a children's entertainer who entertained himself with children in a bad way. It was far from rote and just about worthy of note. I restarted reading SotSW with #35 when it suddenly reappeared back on my stands. That fella from Warrior and 2000AD whose stuff I liked only turned out to be writing it, didn't he! (It would turn out he'd been writing it for a while.) My surprise and delight at the chillingly efficient tales this Moore fellow was producing was rather upended when Swamp Thing promptly died at the end of #36. Well, fuck a duck, I thought (I was a potty mouthed child).

But then he brought him back. Later on he'd kill Swampy again, but I'd got the knack by then and just hung on til he was back. With #64 Moore moved on and even brought back Tom Yeates for a fitting finale. But Moore didn't push off before he'd written a pile of the most entertaining comics it's ever been my pleasure to read. (And re-read. And re-re-read. Etc.) So much so that I went back and filled as many gaps as I could, before TPBs were a thing at which point I, as they say, completed the set. It took time and it took money but it was worth it. From the early issues which recast old horror tropes in fresh robes of relevance, through the inevitable team up with Batman (one which actually had weight and consequences for once) through the tail end whistle stop tour of the DCU, Alan Moore brought the words. And plenty of them. But that's okay because they were good words. I have a weakness for writers who love language; I'm odd like that. And as ever with any long comics run you could tell he stayed too long, but rather than phone it in he simply concentrated on keeping himself entertained, and in so doing kept me entertained.

But there are more than words in a comic; otherwise it would be prose. There are pictures. And the pictures in SotST are the equal of Moore's words, mostly. From the titanic trio of Bissette, Totleben & Veitch whose jagged, fractured pages seemed to stab the horrors displayed right into your mind, to the stalwarts called in at short notice: Alfredo Alcala, Stan Woch, Ron Randall et al. And of course, Shawn McManus. Shawn McManus who gave Moore's script for POG (#32) a heartwrecking cartoony beauty. Everyone on the book seemed to be having a blast and so I had a blast. John Totleben certainly had fun, fun which culminated in, with #60, his flamboyantly futuristic issue-long recasting of Kirby Collage technique. John Totleben's eyes are tired, so they say, but he can hear well enough, so let's all say that, you, John Totleben rocked, and you rocked never harder than on #60 of The Saga of the Swamp Thing (unless it was that issue of Miracleman (yeah, that one). SotST is often spoken of as being Alan Moore's but that's just convenient shorthand. SotST and its many, many successes belong to everyone on its pages. Most notably those already spoken of, and particularly Steve Bissette's dark swathes of ink. SotSW is a remarkable run of comics; remarkable in its consistency, intelligence and heart. Yes, heart. Because for a horror book it was surprisingly keen to remind us of what it meant to be human; how that can be the worst thing in the world, but also how it can be the best thing in the world. That's not bad for a comic book about a plant that dreamt it was a man.Sage of the Swamp Thing was EXCELLENT!

You've all been very patient so here's the gallery:

Sometimes...I am almost...frightened...by my own – COMICS!!!

"The Hardest-Working Man In Comics"

"Choke! Gasp!" Not A Podcast! A Sort Of Smörgåsbord! Look, It's Free. Okay?!?

Hey now, hey now, hey now, now! I hear there's no podcast this week because Gentle Jeff is blowing up balloons and Glamorous Graeme is helping out by asking him how that there balloon blowing up stuff is going!  It's a skip week is what I'm saying. Dry your eyes, o child of woe, for I have written about some stuff I bought with my own money and read with my own eyes. Yes, Superman's in it. A bit. Oh, I will make you miss Jeff and Graeme, I will make you hunger for them..!

(Panel by Steve Ditko & Len Wein from THE DEMON in The Fatal Finale, Detective Comics #485, 1979, DC Comics)

BANG! And we're off!

54 By Wu Ming Translated from the Italian by Shaun Whiteside William Heinemann Ltd, 640pp. (2005)

Being the first words you'll read: "'Postwar means nothing. What fools called 'peace' simply meant moving away from the front. Fools defended peace by supporting the armed wings of money. Beyond the next dune the clashes continued..."

This is the slightly disappointing second novel by Wu Ming who are an Italian collective of writers with a, to my eyes, somewhat Socialist bent. I guess they like to kneecap any possible success as they write under the name Wu Ming nowadays rather than the name Luther Blisset; which name adorned the cover of their first, very successful, novel Q. If you wanted to read a sort of James Ellroy American Confidential take on The Reformation then Q's your (very good) book. If you want to read a book about that time America got all in a snit about tea or something and turned their backs on the truly magical and sublime people of Britain then Manituana's your book. I haven't finished that one yet but it is quite fascinating, particularly as, so far, it is treating the British as the good guys which is a novel tack to take. I mean, not even we think we were the good guys in that one. (Don't tell the Yanks though, they'll just go on about it. Lovely people, though.) 54 attempts to illustrate the neglected landscape of European Socialism following Stalin's death together with the spread of organised crime and the cancerous spread of the then nascent technology of TV. Sadly as impressively ambitious as it was 54 never really gelled for me, although it was always at least entertaining, and never more so than in the excellent chapters in which Cary Grant goes on a covert mission to scope out Tito's intentions. They are really, really good at capturing Cary Grant's Cary Grantiness so that brings it up to GOOD!

Speaking of Cary Grant, does anyone else remember that time in the '80s when Gil Kane drew ACTION COMICS and Marv Wolfman wrote Clark Kent just like Cary Grant?

(Panel by Gil Kane & Marv Wolfman from ACTION COMICS #546, 1983, DC Comics)

Totally Cary Grant! Kudos Marv Wolfman!

THE SENSE OF AN ENDING By Julian Barnes Jonathan Cape, 150 pp. (2011)

Being the first words you'll read: "I remember, in no particular order:  - a shiny inner wrist;  - steam rising from a wet sink as a hot frying pan is laughingly tossed into it;  - gouts of sperm circling a plughole, before being sluiced down the full length of a tall house;"

A stately paced shaggy dog story where the plot creaks under the weight of Barnes’ beautifully observed evocation of a time and, perhaps, a kind of person now lost in history. So effective is Barne's precise and poised prose in evoking the humdrum human of the recently deceased past that the whole thing runs the risk of, to anyone who isn't British,  seeming like some alternate world. The book beautifully undermines the idiocy that The Past was Better by gently and only allusively revealing ways we self servingly corrupt, and in our turn are corrupted, by memory. The polite manners and sedate delicacy often latched upon as defining post-war Britain  are revealed as merely a thin coating of anaglypta over the usual seedy world and all the lovely ways we find to hurt each other. This is how people lived, but. more tellingly, it's how people remember themselves as having lived. All the restraint concerning matters of courting will no doubt be particularly opaque to a generation which, The Internet shows me, believes a romantic encounter should end with the man naked and apparently so enraged that he appears to be attempting to tear off his own cock and fling it in the upturned face of a kneeling woman who looks like she recently lost a fight with a teacup full of wallpaper paste. Kids today! Unlike modern mating rituals this book was VERY GOOD!

LIONEL ASBO: STATE OF ENGLAND By Martin Amis Jonathan Cape, 288 pp. (2012)

Being the first words you will read (errors intentional): "Dear Jennavieve, I'm having an affair with an older woman. Shes' a lady of some sophistication, and makes a refreshing change from the teen agers I know (like Alektra for example, or Chanel.) The sex is fantastic and I think I'm in love. But ther'es one very serious complication and i'ts this; shes' my Gran!"

I was going to do a whole thing about how editors don’t even edit books properly never mind comics anymore, because this book has the occasional jarring slip that suggests Martin Amis isn't entirely au-fait with the world outside his window. Things like the prominence given to studying for O-Levels when O-Levels no longer exist. And then The Tories only announce they are bringing them back! Coming soon because you demanded it: poor houses, indentured servitude, cholera, drought de seignior, rickets and powdered wigs. Martin Amis has been at pains to point out that the publication of his latest book isn't a fond fuck you very much to the country he’s just left in order to live in someplace called America. This one, as in most Late Amis (Late because he's in his sixth decade, so enfant terrible, my arse), is a bit wobbly; the hideously repellent balanced with the cloyingly sentimental to not entirely satisfactory effect but then, not entirely unsatisfactory effect either. As in Any Amis the prose is just blinding, pal. That's the real reason for cracking an Amis and he doesn't disappoint here. He's mainly concerned with putting the case forward for education as a more viable form of self improvement than, y'know, becoming famous for fucking nothing in point of fact. Safe and well trod ground that may be but it does allow him to dust off his spats and tip his boater for a series of comedic showstoppers involving a Jordan manqué. For non-British visitors; a Jordan is like a Kardashian but without the classiness or self respect. Excitingly a Jordan sells more books than a Martin Amis, despite the fact Jordan doesn't even write them. It’s not a secret either. She’s a brand see so that’s okay. That’s where all your branding gets you. Branding’s what they used to do to cattle. And even cattle had the sense to struggle. Cows, there, I’m mainly talking about cows, horses too but mainly cows. When people who say "brand" without an inadvertent bit of sick slipping out and down their lost and hopeless face dream do they dream of beige formica? I’m not talking about ants there, either. Lost you now, haven’t I? Branding. Christ, I’m going to have a little sit down now and collect myself. Branding. Christ. What? Oh, the book's GOOD!

Blimey, sounds like that silly sod wants to get a grip! While we're waiting for the lithium to kick in what we need is a page of Superman from ACTION COMICS. This is written by Marv Wolfman and drawn (ILLUMINATED!) by Gil Kane. It's a lovely page, a real sweet piece of storytelling and extraordinarily educational about how to slap down images on paper and give them power and purpose. I like to pretend this is a complete story called "Just A Man."

So, without any further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Marv Wolfman and Mr. Gil Kane will now present..."Just A Man." Please remain seated until the performance has ended.

(Page by Gil Kane & Marv Wolfman from ACTION COMICS #544, 1983, DC Comics) You didn't like that? Geddouda heah, ya bum! Y'heah me! G'wan!

SAVAGES By Don Winslow Arrow, 320 pp. (2011)

Being the first words you'll read: "Fuck you."

Yes, that takes up a whole page and is indicative of the fact that Winslow does a whole heck of a lot of fiffing and faffing around with the prose as usual. Sometimes he seems keen to find the sparest prose of all; where words have to be hefted and weighed in the mind to glean their true cargo of meaning; a slow and meditative process counter to the break neck reading speed their staccato brevity encourages. James Ellroy would usually get thrown in round about  here thanks to the magnificently uncompromising White Jazz but that’s only because he’s (nominally) crime too. Really it's Richard Christian Matheson who's the guy who already perfected this method (see Dystopia). Of course having made such an arrogant declaration I am suddenly clammy with the almost certain knowledge that there's probably someone else who did it even earlier.  Someone I haven't even read! Winslow's eruptions of inventiveness allow Savages to drop straight into screen play mode at times. As sophisticated as this no doubt is, were I to understand why it occurs, it is certainly awfully convenient. Because, oh, it seems this is soon to be a motion picture presentation. This explains the  chummy high-five to Oliver “The Hand” Stone.

"Oh my bleddy hand! My bleddy, bleddy hand! BLEDDY! BLEDDY! HELL!" (Image stolen from pulpinformer.blogspot.co.uk.)

Have you seen The Hand (1980)? It’s that one where shout-fuelled syndicated newspaper cartoonist Michael Caine is angry at his wife and puts his hand out of the car and a truck lops off his hand and he gets a prosthetic hand and his missing hand starts to kill people he doesn't like, or maybe his hand doesn't maybe it’s him because he has anger problems and this is called suspense, boo! That one. Most people like it because it is trashy fun,  but I always watch it because I can never remember who did the drawings used as Caine’s artwork. It’s Barry Windsor Smith.  I have written it here where I can come and look at it anytime so I need never have to watch The Hand again. The best thing of all in The Hand is when the hand attacks someone and we see it from the POV of the hand. The POV of the hand. Hand’s don’t have eyes, that’s all I’m saying. Mind you, detached hands don’t crawl around and strangle people either, I guess you win this round, Oliver Stone. I have now written hand so many times it no longer looks right. The Hand is OKAY!, I give it one thumbs up. (This is what you wanted! This is the stuff!)

Nonsensical asides about enjoyable bad horror films aside, I enjoyed Winslow's language based larks sufficiently to graciously bestow the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he'll be no doubt pleased to hear that, on the whole, I'll give him credit for playing with form rather than debit him for lazy assedness. Because what with all the violent sauciness and saucy violence this is some pretty entertaining salad dressing. I mean, book.  This book is about a threesome of young people who are talented, intelligent, violent and just generally youthfully awesome. However, they are undone by their belief that you can run a drugs business like a Ben and Jerry’s eco-hashish outlet. Because it turns out that people involved in the drug business are just not very nice at all. They will put you right in touch with the ecology though, yup, once they’re through with you you’ll definitely be a part of the old ecosystem and no mistake. So, no, Savages isn't Power of The Dog but it is GOOD! Apropos of absolutely nothing here's a rare Alan Moore SWAMP THING piece to finish on:

(Taken from DC COMICS PRESENTS ANNUAL #3, 1984, DC Comics. SWAMP THING was created by Len Wein and Berni Wrightson. N.B. Len Wein was editor of SWAMP THING when Alan Moore took over so I can only imagine he was okay with Alan Moore writing his creation.  Y'know, in case anyone was wanting to fling that particular pie at Alan Moore.)

And that's your lot, Buster.  Didn't we have fun, kids? Did we have a time?. Didn't we almost have it all?

Hey, no one forced you to read it! Unless they did, in which case I can only apologise for my callous thoughtlessness.

Next time: COMICS!!!

How can ya' miss me when you've forgotten who I am?

Ah yes, reviews, I remember those! Been a while, but I think I'm finally back on the weekly-review-train now! ACTION COMICS #7: I know the book's been a little uneven, but the issues that are good are so good that it makes my teeth hurt. I thought this was one of those issues. I'd rather read Morrison doing Superman than almost any other superhero comic by almost any other creator. I'm a little amused, however, that Brainiac is, y'know, the internet. VERY GOOD.

