"Dig It, Fangs--" COMICS! Sometimes It's The Unsteady Dead!

It's a Skip Week! Oh, oh, the horror! So let's take your mind off it and hurriedly look at some comics which originally appeared some forty one years back. Way back, back when a lady entering a pub unaccompanied would be burned as a witch. And rightly so! Look, it was either this or I did a Best Comics of 2013 like everyone and their mother, but you know what The Best Comics of 2013 are? Whatever you think they are! Merry Christmas! Don’t worry, I try and get serious later. That’s usually quite funny isn't it; like a chimp baking or something? So, Tomb of Dracula!

Anyway, this...

THE TOMB OF DRACULA Vol. 1 Penciler: Gene Colan Inkers: Gene Colan, Tom Palmer, Vince Colletta, Ernie Chan & Jack Abel Writers: Marv Wolfman, Gerry Conway, Archie Goodwin & Gardner Fox Colourists: Tom Palmer, Glynis Wein & Petra Goldberg Letterers: John Constanza, Artie Simek, Charlotte Jetter & Tom Orzechowski Front Cover: Neal Adams Contains material originally published in magazine form as Tomb of Dracula #1-12 (1972-3) Blade created by Gene Colan & Marv Wolfman Marvel, $24.99 (2010)

The biggest surprise on reading this book was how long it takes for Marv Wolfman to show up (issue 7, p.137 ff). I’d got it into my head he and Gene Colan were there from the off but apparently not. Gene Colan’s here from the start but for most of this book he’s bolstering up a bugger's muddle of writers; each stopping only to catch their breath before being yanked out and replaced by the next passing writer. Stability only really even starts to settle in when Marv Wolfman starts bringing his own mug in, symbolically speaking. He's the one who, mostly in later volumes than this, defines the cast and events which would cause Tomb of Dracula to be so fondly remembered all these years later. Because it is a lot of years since these appeared. 1972! Or Nineteen Seventy Two as David Peace would have it.

Tomb of Dracula is a bit of a bumpy ride writing wise; it’s a bit cacophonic in terms of authorial voices but that does mean it's never predictible. Gerry Conway starts us off and I have to say, credit where credit’s due and all that, I do have to say Gerry Conway starts proceedings off with a surprisingly strong first chapter. There’s a very adult air about the whole thing driven as it is by debts, resentful friendships and sour love. Really quite enjoyable and effective at hooking the reader in. Sadly his next chapter is pretty bad, largely being a rehash of the first issue and featuring some big bald dude who seems significant but is never seen again. Come issue 3 and Archie Goodwin tries to reign it all in to some shape, succumbing to his omnipresent Editor Within to explain continuity glitches away and home in on a coherent  narrative direction. This direction being, as it was throughout the series, finding a way to repurpose the Gothic trappings of Dracula within the heady, crazy days of the fast changing fondue-tastic, tie-dyed seventies. The book takes a while to settle into this and there are moments of inadvertent humour as Dracula is nearly bested by the use of car headlights, enlists children as feral weapons, encounters a projecter that can make an army of vampires (Don't ask. Really.), goes on a cruise, mixes it up with biker gangs and voodoo and dispenses advice to a couple of troubled teens hemmed in by small town life.  It's all very silly but quite charming.

You can particularly feel Marv Wolfman settling in and becoming more comfortable and far more effective as the pages pass. And as the pages pass Wolfman's cast amasses. Largely a drab bunch to begin with things liven up with the arrival of Blade, the blaxploitation inspired vampire hunter who would go on to earn Marvel millions in other media. (Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to go into it. I mean, Christ forbid someone should express any concern for another human being. Particularly one they've never met. How absurd! I will say, to no one's surprise, I do think Marv Wolfman was badly treated in this instance.) Which is lucky because besides Harker with his seemingly magical wheelchair (which can access any location unaided no matter how remote) and his array of endearingly rubbish gadgets ("I call it...a net!")Dracula is the only real personality on show.

Good job it's his book. And it is his book. Despite being portrayed as a slap-happy chap who never changes his clothes and monologues like monologuing is in danger of going out of fashion Dracula really comes, er, alive by the end of the book. He's no frilly cuffed fop puling and whining like Andrew Bennet in I...Vampire. No, this dude is a proacative predator with schemes galore up his grave dirt soaked sleeves. Also, don't fuck with him because this Drac fucks back.  As our outclassed band of hunters discover to their chagrin in issue 12. In fact by that moment in the final issue reprinted here everything is meshing so smoothly that the art, writing, colouring all combine into this magnificent sequence atypical of '70s corporate comics in its artistic innovation and emotional impact:

Now fair warning; these comics are from an earlier day, a day in which comic book dialogue was distinct from dialogue in other media. Here people spout great gouts of unexpectedly near lyrical verbiage within a single panel portraying as swift an action as, say, Dracula slapping someone to the floor. (He does that a lot.)But then no one literally took the words being spoken to actually be occurring within the time frame of the action being portrayed. We were children, yes, but we weren’t idiots. Because back then comics were comics and cheerfully so. And one of the conventions of comics back then was that the dialogue would, yes, be the words spoken but these would be presented in a manner in which such words were supplemented by information informing the emotional affect, the emotional stakes of the scene and the emotional states of the players in question. Either via narrative text boxes or within the dialogue itself. Hence the overstuffed armchair of exposition effect modern readers often balk at. Inelegant as it may have been at its best the result was a very comics specific variation of, I guess, prosody.

There’s an assumption that this method was unsophisticated; in fact it was very sophisticated. However, it was implicit, instinctive and had evolved naturally along with the comics form. It wasn’t pretty but it was one of the unique beauties of the comic form. It is of course dead now. And it died because it was very hard to reduce to a simple formula, thus it was hard to replicate and, not insignificantly, requires not a little knowledge and love of the English language. For a reader the dissimilarity between the old school and the new school is, I think, the difference between passively watching a story unfold and actively inhabiting a story as it develops. Both are valid, but I have always liked to live within my comics as I read them. It’s more difficult to do that now. But time passes, trends change and the moving finger writes; and having writ moves on…to television (it hopes). Of course the ascendant trend is borne not of artistic need but of expediency, the very expediency Gene Colan turned to his very great advantage.

