Farewell, sweet prince

This is the end of the Savage Critics.

Really, this is entirely because I am a complete idiot; in about sixteen different ways.

To start with, I've always been the world's most unreasonable collaborator.  I expect people to do shit exactly like I want it, but I'm not very good about expressing what that exactly is BEFORE I expect the thing.  In practice, that's almost barely workable in my physical stores, but it's never ever worked with anything even slightly open like the internet.

Savage Critics started back from the old CompuServe days, where I would read an entire week's worth of comics, and give one word (or up to a sentence, maybe) reviews.  I was young, and (well, I thought) very clever, so making snap judgements publicly seemed entertaining to me (at least).  Once gated communities like CompuServe became passe (well, until Facebook, at least), I thought it might be cool to do the same thing on the internet as a stand alone blog.  It was the Wild West back then, and this was an early blog (I think Tom Spurgeon called it "foundational" at one point?) of commentary and criticism.

I had a decent run, I think, of doing the snap review thing -- a couple of years where I was mostly weekly, but eventually I started to flag.  I thought I could bring in Jeff Lester to make up for me flaking, but in reality that mostly meant trying to offshore everything on to Jeff.  And then we added Graeme, and it became the same thing even more.  Even Graeme's lovely wife Kate got sucked in, redesigning the site, and ending up with me thinking "Ah, she's handling all the backstage stuff forever, right?"

Even our big expansions, where I tried to invite lots of wonderful, active, smart bloggers to come be part of this "brand", it was mostly me trying to avoid work myself -- if I have 7 guys each posting weekly, then I can post a lot less, right?  Hell, this continues to this very day where the utterly fantastic John K (UK) basically single-handedly keeps this thing running with real content.  All I ever do is say "Hey! I wrote another TILTING".  Even the weekly shipping list thread?  It has my NAME on it, but its been written by my manager Doug Slayton for like the last three years.

Most recently I tortured the awesome Thom Venier (who redesigned the general Comix Experience site) with a lot of unreasonable demands to get Sav Crit off of Wordpress and on to something that wasn't spam injected and gross and horrible.  He has done, in my opinion, not only an excellent job, but did so way above and beyond anything I deserve, trying to do stuff that only ever existed in my mind, and wasn't on the "old Sav Crit" site for probably a half-decade.  I was an ass to him about a lot of it, and I apologize here publicly: I am sorry Thom.

My main goal was to preserve the decade or so of content -- there's some EXCELLENT writing on here... virtually none of it mine.  And its here, and all of the tags and everything are all still there, so its at least somewhat searchable.  Long-time internet searches are probably going to be fucked up now, but hopefully the search engines will find things again.  (Seriously, Type "Jog" into that side searchbar, and get lost in dozens of excellent pieces!  Or go read the thrilling "The Case Against Dan Didio" -- the categories, the tags... you should be able to find lots of cool stuff)

So I apologize for being a shitty leader, and not at all appreciative enough over the years to Jeff Lester and Graeme McMillan.  To Kate McMillan.  To Abhay Kholsa and Jordan Smith and John Kane.  To Sean Collins, Chris Eckert, Joe McCulloch, Tucker Stone, David Uzumeri, and Douglas Wolk.  To Doug Slayton.  To Thom Venier.  To all of you I am really sorry.

And you, dear reader -- there are still scores of you who have followed this thing through thick and thin.  All of our regular commenters -- esp Peter, Thelonious_Nick, MBunge, John D,  Davids O, and T, Corey (Ottawa) and Chris Hero.

To me, Savage Critic is NOT Comix Experience, but the nature of the Squarespace account means it has to have the branding on it, but that totally shreds my last bits of interest in being "Savage".  There's a place for snark, but a commercial businesses site is kind of not that place, and so I'm going to call this blog here and now -- I've saved all of the past content, and I'll keep paying for the domain name as long as we keep the store going so as to keep it alive, but this is the functional end of Savage Critics.

I intend to build a NEW blog for Comix Experience in the next few days (before next week's new comics announcements, for sure), so we can continue to post the shipping lists, and any news of note, and I'll put that URL here as soon as I build it, and I hope those of you who have fun sharing your "What looks good to you?" answers each week will continue to do that there.

The new Comix Experience blog (with shipping lists, etc.) is here: https://www.comixexperience.com/news/

Again, thank you everyone I named above, as well as everyone that I didn't, and I really do sincerely apologize for my failures of leadership over the years.

“FEEL THE FLESH.” COMICS! Sometimes I Wanna Know What Love Is!

“FEEL THE FLESH.” COMICS! Sometimes I Wanna Know What Love Is!

A very special throwback this time out! As requested some time ago by someone whose name I've mislaid I finally look at a series from way back in the mists of 1990-91. This one is for everyone who has a very special place in their heart for John Boorman's ZARDOZ. This one's for all the dreamers! WORLD WITHOUT ENDby Higgins, Delano and Starkings

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Arriving 8/2/17

Marvel's GENERATIONS event begins this week with the first of the one shots, this week is the Hulks! Plus new SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL, WALKING DEAD and SEX CRIMINALS!
Check the cut for the rest of the fresh August books!

AB IRATO #4 (OF 6) ADVENTURE TIME REGULAR SHOW #1 ALL NEW GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #7 ALL TIME COMICS BLIND JUSTICE #1 ALTERS #6 AMORY WARS GOOD APOLLO #5 (OF 12) ARCHANGEL #5 (OF 5) AVENGERS #10 SE BANE CONQUEST #4 (OF 12) BATMAN #28 BLACK BOLT #4 CHAMPIONS #11 SE CYBORG #15 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #32 DEAD OF WINTER #1 DEATHSTROKE #22 EAST OF WEST #34 ELSEWHERE #1 EVERAFTER FROM THE PAGES OF FABLES #12 EXTREMITY #6 GALAKTIKON #1 GENERATIONS BANNER HULK & TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #1 GHOST STATION ZERO #1 (OF 4) GIANT DAYS #29 GREATEST ADVENTURE #4 GREEN ARROW #28 GREEN HORNET 66 MEETS SPIRIT #2 (OF 5) GREEN LANTERNS #28 HADRIANS WALL #8 (OF 8) HAWKEYE #9 HILLBILLY #7 INJECTION #14 INJUSTICE 2 #7 IRON FIST #6 JAMES BOND #6 JAZZ MAYNARD #3 JESSICA JONES #11 JUSTICE LEAGUE #26 KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #245 LARKS KILLER #1 (OF 7) LOBSTER JOHNSON MANGEKYO ONE SHOT LOVE & ROCKETS MAGAZINE #3 MARVEL COMICS DIGEST #2 THE AVENGERS MECH CADET YU #1 (OF 4) NEW GODS SPECIAL #1 NICK FURY #5 NIGHTWING #26 PREDATOR HUNTERS #4 ROBOTECH #1 ROCKET GIRL #8 SAVAGE THINGS #6 (OF 8) SEVEN TO ETERNITY #8 SEX CRIMINALS #20 SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL #11 SPIDER-MAN #19 SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #20 SPIRITUS #1 (OF 5) STAR TREK NEW VISIONS ALL THE AGES FROZEN STAR TREK WAYPOINT #6 STAR WARS DARTH VADER #4 STAR WARS ROGUE ONE ADAPTATION #5 (OF 6) STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #26 SUPERMAN #28 SWORDQUEST #2 TMNT DIMENSION X #1 TMNT ONGOING #73 TRUE BELIEVERS KIRBY 100TH BLACK PANTHER #1 TRUE BELIEVERS KIRBY 100TH CAPTAIN AMERICA LIVES AGAIN #1 TUROK #1 UNSTOPPABLE WASP #8 WALKING DEAD #170 WOODS #34 WORLD READER #5 X-MEN GOLD #9

Books/Mags/Things ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM GN VOL 17 BLACK CLOVER GN VOL 08 BLACK PANTHER HC VOL 01 A NATION UNDER OUR FEET BTVS SEASON 11 TP VOL 01 SPREAD OF EVIL CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS TP VOL 03 EMPIRE BUILDING CLOUD STORIES GN COLOR YOUR OWN MARVEL MASTERS TP EDUCATION GN GARY GIANNI MONSTERMEN & OTHER SCARY STORIES TP GOD COUNTRY TP GRAND PASSION TP HARLEYS LITTLE BLACK BOOK HC INVADER ZIM TP VOL 04 JERRY & JOKER ADVENTURES & COMIC ART HC JOJOS BIZARRE ADV STARDUST CRUSADERS HC VOL 04 KODT BUNDLE OF TROUBLE TP VOL 57 MATT WAGNER GRENDEL TALES OMNIBUS TP VOL 01 NEWSBOY LEGION BY SIMON AND KIRBY HC VOL 02 OTHERWORLD BARBARA HC VOL 02 PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 03 REBORN HC SLAM TP VOL 01 SO CUTE IT HURTS GN VOL 14 SURFSIDE GIRLS GN VOL 01 SECRET OF DANGER POINT TOMBOY TP VOL 03 NO ABSOLUTION YONA OF THE DAWN GN VOL 07

As always, what do YOU think?

“Azzarello: But there’s always room for a 10th issue. [Laughs]” COMICS! Sometimes The Laughter is Hollow.

“Azzarello: But there’s always room for a 10th issue. [Laughs]” COMICS! Sometimes The Laughter is Hollow.

Some say it’s not the journey but the destination. In this case it’s very much about the destination, which is the final issue of the artistically impoverished big ticket cash-grab from DC Comics, Dark Knight III: The Master Race. After this we’ll all just pretend it never happened and get on with our lives. We shall never speak of this again. EVER. DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

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Arriving 7/27/17

The last Wednesday in July is a big one! DOOM PATROL returns! Alongside the next SECRET EMPIRE and ALL STAR BATMAN. Check the cut to see the rest of the new books!