AGE OF APOCALYPSE #1: I have little-to-no natural affection for any of these characters (I sort of think the IDEA of the original AoA was more interesting then the actual execution), but I thought this was non-heinous, with some pretty nice art from Roberto De La Torre. What I don't see is how this is an ongoing series, because I can't imagine that (even with the X-Force lead in), there's more than, say, 10k people (by issue 4 or 5) who will want to read about alternate universe version of the X-Men? it's strange to me -- this is the kind of book that Marvel used to make fun of DC about (alternate versions of the same characters), but that Marvel is doing in multiple ways now (Ultimates, Zombies, this) -- this is the kind of thing that led to CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS, y'know? Anyway, this comic is perfectly OK for the kind of thing it is

AVENGERS ACADEMY #27: This, on the other hand, I thought was terrific -- funny, and real conflict and stakes, and just really being the "legacy" comic in a way that DC has entirely walked away from now with the 52. The "voice" of some of the Runaways is a little off, but over all, I thought this was a fun little romp of a comic, and was VERY GOOD.

AVENGERS CHILDRENS CRUSADE #9: If this had come out over the course of 9 months, I think we'd all be talking about what a great comic it was; but, of course, it has been TWENTY months, and the Marvel universe this story began in is kinda different than the one today. Characters live, characters die, and "Young Avengers" is largely thrown away as a concept by the end of this -- which is too bad, because I liked that first incarnation a whole lot. I'm glad Hulkling and Wiccan get their kiss at the end, though. Overall, I'll go with GOOD here, I think.

DEFENDERS #4: I pretty much flat out hated the first three issues -- I'd probably not have disliked it had it been, like, "Magic Man" and "Kung Fu Guy" instead of "Doctor Strange" and "Iron Fist", if you see what I mean? I just don't think that the characterization Fraction tried to graft on here really bore any relationship to past characterizations -- but this issue I kinda liked just fine. The problem is, at $4 a throw, the audience has now made up their minds about whether they like the book or not, and you have to hit the ball right in the first issue... you can't wait until #4. Either way, I can give it a low GOOD, but it's probably too late -- we sold 32 copies of #1, and just a meager 13 of #3.

FAIREST #1: I thought the premise of this FABLES spin-off was "it focuses on the female Fables"? *looks at the cover* Yeah, that's how they're selling it. So... why no female Fables as anything other than furniture here? This is the comics equivalent of the Senate hearing on Contraception, isn't it? Also, I have to say that I think the choice of the flat matte paper was a poor one with fully digital painted art -- it looks muddy and bland, and, frankly, ugly to my eye. Shockingly EH.

GREEN ARROW #7: Ann Nocenti's first issue... and it's just kind of weird, sort of like her later DD run. I mean, I liked it, don't get me wrong, and it's a big step up from the first six issues of this version, but triplet mutant killer seductresses? Mm, dunno. Also: what on the earth could they possible have "twelve of these" be referring to? Did they each lose eight toes, somehow?

Oh, and here's where I'll slot in the rant against the new DC logo. Here's how you know it is an utter and abject failure as a static object: they have to print the words "DC Comics" underneath it so that anyone could POSSIBLY tell that that is what it means. *sigh*

Anyway, Green Arrow #7: A strong OK.

MANHATTAN PROJECTS #1: I thought this was utterly spiffy, with a wonderful Jonathan Hickman high concept (if I tell you it, I'll thoroughly spoil the comic), and some really terrific art from Nick Pitarra. Man, it's kinda like a younger Frank Quitely. Image is on a helluva roll these days, isn't it? VERY GOOD.

NIGHT FORCE #1: Well, it was fairly pretty, but I really had no idea why I should care, or whom I should root for. Much like the original series, when i think about it. EH.

STORMWATCH #7: Paul Jenkins comes in as new writer, and it's a little better, though I'm still not finding the compelling reason for these characters to be together. At least when it was THE AUTHORITY, you got the who "We're smarter than you" Warren Ellisy vibe going for it. Very strongly OK, but not any better than that.

SUPURBIA #1: Ah, if only this hadn't been so strictly mapped to existing archetypes, I might have been more attracted to it, but I don't really need YET ANOTHER pastiche of Superman and Batman and Wonder Woman, I don't think. "The Real Housewives of Superville" is a fun enough pitch, and the execution was at least competent, but this largely feels recycled and warmed over. OK.

SWAMP THING #7: SEVEN ISSUES for the protagonist to actually appear in his own comic, terrific. And yet, I still like it adequately. I really do rather hope that out protagonist and antagonist both manage to defy their expectations -- but I also think that this "rot" plotline just can't go on indefinitely, and may already be outstaying it's welcome. One problem: the big Green Guy is too wicked powerful -- look at the way he routed all of those minions in a single double page spread. I'll just barely give it a low GOOD.

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #8: I'm kind of creeped out that the guy on the cover looks very little like the guy actually in the comic book. There's also something boringly predictable about the Aunt May and Uncle Prowler scenes -- now all we need is for Nick Fury to step back in where he left off. When you add that to how Miles' voice is virtually identical to Peter's... well, I'm kind of not feeling this book, sorry. (especially for $4, jebus!) EH.

Right, that's me... what did YOU think?

-B

"Clod. I Have WEAPONS..." Comics! Sometimes They Are Almost Fresh!

It's a post about comics! Is it early? Is it late? Time is in flux!Only if one man can face his Pull List can The Balance be restored!

One Man. One Pull List. There will be Words... (...probably the wrong ones).

ACTION COMICS #6 “When Superman Learned To Fly” by By Andy Kubert/John Dell(a), Grant Morrison(w), Brad Anderson(c) and Patrick Brosseau(l) and “Last Day” by Chriscross(a), Sholly Fish(w), Jose Vallarubia(c) and Carlos M. Mangual(l) (DC Comics, $3.99) Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.

 I like that stuff in my comics but I'm not unaware that in real life that kind of thinking gets you killed.

While there could be said to be many faults with the lead story in this issue such as an apparent attempt to distract from a lack of clarity (or indeed even sense) with a belligerently unslackening pace and art that once again belies Andy Kubert's alleged superstar status it remains a fact that in this story Superman's enemies conduct an auction for Kryptonite within Superman's own brain (physically, literally within Superman's own brain) and Superman uses his own Kryptonite poisoned body as a battery to save his both his own sentient ship and the day entire. Yes, Superman's enemies conduct an auction for Kryptonite within Superman's own brain (physically, literally within Superman's own brain) and Superman uses his own Kryptonite poisoned body as a battery to save his both his own sentient ship and the day entire. That's Superman comics enough for me!

The backup is the kind of sweet and tender emotional snapshot of a transitional moment in life that anyone under forty will treat as though it were sentient dog-muck hellbent on French kissing them; that's okay because I enjoyed it enough for y'all! Yup, ACTION COMICS was GOOD!

 STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

ALL-STAR WESTERN #6 “Beneath The Bat-Cave” by Moritat(a), Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti(w), Gabriel Bautista(c) and Rob Leigh(l) and “The Barbary Ghost Part 3” by Phil Winslade(a), Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti(w), Dominic Regan(c) and Rob Leigh(l) (DC Comics, $3.99) Jonah Hex created by John Albano and Tony Dezuniga. The Barbary Ghost created by Gray, Palmiotti and Winslade

Kids! How many owls can you spot!

Thank the Great Spirit! Next issue ol' bacon face is off to N'Orleans! where there will no doubt be "gumbo" galore but at least there won't be anymore shoehorning of Batman references into a book that doesn't need them. A cave beneath Wayne Manor! Filled with Bats! This cretinous continuity reached a kind of hilarious nadir with the sudden slew of references to Owls: because Batman is currently encountering stress of a strigiform stripe by all accounts in the here and now! So we get about two pages in which the characters can barely move around the mansion setting for all the owls dangling, roosting, flopping and just plain flailing around the place. It's as though Moritat has snapped and gone "You want owls? Here! Here are your owls! Got enough owls yet? I don't think so! Owls! Here! Now! In your face! All! Owls! Touch them! Touch my owls! Tell me they're pretty! Owls!" and then gone for a long lie down. Stupid owls. Anyway I'm a little bit partial to Jonah so it was still OKAY!

 STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

ANIMAL MAN #6 “Tights” by Jean Paul Leon & Travel Foreman/Jeff Huett(a), Jeff Lemire(w), Lovern Kindzierski(c) and Jared K. Fletcher(l) (DC Comics,$2.99) Animal Man created by Dave Wood and Carmine Infantino

Movie Cliche #23415678: Sad Dad at fridge with beer and photo of son. Collect the set!

Tricky one this. Has Jeff Lemire done a pitch-perfect satire of the vapid screenwriting cliches that have run roughshod over comics beautiful storytelling devices or does he actually believe this is a decent film script made comics? It's hard to tell isn't it. Heck, I don't know maybe you thought it was awesome? Luckily it's easy to tell that Jean Paul Leon is an awesome artist and hopefully one day he will draw comics as awesome as WINTER MEN again. This issue is a complete waste of time and is clearly a fill-in so next issue we should be back to Travel Foreman and his nightmarish body horror.

After I read the previous issue I fell into a light doze and dreamt about a man in a chair. I was holding the man in the chair via the power of some unknown threat. The man was crying and peeling his own skin off his own face with a small knife. I was then forcing him to eat it via the unspoken promise that if he did as I asked he could go free. The fact that the man was eating his own face was terrible but the worst thing was that we both knew I was lying and he wasn't leaving alive. But he had no choice but to do as I asked because that was his only hope. Yes, it's been a trying few months. They say there's nothing as boring as listening to someone else's dreams but they forgot about reading film scripts masquerading as comics which is so boring such comics are EH!

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST (BUT WATCH IT)!

BATWOMAN#6 “To Drown The World - Part One” by Amy Reeder/Rob Hunter/Richard Friend(a) J.H. Williams III & W. Haden Blackman(w), Guy Major(c) and Todd Klein(l) (DC Comics,$2.99) Batwoman created by Bob Kane and Sheldon Moldoff (modern version by Greg Rucka and Alex Ross).

"Given the state of your medical insurance talking's about all you can afford so knock yourself out is my advice."

Wuh-hoof! That's certainly a change in artist alright. I'll stick it out for a bit because I always like people to get a fair shake of the critic stick. Initially I'm not  finding myself a fan of Reeder's thin line but I appreciate her attempts to step up her layouts. Given the writing is competent at best (actually that's a compliment in today's world o'comics) Reeder's got it all on her to raise this one up from EH!

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST (FOR NOW!)

DAREDEVIL #9 By Paolo Rivera/Joe Rivera(a), Mark Waid(w), Javier Rodriguez(c) and VC’s Joe Caramagna(c) (Marvel Comics, $2.99) Daredevil created by Bill Everett and Stan Lee.

Storytelling in 'Not Dead' shock!

Unless Howard Victor Chaykin has been reactivated without my knowledge I guess this is the only Marvel comic I'm buying. That doesn't seem right, I'll have to check. Anyway, I'm buying this because Mark Waid understands that the bit with the boot is funnier and cleverer because it only takes up one panel. It's because Rivera Jnr and Snr make all kinds of spooky magic happen on these pages. It's because together the team on the book achieve the kind of synergy that results in the storytelling stuff from which the above image is but a sample. Yup, DAREDEVIL is a purchase because it is VERY GOOD!

(Hey, I hear Chris Samnee is coming aboard! I told you all I'd wait for him!)

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

DEMON KNIGHTS #6 “The Balance” by Diogenes Neves & Robson Rocha with Oclair Albert(a), Paul Cornell(w), Marcelo Maiolo(c) and Jared K. Fletcher(l)(DC Comics, $2.99) The Demon created by Jack Kirby. Shining Knight originally created by Creig Flessel (modern incarnation created by Simone Bianchi and Grant Morrison). Vandal Savage created by Alfred Bester and Martin Nodell. Madame Xanadu created by Michael William Kaluta.

His reply is actually quite funny but I'm still baling.

Nah. I'm done. It just didn't work for me. Which is a shame as it wasn't terrible as such it just never gelled. Way too diffuse and lacking in focus both from a scripting and art standpoint. I mean, how big was this village, where was everything in relation to everything else? But like I say it wasn't terrible and I wish all involved well and hope the book works out further down the line but there are plenty of books I can read that aren't EH! And that's where my money's got to go. It's the Law of The Direct Market; savage and unrestrained!

STATUS: OFF THE LIST!

FATALE Number Two By Ed Brubaker, Sean Phillips and Dave Stewart (Image Comics, $3.50) Fatale created by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips.

 ...probably because for some odd reason she's drawn to look about 8 years old and acts as subtly as a silent movie siren?

People tend to refer to books by this team as "Brubaker" books don't they? Which is odd as I find Brubaker to be the least of the appeal they hold. I guess it's that whole Cult of The Writer thing or something. Hey now, hang on, I'm not saying Brubaker isn't good. He's got craft/technique/skill/whatever we're calling it now in spades it's just the result is, for me, mostly solid rather than inspired. Except when he gets Meta which is when the wheels start wobbling like they're about to pitch a fit (remember INCOGNITO where working in an office was "like" doing Indie comics but taking to the streets and letting your inner nature run wild was "like" working in the mainstream? Really? Um.). On the whole though I get well crafted genre staples served up with a slight twist but the real pleasure I get from this team's comics is in the form of Phillips and Stewart in conjunction with Brubaker. I'm not going to just roll around showing my belly because it hasn't got capes'n'tights in it, okay?

Here, I guess the High Concept (sigh) is Crime and Horror - together! Like Hope and Cosby! Like Morecambe and Wise! Which is fine because,hey, I like both. I'm not sure they belong smushed together though except as one of those novelty type deals. Y'know, all those Steve Niles things Steve Niles does. I guess Crime fiction tells us about the worst in ourselves and so does Horror fiction; they just use different tools. Using both sets just seems like doubling up and risking the results seeming lesser. Early days though, I mean, look at what porting Horror tropes into Crime did for James Ellroy ($$$$ is what it did, kids. Woof! Woof!). I don't think we're looking at an Ellroy here but we may be looking at an Angel Heart. And that's fine. I got a thing about chickens, Mr. Cyphre; as in I don't like to count them too soon but this one looks GOOD! so far.

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

FRANKENSTEIN: AGENT of S.H.A.D.E. #6 “The Siege of S.H.A.D.E. City – Part One” by Alberto Ponticelli(a), Jeff Lemire(w), Jose Villarrubia(c) and Travis Lanham(l) (DC Comics, $2.99) Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E created by Doug Mahnke and Grant Morrison (and Mary Shelley).