Because if there’s one reason I bought this then that reason is Gene “The Dean” Colan. This time out the big thing I noticed about Gene Colan’s art (the inkers here varying from Palmer's sympathetic magic  to Colletta's reliably shitty hackwork) is how his signature style is shaped by the demands of his job. Every page and every panel on these pages is an illustration not only of whatever the script calls for but also of the requisite rapidity a Bronze Age comics warrior's position entailed. Gene Colan’s work here is a series of exercises in expediency. The genius is that he manages to turn this from a stylistic restraint into an instrument of stylistic release. Using shadows, bizarre POVs and about three battered postcards of London Gene Colan provides an England that never was, but an England absolutely fitting to the pulpy melodrama at play. And he populates this eerie environment with figures whose startlingly realistic faces contrast starkly with the impossibility of their bodies; these bodies apparently composed of clothes filled with living winds in fluctuating states of agitation. As a result Colan’s pictures are pickled in atmosphere and thrumming with potential threat. So, when the kick off comes (and come it always does) Colan’s flailing and comprehensively wind whipped figures whirl around a world filled with fearful shadows. More than anyone else involved Gene Colan makes Tomb of Dracula the success it is. When I was young I thought Gene Colan’s art was awesome simply because it looked awesome now I am less young I think Gene Colan’s art is more awesome still because I now have the merest inkling of the skill involved. That’s why Gene’s The Bursar! I mean, that’s why Gene’s The Dean! And ultimatley that's why Tomb of Dracula Vol. 1 is VERY GOOD!

It's also, it almost goes without saying, COMICS!!!

Armageddon 2001 - A Story So Good They Had To Screw It Up

Preposterously and against long odds I am an unabashed fan of the DC Comics event ARMAGEDDON 2001.  Way, way, back in the halcyon days of 90-91 Archie Goodwin wrote, what I believe to be, a very clean, direct, and fantastic single issue.  That I think it stands shoulder to shoulder on the myth-making stage with some of the classics is my cross to bear.

Armageddon 2001 #1 sets up a great sci-fi tale. A great superhero story.  A fantastic what-if.  A solid mystery within a mystery.  A believable protagonist.  A tragic, yet menacing antagonist.  What’s more, depending on your perspective, this series even laid out a tolerable and enjoyable format for event comics that might have saved us all a crap load of money and at the same time continued to help retailers sell a ton of books.

Therefore, it is a special tragedy of note that all this fine work would later be undermined and driven into a shallow grave for no less a sin than being a story well told.

Yep, that’s a real problem.  Tell your story too well.

Let me ask, when you set out to tell the story of the fall of a hero what’s the harm in the reader figuring it out slightly before the final reveal?  Doesn’t that point to a story that “makes sense” and “comes together rationally?”

Well, Instead of sticking to that plan and turning a B list (at best) hero into a fantastic modern villain operating from an untouchable fortress in the future DC decided to deliver a useless and complete anticlimax in the hopes that it might “surprise” readers.  So, for those keeping track, instead of giving readers a nice pat on the hind parts for figuring it out and telling the story you set out to tell DC flipped out – changed the ending to a HUGE story – and sabotaged all their plans for the future.

DERP

DERP

DERP

But, through the miracle of the internet and my stupid obsession I’m going to throw up a bunch of content on it and see if you think my radical views have merit.  Why?  Hell, why not?

First, Goodwin’s script is amazing.  This kind of 12 words a page stuff coupled with wide, almost epic panel choices, really only works when you’ve got the annual format to show off with.  The problem with a lot of this stuff is that they try this kind of end run around – I don’t know – WRITING with less than half that page count.  Heroes that behave like it - challenges - choices.  He really knew his way around the format.

Second, The annual format would persist through the entire crossover in giving the 56 page treatment to the bookend issues and the selected characters (those who had annuals – sometimes multiples).  I can’t stress this enough.  EACH issue gave creators the time and space to tell satisfying and full stories.  Because of the unique device of WAVERIDER  each annual was a self-contained exploration of a possible future. Meaning the story could wrap up but the ongoing mystery narrative could proceed unabated.

Third, Jurgens art was at its peak.  This was the pinnacle of late 80’s house style.  Clean, direct, representative of a very specific look and feel.  His renderings had the authority of precision and defined boundaries.  He also had tricks and combined with Goodwin's script delivered on many panel plays (repeating threes, widescreen a decade before The Authority would swoop in and claim credit, descending grids to show focus, etc...)

But, let me show you a little of what I mean...

(Page 1)

THOUGHTS.

TAKES SO LONG FOR THEM TO COME TOGETHER.

ETERNITIES.

BUT THEN…

…I HAVE TIME.

(2)

EVEN AS I THINK IT, I SENSE I’M WRONG

I DON’T HAVE TIME.

TIME HAS ME.

DON’T WORRY, SON.

THOUGHTS.

I’M A LITTLE BOY AGAIN…TRAPPED IN DARKNESS. BURIED BEYOND SAVING.

THEN SUDDENLY…

…BLINDED BY LIGHT

DON’T WORRY –

--IT’S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

BEYOND SAVING BY ANY ORDINARY MEANS.

(3)

PAINED EYES TEARING, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE AS I’M LIFTED UP.

IT WAS AN EARTHQUAKE, WASN’T IT? THE BUILDING…THE WHOLE BUILDING FELL!  I THOUGHT NOTHING COULD HELP…!

SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THAT WAY –

WHICH IS WHY SOMEONE SHOULD BE THERE TO TRY.

STILL BLINDED BY THE LIGHT, I FIT ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES TO THAT VOICE…

BUT THE MOMENT NEVER CHANGES.

(4)

NOT EVEN HERE.

TRAPPED.

WITH TIME.

TIME AND…

THOUGHTS.

IN MY MIND, THEY ARE GIANTS.

AND WHOEVER SAVED ME THAT DAY…

…WAS ONE OF THEM.