ACTION COMICS #984 ALL NEW CLASSIC ARCHIE YOUR PAL ARCHIE #1 ALL STAR BATMAN #12 BANKSHOT #2 BATGIRL #13 BATMAN BEYOND #10 BATMAN THE SHADOW #4 (OF 6) BEAUTIFUL CANVAS #2 BEN REILLY SCARLET SPIDER #5 BLACK #6 (OF 6) BLACK HAMMER #11 BLACK PANTHER #16 BLADE BUNNY VOL 2 #8 BLUE BEETLE #11 BPRD DEVIL YOU KNOW #1 CABLE #3 CANNIBAL #7 CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM WILSON #24 SE CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS #19 SE CONAN THE SLAYER #11 CROSSWIND #2 DAMNED #3 DEADPOOL #34 SE DETECTIVE COMICS #961 DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR THREE #7 DOCTOR WHO 9TH #14 DOLLFACE #7 DOOM PATROL #7 EDGE OF VENOMVERSE #3 (OF 5) FLASH #27 GO GO POWER RANGERS #1 GWENPOOL #18 HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #25 HEAVENLY BLUES #1 HELLBLAZER #12 I AM GROOT #3 ICEMAN #3 INFAMOUS IRON MAN #10 IT SECRET WORLD OF MODERN BANKING #5 (OF 5) JIM HENSON POWER OF DARK CRYSTAL #5 (OF 12) JOE GOLEM OCCULT DETECTIVE OUTER DARK #3 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #11 KAMANDI CHALLENGE #7 (OF 12) LOONEY TUNES #238 LUMBERJANES #40 MASS EFFECT DISCOVERY #3 MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #7 SE MILLENNIUM GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO #2 MINDBENDER #3 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #21 MOTHER PANIC #9 MY LITTLE PONY MOVIE PREQUEL #2 NANCY DREW HARDY BOYS #5 OCCUPY AVENGERS #9 SE OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #29 OVER GARDEN WALL ONGOING #16 PAKLIS #3 PLASTIC #4 (OF 5) POSTAL #21 PUNISHER #14 REBELS THESE FREE & INDEPENDENT STATES #5 (OF 8) REDNECK #4 RICK & MORTY #28 SAGA #45 SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #28 SECRET EMPIRE #7 (OF 10) SHIRTLESS BEAR-FIGHTER #2 (OF 5) SHUTTER #30 SOLAR FLARE #4 SPAWN #276 SPIDER-GWEN #22 STAR TREK BOLDLY GO #10 STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #10 STEVEN UNIVERSE ONGOING #6 STREET FIGHTER SWIMSUIT SPECIAL 2017 SUICIDE SQUAD #22 TEEN TITANS #10 THANOS #9 TMNT ONGOING #72 TMNT USAGI YOJIMBO TOMBOY #12 TRANSFORMERS LOST LIGHT #8 WAYWARD #22 WEAPON X #6 WMD WONDER WOMAN #27 X-MEN BLUE #8 SE X-O MANOWAR (2017) #5 ZOJAQAN #1

Books/Mags/Things ATOMIC ROBO PRESENTS REAL SCIENCE ADVENTURES TP VOL 01 BATMAN SUPERMAN WONDER WOMAN TRINITY TP BLACK ROAD TP VOL 02 A PAGAN DEATH BLACK SINISTER HC BY CHANCE OR PROVIDENCE TP DISNEY ROSA DUCK LIBRARY HC VOL 07 TREASURE 10 AVATARS FLASH TP VOL 03 ROGUES RELOADED (REBIRTH) FROSTBITE TP HONEY SO SWEET GN VOL 07 IMAGE PLUS #16 (WALKING DEAD HERES NEGAN PT 16) KILLING MARS TP LEGEND OF KORRA TP VOL 01 TURF WARS PT 1 LEGEND OF ZELDA LEGENDARY ED GN VOL 04 MINISH CAP & PHANTOM LEGEND OF ZELDA LEGENDARY ED GN VOL 05 FOUR SWORDS LIFE AFTER TP VOL 04 MIGHTY THOR TP VOL 02 LORDS OF MIDGARD MURDER BALLADS TP NOT SO SECRET SOCIETY ORIGINAL GN NOVA RESURRECTION TP PREVIEWS #347 AUGUST 2017 RUROUNI KENSHIN 3IN1 TP VOL 03 SERENITY HC VOL 05 NO POWER IN THE VERSE SOLID STATE TP STREET ANGEL GANG HC USAGI YOJIMBO SAGA LEGENDS TP WARLORDS OF APPALACHIA TP WASTELAND COMPENDIUM VOL 01 (OF 2)

As always, what do YOU think?

"Ma! Ma! Ma! Ki! Ki! Ki!" MOVIES! VIDEO GAMES! PARENTING! Sometimes there’s Something For Everyone (Except Comics Fans)!

"Ma! Ma! Ma! Ki! Ki! Ki!" MOVIES! VIDEO GAMES! PARENTING! Sometimes there’s Something For Everyone (Except Comics Fans)!

As I probably said, I’m quite busy at the minute. But I like to write to relieve the stress. So I wrote this. It’s about the Friday The 13th movies, being a dad, the implacable march of time and the Friday The 13th game on PS4. It’s of limited interest, except to students of the pointlessly self-indulgent. But that's never stopped me before!

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Arriving 7/19/17

Ales Kot, one of the freshest and most exciting voices in comics today, returns with his first new comic in sometime with Andre Lima Araujo in GENERATION GONE #1. Plus the debut of the brand new ASTONISHING X-MEN from Charles Soule and Jim Cheung and MOONSTRUCK from Grace Ellis and Shae Beagle!

Not a week to miss we thinks!

Check the cut for the rest of this weeks new comics!

ADVENTURE TIME COMICS #13 ALIENS DEAD ORBIT #3 ALL NEW GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #6 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN RENEW YOUR VOWS #9 AMERICA #5 ANGEL SEASON 11 #7 AQUAMAN #26 ARCHIE #22 ASTONISHING X-MEN #1 BACK TO THE FUTURE #21 BATMAN #27 BATMAN 66 MEETS THE LEGION OF SUPER HEROES #1 BATWOMAN #5 BETTIE PAGE #1 BILL & TED SAVE THE UNIVERSE #2 BITCH PLANET TRIPLE FEATURE #2 BRITANNIA WE WHO #4 (OF 4) BTVS SEASON 11 #9 CATALYST PRIME SUPERB #1 CAVE CARSON HAS A CYBERNETIC EYE #10 CURSE WORDS #6 DAREDEVIL #24 DARKNESS VISIBLE #6 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #31 DEADPOOL KILLS MARVEL UNIVERSE AGAIN #2 DEPT H #16 DESCENDER #22 DISNEY FROZEN #8 DOCTOR STRANGE #23 SE DUCKTALES #0 GENERATION GONE #1 GREEN ARROW #27 GREEN LANTERNS #27 GRRL SCOUTS MAGIC SOCKS #3 HARLEY QUINN #24 HEARTTHROB SEASON 2 #2 HEROINES #3 I HATE FAIRYLAND #14 INJUSTICE 2 #6 INSEXTS #12 INVINCIBLE #138 INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #9 JAMES BOND KILL CHAIN #1 (OF 6) JIMMYS BASTARDS #2 JUSTICE LEAGUE #25 KORGI SHORT TALES LAZARUS X PLUS 66 #1 (OF 6) LUKE CAGE #3 MAGNUS #2 MARVELS THOR RAGNAROK PRELUDE #2 (OF 4) MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS #17 MIGHTY THOR #21 MONSTERS UNLEASHED #4 MOONSTRUCK #1 MS MARVEL #20 NIGHTWING #25 NORMANDY GOLD #2 PETER PARKER SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #2 RAPTURE #3 ROYAL CITY #5 ROYALS #5 SECRET EMPIRE #6 (OF 10) SECRET EMPIRE BRAVE NEW WORLD #4 (OF 5) SE SECRET WEAPONS #2 (OF 4) SHAOLIN COWBOY WHOLL STOP THE REIGN #4 SIMPSONS COMICS #240 SISTERS OF SORROW #1 SOMBRA TP SPIDER-MAN 2099 #25 SPIDER-MEN II #1 (OF 5) STAR WARS DARTH MAUL #5 (OF 5) STAR WARS DARTH VADER #3 STAR WARS POE DAMERON #17 SUPER SONS #6 SUPERMAN #27 TIME & VINE #1 TMNT UNIVERSE #12 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #21 WMD TRINITY #11 ULTIMATES 2 #9 US AVENGERS #8 SE VICTOR LAVALLE DESTROYER #3 (OF 6) WEIRD LOVE #19 WILD STORM #6 WINNEBAGO GRAVEYARD #2 (OF 4) X-FILES (2016) #16 X-MEN GOLD #8 SE ZOMBIE TRAMP ONGOING #37

Books/Mags/Things ADAM STRANGE THE SILVER AGE OMNIBUS HC VOL 01 AMELIA COLE OMNIBUS TP BACKSTAGERS TP VOL 01 BATMAN TMNT ADVENTURES TP BATMAN TMNT TP VOL 01 BLACK EYED PEAS PRESENTS MASTERS SUN ZOMBIES CHRONICLES HC BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 06 BLUE MONDAY TP VOL 03 ELSEWORLDS JUSTICE LEAGUE TP VOL 02 ETHER TP VOL 01 DEATH OF THE LAST GOLDEN BLAZE GOTHAM ACADEMY SECOND SEMESTER TP VOL 01 HORIZON TP VOL 02 REMNANT HP LOVECRAFT HOUND & STORIES TP TANABE JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #385 KILL ALL MONSTERS OMNIBUS HC VOL 01 MERMAID OF MONGAGUA GN (KINGPIN) MIDNIGHTER AND APOLLO TP MIGHTY THOR PREM HC VOL 03 ASGARD SHIAR WAR MS MARVEL TP VOL 07 DAMAGE PER SECOND OVERSTREET COMIC BK PG SC VOL 47 BATMAN STERANKO CVR PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT TP VOL 03 CARELESS WHISKERS PETALS HC (KINGPIN) PUNISHER TP VOL 02 END OF THE LINE RICK & MORTY TP VOL 05 RINGSIDE TP VOL 02 WORK ROBIN TP VOL 04 TURNING POINT SANCTUM GENESIS HC SCALPED TP BOOK 01 SONGY OF PARADISE HC SOUTHERN CROSS TP VOL 02 ROMULUS SUPERGIRL THE SILVER AGE TP VOL 01 SWEETNESS & LIGHTNING GN VOL 07 ULTRA PIG NIPPONIC ROULETTE HC (KINGPIN) US AVENGERS TP VOL 01 AMERICAN INTELLIGENCE MECHANICS USAGI YOJIMBO LTD ED HC VOL 31 HELL SCREEN WALT DISNEY UNCLE SCROOGE HC VOL 03 CROWN GENGHIS KHAN

As always, what do YOU think?

"And What He IS is GONE." COMICS! Sometimes Persistence Doesn't Pay Off.

"And What He IS is GONE." COMICS! Sometimes Persistence Doesn't Pay Off.

Nearly there. Good soldier. Nearly there. DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Anyway, this...

DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE #8 Pencils by Andy Kubert and Frank Miller Inks by Klaus Janson Story by Frank Miller (Yeah, right) & Brian Azzarello Colours by Brad Anderson and Alex Sinclair Letters by Clem Robins Cover by Andy Kubert & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miller & Alex Sinclair, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Brad Anderson, Bill Sienkiewicz and Riley Rossmo Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller (WITH Lynn Varley, Klaus Janson & John Constanza. Remember them, DC Comics? You should, you really should. You've got one more issue to remember 'em. Then it's spankin' time!) Batman created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane DC Comics, $5.99 or $12.99 (deluxe) (2017)

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“Lew's Gettin' Me BUPKIS." COMICS! Sometimes I Wonder Who Will Think Of The Children!

“Lew's Gettin' Me BUPKIS." COMICS! Sometimes I Wonder Who Will Think Of The Children!

In which I talk about a kid’s comic featuring Space Ghost and Green Lantern. That’s right, I’m 47 years old. It’s called living the dream, baby. Living the dream! RUFF'N'REDDYby Chaykin, Quintana and Brosseau

GREEN LANTERN/SPACE GHOST SPECIAL #1 Art by Ariel Olivetti and Howard Victor Chaykin Written by James Tynion IV: The Voyage Home & Christopher Sebela, and Howard Victor Chaykin Lettered by A Larger Word Studios and Pat Brosseau Coloured by Ariel Olivetti and Wil Quintana Cover by Ariel Olivetti DC Comics, £2.99 (2017) Green Lantern created by John Broome, Gil Kane, Bill Finger, Martin Nodell & Gardner Fox Space Ghost created by Alex Toth, William Hanna & Joseph Barbera Ruff And Reddy created by William Hanna & Joseph Barbera

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Arriving 7/17/2017

The wait is over! After years Matt Wagner beginds the final act of his magnum opus MAGE with THE HERO DENIED #0 arriving this week! Plus new KILL OR BE KILLED, X-MEN BLUE and DARK DAYS THE CASTING!

Check the cut for the rest!

ACTION COMICS #983 AFTER EDEN #1 (OF 4) AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #30 SE AMERICAN WAY THOSE ABOVE AND BELOW #1 (OF 6) BATGIRL AND THE BIRDS OF PREY #12 BLACK CLOUD #4 BLACK PANTHER CREW #4 BRIGGS LAND LONE WOLVES #2 BRUTAL NATURE CONCRETE FURY #5 (OF 5) BUG THE ADVENTURES OF FORAGER #3 (OF 6) CALEXIT #1 CATALYST PRIME ACCELL #2 CENTIPEDE #1 CINEMA PURGATORIO #11 DARK DAYS THE CASTING #1 DEADLY CLASS #29 DEADPOOL #33 SE DEFENDERS #3 DETECTIVE COMICS #960 DIABLO HOUSE #1 DIRK GENTLY SALMON OF DOUBT #9 DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA #2 DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #10 DRAGON AGE KNIGHT ERRANT #3 EDGE OF VENOMVERSE #2 (OF 5) ETERNAL EMPIRE #3 FLASH #26 GAME OF THRONES CLASH OF KINGS #2 GENERATION X #4 GODSHAPER #4 GOTHAM ACADEMY SECOND SEMESTER #11 GRASS KINGS #5 GROO PLAY OF GODS #1 HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #24 HARBINGER RENEGADE #5 HULK #8 INVADER ZIM #21 JEAN GREY #4 JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS #8 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #10 KAIJUMAX SEASON 3 #1 KILL OR BE KILLED #10 KIM REAPER #4 LAST SONG #1 MAGE HERO DENIED #0 MIGHTY MOUSE #2 MISFIT CITY #3 (OF 4) MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC #56 NEIL GAIMAN AMERICAN GODS SHADOWS #5 NEW SUPER MAN #13 OLD MAN LOGAN #26 OPTIMUS PRIME #9 ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #3 (OF 6) PAKLIS #2 PLANET OF APES GREEN LANTERN #6 RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #12 ROCKET #3 ROSE #4 SCOOBY APOCALYPSE #15 SECRET WARRIORS #4 SE SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE #6 (OF 8) SKIN & EARTH #1 (OF 6) SOVEREIGNS #3 SPIDER-MEN II #1 (OF 5) SPONGEBOB COMICS #70 STAR WARS DARTH VADER #3 STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #9 SUICIDE SQUAD #21 SUPERGIRL #11 SUPERWOMAN #12 THE CASTOFFS #8 TINKERS OF THE WASTELAND #1 TITANS #13 UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL #22 UNCANNY AVENGERS #25 SE UNCLE SCROOGE #28 VENOM #152 VIOLENT LOVE #6 WALKING DEAD #169 WAR FOR PLANET OF THE APES #1 (OF 4) WAR STORIES #24 WEAPON X #5 WMD WONDER WOMAN #26 WORLD READER #4 WYNONNA EARP SEASON ZERO #1 (OF 5) X-MEN BLUE #7 LOPEZ VAR SE X-MEN BLUE #7 SE YOUNGBLOOD #3

Books/Mags/Things 2000 AD PACK MAY 2017 ADVENTURE TIME ORIGINAL GN VOL 10 OOORIENT EXPRESS BATMAN NOIR DARK VICTORY HC BIRTHRIGHT TP VOL 05 CURSE WORDS TP VOL 01 DARING ADVENTURES OF SUPERGIRL TP VOL 02 DREDD ANDERSON THE DEEP END TP JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS TP VOL 05 TRULY OUTRAGEOUS JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #384 LEAD POISONING PENCIL ART OF GEOF DARROW HC LOLA XOXO WASTELAND MADAM TP VOL 01 MAGE TP BOOK 01 HERO DISCOVERED VOL 01 MANARA LIBRARY TP VOL 02 EL GAUCHO & OTHER STORIES MIDNIGHTER THE COMPLETE WILDSTORM SERIES TP MY LOVE STORY GN VOL 12 NIGHTWING TP VOL 06 TO SERVE AND PROTECT PLANETARY TP BOOK 01 RAGNAROK HC VOL 02 LORD OF THE DEAD RUE MORGUE MAGAZINE #177 SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL TP VOL 01 EARTH GIRL MADE EASY SHE-HULK TP VOL 01 DECONSTRUCTED SPERA ASCENSION OF THE STARLESS HC VOL 02 STAR TREK BOLDLY GO TP VOL 01 STAR WARS LEGENDS EPIC COLL ORIGINAL MARVEL YEARS TP VOL 02 TALES OF THE BATMAN GERRY CONWAY HC TEX PATAGONIA HC TOTALLY AWESOME HULK TP VOL 03 BIG APPLE SHOWDOWN

As always, what do YOU think?

“I'll TILT-A-WHIRL You…!” Sometimes The Louder You Scream The Faster It Goes!

Just one comic, and not too many words. Oh, happy 4th of July, I guess. This one’s for all of my American buddies. (It’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the 4th of July, if I’m being quite honest.)  photo SOTGRunB_zpskl3qhd3d.jpg SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE: "The Clown" by Corben

Anyway, this...

SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE #4 Art by Richard Corben Written by Richard Corben, Jan Strnad Dark Horse Comics, $3.99 (2017)

 photo SOTGCOvB_zpspxybsfwg.jpg

Shadows on the Grave (SotG) is a monthly B/W anthology comic featuring a spatter of short terror tales and a thoroughly muscular episode of a comedic barbarian serial. It could have just consisted of short stories revolving around the life cycle of  the Scarabaeus sacer and pin-ups of Brian Bendis in a variety of revealing swim suits, as long as Richard Corben was on the job. Because SotG is very much all about Richard Corben. Or his art at least. The thing is, look, the thing about the traditional draw of a comic, the stories, the thing about them in SotG is…well, they often aren’t really stories as such. I mean, they are technically stories, I guess, but they can kind of peter out a bit sometimes. In that sense they are a lot like the old DC “Mystery” books in that all the signifiers of horror are there but the narrative thread comes a poor second. Atmosphere is paramount where shadows drape the grave. Which is okay for me, but maybe not you? I mean, I bought this because it’s Richard Corben doing whatever he wants. And I am all about the Colossi of Comics doing whatever they want. Which is why Carla Speed McNeil’s Finder is an auto-buy wherever it appears; why Walter Simonson’s Ragnarök is the only $4.99 comic I buy without grinding my teeth; why Howard Victor Chaykin’s Divided States of Hysteria is…oops, moving swiftly on…  In essence, in much the same way that a Daily Mail reader comes for the sideboob and stays for the archaic right wing frothing which paints every monied white person over 50 as a besieged minority in their own country, I come to SotG for the stories but I stay for the craft.

 photo SOTGFairB_zpsvgyakmyc.jpg SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE: "The Clown" by Corben

Stories which are, as I say, mostly exercises in style; attempts at inducing an atmosphere of creeping unease. The opener in this particular pamphlet of pulsating dread, “The Clown”, involves a bloke who does a bad thing at the circus and is gotten by a creepy clown doll. There’s no overt connection between his act of murderous larceny and his fate via macabre marionette. It’s just your stringently judgmental mind at work, Gidget. He could as well been singled out for smoking, or  calling the dancing lady a rude word, or just for wearing a roll neck jumper with a jacket. All of which he does, because he’s a proper bad apple. But it’s not really important. What’s really important is seeing how Corben does it. How Corben draws the lady dancer’s boobs floppaloppaling about, managing in just one static panel to suggest  more about the interconnectedness of mass and motion via the slightly down-market device of her go-go mammaries than the entire career of, say, Jim Lee ever has. How Corben draws a circus so tattily alive you can practically smell the cheap pot pourri of fried onions, exhaust fumes and cotton candy, almost hear the sharp cry of a freshly slapped child. How Corben captures the shabby glamour of the travelling fair, in short. All that’s the real pleasure.

 photo SOTGBeefB_zpsb5idfm3h.jpg SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE: “Flex!” by Corben and Strnad

Next up is “Flex!” which has far more structural integrity story-wise. Which it should well have, since Corben calls on his frequent partner in grime, Jan Strnad. Now Jan Strnad’s name may not be up in lights on the Broadway of your mind but he is an extraordinarily capable writer. Which may sound like faint praise but it’s more praise that I’d give most fan-favourite hawt hold-the-phone-! writers. More comic writers should deserve praise so faint, in short. I enjoyed Strnad’s horror novel Risen (written as J. Knight, Warner Books, 2001, ISBN 978-0759550384, GOOD!) quite a bit. It’s one of those small-town-steamrollered-by-evil things, so comparisons with Gravity’s Rainbow might not be entirely fair. More of a beach read, really; but that’s no great slur. Risen’s prose is efficient and it’s speedily paced but, you know, several times I admit the thought crossed my largely empty mind that it would work really well as a comic drawn by…Richard Corben!. Choke! And, Corben’s art is the star on “Flex”, but Strnad’s script lends the hokey wish-that-is-obviously-going-to-backfire premise enough of a casually raised eyebrow to bring everyone in on the fun. Most of that fun is seeing the outrageous contortions Corben puts human physiology through in the toe curling pay off to this cautionary tale of body builders. Ouch, fair made my eyes water so it did. OOF!