I am always happy to see the word "buffoons"!

There's a bit in this issue that is pretty much a stealth WATCHMEN (by Alan Moore, Dave Gibbons and John Higgins) reference. It's the scene in the 'Nam bar between The Comedian and Doc Manhattan but here with Franky and a red, bald dude who is, basically, Dr. Manhattan and without any pregnant woman shooting or face glassing. That is to say without any of the actual important or troubling content. I'd call that an Omen were I of a credulous nature. Otherwise it's yet another issue of Hellboy in the DCU and which is Okefenokee by me!

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK#4 and #5 “In The Dark - Part Four and Finale” by Mikel Janin(a), Peter Milligan(w), Ulises Arreola(c) and Rob Leigh(l) (DC Comics, $2.99ea) John Constantine created by Alan Moore, John Totleben, Rick Veitch and Steve Bissette. Madame Xanadu created by Michael William Kaluta. Deadman created by Arnold Drake and Carmine Infantino. Shade, The Changing Man created by Steve Ditko. Zatanna created by Gardner Fox and Murphy Anderson. Enchantress created by Bob Haney and Howard Purcell. Dove created by Steve Ditko. Mindwarp created by Peter Milligan.

Stealth WATCHMEN reference#2. We get it, DC! You WIN!

I haven't enjoyed this. It's all been a bit like warmed-over '90s Milligan with stuff like "In Nebraska The Pokemon come alive and the screams of the bread-cakes dance like glass-kneed OAPs." Okay, not as warmed-over '90s Milligan as that DEFENDERS#1 preview perhaps but still not terribly inspired. I mean the sheer scale of events would suggest the body count is in the hundreds of thousands not to mention the country-wide trauma involved but there's no sense of any consequences.

No, I didn't like it. I did, however, enjoy Milligan's skeevy interpretation of Deadman. I would totally read a Peter Milligan Deadman series in which Deadman acted like one of those fantastic men who pressure their missus into all kinds of sexual situations that the missus clearly isn't all that into and it's all just about the guy exerting power over her so that's she's eventually roiling around in moral squalor with only the "fact" that he loves her to keep her sane. At which point the hilarious rogue tells her she's a sl*t and leaves her to fall to pieces while he starts the whole cycle with some other vulnerable woman. I think a comic like that would bring in new readers. Sh*theads mostly, but hey, sales are down! We can't afford to be be proud anymore! Despite creepy Deadman JLA: DARK was EH!

STATUS: DROPPED!

O.M.A.C. #5 and #6 “Occasionally Monsters Accidentally Crossover” By Keith Giffen/Scott Koblish(a), Dan Didio, Jeff lemire & Keith Giffen(w), Hi-Fi(c) and Travis Lanham(l) “One More Amorous Conflict” By Scott Kolins/Scott Koblish(a), Dan Didio & Keith Giffen(w), Hi-Fi(c) and Travis Lanham(l) (DC Comics, $2.99ea) O.M.A.C. created by Jack Kirby.

It's the hot dog that makes it great!

In #5 O.M.A.C. and Frankenstein Agent of S.H.A.D.E have a great big slobberknocker which entertains and amuses me on a base level which I have no shame in gratifying since I am okay with comics just being goofy, colourful fun. With #6 I realise that the main reason I like O.M.A.C is because of Keith Giffen's art because with #6 the artwork is by Scott Kolins and the only memorable thing about the issue is the fact that Leilani's breasts are pancaked in the same manner that Caroline Munro's were in The Golden Voyage of Sinbad. Yes, I realise that reflects badly on me as a human being but, honestly, what reflects badly on us as a society is the fact that we have fallen so low so fast that when you read The Golden Voyage of Sinbad you automatically assumed I was talking about a p*rn film rather than a children's fantasy film from the '7os.  So, um, anyway O.M.A.C was GOOD!

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

PUNISHERMAX#22 “War’s End” By Steve Dillon(a), Jason Aaron(w), Matt Hollingsworth(c) and VC’s Cory Pettit(l) (MAX/Marvel Comics, $3.99) The Punisher created by Gerry Conway, Ross Andru and John Romita Snr.

"Now that we've solved the Energy Crisis! Who's up for a brewski!"

PUNISHERMAX#22 may just be the most subversive comic I read this year. Oh, not because of the ending because...really, Jason Aaron? Really? That's your ending? We can solve all societies problems by just rising up and killing the sh*t out of other folks? Really? Heck, maybe we just need a strong leader as well? Fancy your chances do you, Jason Aaron? What a crappy ending. Mind you, I live in a country where we only arm The Police, The Army and farmers. What? No, I don't know why we arm farmers, maybe because of all the lions? Or maybe they keep being carried off by subsidies in the night. Stop getting distracted by details. So, okay, maybe that ending is a bit more reasonable over there in The Americas. If it is, I will pray for you all. Christ, that irresponsible ending.

No, PUNISHERMAX #22 may just be the most subversive comic I have read all year because of the scene involving Elektra. Elektra is at the Hand headquarters after a savage battle with Frank. Elektra has served The Hand well for many years but now Elektra needs help from The Hand. Specifically medical help. But I guess The Hand doesn't have Health Insurance for its employees and since Elektra is no longer of any use to them they have no qualms in cutting her loose in the most final of ways. Despite knowing full well the conditions of her employment Elektra is still surprised and dismayed at this turn of events. But she should have expected it, really, because that's what you get for working for Marv..I mean The Hand. Say, is something bothering you, Jason Aaron? Stuff on your mind?

Oh, PUNISHERMAX was entertaining enough and the fact that I could never reconcile the interesting parts with the witless parts of it actually made it more interesting and brought the whole thing up to GOOD!

STATUS: Cancelled or Came To A Natural End When The Author Had Told The One Frank Castle Story He Felt He Was Born To Write. (Oh, yeah!)

RASL #13 By Jeff Smith (a/w/l) (Cartoon Books, $3.50) RASL created by Jeff Smith.

There's a couple of reasons I really like RASL. There used to be pretty much just one reason; that although none of the individual elements actually seemed unique in and of themselves they were combined in such a way as to present a story notable for its novelty and also the freshness of its presentation. There are many scenes in RASL which you have seen in other stories but this is not a problem with RASL because it isn't really a problem at all unless it is a problem with all stories. It is a problem with some stories because they will just go for the default setting of said scene; the one that's floating closest to the surface of the popular imagination due to repetition and exposure via Hollywood blockbusters for example.

Look at the Avengers Vs. X-Men preview and ask yourself whether the life sappingly tedious familiarity of every scene is intentional and while you have your own attention ask also how many pages until The President says "And may God have Mercy on us all." It's all about familiarity, oh yes, I am aware it's all pitifully legitimised by claims of "homage" but that's cockrot, it's all about familiarity; giving people what they already know they like. Of course eventually familiarity forgets to put its rubber on and breeds something; contempt. Not in the case of RASL though. RASL keeps me on my toes, RASL demands something from me - attention. In return it rewards me with quality entertainment. That seems fair enough to me.

The other, more recent, reason for liking RASL is that unless Jeff Smith has some kind of catastrophic breakdown involving his identity he won't be suing himself anytime soon. Yup, RASL is VERY GOOD!

STATUS: REMAINS ON THE LIST!

STATIC SHOCK #5 and #6 “True Natures” and “Unrepentant” by Scott McDaniel/Andy Owens(a), Scott McDaniel(w), Travis Lanham & Dezi Sienty(l) and Guy Major(c) (DC Comics, $2.99ea) Static created by Dwayne McDuffie and Jean Paul Leon.

 A DC writer on The Internet: Yesterday.

Well, that was certainly a stinker of a thing. I have no problem with Scott McDaniel's art by the way. Sometimes it lacks clarity but I respond well to the boldness of his line and the chunkiness of his figures. I find it quite pleasing on the whole. His writing has, however, been less than stellar. It's hard to know what to say about this disaster really except if you employ someone to write - let them write and let the artist take care of the pictures. It isn't like there's no room for synergy; the two can be responsible for both of those separate aspects but combine them when it comes to the storytelling. It's a collaborative medium, so I've heard. A mess like this just makes me sad. I'm not very savage at all because it dismays me to say STATIC SHOCK was AWFUL!

STATUS: DROPPED!

SWAMP THING#6 “The Black Queen” by Marco Rudy(a), Scott Snyder(w), Val Staples & lee Loughridge(c) and Travis Lanham(l) (DC Comics, $2.99) Swamp Thing created by Len Wein and Berni Wrightson.

This is horrible in all the wrong ways. It's nice having little shout outs to Dick Durock and Len Wein and my Nana Alice and all but, hey, where's the...well, where's anything? Splash page after splash page of nigh-contextless horror does not a narrative make. Seriously, I need to know what's going on on those pages if it's going to freak me out. Marco Rudy's art works hard to evoke the scabby nastiness of the Bissette, Veitch, Totleben years but what is going on? Something to do with rot, something to do with flesh. I'm sympathetic to the notion that specificity kills horror dead on the page but y'know I need some clue or it's just...stuff. And stuff isn't specific enough to be scary. And... The Parliament of Trees? Apparently you just walk up to them with a box of matches and, hey, game over Parliament of Trees. That's...stupid. Worst of all this turns out have just been one of those crappy origins that take six issues. Sure they could wrong foot us at the last and Abby could adopt the mantle but...it still took six issues. Six not very good issues. So yeah, SWAMP THING is EH! Moley, I just checked and it's six issues and counting to the origin, that doesn't help at all.

STATUS: DROPPED!

T.H.U.N.D.E.R. AGENTS #3 “A Godawful Small Affair” by Wes Craig & Walter Simonson/Bob Wiacek(a), Nick Spencer(w), Hi Fi & Lee Loughridge(c) and Jared K. Fletcher (l) (DC Comics, $2.99) T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents created by Wallace (“Woody” not “Wally”) Wood and Len Brown.

'Nuff Said!

STATUS: STICKING IT OUT FOR THE LAST THREE ISSUES!

So yeah, hope that was okay. If you disagree with any of it that's fine just let me know and we can throw it around like a pack of terriers with a rat. If you thought it was all totally spot-on then, Hi, Mom! Whatever happens those were my comics and that's what I thought.

Have a good week and remember to read some COMICS!

"...I'm Taking The Case." Comics! Sometimes They Aren't Older Than Your Grandad!

Here's an image from DAREDEVIL #4; a comic that isn't talked about within. But I just really, really wanted it up there so I indulged myself. I do go on about #5 of DAREDEVIL though. Is that alright? Are you sure? Because it matters to me!

Well, I can't promise to help but I did write some words about some comics that were actually published this Century. Yay me!

Oh yeah, one of the images may be NSFW, depends where you work, I guess?

DAREDEVIL #5 By Mighty Marcos Martin(a), Marvellous Mark Waid (w), Jaunty Javier Rodriguez(c) and Venerable VC's Joe Caramagna(l) (Marvel Comics, $2.99 (YES! TWO DOLLARS AND NINETY NINE CENTS NOT THREE DOLLARS AND NINETY NINE CENTS!)

"...but it's bee-yoo-ti-ful!"

If I said that this was probably the best book Marvel are belching out that probably wouldn't mean much since I don’t subject myself to much of their gassy blather. But the fact that everyone else who has ever picked the book up has said roughly the same might be an indication that it’s worth a look if you aren't already looking. Because it’s sure as sure can be that it’s worth looking at. Sockamagee, the art, oh the art, art as this there should be in comics all the time! Every page has something delightful on it and those are the lesser pages. It’s just excellent stuff that revels in all the possibilities that words and pictures reveal when used in concert. Rivera plainly loves comics and consequently his art rolls around in the medium like a dog in a cow pat. But there’s no shortage of people piling on the praise for the pictures so I thought I might at least extol the work of Mark Waid on writing. Because this is good stuff and, I feel, it gets overshadowed by the glories of the art.

"A hero acting heroically? Get outta town!"

It’s just super-solid all round and there’s a real danger of underrating that. Strong enough stuff to just shrug off that lame drivel about DD’s identity and turn it into a running gag. Better yet, for me at least, Mark Waid remembers the inherent awesome of fights’n’tights comics. There’s a bit in #5 where Waid solves the conundrum of how Daredevil would know he was being targeted by snipers so smartly, so gracefully, so obviously that I did, I admit, smile in admiration. By the time Waid topped it with the light switch gag I was full out snorting like a frisky pig. Corporate North American Mainstream Superhero comics don’t get any better than Daredevil by Mark Waid, Paolo Rivera and Marcos Martin because it is EXCELLENT!

CAPTAIN AMERICA AND BUCKY #620 By Cracking Chris Samnee (a), Everpresent Ed Brubaker and Middling Mark Andreyko(w), Bouncing Bettie Breitweiser (c), Victorious VC's Joe Caramagna(l) (Marvel Comics, $2.99)

Y’know I bet sometimes Bucky feels like a motherless child. Oh. He is. And Dad pegs it as well. Then his sister gets taken into care and he gets brutalised by the military until he is a killing machine That’s quite a lot of misfortune for one kid, personally I’m just glad he didn't have a dog. By which I mean I’m glad for the dog. Now I’m going to spoil the rest of this series for you because I reckon I can see where it’s going based on how things have gone so far.

"The laughs never start."

Crucially we never actually see Ma Bucky and Pa Bucky die and Little Sister Bucky’s fate is uncertain. This is comics, better yet this is Marvel Comics, so the clock is ticking until they return from “the dead”! Not only that but they too will have been turned into killing machines with bionic bits and bobs. Will the Winter Soldier survive against the most dangerous enemy of all – his own family?!? Yes. But they will all be reset to being nice (i.e. American not Russian, obviously) and together they will go “off the grid” and cross America finding warehouses in which they can talk in front of bits of machinery before narrating sad thoughts over some Steranko influenced action. Hey, Captain America can turn up every now and again and whine about how much paperwork he has to do while looking out of a window with his back to everyone. Even better each one will have their own series: Winter Soldier, Spring Soldier, Summer Soldier and Fall Soldier as well as the “core” book: The Four Deadly Seasons! Call me, Marvel! I can LOSE you money too! Oh, this comic has got technique but no life and is a total waste of Chris Samnee's excellence because it is EH!