(5)

GIANTS.  THEY GREW THAT WAY IN MY THOUGHTS…

…EVEN WHEN IT WAS SAFER THEY NOT BE THERE AT ALL.

NOT THAT THEY WERE PERFECT.

THEY HAD THEIR FAILINGS.  THEY HAD THEIR DIFFERENCES.

I LEARNED THAT.

(6)

LIKE US, THEIR EMOTIONS COULD RUN WILD…

…SEEMINGLY BEYOND CONTROL.

AND YET…

(7)

…SELDOM BEYOND REASON.

…THE NEED TO SERVE A GREATER CAUSE RAN DEEPER.

THIS MADE THEM GIANTS.

THIS UNITED THEM.

IN SPITE OF ALL RISKS…

(8)

HEROES.

PART OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS STILL STIRS UNEASILY AT THINKING THE WORD…

(9)

…BUT THAT IS THE NAME FOR THEM.

WHATEVER THEIR OWN FEARS OR INNER FURIES…

…THEY ROSE TO THE TEST.

THEY DID WHAT HAD TO BE DONE.

AND ULTIMATELY, DESPITE OBSTACLES AND SETBACKS…

THEY DID IT IN TRIUMPH.

(10)

IN THE END, WHAT REALLY HAPPENED MAY NEVER BE KNOWN.  EXCEPT…

IN THE END, IT WAS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

WHAT TRIGGERED IT?

MADNESS? OR COLD CALCULATION?

YEARS OF DECEPTION?

ONE SUDDEN DARK URGE?

(11)

HOWEVER IT HAPPENED, HOWEVER I PLAY IT IN MY MIND…

…THEY WERE TAKEN BY SURPRISE, CAUGHT UNPREPARED.

HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN…

…ITS SUCCEEDING SO WELL?

(12)

ONE THAT WOULD STRETCH OUT…

…TO GRIP A WORLD.

MY WORLD.

MY TIME.

DARKTIME

WRITER – ARCHIE GOODWIN

PENCILLER - DAN JURGENS

INKER – DICK GIORDANO

LETTERER – ALBERT DE GUZMAN

COLORIST – ANTHONY TOLLIN

ASST. EDITOR – KELLEY PUCKETT

EDITOR – DENNIS O’NEIL

So, that’s the first 12 pages of Armageddon 2001 #1

The whole series, neatly laid out.  Who is the mysterious point of view character?  Who saved him?  Who is the devastating Monarch?  What prompts this awful change and does this new figure have a chance of stopping this from happening?  What follows in the remaining 44 pages will be fodder for next time.  I hope you’ll come along, share your memories and feelings on the series – good and bad, of course – and throw in some suggestions on modern stories that deliver the vibe for yourselves that this series delivered for me.

"Do They Still READ In The Future?" COMICS! Sometimes It's Great To Be Rude!

It was Half-Term last week hence the silence. Yes, the blessed silence. But now your God has failed you and I am back! It has been quietly suggested that I put on hold my tribute to Charlie Drake and maybe look at some comics this time. So, no actors who were dead before you grew your big teeth this time out. Just comics! Just lovely, lovely comics! But were they lovely? Hmmmmm? Anyway, this... NEXUS by Steve Rude & Mike Baron

ALL STAR WESTERN #20 Art by Moritat (Jonah Hex) and Staz Johnson (Stormwatch) Written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti Coloured by Mike Atiyeh (Jonah Hex) & Rob Schwager (Stormwatch) Lettered by Rob Leigh Jonah Hex created by Tony DeZuniga & John Albano Stormwatch created by Brandon Choi & Jim Lee DC Comics, $3.99

I kind of liked this issue. I don’t know whether the worms have finally reached my brain, or what but twenty issues in and this one almost clicked. I’m not exactly the most demanding Jonah fan either, I just enjoy the scar faced twat in a hat going around kicking up dust and making life brutal, difficult and short for folks. I prefer it to be a straight western but it isn't a deal breaker.

Jonah Hex by Moritat, Gray & Palmiotti

No, I don’t mind Booster Gold turning up for no reason that is ever going to be explained (hey, that’s just how comic books roll these days). I’m just pleased the book has a bit of a spring back in its step. Maybe it’s the beneficial effect of getting Jonah out of the city and into the countryside? Like when you ferry troubled youths by coach out into the boondocks to stroke goats. Moritat’s art seems a bit more lively and engaged although that might be due to the brighter and more varied colour palette in use. Watch these backgrounds though, I’m not a native of the Americas but I’m pretty sure mesas aren't mobile. Like I say I don’t expect much really and this delivered that making it OKAY!

RED TEAM #2 Art by Craig Cermak Written by Garth Ennis Coloured by Adriano Lucas Lettered by Rob Steen Cover by Howard Victor Chaykin Red Team created by Craig Cermak & Garth Ennis(?) Dynamite, $3.99

More like RED MEAT amiright, soft lads? Here Comics’ Firmest Handshake Garth Ennis turns his surly attention to a tale of cops taking the law into their own hands. I’m sure that will work out really well for everyone involved. At the minute it isn't working out too well for me. I guess my LCS sent this as Howard Victor Chaykin is doing the covers and I like Comics’ Deepest Voice Garth Ennis’ war comics. So, okay, fair enough. I’m not turned off by the concept either. I’m always up for that old story which ends with a bunch of people dead or drenched in blood while sirens scream closer and those who aren't corpses suddenly realise why there are rules.

Red Team by Cermak & Ennis

Maybe it won’t go that way, after all Comics’ Hottest Curry Garth Ennis spends enough time (i.e. too much time) explaining how his characters can smoke in a government building that it must surely (surely!) pay off later in an example of Chekov’s Fags! Maybe everything will go swimmingly but the racially and sexually mixed cast will succumb to a series of smoking related diseases. Maybe not. But hopefully the series will avoid plummeting into maudlin sentimentality like a sloppy drunk slurring on about The Old Country as the barkeep dials for a taxi. Not an uncommon occurrence in work by Comics’ Softest Hearted Big Man Garth Ennis. This thing seems written for the screen (no, the page and the screen are not interchangeable) and the art just isn't up to the job of hiding this. It gives me no pleasure to say that. In fact I’ll leave it there except to express the hope that you really like that panel I picked because you’ll be seeing a lot of it on these pages. RED TEAM is not a complete wash though and that’s due mostly to the dialogue of Comics’ Hairiest Chest Garth Ennis. It’s good dialogue and it means RED TEAM is OKAY! That probably still won’t save me from a beating though.