 photo SOTGFightB_zpsrwxszkpc.jpg SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE: “Denaeus: The Black Quest” by Corben

Appropriately enough the hyperbolic muscularity, one of Corben’s key visual motifs, of “Flex” also saturates the episode of “Denaeus” which ends the issue. It’s appropriate because Denaeus is one of Corben’s hyper-muscular barbarian characters a la Den (the two are related in some fashion I’ve forgotten; it’s not important). It’s familiar territory for Corben, as familiar as his horror stuff but, because he is Corben (i.e. because he is awesome), it’s all as fresh as the meat on a newly felled steer. It’s the usual stuff about prophecies, heroes, mysterious mages, maidens and violence, but all enlivened and undercut by Corben’s typically modern approach to the dialogue. That and the fact Corben can’t even make a sand dune look dull. So you can imagine the artistic delights he throws like so much visual tinsel all over the pages during the violent slapstick of the Denaeus vs cyclops centrepiece. There aren’t many comic artists who can bring to the page a giddy blend of creatine, egg whites, Ray Harryhausen movies, Michael Bentine’s Pottytime, Johnson’s baby oil and John Milius’ Conan The Barbarian. In fact there’s only one, Richard Corben. Further, there’s only one Richard Corben. And Shadows on the Grave is what he’s doing right now, and that’s VERY GOOD!

NEXT TIME: Queersploitation, Canadian superheroics, Howard Victor Chaykin’s bizarre foray into Hanna Barbera territory, a crappy slasher movie franchise goes paper, Judge Dredd or, uh, something completely different? Whatever it is, it’s bound to be – COMICS!!! (If you have a preference let me know below the line. I’ll probably ignore it, but you could get lucky!)

Arriving 7/5/17

**IMPORTANT PROGRAMING NOTE**Due to the holiday many west coast shops are not receiving their books till Thursday! Check in with your shop to see if they are being effected by this shipping sanfu!

Despite delays this is still a VERY GOOD WEEK OF COMICS!

New HAWKEYE, JESSICA JONES and the FINAL issue of the oft requested JUPITER'S LEGACY Vol. 2! Plus the second paperback collection of MONSTRESS!

Check the cut for the rest if this weeks fresh comics!

AB IRATO #3 (OF 6) ADVENTURE TIME #66 ALL NEW GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #5 ALL NEW WOLVERINE #22 AMORY WARS GOOD APOLLO #4 (OF 12) AVENGERS #9 SE BABYTEETH #2 BANE CONQUEST #3 (OF 12) BATMAN #26 BEAUTY #16 BLACK BOLT #3 BLADE BUNNY VOL 2 #7 CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST #1 CHAMPIONS #10 SE CLOUDIA & REX #1 (OF 3) CYBORG #14 DAREDEVIL #23 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #30 DEADPOOL KILLS MARVEL UNIVERSE AGAIN #1 DEATHSTROKE #21 DOC SAVAGE RING OF FIRE #4 (OF 4) DOCTOR WHO 12TH YEAR THREE #5 DOCTOR WHO GHOST STORIES #4 (OF 4) DOLLFACE #6 EVERAFTER FROM THE PAGES OF FABLES #11 EXTREMITY #5 FAILSAFE #3 GIANT DAYS #28 GREEN ARROW #26 GREEN HORNET 66 MEETS SPIRIT #1 (OF 5) GREEN LANTERNS #26 GUMBY #1 HANAZUKI FULL OF TREASURES #1 HARLEY QUINN #23 HAWKEYE #8 INJUSTICE 2 #5 IRON FIST #5 JAMES BOND #5 JAZZ MAYNARD #2 JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS MISFITS INFINITE #1 (OF 3) JESSICA JONES #10 JUPITERS LEGACY VOL 2 #5 (OF 5) JUSTICE INC FACES OF JUSTICE #1 (OF 4) JUSTICE LEAGUE #24 KILLBOX CHICAGO #1 (OF 4) KIM AND KIM LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD #1 LADY MECHANIKA CLOCKWORK ASSASSIN #1 (OF 3) MARVELS THOR RAGNAROK PRELUDE #1 (OF 4) MOTOR GIRL #7 MY LITTLE PONY LEGENDS OF MAGIC #4 NICK FURY #4 NIGHTWING #24 PREDATOR HUNTERS #3 RAT QUEENS #4 REDLINE #5 RICK & MORTY POCKET LIKE YOU STOLE IT #1 (OF 5) ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN #4 SABRINA #7 SACRED CREATURES #1 SAVAGE THINGS #5 (OF 8) SECRET EMPIRE BRAVE NEW WORLD #3 (OF 5) SE SEVEN TO ETERNITY #7 SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL #10 SKYBOURNE #4 SNOTGIRL #6 SPIDER-MAN #18 SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #19 SPIDER-MAN MASTER PLAN #1 STAR WARS #33 STAR WARS ROGUE ONE ADAPTATION #4 (OF 6) STARSTRUCK OLD PROLDIERS NEVER DIE #6 (OF 6) STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #25 SUN BAKERY #4 SUPERMAN #26 THERES NOTHING THERE #3 TRANSFORMERS TILL ALL ARE ONE #11 UBER INVASION #7 UNHOLY GRAIL #1 UNSOUND #2 UNSTOPPABLE WASP #7 VISITOR HOW AND WHY HE STAYED #5 (OF 5) WALKING DEAD #169 WICKED & DIVINE #29 WOODS #33 X-MEN GOLD #7 SE ZODIAC STARFORCE CRIES OF FIRE PRINCE #1

Books/Mags/Things ALTER EGO #147 ANGEL CATBIRD HC VOL 03 CATBIRD ROARS ARCHIE CROSSOVER COLLECTION TP ARMIES GN BEANWORLD HC VOL 04 HOKA HOKA BURBL BURBL DARK TOWER GUNSLINGER BORN TP NEW PTG DARKNESS BATMAN 20TH ANNIVERSARY CROSSOVER COLL TP DC SUPER HERO GIRLS A KIDS COLORING BOOK TP DEATHSTROKE TP VOL 02 THE GOSPEL OF SLADE (REBIRTH) DEPT H HC VOL 02 AFTER THE FLOOD EMPRESS TP BOOK 01 FOG OVER TOLBIAC BRIDGE HC TARDI GAMORA MEMENTO MORI TP GIANT DAYS NOT ON THE TEST EDITION HC VOL 01 GLISTER TP HE MAN THUNDERCATS TP INHUMANS VS X-MEN HC ITS A BIRD TP LOOSE ENDS TP MONSTRESS TP VOL 02 NOCTURNALS SINISTER PATH GN VOL 01 NOT DRUNK ENOUGH GN VOL 01 SCREAM MAGAZINE #42 STAR WARS TP VOL 05 YODAS SECRET WAR TOKYO GHOST DLX ED HC WONDER WOMAN BY GREG RUCKA TP VOL 02

As always, what do YOU think?

“Why the Hell Why?” COMICS! Sometimes It’s Sobering To Think That This Comic Is Someone’s Idea of Fun.

In which I continue to try and make up lost ground by looking at issue 7 (of 8 of 9) of DC Comic’s big-ticket Bat event. By popular demand! Well, two people, anyway.  photo DKTMRtreesB_zpsxk4z3iyu.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Anyway, this…

DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE #7 Pencils by Andy Kubert Inks by Klaus Janson Story by Frank Miller (Yeah, right) & Brian Azzarello Colours by Brad Anderson Letters by Clem Robins Cover by Andy Kubert, Frank Miller & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miler & Alex Sinclair, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Dave McCaig, Howard Victor Chaykin & Jesus Arbuto and Chris Burnham & Nathan Fairbairn Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller (WITH Lynn Varley, Klaus Janson & John Constanza. Remember them, DC Comics? You should, you really should.) Batman created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane DC Comics, $5.99 or $12.99 (deluxe) (2017)

 photo DKTMRcovsBB_zpsa1ieboeq.jpg

Make no mistake with issue 7 DKIII:TMR remains a very special comic; special in a wholly awful way. DKIII: TMR is the kind of comic that is so awful it actually makes you genuinely miserable for having sat through it. Maybe it’s the waste of talent that makes the misery sting so hard, for there are talented people here; people who have produced some pretty decent comics but this…thing, is just so awful, so pitiful in fact that to treat it with the disdain it deserves seems unfair, if not cruel. Then you remember how much money this bunch probably got ($$lot$$) for producing this vacuous piffle.  It’s hard to decide which bits are worse, the bits with the words or the bits with the pictures. Only joking, it’s definitely the words. As vague and perfunctory as Kubert’s paltry efforts may be, his art’s inadequacies pale before the titanic idiocy of the writing.  Azzarello firmly plants his flag in the peak of Mount Awful from the very first page with a tour de farce of faux cleverness. For the author of a comic that has spent far too long buggering about Azzarello certainly doesn’t bugger about in buggering things up. He’s straight in there. In the last characteristically pathetic issue, you will recall (because how could you not), Batman fell in battle.  Actually, you might not recall that, because it was delivered with all the narrative vitality of a rural bus timetable. I didn’t see anything on The Internet about it anyway, and that’s where there’s usually some kind of moronic  rumpus if a fictional character even coughs persistently enough, never mind finds a rusty red warning in their supertrunks.

 photo DKTMRsandB_zpsip1lh0l0.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