(This book was pre-ordered before my delusional and smug decision not to give Marvel money for books featuring Jack Kirby characters until such time as they just acted decently towards The King's memory. This also applies to THE MIGHTY THOR. The point was not to spend less at my LCS and thus drive the elfin owner into the nightmarish world of working for someone else but to fulfill my obligations viz a viz pre-ordered comics and then spend the same amount on different stuff. No, I don't know why I'm explaining this to you. And now back to our regular programme...)

OMAC #2 By Kracking Keith Giffen and Dandy Dan Didio (w&a), Saucy Scott Koblish (a), Hunky Hi-Fi (c) and Tasty Travis Lanham (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

I enjoyed the first issue of OMAC a great deal. In fact I enjoyed it so much that had I my druthers each successive issue would consist of OMAC appearing in the Cadmus complex and then running through it smashing stuff up until he got to the end and then disappearing. Yes, every issue would open with him reappearing and then running through the Cadmus complex smashing stuff up until he got to the end before disappearing. Every issue. Same page layouts, same panels, same characters in the panels. But! With every issue and every re-appearance the scenery would be more battered and the people more bruised. Over the course of the series the dialogue would degenerate from shocked exclamations to weary acceptance and right down to futile grunts. This would continue for about, say, 12 issues until OMAC was just running through an ever deepening trench littered with bones and metal. (Hey DC, Call me! I can lose YOU money!)

"Really? You look more like a "Larry" to me."

With issue 2 they don’t do that so what do they do? Well, it isn't Kirby let’s get that right “out there”!!! By the time Kirby birthed OMAC he had evolved beyond the merely mortal, having ascended to a plane whereby he could produce comics suffused with complexity and subtext that the man himself would have had trouble articulating. Reportedly not the most articulate of men Kirby was at his most articulate when he communicated via the medium of pencil and paper. With OMAC he was telling us of The Future. And the news from The Future wasn't good. The news from The Future is never good because in The Future you will be dead. Sorry about that. Worse than that Kirby’s OMAC told us that in The Future people would still be sh*theads and technology would simply give them exciting new ways to be such. But as long as there was someone willing to stand up and punch stuff until it stopped moving we’d be okay. The new OMAC isn't about The Future it’s about Now. Since stuff that’s about The Future is about Now anyway I guess that makes the new OMAC about The Past. And that’s clearest in the storytelling.

"Kids! How many storytelling techniques can you spot in this one panel!"

What we have here is pretty much any Hulk comic from the Bronze Age. By which I really mean how you remember any Hulk comic from the Bronze Age being. There’s a big old slobberknocker of a fight in which outlandish property damage is inflicted and much expositionary dialogue is spouted. Now, you may say there’s no place for such old-timey stuff in the brave new world of comics and I’d kind of see your point but I cannot deny the simple pleasure that this issue delivered. I don’t want to sound like some luddite berk living in the desert with locusts stuck in his beard but the fact remains that this style works. It delivers. And it isn't all Old School; the technicolour japescape of a colour job by Hi Fi looks like it was sourced from the still wet skins of alien jellyfish. It’s pretty good stuff, amiable entertainment that leaves you feeling entertained and amiable. I think the whole “I” for an “Eye” thing is bit too cute but I really liked “Omactivate!” so, you know, each to their own. There is some odd English in it too. Which is a bit rich coming from me but then I don’t have an Editor do I? But then, in a very real sense, does anyone in comics these days. Minor hiccups then and maybe not even that just a touch of reflux maybe? OMAC #2 is VERY GOOD! in any case.

PUNISHERMAX#18 By Swanky Steve Dillon(a), Jumpy Jason Aaron(w)and Matt Hollingsworth(c) (Marvel Comics, $3.99)

What a frustrating book this is. There have been some great moments as Frank’s monstrous nature is revealed in all its dark blankness but there’s some serious flaws. Just having Frank pop in or out of places like a magic fairy of death is jarring. It seems he can just waltz into the correctional facility hospital and pop his nut in Bullseye’s face. (Or a cap, I’m not strong on youth slang.) It undermines the good stuff when there’s such little attention paid to the plot. “And then I escaped…” isn't really a satisfactory way to end a prison arc, y’know. It’s all a bit odd because Aaron’s had plenty of room to tell his story (oh, look another three panels of someone leaving a room!) but it’s all a bit nebulous aside from the bits where Frank does something psychologically foul. These may be the more interesting parts to read simply because Aaron finds these the most interesting parts to write, all the other stuff gets a bit out of focus and vague. Unmemorable people in unmemorable rooms filling pages until Frank does something unforgivable isn't really convincing me that’s there’s much going on here. I mean there’s The Kingpin but he seems to be currently re-enacting some scenario from the letters pages of a psychopathic Razzle simply because he’s a bit bored. Oh, I know it’s the old thing about selling your soul to get what you want but then finding out it’s not; but it just looks like the Kingpin hasn't the wit to think of anything to do but drug and shag in his free time. Try cracking a book, man.

"Dammit, Kingpin baby, I (nnnhh!) almost (unnnh!) got there that time but you keep (uhhhh!) throwing me off (uhhh!) by callin me "Alan"!)

I don’t think matters are helped by Steve Dillon. Look, I like Steve Dillon, he’s a good artist but his action is too static, his backgrounds too vacant and his faces too caricatured to convince when applied to a serious story. Well, as serious a story as a story with The Punisher in can be. We’re not talking Ingmar Bergman here, folks, probably more Larry Cohen at best. At its worst it just seems like crude fan fiction involving the supporting cast of Frank Miller’s Daredevil run. I’m sure seeing Kingpin’s tubby bum as he slaps it to Elektra made someone’s day but it wasn't me and it wasn't today. At its best though it does seem to be saying something about fathers and men and stuff (oh, don’t worry, it’s nothing good. It’s never anything good.). Like I say it’s frustrating because if there was a bit more substance and a lot less sensationalism this would be better than OKAY!

SWAMP THING #2 By Yomping Yanick Paquette (a), Salty Scott Snyder(w), Naughty Nathan Fairburn(c) and Jesty John J. Hill(l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

Scott Snyder isn't the first person to tell us everything we know about Swamp Thing is wrong, but I doubt if anyone has ever done it as hamfistedley as this. The Parliament of Trees straight up send some mossy messenger to Alec Holland and he just plain tells Alec that everything he knows about Swamp Thing is wrong! Considering that the swampsters no longer talk in slow motion this takes him an incredibly long time. He uses a lot of words. So many words that he basically just wears Alec Holland down into believing him rather than actually says anything convincing. Holland clearly decides to believe Swamp Thing because life’s too short to listen any longer. Oh, and there’s also the biggest threat ever, ever, ever that has been around for ever, ever, ever but no one’s ever mentioned it before because. Just because. The woody courier then drops dead which is the price of his mission. I’m thinking the Parliament of trees want to maybe look into more effective means of communication. Then mad badness involving backwards headed people wakes the reader up, gainfully employs Paquette and dares to entertain for the latter part of the issue. This is slightly undercut when Abby turns up - but now she’s a bad-ass girl on a motorcycle! I hope the series isn't just going to end up with characters turning up but different! It’s Anton Arcane! But he’s a shoe salesman from Hoboken with a penchant for playing Toploader songs on the paper comb! It’s Chester but he has big ears! Nice art and some effective last-act nastiness but, really, the second issue seems a bit soon to fall into EH!

MIGHTY THOR#4 By Oval Olivier Coipel/Messianic Mark Morales(a), Melancholoy Matt Fraction(a), Lively Laura Martin(c) and Vitamin-enriched VC's Joe Sabino(l) (Marvel Comics, $3.99)

Ah, oh, it’s the usual bad cover version of a Thor comic. A hint of tit, a couple of “bastards” and some blood (when apparently some wolves get into Odin’s freezer. It isn't very clear what’s going on really.) seek to convince that this is  in some way more mature than those old Thor comics children (Haw! Children!) liked. Basically Thor hits The Silver Surfer in space. There’s some other stuff but it all seems mechanical and unconnected. Yes, predictably enough it’s another addition to the dismaying number of comics that probably sounded aces in interviews but, in reality, are staggeringly inadequate reading experiences. This seems to be working out okay for everyone though. (After all it’s only healthy to ignore reality and just stay positive about everything all the time.) I guess in the future there won’t actually be any comics, just interviews.

Interviews describing the most awesome comics ever; comics so awesome that to make them a reality would be just plain vulgar. There’ll be some personal stuff in there as well so that you feel connected to the interviewee with the uncomfortably shrill emotional content distracting from the cynical calculation underlying it all. After all what’s your USP? You, baby! You beautiful snowflake, you! They’ll have to be careful though, these writers of the future, it’s a fine line between being compared to Dave Eggers and being compared to Dave Pelzer. I don’t mind as they are the writers and being writers they are The Shining Ones and those that dare to raise a voice in criticism (burn them!) are nothing but Haters fuelled by resentment and jealousy. And it’s true. Christ, sometimes I wake up with my face wet with tears because I didn’t end up writing Thor comics. I wasn't hungry enough.  I failed the world. I am the filth of the earth. And all that’s fine, I mean it isn't like this pallid thing cost $3.99 is it? It did? Oh, those writers can get stuffed then. I’m sure everyone involved in this was a truly special human being but that doesn't stop it being EH!

AVENGERS 1959 #2 By Hirsute Howard Chaykin (w/a), Jolly Jesus Arbutov(c) and Jingoistic Jared K. Fletcher(l) (Marvel Comics, $2.99)

(Yes, I am aware Nick Fury was created by Jack Kirby but Howard Victor Chaykin needs his Mai Tai mix and who am I to deny him?)

Kind of typed myself into a corner haven’t I? In trying to course correct the critical conversation concerning Howard Victor Chaykin I may have erred a little on the enthusiastic side. (“Ya think, you limey asshat, huh, ya think?”) Now I imagine no one will believe me when I say that this second issue is even better than the first issue and the first issue was nice stuff to start with. Any rational human being would be forgiven for dismissing me as the kind of guy who had Howard Victor Chaykin pooped in a brown paper bag I’d pay for the privilege of a peek. I wouldn't though and I think that kind of nasty talk tells us more than enough about where your mind goes when no-one’s watching. For most of the issue the art is really, really sweet. The colouring is greatly improved and makes everything more visually coherent and there are some strong holding lines going on which I like. I was particularly enamoured of The Blonde Phantom’s hair.

"Oh, Howard Victor Chaykin! Don't you ever change!"

The last few pages get a bit choppy but by this point the events are getting pleasingly goofy so it’s not a dealbreaker. Baron Blood and Brain Drain? From Rascally Roy and Frisky Frank Robbins’ sweat drenched INVADERS run? By Howard Victor Chaykin? Man, that’s some daft stuff I’m liking. And on the last page when Howard Victor Chaykin basically introduces John Steed into the Marvel Universe I’m kind of starting to warm to the idea of looking in that bag. I guess you could say it’s Howard Victor Chaykin by numbers but I've run the numbers and Howard Victor Chaykin’s numbers look pretty good. AVENGERS 1959 #2 is witty, smart, saucy, fast-moving entertainment and it’s my fault but your loss that you won’t believe me when I say it’s VERY GOOD!

Remember, Kids, if you only buy one of these - buy DAREDEVIL because it is pure COMICS!!!

EXTRA BONUS DAREDEVIL PICTURE FROM ISSUE 4:

Criminy, just buy it already! Now go have a nice weekend!

Hibbsing into the first week of November!

I lost last week to GTA: San Andreas. It was on crazy sale on Steam (under $5), and I let myself get tempted and sucked in, and read very very little last week. But I'm back now!

GTA: SA is a fascinating game -- I certainly feel coarser for playing it (still playing it, actually -- I'm not even out of LA proper yet!), but I also think there's something insanely artful about the freedom of the entire experience. The voice acting is stellar, the motion capture is amazingly subtle, then it has those big meaty meshes that just slaughter the illusion. It's insanely hard in places, and some of that might be standard controllers -- like the rail shooting portions would be a lot more fun if you were standing in an arcade, for example -- and I get endlessly frustrated by it's arcade/console roots... I am used to having a LOT finer control of when I get to save, for example, in PC games. Anyway, VERY GOOD game if you're OK with playing dark.  So.... comics!

ACTION COMICS #3: I'm really really really enjoying Morrison's Year One take here. I'm still not convinced this guy has actually appeared in any other comic book, however. This really is a Superman I've wanted to read nearly forever, and I'm sorta kind of crazy sad that we've been told the book is going to switch to "contemporary", because I wish this WAS. Ah well. If there's a problem (and there is) it's the ridiculous $4 for 20 story pages and a bunch of absolutely mis-thought fluff at the back. It's horrific to expect people to PAY to BE ADVERTISED TO. Ugh! If the "backmatter" doesn't get a WHOLE lot better really really fast, I really can see a lot of people deciding to just skip out and wait for the trade.

While I'm on this topic, can I address the crossline fluff pages? I get that in issue #1 you can't have a letter's page (though individualized author intros and "here's what we're thinking" text pieces would have been the right foot to get off on), and, sure in #2 as well, but you're on #3 now, and I can not believe that we are still seeing these softball interview questions at this point. "DC All Access" needs to be rethought as well -- especially when you're overtly trying to sell 52 titles to people, having *dull* repeating content each week is awful. It needs more Stan Lee, more cowbell, and less "laundry list of projects" perfunctorily typed out.

Anyway, ACTION #3's comics pages are VERY GOOD, and everything else about the package is AWFUL.

ANIMAL MAN #3: Whoa. Artistic tour-de-force, with only-in-comics concepts. This is so different in tone than any of the other 52, and I'm really enjoying it almost as much for that as anything else. An easy VERY GOOD, though I didn't like the hand-waving away of the origin aliens.

INFINITE VACATION #3: I really like the ideas on display in this comic (though the "Evil Mark" scene went on two pages too long!), but the art looked rushed out to my eye... which is something given it's been SEVEN MONTHS since the last issue! Christ! This book was solicited as a MONTHLY comic. Hell, the back page ad still has the original shipping date for #4, if you look -- 4/27. That's just of 2011, not 2012. Further, issue #2 was the book that shipped back in April, not the #4 it was *supposed* to be. This kind of behavior is exactly and precisely why so many retailers give up on trying to stock innovative small press titles in general, and IMAGE COMICS in particular -- this kind of crazy irresponsible publishing behavior. That's asshat level shit right there. The comic was GOOD, but who is going to care if you can't release it in a reasonable manner?