THE SHADOW #13 Art by Giovanni Timpano Written by Chris Roberson Coloured by Fabricio Guerra Lettered by Rob Steen The Shadow created by Walter B. Gibson Dynamite, $3.99

Everything in this book is so familiar that the sight of your face in the shaving mirror delivers more surprises. This issue is impressive only in its devout refusal to bring anything new or interesting to bear on the join the dots plot with its transparent mystery, its space wasting reluctance to provide more than one speech bubble in a panel and…oh...look, there’s a three page sequence of a drunk man going home, going upstairs, pouring a drink and being surprised. No. That’s not comics, that’s just horseshit. I’m not even going to scan a picture of the contents as the fewer people who see this then the less damage done to those involved. Honestly, I’m doing them a solid here. Or a salad as they say in Nyawk. So, no offence to any of the people involved here as we all have bills to pay but this was AWFUL!

WONDER WOMAN: #20 Art by Goran Sudzuka & Cliff chiang Written by Brian Azzarello Coloured by Matthew Wilson Lettered by Jared K. Fletcher Wonder Woman created by William Moulton Marston and H. G. Peter DC Comics, $2.99

This is an atypically action packed issue but all too typically when the dust settles the forward plot motion is infinitesimal if not entirely illusory. With its large cast, stateliest of paces, squandered artistic talent and elevation of chat at the expense of incident it’s hard not to see WW as Azzarello’s attempt to bottle a bit of that drab Bendis magic. Luckily, despite his heroic efforts, Azzarello appears incapable of attaining such low levels of blandery. For starters his characters don’t sound like they are recovering from traumatic blows to the head; trading only in recursive whirlpools of bland doggerel. And every now and again something does happen. So, it’s an improvement but it’s still very far from being good. It still rarely rises above word play on a par with puzzles in the magazines old people in hospital spontaneously secrete in-between visiting times. Also, I think his cast have a problem with the booze. Although as the middle class assure us, if it’s wine it isn't alcoholism.

Wonder Woman by Chiang, Sudzuka & Azzarello

At some point in any given issue the chattering cast will mingle about some tasteful locale sipping drinks and hoovering up nibbles. Thankfully the medium of comics spares the reader the no doubt inevitable soundtrack of Toploader Orion snuck on to smooth things along. The whole thing is like one of those hellish networking soirees for people who do a bit of wee when they think about Powerpoint presentations. Except everybody is cosplaying Sandman and the evening ends abruptly when a big blue catfish in a crown stabs Simon from Accounts in the face. And puns! This issue’s highlight was when War asked, “Where’s my drink? You said you’d get me a Belgian White Beer!” and Wonder Woman replies “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a Hoegaarden!” Face it, Tiger; this book’s so far gone you’re not even sure if that happened. So it’s a fact that the crisp clarity of Goran Sudzuka and Cliff Chiang's art which brings this up to OKAY!

CREEPY #12 Art by Richard Corben, Richard P. Clark, Peter Bagge, Matthew Allison, Julian Totino Tedesco and Steve Ditko Written by Richard Corben, Ron Marz, Dan Braun, Peter Bagge, Matthew Allison, John Arcudi and Archie Goodwin Lettered by Nate Piekos of Blambot and Peter Bagge Dark Horse Comics, $4.99

There's the usal raggy grab bag of one pagers and spot illos but storywise we have:

Uncle Mangus by Richard Corben

Corben’s on first and Corben’s on form with a frivolous shamble of a shaggy corpse story. Corbenites won’t be disappointed as the shadows drape at strange angles across distorted faces, the undergrowth looks like gathia sticks from Bombay Mix, the borders are jagged when nerves become ragged and the horrific punchline is drawn with slapstick mixed with the ink. Yes, Richard Corben continues to defy Time itself and belligerently refuses to budge from VERY GOOD!

Uncle Mangus by Corben

Fishing by Ron Marz & Richard P. Clark Not entirely rote retelling of one of the usual variations on kids go fishing fear fables. Sorry, but EH!

Local Talent by Matthew Allison Allison's tale nicely conveys the grotty zest of late '70s foreign filmed schlock but would have conveyed it better in less space. Also, I know this charmingly cack cinematic genre was limited by budget but it's not a limitation shared by comic art, so c'mon let's have some backgrounds, son. Good enough for an OKAY!

The Spirit of The Thing by Ditko & Goodwin The Spirit of The Thing by Steve Ditko & Archie Goodwin

It’s Steve Ditko! "He is Dee Aye Tee Kay OH! He is Dee Aye Tee Kay OH! He’s Dee- delightful! Aye – Innovative! Tee- Totally not open to compromise on any point of principle upon which he has formulated an Objectivist stance! Kay – Kind of kooky! OH!- oooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo! He is Dee Aye Tee Kay OH!" In this reprint Archie Goodwin does his usual solid scripting but it’s Ditko’s groovy grey wash German Expressionism that makes this one retain its VERY GOOD! kick lo these many decades after its original printing. It’s also a nice reminder that aficionados of Sturdy Steve should be salivating after the Creepy Presents…Steve Ditko volume that will be dropping imminently. Pre order from your LCS now, they'll appreciate it!

Pack Leader by Tedesco & Arcudi

Pack Leader by Julian Totino Tedesco & John Arcudi While Ditko and Corben get to VERY GOOD! on the merits of their art alone Arcudi and Tedesco’s tale reaches the same grade due to the success of their collaboration. This one really gels and even wrong-footed me at the last. That's nice. Arcudi and Tedesco knew what they were after and they went and got it. Nice work, fellas!