So Superman picks ailing Batman up and flies off with him, which is where this issue opens. And Azzarello, for once wasting no time (but unfortunately wasting no time in being awful), in a move you just know made him fire finger guns at his screen, rejigs the old Superman “Faster than a speeding bullet..” spiel from the Siegel and Schuster days, but with a typically modern maudlin slant. “Am I, in fact, all that?” is the undercurrent to this un-Super internal monologue. Azzarello is probably under the misapprehension that this is as cute as that page in All-Star Superman which reduces Superman’s origin to its fundamentals (“Doomed Planet.” ,“Last Son.”,  etc). Tragically for tobacco-beard-sporting-finger-gunning writers everywhere it isn’t cute; it’s plain dumb. For starters why would Superman know that speech? Does he make up little ditties about himself, maybe while he’s sat covered in ice (for reasons no one has seen fit to divulge over the seven issues of this blocked toilet of a comic)? Or are there Superman comics in the world of TDKIII:TMR? And were they made by Siegel and Shuster? And did they get royally fucked over like they did in this world? And if I want to read a comic where Superman and Siegel and Shuster occupy the same world why aren’t I reading Rick Veitch’s Maximortal, which is a far, far better comic? Flawed as it is from the off, Azzarello does his self-satisfied conceit no favours at all with his typically tortured syntax. Azzarello’s inept rejig comes off like the empty posturing it is in comparison to Siegel and Shuster’s breezy and effortlessly iconic brilliance. And it just doesn’t work anyway. Superman’s basically bemoaning the fact that even being Superman may not be enough to save Batman (like what’s the alternative, a fucking ambulance? Would a fucking ambulance be better? A flying fucking ambulance even? No, Superman, it wouldn’t.) “I’m only Superman” he sighs, telling us nothing about Superman or indeed anything at all except the utter failure of the writer to “get” the character. Someone should have made Azzarello rewrite this smug baloney until it worked, or until he binned it. It’s not big and it’s not clever; it’s nincompoopery of the highest order. Supernincompoopery!

 photo DKTMRpoolB_zps6kvce1gi.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

But where’s Superman going with Batman?  To the Lazarus pit! Who didn’t see that coming? Even Karl Marlden in Dario Argento’s Cat O’Nine Tails saw that coming! (Note: Karl Marlden plays a blind man in Dario Argento’s Cat O’Nine Tails. That’s the joke there.) But because Superman is a thoughtless dick we have several pages of Carrie being all sadznshitz because she thinks Batman is dead. You would have thought Superman would have had the wit to let her know there was…a chance! But although that would be entirely in character for Superman, and not too difficult to work into the story, he instead leaves her to wet Batman’s helmet with her lady tears (not a euphemism). These, typically for Kubert, sparsely arted pages are a complete fucking waste of space unless you like seeing young women feeling all sadznshitz for no reason. That doesn’t speak highly of you, I’m afraid. It does speak to the utterly desperate attempts of this comic to inject some drama into the thoroughly beige goings-on. Carrie’s already been sadznshitz over a not-dead Batman in issues #1 and #2 and here she is again all sadznshitz. Azzarello is so frantic to fill his pages he’s reduced to recycling things that already failed to work. So, Superman drops Batman in the Lazarus Pit. I don’t believe (I could be wrong; I don’t really care at this point) the words “Lazarus Pit” are used in this issue, so anyone unfortunate enough to be reading this without decades of useless Bat-ephemera clogging up their higher functions, would be left wondering why Superman has taken the corpse of his pal to what appears to be a particularly sternly ornamented San Franciscan bath house. Is it because they spent some good times there flicking towels at each other’s taut arses between badmouthing Lois and exchanging smoky glances?

 photo DKTMRhillB_zpsk9wizc6m.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

No, it’s because it’s a Lazarus Pit! And, as the advert says - it does what it says on the tin. There’s about 4 pages wasted on Batman going into the healing waters, Superman waiting, and then Batman leaping out like a nude billionaire shaped salmon. Fully two pages of that are just Superman waiting. Just…waiting. Lad de dah…waiting. Just…waiting. Got any mints? Waiting…waiting. Thrilling stuff. If you’re an accountant. So, yeah, Batman’s young again! And we might as well shut up shop right here, because all protestations to the contrary this has been the whole point of the series – to make Batman young again. Now they can have TDKR comics forever and a day! Regular Batman can find Carrie’s soiled knickers in his washbin; we could have a lenticular cover, and when you move it Batman holds the lacy aromatic rag up to his nose! Part 1 of a 50 part event: “The Knickers”. Or Dark Knight Batman could team up with Huckleberry fucking Hound! Or Strawberry Fucking Shortcake! The possibilities are quite literally dreary beyond belief! As ever though, in their sweaty fumble after more money DC miss the point. The USP of The Dark Knight universe was that Batman was old, that Batman could die. Without that it’s all just more Batman. And still just more Bruce Wayne Batman to boot. A writer with any stones would have had Bats die, Carrie take the mantle and that black kid from issue one (the kid we all thought was indicative of some thoughtfulness, some relevance; the kid who died in one of the lumpen fight scenes) should have become Robin (but you know, in more urban attire. More “street”. Not just a Nehru collar and some piping, Jim Lee.) Instead we get the same old, same old. Seven overpriced, ineptly executed issues thus far; all so DC can just switch The Dark Knight Returns off and switch it back on again; restore the whole thing back to factory settings. What was once original and thrilling is now neutered and subsumed into the grey paste of insipid corporate product. See also: Watchmen. There’s going to be a Watchmen TV series! How fucking mundane must you be to be excited about a Watchmen TV series! How arid must your inner life that be to think The Dark Knight Returns was a bit too exciting and could really do with being more like the other umptyfuckingbillion Batman comics. The Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen - now just as lifeless and drab as everything else! Huzzah! DC clearly need to brush up on their Aesop’s fables. Particularly the one about the goose and the golden eggs. BIFF! BANG! POW! Short stories, typically with animals as characters, conveying a moral aren’t just for kids!

 photo DKTMRmiteB_zpsc8n42vkr.jpg DKIII:TMR by Miller, Janson, Sinclair, Robins, Azzarello

A wiser man, a better man, would stop there; the series having essentially declared itself a bleak exercise in corporate box ticking devoid of any and all artistic intentions. Why bother with it anymore? Because it is truly, fascinatingly awful. And it is important that voices are raised against precisely this kind of incompetent high-profile crap. So, I’ll go on. There is a jaw droppingly shit bit where Azzarello tries to inject some depth into the junk tumbling from his characters’ mouths.  Carrie and Commissioner Yindel have a rooftop confab which is so full of horseshit I half expected Kubert to have sketched a shire horse next to the smashed Bat-signal. But that would have required some humour, and also horses are hard, and if the art on DKIII:TMR tells me anything it tells me Kubert’s not all that into graft. If there’s a shortcut, Kubert will take it. I’d rather Kubert drove me on holiday than drew my comics is what I’m saying there. Back at the Brian Azzarello Insight Corner: Was it worth it?, asks Yindel who is clearly a moron. All what, asks Carrie because she too is none too bright herself. All this, says Yindel because circuitous drivel takes up space and that’s what writing for comics in the 21st century is all about – taking up space. That and choking the imagination and beauty out of everything. The gist, I think, of all this deep, deep thought is that Yindel is asking Robin if fighting the bad guys was worth it; worth all the death and property damage. This is such a boneheaded question I worry for the state of Brian Azzarello’s mental health.  Then, even better (i.e. even worse)  there is some mush mouthed mental gruel about how everyone always thinks they are on the right side, so how can they know what they did was right? Deep. Oh, and (buckle UP, Wittgenstein) how masks don’t just conceal – they REVEAL! (Christ. Just…Christ.) The ideas beneath all this overcooked rumbledethumps of inane prattle barely even qualify as thoughts. But important questions are being asked, we are assured. The only important question is how anyone could write this shit and not spend their life puce with shame. This is what happens when people whose talent has really short arms reach for profundity.

 photo DKTMRhatB_zpsohcelt7o.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Other things happen in the issue and the best I can say about those is they aren’t as hair curlingly terrible as the stuff I’ve highlighted. The Kandorians continue to hang about like a cloud of midges over a stagnant pond, before deciding to go to Paradise Island (“De plane, boss! De plane! De invisible plane!” RIP, Herve Villechaize) for some childnapping. Superman and Wonder Woman’s daughter continues to hang about with the poorly motivated Kandorians, like a posh kid slumming it with the scruffs to piss off mom and dad. The guy with the big melted face complains about having a big melted face. And to be honest I think this whole guy-with-a-big-melted-face business isn’t really worth all the space it’s getting. There’s only so much mileage in a guy-with-a-big-melted-face. But then everything (what little there is of it) gets far too much space in this comic, the whole thing is a whole load of nothing spread far too thin. Oh, the Atom’s back! It’s been several weeks now, or something, since he shrunk so he should, by rights, be covered in his own mess, winnowed by starvation and not a little boggle eyed with fear. But Nah, He’s perfectly fine, sat on a molecule working on his techno-bits. I guess he’s sat on a molecule in a piece of ham which us why he hasn’t starved to death. Why, precisely, it’s taking him so long to fix his magic machine (which will no doubt be adroitly deployed at the climax of the book) is anyone’s guess. There’s also a mini-comic, the bulk of the fun of which is in Frank Miller’s enthusiastic pencils, alas much of the fun of these is crushed by Janson’s rigid inks. The best bit (of the whole series so far in fact) is the appearance of Bat-Mite, largely because there is no mention of him on the page; so it’s entirely possible Frank Miller just drew him in there (twice) for shits and giggles. Just that small sight of goofy (possibly improvisatory) fun throws the rest of the joyless crap surrounding it into stark and unflattering relief.  Bat-Mite! Yay! Unfortunately, like the main book, it’s all written in Azzarello’s dourly congested style, in which everyone thinks they are being highly insightful while merely being full of shite. Fans of stereotypically sweaty and sinister Egyptians will have a field day, but that’s probably a minority of the Direct Market audience in 2017.

 photo DKTMReyeB_zps4hwdsppx.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

If DKIII:TMR had been a Broadway Musical it would have closed so fast Spider-Man: Turn Out The Dark’s run would have resembled that of The Mousetrap. But it’s a comic, so its audience are even less discerning than a pensioners’ coach trip at a heavily discounted, matinee performance. Also, because its sales figures are inflated by the comics equivalent of sub-prime mortgages (i.e. variants) it gets to preen about pretending people like it, until every last cent has been squeezed out and you can practically hear its pips squeak. DC even added an extra issue! That was about as welcome as an extra in-law. Obviously this decision was to allow the peerless artistry of the series room to excel, and certainly not because DC wished to increase their market share for another month with one of their few regularly well performing titles. I despise this new tendency on the part of Marvel and DC to gift its audience with an extra issue of whatever over-hyped and undercooked craptacular they have induced us all into buying despite the weight of experience. There’s nothing like flagrantly taking advantage of your audience to engender good will.  Here’s where that ends up: I’m not buying anymore mini-series. I’ll just get the TPB when they are done. Add as many issues as you like, you short termist donkey haunches; I’ll not be buying them. Craven and underhanded shenanigans in the extreme, as ever from Corporate Comics.  There’s no artistic reason for sticking another ish in since the series has no genuine artistry, and from a creative viewpoint could have done with being seven issues less. That might have, you know, focused the minds of everyone involved. The last thing an ill-disciplined, sprawling, and fundamentally empty thing like DKIII:TMR needs is more room. When your kid starts projectile vomiting due to an allergic reaction to a Chinese meal, you don’t wander through every room in the house with him; maybe knock on next door’s as a surprise and merrily spread the trail of vomitus yet further. No, you stick him in the bath and keep him there. Damage limitation, innit.  You all know the words by now, so sing along: DKIII:TMR is CRAP!