AVENGERS ACADEMY #21: Or, as the cover puts it: 1st Issue (of a new era). Hmph, cheap. I do like this book, however -- it's got an interesting premise (training future Avengers... who would have otherwise grown to be villains ), and it's style and pacing is kind of "old school Marvel" (in every positive sense of that phrase).  There's a realllllly awkward transition on page 12 (and again on 13) which doesn't work at all on the printed page, making it look like one of the characters is stripping in front of a room full of people, but it has a decent little cliffhanger there on the last page, so that's nice. Overall, I think this is a GOOD issue of a solid comic book.

FEAR ITSELF 7.1: CAPTAIN AMERICA: Ugh. that's even worse than the first time through!I might have been fine with the idea here if it had been an actual decision all of the characters made, but I can not see the Caps going along with the lie, whatsoever. Plus, the stated reasons for Nick and Natasha don't make a lot of sense -- if he's just going to go back to his old identity, won't the Russians know about that almost immediately? This does nothing but engender negative feelings in the superhero community, for no gain.  No wonder so few of us could tell Bucky was dead in the first place.... very disappointed. And only sheer craft prevents me from going below EH.

x-23 #16: once, a very very long time ago, I kind of collected "Captain Universe ('The Hero Who Could Be YOU!')" appearances, because the conceit of the idea was fun, if a bit shallow. So, when I saw the cover, I decided to read through this issue. Mistake. I couldn't follow it at all (Probably mostly because it is chapter 4 of a 4 part arc, I would imagine!), and I haven't got the foggiest idea why the FF are involved with x-23, or why it's no longer "Captain Universe", but rather "the enigma force" (wait, tied in with Micronauts, then? Really? Since when? and...Why?), or why... well, really anything. I kind of hated it, but rather than saying "AWFUL", I should be more fair, and liken it to walking into the last 15 minutes of a movie -- good, OR bad, you're probably not going to get it -- INCOMPLETE.

NEW MUTANTS #33: Have I said how much it drives me nuts when people get simple enough San Francisco-based stuff completely wrong? I mean would ANY Marvel editor anywhere have a character standing in Harlem look west and see the Statue of Liberty? But the equivalent of that happens ALL THE TIME in SF-based stories. (general Protip? there are exceedingly few places in town where you'll have a cable car in the background) So, when the New Mutants (heh) move into a house that's, I think, meant to invoke memories of THE REAL WORLD, and the text specifically says "1128 Mission", but the house is A VICTORIAN, yikes, no. 1100 block is down near the Civic Center, and that's full-on industrial buildings. Seriously, go Google street view it! You can have them in a Vic on Mission st, but it's pretty much got to be on the other side of Division. "2128 Mission" wouldn't have had me blink even for a second.

(Yeah, yeah, I know, sorry!)

Either way, I really don't understand the premise of this book -- it isn't clear why THESE characters are together, or why, or, even, what they're going to do. Pretty much all of them are cyphers at this point, with any real plot thread that could come from their own backgrounds played out. I can't muster more than an OK.

SWAMP THINGG #3: I keep trying to like it, but I think it is missing something in some I-can't-explain-what way. Maybe that it feels like it is trying to live off the Moore run, yet try to contradict it at every turn? Maybe it is that "Swamp Thing" isn't IN the comic, at all? Maybe it is "The Rot" is very very lazy? I dunno. I like the art, I even think the writing is fine, but the entire thing fails for me in some essential way.  EH.

UNCANNY X-MEN #1: There is absolutely positive 100% no reason this shouldn't just be #544. they gained NOTHING from a story-telling perspective from the renumber, and even, in marketing, I don't think it's going to work, because that particular well is pretty dry right now at Marvel.

(plus? You can NOT see downtown SF from Ocean Beach. (Just like you wouldn't be able to see Utopia from downtown) It isn't possible, unless you're in a helicopter, but not from a worm's-eye view like the camera there. Also, they BETTER rebuild the damn windmill, Keiron, ON PANEL, I love that thing! And? On that last page? That's not GG Park it's standing in -- that's the Presidio, a mile or so away...)

This is not really how I would have resolved the whole Celestial thing (I find Mr. Sinister to be, perhaps, the worst of Claremont's creations), but, sure, whatever, if you want to make UNCANNY more of a "superhero book", then I guess this is the way to do it. Except that I thought that that was the purpose of (adjectiveless)? This was OK, but, again, I simply don't understand the renumber.

Well, that's enough from me -- time to help customers!

What did YOU think?

-B

"But first, call your girlfriend..." Comics! Sometimes they are Nu!

Um, no show without Punch, right? Well, how to follow all that, eh? All the Nu-DC reviewed and rated by some of the finest minds to have been damaged by comics at an early age! How about by saying exactly the same things about less comics but more leadenly, with more words and a smattering of shit jokes. Those being bad jokes as opposed to jokes about shit. Business as usual then!

WONDER WOMAN #1 By Cliff Chiang (a), Brian Azzarello (w), Matthew Wilson (c) and Jared K. Fletcher (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

For someone as pickled in cape comics as I am I sure do have a deficiency in the area of Wonder Woman comics. In fact I think I only own those Wonder Woman issues John Byrne did. I own them but I haven’t read them. I think I was drunk on E-Bay or something. Anyway I don’t really have a clear idea of Wonder Woman but luckily neither does DC by all accounts (ho ho ho) so this blank slate beginning was perfect for me. After reading it I still have no idea about Wonder Woman because it’s not really about Wonder Woman after all or it is but it’s also about everybody else in it, kind of an ensemble piece.

I certainly wouldn't have gone for Azzarello’s idea of sticking Wonder Woman into GREEK STREET as my first choice but it turns out I’d be wrong because I really, really enjoyed this one. It’s creepy, eventful and surprisingly unsettling all in all and Cliff Chiang’s art is just the dreamiest. Cliff Chiang – reach out and touch him! I look forward to this characterisation of Wonder Woman being carried across to the JL where she will just straight gut Darkseid while he’s bloviating leading to a big Super-sigh from Supes and 21 pages of the JL trying not catch Wonder Woman’s eye while she stands there daring any of them to say anything. Because consistency of characterisation across the line is certainly what I expect from the Big 2! In this comic WONDER WOMAN was VERY GOOD!

MEN OF WAR #1 Tom Derenick, Phil Winslade (a),  Ivan Brandon, Jonathan Vankin (w), Matt Wilson, Thomas Ch (c) and Rob Leigh (l) (DC Comics, $3.99) I didn't ask for this one. I guess my LCS sent it because I chunter on about old war comics all the time. Watch: What’s this Men of War starring Frank Rock’s grandson business? What’s all that about? Rock stories appear in Our Army At War or Sgt Rock comics! Men of War is Gravedigger’s book! Why didn't they go with Gravedigger? He’s African-American so they could have picked up some of that sweet media heat.

This one looks like one of the rush-jobs because it isn't very interesting at all despite the revelation that apparently in the US Armed Forces on occasion you will be taken into a room where you will be told how much everyone you have ever met really likes you and then they will ask after your Mother. If you are a Captain you get a back rub and ice cream. There was a terrible moment when the issue opened with “Something warm on my face…wet…” but I checked and Judd Winick hadn't written it so I carried on. There’s some weird business with super heroes that lacks clarity, I’m guessing nu-Rock will have a chip on his shoulder about capes. I’m guessing this since the mission goes big-time number ten SNAFU as soon as the cape turns up. I’m thinking someone wants to plan their Ops a bit more thoroughly than sending in the ground boys and then just have a cape jizz about blowing stuff up and crashing into everything willy nilly. I’m no Patton but a bit of planning might help.

 "Exciting stuff, there!"

There’s quite a lot of action in this but it isn’t terribly interestingly delivered, which is a shame because that means most of the issue isn’t terribly interesting. C’mon, Tom Derenick, I know it can’t be easy making this stuff look exciting but, I don’t know if you've heard, there ain’t nothing easy in Easy Company! There’s a back-up that is exactly like some early ‘60s Robert Kanigher/Irv Novick short about fighting men and how they are men who are fighting. Which was okay back then but I checked with a passing young person and apparently it is now 2011, so that’s not so good. There’s the usual lovely gangly scratchiness from Phil Winslade on this bit so that’s nice. But his presence suggests someone put this comic together in a rush because although Phil Winslade deserves better he appears to be DC’s first choice for pinch-hitting on non-cape comics. Overall then MEN OF WAR #1 is kind of like stumbling into a pit of confusion laced with punji sticks carved from clichés. Proving once again that War is EH!

ACTION COMICS #1 By Rags Morales/Rick Bryant (a), Grant Morrison (w), Brad Anderson (c) and Patrick Brosseau (l) (DC Comics, $3.99)

Beginning a bold new era in Superman comics! An era of Superman comics I actually want to read! That’s an exciting notion right there, DC Comics; Superman comics people might enjoy. Judging from this issue this bold experiment is working out okay. This is pretty much the kind of capey first issue Grant Morrison can probably spuff out in his sleep by now. It starts at full pelt and just keeps barrelling along with the odd handful of exposition and foreshadowing thrown at the eager reader’s face as it whistles past. Nicely done. Rags Morales was obviously a bit time constrained but for the most part his art is pretty lovely. Other parts are just jarring, like when I was enjoying Lex Luthor’s regal new nose only to turn the page to find he had somehow turned into a beatific bald child, later on his nu-nose was back, but, c’mon. let’s try and keep on-model here, guys.  I really enjoyed Lex Luthor in this, he was given some kind of reasonable motivation for his Super-hate and did that suave thing where he basically does what they paid him for without even breaking a sweat (or registering the colossal property damage and human injuries involved) and then just saunters off. Stylish!

"Hey, anyone seen a berk? Superman needs to talk to a berk!"

Superman intimidating that there fellow into a confession? Have to say it didn't bother me that much. The dude he drops is clearly (almost comically so) established to have done Wrong. So, it’s not even a Left/Right wing thing either. He’s a Bad, Bad Man!  Of course what Superman does isn't super-nice but then he is basically a power fantasy after all. And, yeah, big old woolly minded Liberals like me have them too. But a part of the power fantasy of Superman is: He’s Right So It’s Okay. Anyway wasn't all this sorted around 1986 with that book WHATCHAMAFLIP where it showed if capes existed then they’d be co-opted by The Man, hunted as criminals, retire quietly or be big, blue men who liked to feel it swing in the wind? As another book that year said “We have always been criminals, Clark.” It’s just one of those things you agree not to notice when you pick up a cape book, I think. C’mon, I noted at least two people had had their head pushed through a wall/table by Superman. I’m pretty sure that’s likely to be fatal. But I bet it wasn't, because, y’know, it’s…Superman! Suspension of disbelief, people, have some on you at all times! And so Superman, and thus, ACTION COMICS #1, is VERY GOOD!

DEMON KNIGHTS #1 By Diogenes Neves/Oclair Albert (a), Paul Cornell (w), Marcelo Maiolo (c) and Jared K. Fletcher (l). The Demon created by JACK KIRBY. (See Marvel, who did that hurt? Eh?!) (DC Comics. $2.99)

I don’t know about this one, I’d guess it was slapped together for the Nu-push at short notice. It’s got concepts and ideas but it all just seems a bit bunged out, a bit “Table Four are getting up to leave! Soup now, Chef!” While it just never really gelled for me it did have appealing elements such as the mix of characters and a working sense of humour. Sadly Cornell drops a bollock by making Merlin practically characterless. As anyone who has seen EXCALIBUR will attest Merlin must always evoke Nicol Williamson’s fantastic I-have-decided-I-am-in-a-different-film-to-everyone-else performance, otherwise your Merlin just ain't happening, pal. Ignoring that but given the very real problems I had with the comic I can’t in all conscience give it better than EH! But since I sense some potential I’m hoping it’ll at least get to GOOD! But try to remember that not everyone is as patient and lovely as me, DC!

"It is the DOOM of Marvel that they refuse to credit Jack Kirby. Hmmm!"

SWAMP THING #1 By Yanick Paquette (a), Scott Snyder (w), Nathan Fairbairn (c) and John J. Hill (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

It’s lucky I’m not in a Scott Snyder comic or I’d be discomforting Superman with that time my Dad said unfortunate things about immigrants or how this whole dead birds and fish thing is a bit like my Dad saying how people park in front of your house and, yeah, you don’t own the bit outside your front window but, really now, is it too much to ask for just a little common decency here, Superman? But I’m not in it, Alec Holland is. Interestingly despite having returned magically from the dead after a period of some years Alec Holland is still way more employable than me. He’s on his second job since he just popped up a few weeks ago and he’s made the transition from botanical boffin to horny handed builder without missing a step. Versatility is the key in times of recession, jobseekers! Having been dead and then kind-of-maybe-not-sure-been Swamp Thing has left him with the super power of being able to tell which planks are spoiled by rot via touching and staring; I guess that swung the interview despite the Death Gap Years on his C.V. and total lack of experience. I liked that bit, the bit where we get a crash course on rot and also the bit about the anti-inflammatory properties of cabbage leaves. I hear they saved the bit about the effects of coriander on erectile dysfunction for another comic.

"Oh hush now and dance with me you fool!" I also enjoyed the bit about the slow-motion savagery of The Green. Mind you, that sounded familiar; is that from He Who Cannot Be Named’s run? Speaking of  which there are cute shout outs to previous Swamp Thing comics (the logo on the diggers, Holland’s pass code, the name of the motel, etc) but the most obvious throwback is the style, which is very like The Nameless One’s early issues. Not as good, mind you, but similar. The art’s nice as well. I don’t envy Paquette having to draw all that…real stuff but he does it well displaying a commendable range. I heard that he had to redraw some of it as well to incorporate Superman’s new, um, look so kudos for the extra effort there. Hopefully it’ll get a bit smoother now the set-up is over, maybe Swamp Thing will be on more than one page and we’ll hear less Dad wisdom but, yeah, it’s a little bit talky and it’s a little bit creepy (like me, huh! Well, that's nice.) I…guess…it…was…OKAY!