DARK HORSE PRESENTS #24 Dark Horse Comics, $7.99

BLACKOUT CHAPTER 1 Story and lettering by Frank Barbiere Art by Micah Kaneshiro Blackout created by Mike Richardson (?)

This one didn't grab me I’m afraid. With its slickly appealing tech sourced graphics and plot predicated on the promise of explanations further down the line it read like the tie-in to some video game I've never heard of. It’s only a few pages though so maybe it’ll pick up and improve from EH!

ALABASTER: BOXCAR TALES CHAPTER 6 Art and lettering by Steve Lieber Story by Caitlin R. Kiernan Coloured by Rachelle Rosenberg Alabaster created by Caitlin R Kiernan

My total indifference to this one is purely a case of it not being my cup of tea rather than any failure on the part of the creative team. I did read it but I couldn't tell you anything about it except it’s in space and usually it isn't. There are some talking animals and a lady, usually with a very broad accent, having magical adventures. Oh, she’s called Dancy Flammarion. Yeah, that’s me gone. I'm no Garth Ennis but fey’s not my thing, I fear. Disregarding my witless bias this is bound to be OKAY! Because Steve Lieber can sure draw nice and Caitlin R Kiernan writes proper books (she should not be confused with Caitlin Moran who doesn't). The most interesting thing was how disproportionately irritated I was by the bit where the team tell us what they were listening to when they created the strip. It was really distracting. I mean was Kiernan really listening to the Sunshine OST? Why? Was it just because it’s the soundtrack to a movie set in space? That’s a stunningly literal approach isn't it? What did she do when it was finished? Start again? Stop writing?

Like a real asshole I find it all a bit disingenuous when creators share stuff like this with us. No one ever says they were listening to Phil Collins or Cher do they? Ever. Yeah, right. Have you seen some of the people who make comics? Seriously. I mean that guy who always does that stupid thing in photos with his face so it looks like a wet thumb sliding down a window is a Foreigner fan and no mistake. Look into your heart, you know it is true. Anyway, this stuff's just the thin end of the wedge, next thing you know they're telling you about their substance abuse problems, how many kids they have or whether they get to put the fairy on top of the Christmas tree. Being an unfeeling automaton it’s just not something I need to know about creators. I mean, does it do any of you any good to know I wrote this while listening to SWANS’ Time is Money (Bastard)? Oh, alright it was Cher. "Do you belieeeeeeeeve!?!"

Bloodhound by Jolley, Kirk & Riggs BLOODHOUND: PLAIN SIGHT CHAPTER 2 Art by Leonard Kirk & Robin Riggs Written by Dan Jolley Coloured by Moose Baumann Lettered by Rob Leigh Bloodhound created by Dan Jolley & Drew Johnson

This is a revival of a defunct DC property which has now been given back to the creators to do with as they will. I believe DC also returned the less than successful Monolith property to its creators recently too. This is really rather sporting of DC and we should probably acknowledge that before reminding ourselves of their treatment of Alan Moore. It appears that the lesson here is that if you create anything successful for DC they will line up and bang you like a shit house door. Meanwhile the creators of Bloodhound have decided to put it in DHP. I liked this series when it first appeared and I still like it despite the pony tail our hero sports. He’s kind of like a government sanctioned Punisher with all his marbles and a beer belly who targets super villains. This is just a short three parter so the mystery tends to be cleared up by the characters approaching each suspect, the suspect immediately breaking down and pointing to the next suspect and then the villain breaking cover to provide a thrilling cliff hanger. Brevity isn’t doing it any favours is what I’m saying. But I still find the premise promising, the characters solid and the art pleasant enough for it to be OKAY!

BRAIN BOY CHAPTER 2 Art by Freddie Williams II Written by Fred Van Lente Coloured by Ego ("The Living Colourist"?) Lettered by Nate Piekos of Blambot Brain Boy created by Gil Kane & herb Castle

Although it’s not explicitly stated I guess this is an update of Herb Castle and Gil Kane’s 1962 creation for the faster paced and more luridly violent Now. Since Dark Horse published a pricey hardback of these (old and very probably nuts) tales you’d think they might want to draw attention to this. Weird. Anyway, the update is definitely fast and bloody and it’s not without its charms. Chief amongst these are Van Lente’s witty revisionism best exemplified by the call centre riff and the ‘magic cereal' which fools no one. Artwise Williams II has obviously thought long and hard and come to some definite conclusions about how to draw our hero’s nose. I can’t speak with any surety as to the conclusions he’s reached but there’s definitely something going on with Brain Boy’s hooter. Oh, it all bounces along in a lively if not altogether logical fashion, which makes it GOOD!

Nexus by Rude & Baron

TREKKER: THE TRAIN TO AVALON BAY CHAPTER 1 Story and art by Ron Randall Coloured by Jeremy Colwell Lettered by Ken Bruzenak Trekker created by Ron Randall

It's super-nice that an old lag like Randall has his own creator owned property. It's less agreeable to report I found the whole future bounty hunting lady with sad past thing a tad too generic for my fussy palate. I am certain there is an audience for this but I adamant I am not amongst their number. I wish Randall well in all his travels but this, for me, was EH!

KING'S ROAD: THE LONG WAY HOME CHAPTER 2 Art by Phil Winslade Written by Peter Hogan Lettering by Steve Dutro

Oooh! It's a high concept! What if the kids from a book very similar to (but. lawyers take note, not the same as) The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe grew up and had kids who didn't know about their adventures and then The Evil Returned and the kids had to take up arms on behalf of their paunchy and totes dull 'dults?!? This. That's what. No doubt Hogan will be exploring the Christian symbols underlying his borrowings with the same rigour and aplomb as his source. Or at least get a movie deal. Just joking! This is a promising (if not a little cheeky) premise and it's made all the more attractive thanks to Winslade's endearingly gangly characters. Although these do inhabit a blurry world of boisterous blooms of colour, the intensity of which suggest Mr. Winslade should pop down the opticians pretty sharpish or at least dial his PC settings down a bit. Maybe I'm getting soft in my dotage but this was OKAY!