NEXT TIME: Something a bit less blatantly soulless and worthier of the name – COMICS!!!

Arriving 6/28/17

This week has new SAGA! Plus the return of BLACK MAGICK and the latest BLACK PANTHER, X-MEN BLUE and PAKLIS! Check the cut for the rest!

ACTION COMICS #982 ALL NEW GUARDIANS OF GALAXY ANNUAL #1 SE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #29 SE ASTRO CITY #45 BANKSHOT #1 BATGIRL #12 BATMAN 66 MEETS WONDER WOMAN 77 #6 (OF 6) BATMAN BEYOND #9 BATMAN ELMER FUDD SPECIAL #1 BATMAN THE SHADOW #3 (OF 6) BEAUTIFUL CANVAS #1 BEN REILLY SCARLET SPIDER #4 BLACK MAGICK #6 BLACK PANTHER #15 BLOOD BROTHERS #1 BLUE BEETLE #10 CABLE #2 CABLE #2 MALIN VAR CONAN THE SLAYER #10 DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #9 (OF 9) COLLECTORS EDITION DEADPOOL VS PUNISHER #5 (OF 5) DEFENDERS #2 DETECTIVE COMICS #959 DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #9 DREGS #4 DUCK AVENGER #5 EDGE OF VENOMVERSE #1 (OF 5) ELEANOR & THE EGRET #3 ELEKTRA #5 ELEPHANTMEN #77 ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST #20 FLASH #25 GOLD DIGGER #244 GRANT MORRISONS 18 DAYS #24 GREATEST ADVENTURE #3 HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #23 HAUNTED HORROR #28 HELLBLAZER #11 HEROINES #2 I AM GROOT #2 INFAMOUS IRON MAN #9 JEAN GREY #3 JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS INFINITE #1 (OF 3) JIM HENSON POWER OF DARK CRYSTAL #4 (OF 12) JOE GOLEM OCCULT DETECTIVE OUTER DARK #2 JONAH HEX YOSEMITE SAM SPECIAL #1 JUGHEAD #16 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #9 KAMANDI CHALLENGE #6 (OF 12) KILL SHAKESPEARE PAST IS PROLOGUE JULIET #3 (OF 4) KULL ETERNAL #1 LETTER 44 #34 LUCIFER #19 LUMBERJANES #39 MASS EFFECT DISCOVERY #2 MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #6 SE MILLENNIUM GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO #1 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #20 MOTHER PANIC #8 MY LITTLE PONY MOVIE PREQUEL #1 OCCUPY AVENGERS #8 SE OVER GARDEN WALL ONGOING #15 PAKLIS #2 PUNISHER #13 REBELS THESE FREE & INDEPENDENT STATES #4 REDNECK #3 RENATO JONES SEASON TWO #2 (OF 5) RICK & MORTY #27 SAGA #44 SAUCER STATE #2 (OF 6) SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #27 SCRIMSHAW #1 SECRET EMPIRE #5 (OF 10) SECRET WEAPONS #1 (OF 4) SHUTTER #29 SNOWFALL #9 SPAWN #275 SPIDER-GWEN #21 STAR TREK TNG MIRROR BROKEN #2 (OF 6) STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #8 STAR WARS DROIDS UNPLUGGED #1 STAR WARS POE DAMERON #16 STEVEN UNIVERSE ONGOING #5 STREET FIGHTER VS DARKSTALKERS #3 (OF 8) SUICIDE SQUAD #20 SUPERGIRL BEING SUPER #4 (OF 4) TEEN TITANS #9 THE FOREVERS #4 TMNT ONGOING #71 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #20 WMD TRANSFORMERS LOST LIGHT #7 WAYWARD #21 WONDER WOMAN #25 WONDER WOMAN 77 BIONIC WOMAN #5 (OF 6) X-FILES (2016) #15 X-MEN BLUE #6 X-O MANOWAR (2017) #4 ZOMBIE TRAMP ONGOING #36

Books/Mags/Things AD AFTER DEATH HC ALACK SINNER AGE OF INNOCENCE TP BATMAN BY AZZARELLO & RISSO DELUXE ED HC BUFFY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS PARENTAL PARASITE TP CARTHAGO ADVENTURES DLX HC CAVE CARSON HAS A CYBERNETIC EYE TP VOL 01 GOING UNDERGROUND DARK NIGHT A TRUE BATMAN STORY TP DOCTOR STRANGE TP VOL 02 LAST DAYS OF MAGIC ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST TP VOL 03 FANTASTIC FOUR EPIC COLL MASTER PLAN OF DOCTOR DOOM TP HP LOVECRAFT WORLDS TP VOL 01 LURKING FEAR AND OTHER IMAGE PLUS #15 (WALKING DEAD HERES NEGAN PT 15) (NET) (MR) MAD MAGAZINE #546 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR TP VOL 03 SMARTEST THERE IS MOTRO TP VOL 01 NEW LOW GN JOHNNY RYAN NIGHTS DOMINION TP VOL 01 OCTOPUS PIE TP VOL 05 PAKNADEL AND TRAKHANOV TURNCOAT TP POSTAL TP VOL 05 PREVIEWS #346 JULY 2017 PRINCE VALIANT HC VOL 15 1965-1966 SUPERMAN ACTION COMICS TP VOL 03 MEN OF STEEL (REBIRTH) THANOS TP VOL 01 THANOS RETURNS TOM TOMORROW 25 YEARS OF TOMORROW HC USAGI YOJIMBO TP VOL 31 HELL SCREEN WONDER WOMAN 100 PROJECT TP X-O MANOWAR 2017 TP VOL 01 SOLDIER YOUR NAME GN VOL 01 YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY WRONG EXPECTED GN VOL 05 ZANARDI HC

As always, what do YOU think?

"See God's Truth In Loving Action!" COMICS! Sometimes Salmonella Should Be On A Certain Someone's Mind!

I don’t know what happened! I wrote about three whole comics in less than fifty billion words! It won’t happen again. My apologies. I don't know what I was thinking. I certainly wasn't thinking about this intro, which is why it's so weak. Rush politely past it and read on...  photo BLUBClubB_zpshx8bjzkj.jpg BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

Anyway, this…

SLASHER #1 By Charles Sanford Forsman Floating World Comics, Digital: £1.49 (2017)

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Like many men in their middle years (“middle”, yeah, like I’m going to see 94. Pretty loose definition of “middle” there, society) I court danger like its dad owns a yacht. To relight that sputtering youthful fire some middle-aged men take up shark wrestling or sex pesting young women, but me? I like to take it to the edge. I try and go into comics with as little knowledge as possible. (Of the comic; as little knowledge of the comic, you wiseacre.) I saw SLASHER on the ‘Ology and thought “okay”; largely because it looked like it might be a slasher comic. How, I wondered, would a slasher comic work in the comics medium? On a static page how would an artist pull off the necessary control of pacing and deliver the required kills with the requisite impact? I’m still wondering. Because as it turns out SLASHER is as much about a slasher as JAWS is about a shark. Even less so, in fact, because JAWS has a lot of shark in it now I think about it. There is a bit of slashing in SLASHER but it is self-inflicted, as befits a warts to the fore portrayal of our oddly damaged modern psyches. At least I think that’s what’s going on here.

 photo SLASHmeatB_zps4rz8yinm.jpg SLASHER by Charles Sanford Forsman

Despite sounding like a one man firm of lawyers, Charles Sanford Forsman earns every one of his three names with SLASHER. Mostly, for me anyway, by giving a lightly disquieting imprecision to his art. One which echoes his ably unsettling script’s unerring ability to pick at the scab of any normal everyday occurrence (shopping, workplace assessment, txting a friend, etc, etc…) until the wound oozes the tacit creepiness of us all. (Well, mostly you. Me, I’m perfectly healthy. But I see you, Sancho. I. See. You.) Mind you, I dig stylish imperfections in  art since they imply the actual passing of a human hand across the page, which is as close to seeing the face of God moving over the face of  the waters as an non-spiritual and inartistic putz like me will ever get. For a comic in which the milk of human kindness is so thoroughly curdled SLASHER is a surprising amount of fun. Most of that fun came from not expecting what I got, so I sure wouldn’t want to spoil it all for you. Take it from me that if you’re the kind of bitter freak who pines for movies like HAPPINESS (1998) and IN THE COMPANY OF MEN (1997) then get stuck into SLASHER. (ßPull Quote Alert!) Also, let’s go do movies and a brew sometime, you’re my kind of people! VERY GOOD!

GRASS KINGS #3 Art by Tyler Jenkins Written by Matt Kindt Lettered by Jim Campbell BOOM! Studios, $3.99 (2017)

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I like this comic, but it doesn’t do itself any favours. Fatally so, I fear; in an overcrowded market it just sort of slouches there, instead of selling itself. For starters look at the cover, it hardly leaps out from across the room demanding your attention does it? The logo is all high-end understated artiness, the kind more suited to a designer range of name brand geegaws and tchotkes aimed at people who retro-fit wood burning stoves into their 21st century sci-fi kitchens. Can you even read that title across the comic store? Does it stand out in the slightest from the visual roar of Marvel’s latest waste of Al Ewing’s time and DC’s unrelenting variations on a Bat-theme? Did you even know this comic existed? I genuinely ask because I don’t go to a physical LCS, so I actually don’t know the answers. Except for that last one; I certainly didn’t know it existed, my LCS just sent it me because…they think I’m the kind of guy who retro-fits a wood burning stove into his 21st Century sci-fi kitchen? Tsk!

 photo GRASScarB_zpszds4cr46.jpg GRASS KINGS by Kindt, Jenkins and Campbell

Beyond the cover GRASS KINGS remains a defiantly low energy affair. Jenkins’ art is a really watery water-colour affair that kind of seeps into your eyes, and Kindt’s script is a low summer drawl of a thing. It all kind of pootles past at its own sweet pace like an elderly gent on his weekly walk into town, pausing periodically to get his breath back, or simply staring into the air where the old dance hall and the night he met his deceased wife swims into being before his cloudy eyes. GRASS KINGS is about some kind of off the grid enclave where the gubbermint has no traction (i.e. the libertarian’s nocturnal emission of the American Dream), everyone’s a bit flaky and there’s murders and missing persons, and not a few flashbacks which are typically unhurried  in declaring their relevance. Unlike most comics GRASS KINGS doesn’t scream for your attention, it doesn’t even whisper, it just sings to itself under its breath. (ßPull Quote Alert!) If you lean in to listen, I think you’ll be glad you did. VERY GOOD!