FRANKENSTEIN AGENT OF S.H.A.D.E #1 By Albert Ponticelli (a), Jeff Lemire (w), Jose Villarrubia (c) and Pat Brosseau (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

I’m okay about Jeff Lemire, I enjoyed that book he did about the sad kid and the grumpy ex hockey player and then that series he does about the sad kid with antlers and the grumpy ex-hockey player after the apocalypse. I thought I’d try this one to see if he could maybe expand his range a bit. Because apparently it’s really laudatory for creators to “go outside their comfort zones”. Which, yeah, it is but only if they avoid moving all their old baggage and furniture in so that in no time at all the place pretty much looks like their old comfort zone. (I’m not talking about Jeff Lemire here, SWEET TOOTH and ESSEX COUNTY are very different, that was a cheap gag earlier so I could cram this next bit in.) Some of these guys who get a rep for “going outside their comfort zone” remind me of a certain tendency we Brits have. This being a tendency to go somewhere exotic and then find the nearest English theme pub and sit in it for two weeks eating Yorkshire puddings and drinking binge while looking at a foreign sky out of the window. Anyway this one’s about a sad monster kid and his team of undead ex-hockey players. No, not really it was just punchline time!

 "Keats was a pussy, Palmer! Larkin, dude! Larkin!"

It is, as has been stated by better people, quite similar to Xombi. You remember Xombi; the fresh and fizzy breakneck ride packed with invention and incident that didn't stint on characterisation and was illustrated by someone who clearly gave a shit about what he was doing. The one that got cancelled after 6 issues. This is a bit like Xombi but, I don’t want to be mean (after all I (spoiler!) liked it just fine), but a bit more pedestrian, a bit more stale. A bit more likely to survive, I guess. Of course it’s got a bit of a hand up since it’s riding the crest of the nu-wave. Did this one sell out? Six months ago would this have sold out? Questions there - show your workings. So there’s an immediate benefit the relaunch has had. Stuff that’s a bit quirky, a bit off-beat has a far likelier chance to survive. That can’t be a bad thing can it? I guess once Lemire gets rid of the stock crazy ideas that float on top of his mind things should get more interesting and the series might actually have a chance to last that long. At the moment though it’s OKAY!

ANIMAL MAN #1 By Travel Foreman/Dan Green (a), Jeff Lemire (w), Lovern Kinzierski (c) and Jared K. Fletcher (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

This one seems to have been pretty clearly in the can before the call to arms came. I think the tell is just how polished it is. It’s a really tidy little first issue which tells you who everyone is in relation to each other, how Animal Man’s powers work, how he is in a crisis, where he stands in the wider world and demonstrates that whoever’s inking it should really sort that out pronto, because some of it was real gloopy. In fact the execution is almost kind of a bit too efficient for me, almost a bit too TV for me.

"They're...they're in your face!"

Luckily there were some appealing rough spots such as Buddy and Ellen’s interaction (I thought it was pretty “realistic” couple chat action myself. Unless that reflects badly on me in which case it was terrible! Terrible!, I say!) and Travel Foreman’s quirky art which had quite a lot of space in it which worked to make things a bit not unpleasingly discombobulating for this reader at least. I’ll stick around for a bit anyway as it was, on the whole, GOOD! However, if Buddy’s kids start being sad and Buddy turns out to have a past playing hockey, I’m gone, bubba!

OMAC#1 By Keith Giffen/Scott Koblish (a), Dan Didio/Keith Giffen (w), Hi-Fi (c) and Travis Lanham (l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

Step back! It’s an OMAC attack! The Buddha of Budda!budda!budda! is back! OMAC! Created by JACK! Bubblegum bellicosity Kirby style! I believe it only right that there should be a corner of comics that is forever Kirby so this was VERY GOOD! If they actually credit Jack Kirby next time I might see fit to say it’s even better. Naughty, DC.!

And on that bombshell! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Graeme Takes On The New 52. All At Once.

You know, before DC Comics so politely sent me the entire run of the New 52 launch issues, I don't think that I'd ever read an entire month's worth of a superhero universe before. I have to say, it's kind of exhausting. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and run down very quick capsule reviews of all 52 right here, right now, as Fatboy Slim once said many many years ago oh God I am so old. ACTION COMICS #1: In retrospect, maybe my favorite of all 52 books, this one feels like it actually understands how to reboot a concept without overwhelming the reader with information or assuming that they already know everything; Grant Morrison's script has some of his shorthand dialogue, but it's dense and filled with "action" throughout, and this feels like a satisfying chunk of comics that also lays the groundwork for future stories. Very Good.

ALL STAR WESTERN #1: It's heresy amongst the comicsinternet to admit that I'm not a massive fan of Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti's Jonah Hex, but it's never really done a lot for me. That said, this felt solidly Good, setting up the new status quo for the character - and offering enough introduction to the character for new readers - with some really nice art by Moritat. I'm amused by yet another "Gotham is built upon conspiracy and evil" storyline so soon after last month's finale of Batman: Gates of Gotham, though.

ANIMAL MAN #1: Oh, this was so almost good. Jeff Lemire's writing is... good, I think, although I feel like he stumbles on the more domestic side of things here, and I like the subtle repositioning of this series as a horror book. But the art is just not serving the writing well at all; Travel Foreman can be an interesting stylist, but he ruins scenes here, most importantly - and, I think, damningly - the final page, which is robbed of its full impact by some weird staging that basically wastes the top half of the page. Also not helping, the inks by Dan Green (which veer between too heavy and almost weightlessly light) and some very dull, flat colors by Lovern Kindzierski. Eh, then, because of the art.

AQUAMAN #1: Yes, Geoff, I get it: Aquaman isn't a comedy punchline anymore. I would've preferred it if we'd had a chance to decide that for ourselves instead of suffering through the "blogger interview" midway through the book, but overall, this is a pretty Good first issue, setting out its pitch, introducing its characters and having a decent enough hook for the next few issues. That said, if you were reading Brightest Day, you pretty much know what's in here already; this is very much a continuation of what was happening with the character in that book.

BATGIRL #1: I don't know if this was flop sweat or something else, but this just didn't work as well as I'd been expecting it to. Maybe because it's so joyless, something that writer Gail Simone didn't seem to have a problem expressing with the character in Birds of Prey, but there really is something very... rushed and filled and self-important about this issue that made it feel like you were being hurriedly brought up to speed by someone who wanted you to know how serious everything was. World's dumbest cliffhanger, too. Eh.

BATMAN #1: Greg Capullo's art is surprisingly nice - Yes, a little too MacFarlane for my tastes, still, but what can you do? - and Scott Snyder's story is... I don't know. Nice, but somewhat slight, perhaps? I'll be coming back for a second issue, but I think that's more down to goodwill for the creative team than anything having particularly wowed me with this debut. Okay, I guess.

BATMAN AND ROBIN #1: Now this was much more my speed, perhaps because I enjoyed this version of Batman more - One who seems to be dealing with his trauma after X number of years processing survivor guilt as Batman, instead of just burying it - than the one in Batman or Detective (And, really, I can't believe that a linewide reboot didn't result in a slightly more consistent portrayal of Batman. He feels like a different character everytime he appears, like Superman. That doesn't seem like a good thing to me), or perhaps because there was more of an urgency on display here than in Snyder's title. Either way, Good, and a much better "first issue" than the last time Peter Tomasi and Pat Gleason took over the book.

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT #1: Talking of wildly varying characterizations, this book... uh... exists. I don't know what to say about it. If you want a generic Image-style take on Batman, complete with pouty mouths from David Finch and overdone dialogue by Paul Jenkins, this is for you, I guess. I was completely underwhelmed, and laughed out loud as the kids say at the reveal of "One-Face" at the end of the book, especially because he still has half of his face scarred. Awful, but I'm sure it'll have its audience. Oh, and Jaina Hudson is the new Jezebel Jet.

BATWING #1: The first of the "This was much better than I expected" books of the 52, I found myself drawn into this more than I'd thought I would. Maybe it was Judd Winick's take on the character and his secret identity (A cop working outside of the system, because the system is so corrupt), or perhaps it was Ben Oliver's lovely, weirdly hazily dream-like artwork, but this convinced me to try the second issue, which I really wouldn't have thought would've been the case. A low Good, perhaps, but I have to say: This feels much more like a mini-series than an ongoing, already.

BATWOMAN #1: This, however, was a letdown. Not because it wasn't Good, because it was. But I'd been expecting more, spoiled by Greg Rucka's run on Detective. The writing here - by artist JH Williams and co-writer Hayden Blackman - was fine, and hit all the right notes, but didn't surprise me or have the emotional depth that Rucka's had, and the art, while beautiful, also lacked the impact or purpose of the original run. Even though I'll be back for future issues, and even though I enjoyed this, I found myself disappointed nonetheless. That's what I get for having high expectations.

BIRDS OF PREY #1: I'm not sure why, but this felt like it had too much space in it, if that makes any sense. What's here is fine, it's a perfectly Okay comic book, but it feels too empty for some reason, like something is missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something isn't quite right, like it's only half of the intended story or something.

BLACKHAWKS #1: I love Mike Costa's Cobra series for IDW, which is why it depressed me so much to realize how much I didn't like this first issue (The art by Graham Nolan and Ken Lashley didn't help; it's overly busy and not quirky enough to make me want to keep paying attention). You can't fault him for throwing the reader in as everything's already happening, but I didn't find any character particularly interesting, mysterious or even distinctive enough to care about, and as a result, the whole thing left me cold. Awful, sadly.

BLUE BEETLE #1: On the podcast, I said this was like the Blue Beetle we had before, but less so. Tony Bedard and Ig Guara make all the right moves, but it lacks the heart or originality to make me want to come back for issue 2. Eh.

CAPTAIN ATOM #1: Hey, everyone who's always wished that there was a Doctor Manhattan solo title spinning out from Watchmen, now you have your dream book. Sadly, it's written by JT Krul - who ruins the goodwill he'd built up from an Okay first issue by ending with a stupid "Is Captain Atom about to die?" cliffhanger (It's his first issue, so I think that question answers itself) - but, on the plus side, the art by Freddie Williams II is very nice indeed. If it gets smarter in future issues, it could end up being worth checking back in with in future, I suspect.

CATWOMAN #1: Oh, man, haven't I said enough about this already? Cheesecakey pandering with a depressingly unsexy tone and annoyingly passive lead character. Awful.

DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS: DEADMAN #1: I swear to God, this is like a black hole in my brain. I have read this book multiple times, and it really refuses to stay in there. Pretty much the definition of Eh for me, although I'll say that Bernard Chang never really gets the credit for his work that he deserves. I'd love to see him paired with less garish colorists sometime.

DEATHSTROKE #1: Fun last-minute twist aside, there's little in this book that appeals: I don't care about the character or the machismo on display, and Joe Bennett has always been hit-or-miss (with an emphasis on the latter) for me. Eh.

DEMON KNIGHTS #1: Punny title aside, Paul Cornell pretty much won me over with the sense of humor on display in this one, much like Jon Rogers did the same in IDW's Dungeons and Dragons book (which this is oddly reminiscent of, it has to be said). Weirdly parochial, but all the better for it. Very Good.

DETECTIVE COMICS #1: Tony "Salvador" Daniel - Has he ever used his middle name before? - aims high and doesn't quite make it, but oh man, can you see him try. There's nothing particularly wrong with this, but there's nothing particularly right, either; it all feels familiar, and more workmanlike than previous attempts. Having Daniel be writer/artist on a Batbook when you also have David Finch doing the same elsewhere in the same franchise feels a bit weird to me, for some reason; I feel like Daniel comes off worse, even though he's better at deadlines and arguably better as a writer, too. Eh, and that's only because I wasn't as appalled by the final page as many were.

THE FLASH #1: After the disappointment of the last Flash run, color me shocked to have enjoyed this as much as I did. Francis Manapul's art is just great - that opening double page splash! The page of Barry in his apartment! - and it turns out that his writing (along with Brian Buccellato) is much faster-paced and more fun than Geoff Johns' on this book. I like the new Barry Allen, and love his relationship to Iris in this new continuity. More of this, please. Very Good.

FRANKENSTEIN, AGENT OF S.H.A.D.E. #1: Another frustratingly "almost" effort from Jeff Lemire - I know where he's going! I just wish he'd made it there! - with equally frustrating art from Alberto Ponticelli, which is just a little too scratchy for its own good (and, like Travel Foreman in Animal Man, a little off in the framing when it really counts). There's a lot to like here, so I'm tempted to put this down to first issue nerves and hope that this book ends up sorting itself out down the line. That said, this is Okay, and I think that the just-finished Xombi played in the same sandbox in a much more entertaining and original way...

THE FURY OF FIRESTORM THE NUCLEAR MEN #1: Of the two Gail Simone books this month, this is the more enjoyable, but it has almost as much crammed into it as Batgirl, leading to a weirdly claustrophobic feeling. That said, I like the new spin on the concept (and the title), and wonder where, exactly, we're going from the end of this issue. Is this going to be DC's second attempt at doing a Hulk book? Yildiray Cinar's art is weirdly reminiscent of Francis Manipul's as far as the inks go, but I'm not sure if it fits here just yet... All in all, an Okay start, but with the potential for either greatness or creative dead-ending within the year.

GREEN ARROW #1: It's as if JT Krul, Dan Jurgens and George Perez set out to create the most generic, boring superhero book imaginable... and succeeded. Crap.

GREEN LANTERN #1: Considering how self-important (and self-conscious) this title had become before the relaunch, it's surprising that Geoff Johns and Doug Mahnke manage to essentially play this first issue for laughs and get away with it. Good, although I found myself wishing that the last page had been held back for a few months, if only because I really enjoyed seeing dick Hal Jordan so much.

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #1: I was always going to be a sucker for this book; John Stewart and Guy Gardner are my favorite Green Lanterns, Peter Tomasi's previous run on the title was something I really enjoyed, and there's no Hal Jordan or Kyle Rayner to harsh my buzz. Sure enough, I really dug this; uberviolent opening aside, I appreciated the "this is where our leads are" intros before the mystery was revealed, and the final page felt weighty and dramatic enough to bring me back next issue. Sure, Fernando Pasarin's art feels like a little bit of a letdown after that Doug Mahnke cover, but it's still pretty great in a "Bryan Hitch but more approachable" way. Very Good, for me.