CRIME DOES NOT PAY: CITY OF ROSES CHAPTER 5 Art by Patric Reynolds Written by Phil Stanford Colours by Bill Farmer Lettering by Nate Piekos of Blambot Crime Does Not Pay: City of RosesCity Of Roses created by Patric Reynolds & Phil Stanford

This is EH! due to the perfunctory writing and the weirdly flaky looking art. It isn't terrible but it isn't terribly exciting either. Everybody thinks crime comics are easy and nearly everyone is wrong. Everyone except David Lapham. Christ, I miss STRAY BULLETS. Why can't Dark Horse Presents find room for new David Lapham genius? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

NEXUS: INTO THE PAST CHAPTER 2 Art by Steve Rude Written by Mike Baron Lettered by Steve Rude Coloured by Glenn Whitmore Nexus created by Steve Rude & Mike Baron

Eventually every open ended continuing narrative strip gets to Jack the Ripper, it's likely that they get to Sherlock Holmes too, but only Nexus would throw in H.G. Wells without overbalancing, without even wobbling in fact. It's Nexus so it's VERY GOOD! In fact I'll tell you this: I'd never read Nexus until it appeared in DHP but once it did I ordered Vol.1 of the Omnibooks pretty darn lickety split. I would imagine there is no higher praise a comic creator can receive than a sale. We'll be coming back to Nexus at some point. Aw, yeah!

HUNTER QUAID: ARMAGEDDON OUT OF HERE Art by Melissa Curtin Written by Donny Cates & Eliot Rahal Coloured by Lauren Affe Lettered by Lauren Affe Hunter Quaid created by Donny Cates & eliot Rahal

I couldn’t get a grip on this one. It’s like something an artist would do to showcase their style but it has a writer, no, two writers? And they are the creators but it's the art that is the stand out feature? I don’t know. I don't get that. It looks nice but, hey, that’s all you need sometimes. It was OKAY! but only because of the artist.

Villain House by Wheeler

VILLAIN HOUSE CHAPTER 4 By Shannon "Papa" Wheeler

It’s a kind of testament to the durability and depth of the concepts at the heart of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee’s Fantastic Four that half a century later it still provides fertile soil for trees of mirth like this. As mirth trees go this is a sturdy beech indeed. This is some funny stuff right here from the surly insistence of 'Not The Thing' that everything bad is Communist to the laser targeted title of “Invisible Wife” and beyond. The laughs aren't empty either, there’s a sympathetic villain whose world is ruined by a bunch of powered berks getting all up in his business to hilariously disastrous, but not unmoving, effect. I’d hazard a guess this strip is somewhat more refreshing and engaging than yet another modernisation of an old Kirby & Lee classic. ( “Yo, Yo, Yo! Ben Grimm is Totes Sad, Bro! (Ch-Ch-Ch-check out Mi Tumb-LAH!!!)”) Wheelers’ treat of a tummy tickler may not beat the ultimate yukkifier of Don Simpson’ s Yarn Man and “Golly! That crazy gizmo really works!” but it comes closer than most in a very small space. And that’s VERY GOOD!

Christ, I think I sprained something back there. And now I know why people don't review anthologies. I still don't understand why they don't buy em. They're stilll - COMICS!!!

"BIG..! I'm Telling You...The Sonuvabitch is HUGE!" COMICS! Sometimes They Are Extravagant!

Like Ripley going back for that damn cat I go back to ALIEN THE ILLUSTRATED STORY. This time it's so big Ash could very well be right and, yes, you could probably walk on it!

No it isn't PLANET OF THE APES WEEKLY. Well spotted. This week I learned two things: 1) Never say what you are going to look at next because Life will unleash a horde of flying monkeys right at your face and turn you into a big fat liar. 2) In the words of Beat-Cop Brian Hibbs "Always have a throw-down piece." That would be this. But hey, I didn't actually say POTA would start this week...so I also learned 3) Just in, I have also learned I will wheedle.

ALIEN THE ILLUSTRATED STORY (THE ORIGINAL ART EDITION)

Art by Walter Simonson Scripted by Archie Goodwin Lettered by John Workman Based on the original screenplay ALIEN by Dan O'Bannon & Ronald Shusett And the motion picture directed by Ridley Scott Titan Books, 35.1 x 2.5 x 50.5 cm, 96 pp (2012) $75.00 US $85.00 Can £54.99 UK

"We did not try to replicate the film, an impossible task. Instead, we tried to create a graphic novel that would stand on its own merits." Walter Simonson (2012)

Walter Simonson there reminiscing about his and Archie Goodwin & John Workman's 1979 Heavy Metal adaptation of the motion picture presentation ALIEN. When we were all that bit younger and fleet of foot I went on about it a bit HERE. (Spoiler: It was VERY GOOD!) If you want to buy a nice shiny version of thatbook Titan just republished it a couple of weeks ago. (Bodacious Ben Lipman popped up in the comments to say: "I bought the cheaper Titan edition a few weeks back, and I don’t believe it has the interviews or behind-the-scenes bits and bobs mentioned in your review – it’s all comic!" So I have altered the following bit.) Here as well as the original (still innovative) adaptation you'll get Goodwin's script with Simonson's annotations, two pages of try-outs (once in B&W and once in colour) and a comprehensive and good natured interview with both Simonson and Workman conducted by J P Rutter. Of even more importance though, in this version, the version I splashed the cash on, you get all those and you get the art reproduced from the original artboards.

Turns out art boards are big.

Turns out art board books are big and pricey.

Yeah, about that. I bought this book because it is a great book but I bought this version because it is probably the only chance I'll get to grab one of these Original Artboards books. The IDW (to which this bears great, ahem, similarities) books are things of great joy and Satanic temptation but ultimately it's not the best idea to  spend what you haven't got (as Western economies found out recently). That's not to say that the IDW books are unreasonably priced for what you get (by all accounts you get wonders) but they are out of my reach. Thanks to a deep pre-order discount and a deal with Satanzon I could just get my needy fingers on this one. Just in case anyone thought I was Richie fucking Rich or got comps.  I'm not, I don't, and yet I still bought this ostentatious thing. It didn't disappoint.