 

BLUBBER #3 By Gilbert Hernandez Fantagraphics, $3.99 (2016)

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What’s black and white and covered in an old man’s dead jizz? My copy of BLUBBER! Only joking…it’s not all in black and white. (But it is covered in my dead jizz! (“Old man John! Spoiling everything!” ß Joke For The Kidz!)) Yup, BLUBBER’s covers are colour, and what lovely covers they are. The back of each issue has also been graced by a Gilbert “Bert” Hernandez pin-up of some kind of phantasmagorical fauna fresh from his bubbling brain pan. So invitingly comical and eye-catchingly vivid are these covers that “Gil” sometimes picks them up and asks if he can read them. HOO! Not wishing to spend the next several months and many, many, thousands of pounds fighting for visitation rights I have as yet denied him. He can stick with SPONGEBOB COMICS (also great, but in a really quite different way) for now. From the outside BLUBBER looks all fantastically harmless, but inside it remains a maelstrom of scatological insanity. Calm down though, my little pearl clutchers, as it is so offensive that it transcends offence and just becomes comical in its absurd mania for the grossly vulgar. Less Spongebob Squarepants and more Spongebob Shitpants. But don’t mistake my loutish rattlepanning and manic emphasis on the outré as licence to belittle the artistry on display. Hernandez’ big old floppy chops are evident on every page.

 photo BLUBFightB_zps6lt9z9rs.jpg BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

BLUBBER may well be an explosion of transgressions but it’s a highly controlled one. As the late Dennis Hopper, star of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 (1986), could attest were he not, well, dead, you can lie in a ring of dynamite sticks and set them off without harm; the trick is in having them face the right way. (Otherwise you’re fucked, bubeleh.)  In every panel of BLUBBER Hernandez plays with dynamite but his spectacular artistic panache ensures he doesn’t take his talented face off in the blast. Not even Tony Salvador Daniel could lead up to XXX Papusi climaxing in a final panel as heart crushingly poignant as a JoJo Moyles book in the rain. (Be warned though if you are rubbing one out while reading and wipe a tear from your eye, you do run the risk of pink eye.) And could anyone but Gilbert “He Was Always A Quiet Man” Hernandez answer the oft asked question of “What if Arthur Machen’s ‘Great God Pan’ was crossed with Elvis Presley?” No, because the answer involves lots of furry-haunched cock frothing and cryptic wisdom.  Cock-a-hula, baby, indeed! Gilbert ”Looking Back We Should Have Known” Hernandez is also versatile enough to reimagine the hauntingly poignant Mickey Rourke mumbling-sadly-in-sweaty-trunks movie THE WRESTLER (1990), but he gives it his own uniquely tender spin by smearing it with sudden bowel movements, satanic orgies and forlorn longings on the part of a phenomenally endowed man for our barely sentient albino lunk. Yo, mama, Hernandez really brings the stains to life in this tour de force of turds and turgidity. There’s just something truly affecting about the sight of our barely sentient protagonist’s trunks distended by a crop of fresh poops. (PRO TIP: If you scratch your bum and sniff your finger new levels of immersion can be achieved.) And that’s just some of the fun inside BLUBBER! In a world of flamboyantly vacuous TV pitches masquerading as comics BLUBBER is a refreshing toot from the artistic arse flute of Gilbert Hernandez. A real room clearer of a comic. (ßPull Quote Alert!) The only TV BLUBBER is likely to appear on is the one that explodes in a shower of guts in VIDEODROME (1983). And that’s because BLUBBER is EXCELLENT!

 

NEXT TIME: The world’s least informative reviews continue as I look at more – COMICS!!!

“****ing WHITE People, Know'm Sayin'?” COMICS! Sometimes People Are...Complicated!

That surly rogue Howard Victor Chaykin had a new comic out, so I took a look. Buckle up, Sunshine...  photo DSoHboomB_zpsidiy88g7.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

Anyway, this…

THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA© #1 Art by Howard Victor Chaykin Written by Howard Victor Chaykin Lettered by Ken Bruzenak Coloured by  Jesus Arbutov Cover Colourist Wil Quintana With thanks to Ramon Torres and Calvin Nye A tip of the Chaykin chapeau to Sabrina Pandora Image Comics, £2.49 (digital), (2017) © HOWARD CHAYKIN INC

 photo DSoHCoverB_zpss8nxdor0.jpg

1. An Actual Honest To Gosh Synopsis To Start Us Off, Like I hear The  Professionals Do…

THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA (TDSoH) is the latest paper swagger from cerebral beefcake, Howard Victor Chaykin (Tony Curtis), and his unruly crew, Ken “The Bruise” Bruzenak (Russ Tamblyn) and Jesus “No Relation” Arbutov (Channing Tatum). It’s set in a kind of alternate reality that doesn’t seem altogether all that more awful than, uh, actual reality; it’s just slightly more awful in different ways. A Presidential coup has been averted but America is getting low on Presidents, and paranoia is the new normal as the skies are spattered with drones and besmirched with the babble of conspiratorial chat rooms. Besmirched visually, because interestingly this latter internet chatter is given concrete form by “King” Ken Bruzenak, giving the pages a chaotic ugliness I’d guess is entirely intentional. It’s an ugly world under Arbutov’s crisp kitchen-catalogue sheen. Basically The War on Terror isn’t going well in this one, particularly for CIA spook-meister Frank Villa whose career just turned to wet shit and in order to save his rep and the world itself he’s going to need the help of polite society’s worst nightmares.

 photo DSoHCrowdB_zpslcsqzri6.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

2. The Bad Ham Sandwich of History Always Repeats Itself

Judging by this first issue it looks like Howard Victor Chaykin is tweaking his 2004 CHALLENGERS OF THE UNKNOWN series for the 2010s. That is, a ragbag of ragamuffins are introduced and clearly set up to combat the instigators of a terrorist attack on American soil. Close reading Chaykinmaniacs will note the recurrence of the terror-attack-on-American-soil motif from both CHALLENGERS and CITY OF TOMORROW (2005), even closer reading Chaykinmaniacs will smugly recall this goes back through BLACKHAWK: BLOOD AND IRON (1988) and, yea, even unto AMERICAN FLAGG!(1983). That’s because, unlike 99.9% of North American Comic Creators Howard Victor Chaykin didn’t just start thinking about terrorism post 11th September 2001. And that’s because Howard Victor Chaykin knows that there are fundamental forces which move through history, thanks to the delightful intransigence of human nature.

Alas, terrorism itself is far more persistent than it is modern, staining history’s robes from the 1st Century AD  Sicarii Zealots’ opposition to the Roman occupation of Judea, to, well, that Islamophobe in a van just the other day in dear old London town. (Yes, it’s still terrorism if the perpetrator is a white dude.) That’s two thousand and seventeen magical years of terrorism, not that anybody’s counting. There are other tangy chunks of familiarity in Howard Victor Chaykin’s latest jam, such as the fractious domestic doonybrook (see also MARKED MAN (2012)), because although somewhere in-between 1590 and 1597 William Shakespeare wrote that “the course of true love never did run smooth” (A Midsummer Night’s Dream), it was true before that and it’s still true today. Chuck in kids, as Chaykin does, and make the bloke a philandering schmuck and it’s truer than ever. Truth persists after all. But so do shitty interpersonal relationships and terrorism. But there are other forces equally tenacious.

 photo DSoHstreetB_zpsfb40tniv.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

3. Exit Hubris, Pursued by Nemesis

“Theresa May is more popular with voters than any leader since the late 1970s, a new poll shows…” The Daily Telegraph, 26 April 2017.

 

What with a clutch of terrorist attacks, a general election, the resulting hung parliament, the possibility of the Tories propping themselves up with a party that doesn’t believe in either dinosaurs or homosexuals, a horrific fire so horrific it resists acceptance and sundry other whatnots and wellnows, the world of comics has been far from my senescent mind. Seriously, with all the real world upheaval I can’t even pretend to care about Nick Spencer’s Captain America comics, Marvel’s shrinking share of the market, or even DC’s latest attempt to use some dust they found trapped in an Alan Moore script to wrap Geoff Johns’ latest bovine Event comic maunderings around. As to that last, it seems that there is just too much honour and decency in comics (sarcasm), so DC have had to outsource the latest corporate fracking of Watchmen to some ex-CIA dude. Hey, I’m not saying the CIA are hazy on morals, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they thought ethics is a county in England immediately north-east of London.

All of which is a typically round the houses way of saying that like DC’s latest wunderkind homunculus TDSoH’s main protagonist, Frank Villa, is CIA, although Villa’s still employed by The Agency and currently riding a crack-head high on results and reputation. Nope, old Villa won’t have to write comics about Batman finding buttons (UK: badges) in his Batcave anytime soon.  Crucially Villa also displays all the humility of a Marvel editor on Twitter. Pride goeth before a fall, as my old Mum used to say (she had a lisp). But it’s a pattern even older than my old Mum (bless ‘er oxen heart). Aye, truth be told  thousands of years before Geoff Johns bought his first baseball cap the ancient  Greeks noted that Hubris (the god of arrogance) was oft followed by Nemesis (the goddess of fate and revenge).

 photo DSoHwolfB_zps0mdboqe3.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

But since Howard Victor Chaykin isn’t Greek lets stick to the Hebrews, who stuck it in a book for posterity: Proverbs 16:18 to be precise in a little tome called The Bible. Said spiritual foundation would of course be familiar to our Prime Minister, Theresa May, who is keen to remind everyone at every opportunity that she is a vicar’s daughter; as though this were the 1930’s and somehow that accident of birth meant anything at all with regard to morals or the lack thereof. For as Saint Francis of Assisi (and indeed Otis Redding in 'Hard To Handle'), would have it, “actions speak louder than words”, and her actions contain as much Christian charity as Turkish Delight contains vitamins. In essence, my mum was a Nursing Auxiliary but I think there’d be some raised eyebrows if I started bed bathing strangers. Anyway, that’s got nothing to do with anything, I’m just sick of Theresa May. In a minute I’ll go on about her again, but it will actually be relevant. Which will make a nice change for us all.