GREEN LANTERN: NEW GUARDIANS #1: And then there's this. This is just a bit of mess, whether it's the loss of the "some time ago" caption at the opener explaining that the book opens with a flashback, or the failure to really explain who all the different Lantern characters are, it seems sloppy and at odds with the other Lantern books, and Tyler Kirkham's art doesn't necessarily help, either. Awful.

GRIFTER #1: Finally answering that eternal fanboy question "What do you get if you cross Sawyer from Lost with ROM, Space Knight," this is Okay for those of you who enjoy this kind of thing; Nathan Edmonson's script is a bit light on explaining things, but I suspect that's intentional, and CAFU's art seems too polite for the story being told for my tastes. I don't know; there's nothing wrong with it, but there's also nothing that feels especially compelling about it, either, if that makes sense. I think Fringe probably does this kind of thing better, really.

HAWK & DOVE #1: I wanted to like this book so much, and then Rob Liefeld couldn't stop himself reminding me that he's a terrible, terrible artist. Everything happens at crazy angles! People's mouths change size without explanation! Everyone looks permanently in pain because of all the scratches on their bodies! It's a shame, because you get the feeling that Sterling Gates is really trying to work with Liefeld's energy, but he's overwhelmed by it on this issue. Truly, unhappily Awful.

I, VAMPIRE #1: On the plus side, Andrea Sorrentino could pass as fake Jae Lee if the position ever opens up. On the minus side, this is worryingly murky in terms of story (and storytelling; it's not just Joshua Hale Fialkov's script here, the art really does it no favors), and reads like someone's idea of doomed romance a la Twilight, but even more melodramatic. I'm sure there is a massive audience for this, but I found it pretty Eh at best.

JUSTICE LEAGUE #1: Hey, remember when everyone was talking about this book? Well, not much has changed since then. I like it, for what it is; I like dick Hal Jordan, I think there's a reasonably strong mystery introduced and I don't care that the entire team isn't in there despite the cover. But I'd be lying if I said I thought it was more than just Good; there were other books that the relaunch could have led with that seem better suited for all-new readers and a heavy media blitz.

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #1: It's not quite Shade Peter Milligan - or, for that matter, Secret Seven Milligan - but there's the potential for getting there with this opener (I really liked the perversity of the Kathy reveal), and Mikel Janin's art is lovely. Slightly underwhelming, I've got a lot of faith that this Good first issue will turn out to be a very good series.

JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL #1: Potentially Green Arrow's main competitor in the "most generic superhero comic" race - And Dan Jurgens is involved with this one, as well! Clearly, this is karma for killing Superman twenty years ago - this just feels like a subpar fill-in to a comic from some point in the 1980s, complete with inexplicable Margaret Thatcher cameo appearance. Considering the potential for a JLI series spinning out of the surprisingly strong Generation Lost mini, this is a tiny bit heartbreaking. Awful.

LEGION LOST #1: The good: Pete Woods' art is just amazing here, really, really great stuff. The bad: Unless you're a Legion fan already, this is likely entirely impenetrable stuff. I love the Legion, and this almost made no sense to me whatsoever. It doesn't help that important things happen off-panel (So, Timber Wolf just picked up the bad guy and no-one tried to stop him?), the characters have no real introduction and just way too much happens to let the reader have any time to make sense of it on first, second or even third reading, because there's not enough space in the book for everything. What it ends up as, then, is a good-looking mess. That's what we call Awful round these here parts.

LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #1: I've really, really tried to convince myself that New Levitz Legion is just like Old Levitz Legion, but I think this is the issue when I realized I couldn't keep it up. I'm unsure whether it's Levitz or his circumstance, but everything feels so jumpy and fractured that there's no chance - or, it seems, space - to build up the long running soap operatics that I loved the first time around, with everything ending up sacrificed for whatever big storyline that I find myself uninterested in. Eh as much as I wish it were otherwise.

MEN OF WAR #1: Someone, somewhere, found this to be more than some generic "Are you really a man?" cliches wrapped around a superhero mystery, but it wasn't me. Awful, and the back-up strip was even worse.

MISTER TERRIFIC #1: Another book that I really, really wanted to like - Although that's almost entirely down to the original release info containing the hilariously melodramatic line about him fighting "science gone bad!" - and the actual book... kind of lived up to my expectations, perhaps? There's a lot to like here (The new origin, with a time travel mystery replacing the Spectre's telling him "Hey, that white guy? You should rip him off," for example), but it doesn't come together properly, and ends with a cliffhanger that just makes no sense in a first issue ("Is this character acting weird? How would you know! You've just met him. Tune in next month to find out if he is or not!"). But... Again, maybe it's goodwill, but even though this was just Okay, I'm holding out hope for better soon.

NIGHTWING #1: I came to really like Dick Grayson when he was Batman, so why do I find almost everything in his new title feeling like it's a step backwards? Whether it's Dick visiting the circus again, or telling us how good it is to feel like himself, all of it feels more forced and less genuine than it should. Eh, and most of my fondness for the character disappears entirely as he disappears behind a pile of dialogue and sentiment we've heard before.

OMAC #1: If it wasn't for Superboy, this might have been the best surprise of all 52 books. Somehow, Keith Giffen and Dan Didio manage to channel Kirby's sense of fun, if not his sense of originality - This is a reboot of an existing concept, after all - by smooshing together Office Space, the Hulk and the original OMAC to come up with something that feels like it owes as much to Giffen's own Ambush Bug as it does Kirby, and it... weirdly... works. It's very much not for everyone, but I think that's true of the original OMAC as well. It's an odd feeling to think that Dan Didio came up with one of the most individual and arguably the most fun of all of the New 52 books, but there you go. Very Good, and long may it stick around.

RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #1: I think we can also file under "Things I've said too much about," but short version: Not for me even before we hit the "Starfire is an amnesiac bimbo nymphomanic" thing. Crap.

RED LANTERNS #1: If Ed Benes wasn't drawing this book, I have the strangest feeling I would have actually liked it, because Peter Milligan's script - or, more properly, his narration - is weirdly compelling here, and feels oddly subversive to all the Geoff Johnserisms in the scenes surrounding it. If he ends up carrying that further in future issues, I could see this becoming a sleeper hit for the the cool kids who are perfectly okay with women who can twist their bodies to simultaneously show off their butts and their breasts at the same time. Eh, with chances for better later.

RESURRECTION MAN #1: Clearly, it's books dealing with life after death that I have a problem with. Like the Deadman book, this one also barely registers after multiple re-reads. Eh, then.

THE SAVAGE HAWKMAN #1: For everyone who ever thought "What would make Hawkman awesome would be if his armor and wings came out through his pores like Warren Ellis' Iron Man!" then this is apparently the book for you. For the rest of us, this is a book where Hawkman tries to burn his costume for some unknown reason, then gets attacked by it, and then it turns out it's living inside him or something. It really is as bad as it sounds, although Philip Tan's watercolor art is rather nice in places. Awful, though.

STATIC SHOCK #1: It's modern Spider-Man, with the rest of the Milestone universe seemingly playing the supporting cast. It's surprising just how ready I was for that book, without ever realizing it. Good, although I'm already worried about it, now that we know that John Rozum is off the book by #4.

STORMWATCH #1: Like Batgirl, it's possible that this book fails because the writer was far too aware of what they had to do; there's too much empty exposition in this issue, and it's an issue that needed useful exposition. Paul Cornell doesn't quite catch the tone of Warren Ellis' characters, and the disconnect is obvious in a way that isn't obvious; no-one sounds quite right, and everything feels off-kilter as a result. It's a book that simultaneously feels dense and sparse, and Miguel Sepulveda's art, static and heavy, doesn't help with that feeling. A low Eh, and it should be much better.

SUICIDE SQUAD #1: Forget skinny Amanda Waller; this book has way bigger problems. You know, things like an awkward structure (Not helped by multiple artists working on the same issue), a ridiculous set-up and thoroughly flat characterization throughout. Disappointingly Awful.

SUPERBOY #1: I was genuinely surprised by how much this book feels like science-fiction instead of a superhero book, at least in this first issue, and how there's an interesting lack of moral certainty at show just yet (I'm sure that'll change in time). With RB Silva's clean art and Scott Lobdell's strongest script for the relaunch by far, this is Good stuff.

SUPERGIRL #1: This is also surprisingly Good. A complete reboot for the character, and a chance to start from a personality closer to Sterling Gates' work with the character - Probably the character's most recent high point - instead of the wishy-washiness of the origins of the previous version, this issue isn't showy in the slightest, but gets the job done nonetheless.

SUPERMAN #1: Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Superman. I guess, if nothing else, this issue does provide an alternative to Action Comics, mainly in that Action was really good, and this isn't. Where to start? The confusing opening (Is the new Daily Planet built? It would appear so on page 2, but I'm still not sure if that was meant to be a glimpse into the future or not. If it had been rebuilt, would the previous site still have the remains of the old one?), the hilarious scenes of Lois et al discussing journalism ("Print is dying!"), Clark being bitter and mean to Lois, the genuinely horrible examples of Clark's journalism... There is so much wrong with this issue, but primarily I think the underlying structure is the biggest problem: Too much is, again, forced into too small a space, and this time, it's combined with a super brawl that is neither exciting or even interesting, leaving the impression that Superman's life is dull, full of sniping arguments and a ham-fisted idea of how journalism works. It's a mess, and one not saved by Jesus Merino's sterling attempts on art. Awful, and maybe the biggest disappontment of the bunch.

SWAMP THING #1: Talking of wordy, this is another overly-verbose book that could've easily dialed back the exposition to sensible levels and become infinitely better as a result (The whole Superman scene in particular felt unnecessary). That said, like Animal Man, the horror tone works and there's definite potential here. Okay, but greedily, I wanted more.

TEEN TITANS #1: It's a slow start, true, but I'll admit to being sucked in to Scott Lobdell's plan of essentially running one story between this and Superboy - although that final scene in both books has different dialogue and staging in some parts, which seems a completely avoidable mistake to me - and enjoyed this much more than I was expecting from early previews. A high Okay - I still have my issues with Brett Booth's art, I'm sorry - and I might even keep going on this, at least until the entire team is together.

VOODOO #1: You know, deep within this book, there's an interesting idea about an alien invasion happening in plain sight, with the alien as the central character. But getting there in this case means working through a lot of gender politics that's trying to have its cake and eat it at the same time ("Yeah, this is cheesecake, but look, the strippers are real women with class and babysitter problems and shit! But here's some more T&A anyway!"), and... I'm just not interested, ultimately. Awful.

WONDER WOMAN #1: Holy crap, it's the last book. I was beginning to think this would never end. And it's ending on a high note, too; sure, Brian Azzarello's script is sharp and fast-paced (if a little short on explanations, but there's time for those later), but this is entirely Cliff Chiang's show, and he doesn't even vaguely fail to deliver. This is a wonderful looking book - Matt Wilson's colors help considerably - and all the moreso because there's nothing else like it on the DC stands right now. The mythical quality of the story seems on a different scale to all the other New 52 books as well, and the strong individuality of the book makes it feel more like an event... and that's a nice feeling for a Wonder Woman book to have. Very Good, and one of the best books of the line so far.

Now, as the saying goes: What did you think?

Wait, What? 56.1: The Loneliest Number Since...

We are back!  With absolutely 100% less whining!  Well, 90%.  Actually, let's call it 85--no, 82, 82% less whining!

Yes, with 82% less whining, here comes Wait, What? Episode 56.1, roaring around the bend, with Graeme McMillan and myself discussing strange and unexpected topics--topics like OMAC #1, Batgirl #1, Animal Man #1, Detective Comics #1, Swamp Thing #1, Stormwatch #1 and, of course... X-Men #17. (That really should have a '?!!?' at end of that sentence, but you get the idea.) It's one hour and one second of two-fisted soft reboot action!

Wise souls have perhaps already encountered this podcast on iTunes (in which case, I hope they were struck it down and achieved instant enlightenment) but you can, of course, listen to it here through the moderns of magic science:

Wait, What? Ep. 556.1: The Loneliest Number Since...

As always, we hope you and enjoy and appreciate your continuing patronage!

nu52: Meat & Wood

Shouldn't be any surprise we're still organizing in the store, so trying to dance amongst the raindrops to review books while I also do that (AND writing a Tilting this week, sheesh!) Here's your next two books: ANIMAL MAN and SWAMP THING

ANIMAL MAN #1: I'm of the opinion that no one other than Grant Morrison ever "got" Animal Man, and that was more of the fourth wall-breaking action than anything else. Buddy is just (sorry!) not that compelling of a character in the first place. The real value he has is of being one of the rare family men in comics, or of being the "everyman" who is probably a lot like you and me -- he isn't perfect like a Superman, he feels vaguely uncomfortable in his costume, he's not really all that very good at "stopping crime", but his heart is utterly in the right place.

Jeff Lemire seems to embrace all of that here, and also does a few things to shake up expectations (opening with a magazine-style interview piece, for example, or the hallucinatory dream sequence), and while I liked it, I didn't really love it. Travel Foreman's art is excellent in places, but also pretty awful in a few others (Ew, some of those faces, yikes!). I'd certainly give it an arc to see where it might be going, but my overall reaction was really not much more than a very very low GOOD.

ANIMAL MAN is the one and only book of the 14 released so far that I have sold out of so far -- and that's on a fairly solid number of copies.

SWAMP THING #1: If AM covers "the red", this one here is "the green", but apart from some REALLY lovely art by Yanick Paquette, I'm not really feeling this one yet.

That may be because "Swampy" really doesn't appear in the issue until the last page, or maybe that I have no (NONE!) affinity for "Alec Holland", a character who, over the last 40-ish years had maybe 10 words of dialogue? (Among them: "Oh, look... a bom-" or something to that effect) -- so, I kind of don't care if he has his sad little Doctor David Banner moments.

Throw in a ugly cameo from Superman (how is THAT guy the one in JL or Action?), where he seems to reference the Death of Superman (Again: how did that story happen... especially without a married Lois?), and something that looks a bit like a rip on the invunche, and I found myself missing Moore's prose (there's monologue, but not a single descriptive caption on display), and, I don't know -- I don't "get" this book, I think.

I'm willing to give it another issue, but I thought it was merely OK.

That's me: What did YOU think?

-B

I have Read the Worst Comic I have ever read (this week)

Don't mean to overuse that headline (and, actually, it wasn't really Arsenal-level bad), but I thought that this week's Brightest Day Aftermath: The Search For Swamp Thing #1 was pretty inexcusably poor.