While most of your time will be spent staring at the wonderful (i.e. full of wonders) art, art which is still instructive about how to make comics some thirty three years later, the value of the accompanying interview must be stressed. No empty glad handing back slapping celebration of how simply marvellous all involved were is this. No, although all involved probably deserve it in this case. It is in fact highly educational about how the book was put together.

Look, here's a page of the script:

Now, here's the scripted page in its drawn and published form:

Alone these could be taken as yet another example of how the writer gets the artist to do all the work. In the interview it becomes clear how closely Goodwin, Simonson and Workman involved. It was the kind of mental cross pollination that isn't ever going to be adequately documented except in the form of an interview. Where the more abstract and elusive contributions of the creators, contributions that leave no physical evidence, can at least be acknowledged in the approximate, but permanent, form of words. Rutter's done a fantastic job on the interview is what I'm saying. It helps that he has two subjects as cuddly as Walter Simonson and John Workman (Archie Goodwin died in 1998 and so was unable to attend). Both men are self effacing but aware of the work's value and so able to discuss its fascinating creation in a way which is both informative and engaging.

It's through the interview that the names of the people who actually coloured the book are revealed.  So, a belated big happy shout out to Louise Jones (later Louise Simonson), Polly Law and Deb Pedlar for the bulk of the colour work herein. Except it isn't herein as this one is the uncoloured art from the original art boards. Irony in action there. Most people who buy the book will have a copy of the coloured version so they can have some fun comparing and contrasting and fully appreciating the impact the colour brought to the work. I've had to use a scanner to provide examples but with two copies of the book, steady hands and your own eyes this effect can be replicated at will:

Sometimes they do the comparison for you:

But you still need to get another copy to look at the original cover, then you've got the final piece of the puzzle. (Hey, purple becomes green - I did not know that!):

When I was doing the script/final page comparison I tried to scan in the original art page just to get that middle step in but that was seriously not a thing that was going to happen. Look, I'm just a sour old man sat in his kitchen with a scanner that can just fit a normal comic without technical hilarity ensuing. I'm not a 21st Century publishing house. So, in lieu of that please accept, as a token indication of the original art involved, a reproduction of the final panel of that page:

There are two things I really like about having that panel:

1) I can now tell that Simonson drew distorted shapes in the helmets behind the characters' heads to represent the letters of the SFX behind them. He has visually indicated the distortion the (already bizarre) noise is subject to by passing through the medium of the helmets. I don't think that extra attention to detail is apparent in the published piece. SIMONSON!

2) The stains!

Were I to spend £54.99 on a book only for someone to spill coffee on it I can assure you there would be raised voices and the very real possibility of awkward man-dancing resulting in at least a torn cardigan and at worst a grazed knuckle or two. Shouty violence of a singularly inept and middle-aged stripe would be on the cards. I'd react badly is what I'm saying. And yet...and yet...I have just spent £54.99 (well, not really £54.99...) on a book and I am pleased as punch to find a reproduction of the 33 year old spillage from one of Simonson's cawwfee cups defacing it. I mean, it isn't even the real stain. But, in my defence, it is a stain reproduced from the original artboards!

It was a massive amount of fun looking at this massive book and comparing it with the original, reading the interview, matching the script to the original art and then to the published work etc. But I am not unaware that it was also massivley expensive fun. If you've got the cash to hand it is an eye opening, beautifully produced experience. Particularly so for non comics makers, for such as them (i.e. such as me) who'll probably get no closer to the process than this I'm going to say this was EXCELLENT!

If you just want to read a really good comic adaptation of the movie ALIEN stick to the normal tpb (£10.99 UK). This one is for the professionals, the would-be professionals and the untalented nutters like me who just really, really like COMICS!!!

NEXT TIME: Who the Hell knows (lesson learned.)

"I Admire Its PURITY." Comics! Sometimes They Are A Bit Like Films (ALIEN)!

(Or: Never Put an Englishman called Kane in charge.)

ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED STORY Art by Walter Simonson (b.1946) Words by Archie Goodwin (1937 - 1998) Lettered by John Workman (b.1950) Based on 20th Century Fox's science fiction hit, ALIEN (Heavy Metal Futura Publications, £2.50, 1979)

1. "It's Not Our Sysyem..." or I Start Talking.

It's only a slim volume this, a hair over 6o pages so the team have it all on to pack in the 117 movie minutes. In fact it's a ridiculously small amount of space but the bizarre thing is that they have any space at all. Why a comic adaptation of a film in 1979 of all years?  STAR WARS is why. Just as STAR WARS' mind damaging box-office success is the reason ALIEN was green-lit so was STAR WARS the reason for the existence of a comics adaptation. The comics adaptation of STAR WARS was very, very, very successful (alas, this had nothing to do with the fact that the world had woken up to the magic of Howard Victor Chaykin). Also the people working on ALIEN were pretty comics savvy and were familiar with HEAVY METAL (Ridley Scott has described his storyboards as being very "Moebius"). So that's why a comic and that's why a comic by HEAVY METAL.

ALIEN:THE ILLUSTRATED STORY(A:TIS) was intendended to spearhead a series of movie adaptations that would be serialised in HEAVY METAL and then collected. I don't know how many others were produced but I know there was the Veitch/Bissette 1941 adaptation (way better than the inert film) and Steranko's OUTLAND (like getting Picasso to adapt BEN10). This latter has never been collected in English so I guess the run of adaptations fizzled out pretty quickly. The then Art Director at HEAVY METAL John Workman was tasked with bringing the ALIEN adaptation to term and rang Carmine Infantino with the intention of having Infantino do pencils and Simonson do the inks.  Infantino's phone was busy so Workman rang Simonson and by the end of the call Simonson had smooth talked his way into doing the whole job. Simonson had the very bright idea of roping in editor par excellence Archie Goodwin for the non-pictorial tasks. It was one sweet team thus assembled and the results were the first comic to squat on the New York Times bestseller list and, even better, remain there for 7 weeks.