So, yeah, what I’m getting at is the pursuit of Hubris by Nemesis is not some cobwebby redundancy to be disdained in this age of wifi, streaming content and fidget spinners. It was true back when men wore togas and were lot looser about where folks’ gristly bits went, and it’s no less true now. What’s that? “Can you give me an example, John? Perhaps involving Theresa May?” I’m glad you asked, imaginary reader! Flex your brain and imagine being so secure of your political position that you called a General Election three years early with the stated intention of gaining a massive majority and driving the opposition back into the sea for a generation or more. (That’s Hubris.) Now, keep that brain flexing and imagine if the election results came back and you not only had lost any previous advantage you had, but were now dependent on alliances with other parties in order to have a functional government, and even better, the opposition you sought to scour from the face of the earth had risen up and pushed back hard, in the process rediscovering its fire and grit. (All that bit would be Nemesis.) There’s a lot of it about, basically, and there’s been a lot of it about for a long, long time; so it’s exceedingly apt that Chaykin chooses this as his starting point. Hubris is all over the pages featuring Frank Villa, but on the last page, in the very last panel, Nemesis roars.

 photo DSoHsniperB_zpswkq6afng.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

4. All The Action Is Always At The Shit End of The Stick

“The scum of the earth... but what fine soldiers we have made them.” The Duke of Wellington on the British soldier.

 

Knowing he’ll set Nemesis loose at the close of the issue Chaykin fills the preceding pages with introductions for his motley cast of embryonic leads. He makes some, er, interesting choices here; choices so extreme in their awfulness I suspect some dark joke is being played. I think part of the set up for that joke is recognition of who exactly ends up being the boots on the ground when a geopolitical fart unfortunately follows through. Because, c’mon, it is always, always, down to the ordinary Joes and Josephines to come to the rescue.  Christ, these days even the spooks themselves don’t even have to get their hands wet; they sip their root beer in a shed a thousand miles from the zone, drawling instructions to some Iowa farmboy weighed down with a cam set into his breastplate, like it’s Call of Duty 15: It’s Not My Balls On The Wire. Yeah, should things turn to shit in a hot second it won’t be the sugar rushed Yalie whose mum gets folded flag and  a telegram. And all for the benefit of the Status Quo (not the Dad-Rock band) and those who benefit most from the Status Quo (still not the Dad-Rock band); all of whom it would be pushing things to say gave even the slightest wisp of a shit for the human lives spent keeping them fat and happy.

More realistically, and more pertinently to us all on a day to day basis, take the low regard with which Emergency service workers are held by the political class. Their disdain for these mere cogs is clearer than a Cornwall summer dawn. Over here the emergency services have  suffered more cuts than a sadist’s Sunday roast under the last 7 years of Tory austerity. But when the bombs go off, when the knives come out, when the cars slam into crowds and when the buildings burn, who is there saving lives, containing chaos, stacking the dead and stockpiling nightmare scenes for the rest of their nights? It’s not the politicians. It’s the mortgage slaves and the supermarket shoppers; the people who always have to do more with less. Ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. It’s not the people who start the shit who finish it, it’s the people who get stuck in the shit. In a bleaker than bleak gag Howard Victor Chaykin overeggs this propensity  to the extent that his whole sick crew are plucked from the ranks of the razor taloned boogeymen under the bed of western civilisation: the real bottom rungers. These being Henry John Noone, a black racist fresh off a shooting spree; Paul Evan Berg, a confidence trickster with a yen for mass murder; John Cesare Nacamulli, a serial killing shithead; and Christopher Michael Silver, a chick with a dick kicking violently against the pricks.  And Howard Victor Chaykin, a comic book prince, sets these utter sweethearts the task of saving the world. Or he will do, next issue. Unless his pacing is totally fucked.

 photo DSoHdroneB_zpsak4gcd42.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

5. Offence Is In The Eye of The Beholder

Even in my privileged cis cocoon of blithe obliviousness I heard some people were offended by this comic, now I’m no fan of Arbutov’s colouring myself but really, people, chill! Ah, a little cornball humour there. The thing is if people were offended then people were offended, I’m not about to argue against that. But if Comics as a whole is to be offended it’s probably best to nail down the nature of the offence. In the pages of DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA is Howard Victor Chaykin transphobic, homophobic or (God forbid) neither? After all, the point of contention appears to be the portrayal of the character Christopher Michael Silver, and the book’s not entirely crystal on Silver's status. As I understand it a “chick with a dick” can be either a passive male homosexual or transvestite, or a trans woman (i.e. male to female) with male genitalia. Silver's one of them. Unfortunatley Silver is also beaten savagely while turning a trick and kills in self-defence. This, it has been argued, is a less than wholesome representation of an already besieged section of society. Well, yeah, it is. And?

Look, Chaykin has long been active in at least promoting the existence of the, uh, sexually lavish. I don’t know how many Trial By Internet points that’s worth, but it must have some traction. But just because he has a preoccupation with this aspect of human diversity I don’t think an automatic blanket condemnation is due. That would be as moronic as pointing out there’s a lot of rape in Alan Moore’s work and thinking that you had thus proved Alan Moore himself is a bit rapey. You’ve got to take it on a case by case basis. If the approach is consistently derogatory or repellent then, fine, fuck off, Sunshine; but if it isn’t… And just in case you think I am contorting myself unnecessarily to support an inherent bias, you’ll be pleased to note that, on a case by case basis the results are not entirely wonderful.

 photo DSoHvictimsB_zpsan653xfx.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

6. An Incomplete Look At The Many Chicks With Dicks of Howard Victor Chaykin

In AMERICAN FLAGG! comedy occurs when Reuben kicks a chick and his foot finds a dick. Comic relief is one of the earliest stages of societal acceptance when it comes to types considered outside the norm (see all the homosexuals in the sit-coms of the homophobic ‘70s), so…not great, but okay. Ah, but there’s also a whole plot in FLAGG! revolving around a kind of transvestite twist on Vertigo, which is pointedly humane in its portrayal of the (then) improper. Big points go in the pot for that one.  The camp comedy stylings continue with a urinal encounter between the plucky fireplug Maxim and a hefty transvestite in POWER AND GLORY (1994). Significantly Chaykin’s bold as brass about it all, and the real punchline arrives with the superhero’s full pelt flight from the glam man, powered not by the atom or nanotech, but by his super-homophobia. So, still in the realms of humour, but since the brunt of it falls fully on the homophobe, some strong points awarded there. Unfortunately, in PULP FANTASTIC (2000) Chaykin’s portrayal of the sexually versatile reaches a sour nadir, so we’ll just say that the series itself has a thoroughly distempered air that does none of the contents any favours. Oof, some genuine demerits there. It’s okay though, because the spectacularly unpleasant BLACK KISS/BLACK KISS 2 is Chaykin’s ace in the hole. BLACK KISS (1988) prominently features a chick with a dick and while this prominence is slightly undermined by the fact s/he is used as none too flattering metaphor, by BLACK KISS 2 (2012) Chaykin, in a quite phenomenal feat of artistic sleight of hand, delivers a romantic horror comedy in which the demonic chick with a dick finds true love and peace (of a kind) with Chaykin’s doppelgänger, Cass Pollack. There are probably some I missed but I think that gives the gist.

 photo DSoHmurderB_zps5el7dea3.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

Pillory Chaykin if you wish, it’s your dime and I’m sure he couldn’t give less of a shit; but I can’t think of another white male whose work extends to chicks with dicks the ultimate compliment of treating them just like everyone else. No, I don’t know why I  am even bothering; it’s not going to change your mind. Howard Victor Chaykin’s a transphobe, a homophobe a Francophobe and a chifforobe. Think what you like. Sure, The Anti-Chaykin Grant Morrison had a  chick with a dick in the waywardly great THE INVISIBLES, but s/he was an avatar of bullshit magicky wagicky woo-wooooooh! Maybe that’s better, more helpful to the cause, but I don’t think so. In his grumpy back matter Chaykin chunters on about identity politics, and I think this point gets lost in his anger at Trump winning the election. (There are many reasons Trump won, but mostly it’s because The Democrats didn’t campaign on policies, and seemed to believe they should win just because Trump is a dick. SPOILER!) Because I think his point is...that you shouldn’t define people by their labels, but instead by their behaviour. Define them by who they are, not what they are. There are white shitheads and there are black shitheads; there are hetero shitheads and there are queer shitheads; there are cis shitheads and there are chicks with dicks shitheads. Real equality is not achieved by singling a group out, but by treating that group as individuals, and treating all individuals equally. So, to take an example from TDSoH, it might rankle that Chaykin’s black character, Noone, is a racist murderer, but it’s not his skin that defines him, it’s his racism.

I was a bit naughty there. I overplayed how equally Howard Victor Chaykin treats, Silver. Mostly because the Witchfinder Internet also ignored this (how odd!). Howard Victor Chaykin does in fact apportion a greater measure of narrative sympathy to Silver than any of the other misfits. Significantly the only one of the characters whose situation is adulterated by backstory is the trans/queer character. It’s fairly clear from the punchy and unself-pitying internal monologue that the situation in which Silver finds him/herself is down to society’s failure to adapt or include. So, yes, there is transphobia and homophobia on the pages of TDSoH, but it belongs to the characters not to the author of those characters. The only two protagonists who don’t come across as monsters are Villa and Silver. Hey you know, this could turn out to be a love story after all. Let the chick with a dick get the guy. It’s 2017 after all, so why the fuck not?

 photo DSoHBronxB_zpsyunhf5qn.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

7. Poor Old Ken Bruzenak

The real loser after all that noise is Ken Bruzenak. I intended to spend the bulk of this thing digging into the colossal contribution of Ken Bruzenak to the look of TDSoH, but now I have neither time nor room. Also, he goes over it himself in the backmatter. That's right! The backmatter in TDSoH is actually of interest! Sure, there's Howard Victor Chaykin's provocative screed about the election and how it messed up his intentions for the series, which is nice. But, better yet, Ken Bruzenak takes us through the creation of one single panel, from a black and white bitmap devoid of letters to the lushly layered final product. In the process he cements his right to be considered as much the artist as the colourist, Jesus Arbutov or the penciller, Howard Victor Chaykin. He puts a ridiculous amount of work into every panel and I'd like to single out his contribution for applause and pony rides but I've run out of room. Maybe next time, Ken Bruzenak. Because there will be a next time since THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA was VERY GOOD!

 photo DSoHpainB_zpsiii06fcc.jpg THE DIVIDED STATES OF HYSTERIA by Chaykin, Bruzenak & Arbutov

 

NEXT TIME: Hopefully something a bit sooner, lighter and altogether shorter than this, and involving the plural of comic, which is – COMICS!!!