My practical knowledge of how Englishmen actually really and truly speak is mostly limited to watching BBC shows imported into America, and a few late-night phone conversations with Neil Gaiman, but I am fairly certain that no Englishman ever actually sounds anything like what Jonathan Vankin portrays here (which is weird, because his two Vertigo Pop series [Tokyo and Bangkok] seem fairly culturally sensitive)

It's like.... mm, "Dick Van Dyke IS John Constantine!", y'know?

That sucks, no doubt, but what I actually hated more was the portrayal of John Constantine that has him casually tossing off magic (foiling a robbery, knocking out Alfred via remote, entering the batmobile, entering The Green?!?!?! sheesh), and paying no price for any of it whatsoever. The thing about JC was that it was pretty unclear if he ever DID magic (at least in those original Swamp thing appearances), or if he was just good at tricking people, and that what we know he DID do, ALWAYS had a price, hopefully paid by someone else.

I might like to see that version of JC, especially in the waning days of the "old" DCU -- Batman getting turned into those weird backwards head babies or whatever, Hawkman going mad, and leaping out of a window without his wings or some shit -- but not this "a seedy Zatanna" version.

Also, like WHICH DCU is this taking place within? 'cuz, see, *I* remember Swamp Thing terrorizing Batman and Gotham City in a pretty spectacular way when they took Abbey from him. Batman knows alllllll about Swamp thing, so to have JC do the remedial version for him, or Batman to call ST "the hero of Star City" is.... well it's pretty fucking weird and awkward isn't it?

(This is what I dread about the nuDCU that is coming -- we'll get a new Superman who, likely, was never married to Lois Lane, yet "Identity Crisis still happened", which is like "Um, how?" That book had Superman worried about... Lois getting hurt.)

Even if you assume "Oh, it's Dick, and not Bruce", Swampy nearly destroying Gotham City HAD to have made the national nightly news, right?

Then there's that last few lines of dialogue (uh, spoiler warning, I guess?): "If Alec [Holland] [Also] came BACK with his OWN consciousness, well, then, mate, we'd all be in a RIGHT mess, then, wouldn't we?"

We would? Ah! Ah! FEAR the middle-aged failed-biologist who was dumb enough to believe the Government wasn't trying to weaponize his discoveries! SCARY!

There's absolutely nothing likeable about this comic book, and it not only fundamentally misunderstands john Constantine, but makes Batman look like a moron, as well. Nice trick!

This was pure CRAP, or as this comic might have put it: "Strewth, that was a right load of cobblers, oi, guv'nor?"

But, what did YOU think?

-B

Events in mah brain!

It is April, and we're starting this year's cycle of event storytelling. I'm fairly unconvinced this is what the audience actually and truly wants -- at best I tend to think that the market supports them because its been sooooo long since we sold comics purely on the strength of the comics that we've forgotten anything BUT events, but I guess we'll see what shakes out.  

Clearly the market is reeling right now -- January and February were abysmal, and March not really that much better -- and there's a sense to me, at least, that this year's are "make or break" for the Marvel and DC universes in some fashion or another.

Not like comics will go away, of course, my big happy thought from WonderCon was that Larry Marder is still doing Beanworld, and getting paid to do so, and as long as THAT still happens, comics are just fine, thanks very much!

But that's something more to develop in a TILTING (which, huh, I should get to writing, shouldn't I?) -- this is to talk about the comics themselves.

FEAR ITSELF #1: In many many many ways, I think that the success of failure of an event can often be determined by looking at its "log line" or "elevator pitch" -- the one sentence summation of what the book is about. I'm not all that terrific at perfectly encapsulating them, for example I'm sure someone can come up with something more precise or sexy for CIVIL WAR than "Superheroes fight among themselves over liberty versus security", but that was pretty much what I used in '06, and it worked a charm, selling a bucketload of comics for me.

In the same way, DC's biggest recent hit, BLACKEST NIGHT, can be reduced to "Dead superheroes come back from the grave as murderous zombies" -- that the kind of thing people often say "Wow, cool!" to. The CLEARER the pitch, the more direct and large the sales.

FEAR ITSELF is a weird "event" comic -- I'll say straight up that I liked it pretty well. I have problems with bits of it (when don't I?): I thought the Avengers pro-Stark shilling was a bit.... strange, given the libertarian nature of some of the characters; I thought that the interactions between Thor and Odin were kind of heavy-handed; and I thought the lettering was oddly large, but all in all I liked the issue as I was reading it, and I'll even skip to the chase and say I thought it was pretty GOOD.

But I still can't log line it! Even after reading it! That's not a great situation.

I mean, I could say "An older pantheon of gods returns to kick the Asgardian's asses", I guess? But I don't think that's all there is to it, and, anyway, that sounds way too insider baseball for fan-off-the-street. Very very few people ACTUALLY care about "the Asgardians" as an abstract group, we have decades of sales information to clearly show that. And, clearly, Marvel is struggling with it as well, because THEY'VE yet to log line it themselves -- their marketing is all over the map, and not defining things in terms of story really. Even the title doesn't suggest what the story might be about.

Our first week sales were "fine" -- just a smidge above AVENGERS... but I have a hard time considering an event book a hit unless it does, say, twice, three times that. That's kind of the problem with Direct Market 2011 in a nutshell, in fact -- the bottom- and middle- sellers are no worse than flat, and even substantially up in a lot of cases, but the top-selling books have cratered to less than half of what they were 2-3 years ago. That's an ugly prospect.

I'm cool with the stock I have on hand -- worst case we'll sell out sometime right around the last issue shipping, but I *want* to have to go back for more, say, before issue #3 arrives in store.

Anyway, log-lines, yeah. That's the problem here. The comic is pretty GOOD, but I can't find the words to SELL it.

JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #622: Kieron Gillen's first issue, and also the first crossover tie-in to FEAR ITSELF, and I really REALLY liked it.  If you had said "Neil Gaiman wrote this" I might have believed you. Gillen's always been strong on plotting, but this brings his prose up to a new level, and I'm anxious to see how long he can sustain this questing story with Loki as a lead. I hope it's a real long time.  VERY GOOD.

FLASH #10: This is the second "prelude" issue to the upcoming Big DC event FLASHPOINT, and every problem I have with FEAR ITSELF is magnified widely for FLASHPOINT -- what the hell is it about? Well, I've figured out that the best thing to say is maybe "It's 'Age of Apocalypse' for the DC Universe", but if you don't already read comics (and lots of them), then I have to explain what AoA is, right? I guess you could also say "It's an 'Elseworlds' as an event", but same problem, right?

Comics ABOUT comics are kind of a hard sell.

The problem is compounded by the fact that FLASH has really been a dull book, to date. I *still* don't know what compelling narrative reason there was to bringing Saint Barry back in the first place, and I *like* DC's Silver Age.

What I *did* like about this issue was the *idea* of "Hot Pursuit" as being from Earth-47 (or whatever), and I'm intrigued about the rest of the heroes on what could potentially be a "no non-tech superpowers" world, but since I'm sort of expecting HP to *be* the bad-guy here, I suspect that is going to go nowhere? I also hope very very much I'm wrong, because isn't that more or less the plot of the first FLASH arc anyway?

Bottom line: There's nothing here that interests me, or, more importantly, creates more interest for FLASHPOINT, and a lot of what DC is doing this year would seem to depend on one or the other of those conditions being met? FLASH #10 was essentially EH.

BRIGHTEST DAY #23: I know that there's one more to go, and I should probably hold off until then just to see if they tie the loose ends well.... but I can't see how they can?

I guess I'm just flabbergasted that the POINT of an entire year of a series, not to mention the end of BLACKEST NIGHT seems to have been to return Swamp Thing to the DCU universe? Really? Realllllllly?

Then there's the "And what the FUCK did that have to do with a WHITE LANTERN?!?!" I mean the whole "lantern" concept seems sort of inherently more than about parochial Terran concerns, no? Or how about how this ties in with some of the other returnees most specifically Max Lord? Or how about, how do you return the Terran Earth elemental with a cat from Mars, and another one from frickin' thanagar?

Plus, Alec Holland's body? Meatless.

Plus plus, how are you returning SWAMP Thing to what's clearly meant to be a Northwestern city (like Portland or Seattle)? Meh.

I also think the cosmology, as already established in the DCU is kind of off -- Firestorm ALREADY was the Fire Elemental, and there was mm, whatsname, Niaid is it? as the Water one. I mean, those are DC comics, not Vertigo ones!

I don't know.

But, at the end of the day, I can't believe all that was leading to the return of Swamp Thing, because I'm a retailer and I know that no Swamp Thing comic NOT written by Alan Moore is going to be commercially successful within a year. So why waste all of the effort to reintroducing what, at very very very best will be a supporting character?

I thought this was pretty AWFUL.

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #157 and ULTIMATE AVENGERS VS NEW ULTIMATES #3: OK, now I *think* I see what they're going to do here, and it seems like they are going to kill "Spider-Man", presumably by completely crippling Peter Parker. Maybe they'll then turn Peter into the new Reed Richards of the Ultimate U, or, like "Professor P." running a team from his wheelchair or something. I guess there's some slight story potential there.

The thing is.... the thing is, as a marketing concept, they sold this entirely the wrong way. We had the postcards proclaiming "THE DEATH OF SPIDER-MAN!" on our counter for several weeks, and MANY people asked about it. "Yeah," says I, "It's in ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN". "Oh," says them, "so not the 'real' one". I'd then try to convince them that USM is actually spiffy, indeed, but you can see the eyes glaze over.

So, yeah, by marketing it like this, especially with the 3 "prequel" issues, boldly bannered and all that, they're setting up some false expectations, at best. I guess that I feel that if they had just DID it, without trying to make it a marketing "event", that it would have caught everyone by surprise, and sales could have built up from the sheer buzz and audacity of it. But, by doing it "top down" like this, I think you're not going to get the kind of audience response that the Ultimate line desperately desperately needs right now.

I quite liked the Spidey portion of these two issues (GOOD), but thought the Avengers portion was overblown, and undercooked (EH)

Yeah, that's enough out of me. What did YOU think?

-B

Around the Store in 31 Days: Day One

I have a plan.

With the idea of having as much fresh content on the Savage Critic site as possible, I'm going to ATTEMPT to do a post-a-day for the month of March. These may not appear strictly every 24 hours, but I'm going to try.

I've decided the theme is going to be "31 classic graphic novels", trying to show the range and breadth of comics material that's available to a 21st century comics shop.

Please join me after the jump!

I opened Comix Experience in April of 1989.

There really weren't a lot of graphic novels available back then -- I think there were under twenty items that were in print and perpetually available at that point.

I still have a copy of my first order form that I placed right before opening the store, and on that order form DC offered for the very first time Alan Moore's SAGA OF THE SWAMP THING.

So, let's make that our first book.

It's tempting to say that SWAMP THING revolutionized comics -- certainly, it was the blueprint for Vertigo, and it showed you could do literate comics aimed at adults THAT WOULD SELL -- but what sort of amazes me is that twenty-four years later, the work really still holds up. There is plenty of "good stuff" from even ten years ago that I'll read and think "oh god, I liked this?!?" Not so with SWAMP THING -- this is still the shit.

Moore took a pretty incredibly two-dimensional character ("He's a monster that thinks he's a man!") and not only made it well-rounded and exciting, but built a new and innovative mythology that would last for another 150 issues (as well as 20 and 29 issues, respectively of follow up series), and would go on to influence many books and characters in the DC Universe "proper" (I'd say John Ostrander ran with the concepts the most, both in FIRESTORM and SUICIDE SQUAD), as well as creating a spin-off star in John Constantine whose HELLBLAZER just hit issue #241 this very week.

SWAMP THING showed that commercial comics could be "writerly", where omniscient-narrator captions could build mood and tone, and that they didn't just have to reiterate what was going on with the art (Like, say, the EC comics of the 1950s), but that they could counterpoint and embellish upon what you were seeing. SWAMP THING was also one of the first comics to strongly think in terms of pages, rather than panels, where words and phrases at the bottom of one page would lead you effortlessly into a completely different scene on the next page. That's a very common trick in today's narratives, but in 1984 it was a rare and wondrous thing.

I'm talking a lot about the writing here, but the art is equally wonderful -- Stephen Bissette, John Totleben (and, later Rick Veitch, Stan Woch, Alfredo Alcala, Tom Yeates, Shawn McManus, and others) brought mood and style, creeping horror, and transcendent joy to the page. Whether the subject was insane vegetable gods, demons that fed off and manifested as fear, or simple domestic bliss in the swamps, Moore's collaborators consistently brought their A-Game to the work. Vertigo went on to be known, by and large, as a "writer's imprint", but in these early days the art is at least as important to the bottom line, and it holds up wonderfully against Moore's expressive prose.

Also worthy of note is the lettering by John Costanza and Todd Klein where it is often clear who is talking JUST from the shapes of the speech bubbles. I know this sort of sounds silly in 2008, but it was really transformative in 1984, where very little of that was being done.

I should also single out colorist Tatjana Wood who did WONDERS with the limited color palette they had to work with back then. In particular, issue #56's "My Blue Heaven" (reprinted in SWAMP THING v5: Earth to Earth) which does astonishing things with extraordinarily limited tones.

SWAMP THING, I don't think, gets the respect today that it deserves in terms of the numbers of things it changed and impacted about modern mainstream comics; certainly for Comix Experience it sells just a tiny fraction of better known Moore works like WATCHMEN, V FOR VENDETTA, or LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN. Everyone has a hard-on for MIRACLEMAN, but that has an awkward start, and a really rough middle section, while SWAMP THING is nearly home-run after home-run -- even the weakest points of the narrative (the monster-of-the-month nature of "American Gothic", a chunk or two of the Swamp-Thing-In-Space section) show a verve and daring and love of turning things on their head with bold experiments that is missing from most comics today.

Next year is the 25th anniversary of Moore's SWAMP THING, and I really hope that DC does something special to capitalize upon it, and refocus people's eyes on just how good these comics really are. At the least, I'm hoping that an Absolute Edition is possible for these pre-digital comics.

There are six volumes of Moore's SWAMP THING available, comprising his entire epic, as well as three volumes (so far) of Rick Veitch's solo run on the book. Each and every one of them is worth your hard earned money.

-B