It's important to remember that A:TIS  is an adaptation not a replication. Some dialogue you may be familiar with is missing some you might not recognise is present. It's a little hard at this date to actually remember what dialogue is actually in the film what with Scott's incessant tinkering. As regards the 1979 original version there are, I assure you, textual differences. This is because Simonson & Goodwin (S&G) had access to 3 drafts of the script and used these to piece together a narrative they found most satisfying to the comics presentation. From the ground up the piece was built with its format in mind. They had also seen a cut of the film and had access to an abundance of stills so the book's visuals are clearly sourced on the cinematic offering. Not being composed of pure tedium S&G don't do a lumpen shot for shot representation so the familiarity with the settings/costumes etc. allow them to vamp some stuff and use unusual POVs without losing the visual consistency afforded by the production's tip-top designs. S&G don't have to design anything because it's all been done for them by Ron Cobb (ship interiors), Cris Foss (ship exteriors), Moebius (spacesuits) and H.R. Giger (alien stuff). They can just concentrate on designing the comic. And design it they do. Rather than go through the whole thing page by page which would break even the strongest reader's spirit I will now briefly alight on a few instances I find pleasing to mine eye.

2. "Oh, I Feel Dead." or (Slow) Motion.

ALIEN the movie opens with a languorously paced sequence in which a strange transmission is received and the Nostromo's crew are awakened from hyper-sleep. This takes quite a bit of screen time but the comic doesn't have the same luxury in terms of space (using a shorthand of time=pages). What S&G do is pretty neat. They go to the opposite extreme and slow the scene down further. You could call it decompression even but it's a strange kind of decompression. They counterintuitively concentrate on the opening of a single eye to both illustrate the process of waking and set the tempo for the scene they are illustrating. Witness the four panels given over to Kane's eye opening:

This effectively sets the sluggish pace for the happenings depicted on the page and cues us in that the others will be waking equally slowly, because this is a slow process. It's a bold move to use so much of the sparse space available on so few seconds of screen time. Bold but effective as the sequence is emblematic of the waking process as a whole. The visual decompression acts a form of compression with regard to the content.

There then follows a depiction of Kane brewing up for his colleagues. I like this sequence because it shows the intelligence behind S&G's choices, because as in any adaptation choices have to be made. This takes up quite a lot of space, relatively speaking anyway. It is after all just a man brewing up which is precisely the kind of mundane task that you might think could be jettisoned

from the narrative without any loss being felt. But S&G recognise it is important in its very mundanity. When you wake up, you have a coffee. Even in space. It's a recognition of the crucial interplay of the familiar and the unfamiliar which anchor the film and allow for the later excesses to be accommodated without a break in the suspension of disbelief. Also, a lot more is happening in those panels than those of the preceding waking sequence. Note the single panel of the steaming cups indicating the repetition of the task without the need to actually repeat the other panels. The density of the panels indicate the pace is picking up compared to the sleepy start. With Kane's salutation the reader effectively receives a signal that the plot is now in motion.

3. "It Doesn't Look Like An S.O.S." or Sounds Without Sound.

The movie uses sound design beautifully to evoke the otherness of certain occurrences such as the meaty phlop of the egg flaps opening or the screech of the skedadilling chest burster. Naturally the mute medium of  comics can do little but suggest these; usually through distortions in the lettering. With A:TIS S&G demonstrate that the power of suggestion can be surprisingly powerful. They attempt to replicate the scouring howl of the howling distress/warning transmission by choosing the most godawful combination of text and background colours known to reading beings. That's no accident. It's supposed to be perturbing. It'd be hard to make text anymore unsettling than engineering it to actually move around in a queasy manner at the slightest variation in your gaze. The fracturing of the letter shapes and the vibrating effect of the colour combination rattle the reader's gaze in a really quite clever manner.

Unable to replicate the staticky crackle and insistent hiss of communication over comm-channels the decision was made to colour such speech blue. This doesn't actually communicate the texture of the noise but it does at least imply a difference in the sound emitted by the characters and the  sounds emitted by the technology around them. It would be hard for a non comics-savvy reader to parse the panel below without the visual cue of the colours. But because the rules of the text/colour device have been set up clearly in the earlier pages any reader would know that Brett and Parker were not hallucinating but hearing a comm transmission from someone not pictured in the scene.

4. "Open The Door!" or It's Constraining Men (and Two Women).

A key element in the tension that underscores the movie is the pervasive sense of claustrophobia.  The physical environment aids the film makers here with the sets being fixed and the ceilings having been lowered by some four feet to create a physically oppressive reality in which the action unfolds. Archie Goodwin was responsible for the placement of the balloons on the page while Workman lettered within them. Goodwin was an excellent editor and his positioning of the balloons suggests the presence of some considered intention. Now while it's possible to argue that the density of the speech is a result of the space limitations it's also possible to argue that the placement of the balloons is used to hem in the figures to create an additional level of constriction.

The words on the page are read as equally physical and present as the drawn environment in which the action occurs.The characters are doubly restricted by the ship drawn around around them with all its clutter and shadows and the very words they are speaking.

5. "All Other Priorities Rescinded." or Toeing The Company Line.

There are very few instances where this atmosphere of restriction are alleviated but there is a particularly jarring one which is used in the service of both characterisation and foreshadowing. There are some things a film can do which it is impossible to reproduce on the page. Crucially these include the incredibly convincing performances of all the actors involved. These are some good performances right there. There's no way via words and pictures to fully convey the shrill flakiness of Lambert (Veronica Cartwright), the passive-aggressive sniping of Brett and Parker (Harry Dean Stanton & Yaphet Kotto), the chafing enthusiasm of Kane (John Hurt), the fake-matiness of Ash (Ian Holm), the eroding confidence of Dallas (Tom Skerritt) and the uncertain certainty of Ripley (Sigourney Weaver). I can't believe even the best comic writer and the best comic artist could do more than approximate the fusion of emotional flavours in Weaver's reading of the simple line, "Micro changes in air density, my ass." I only point out this 'failure' so I can concentrate on the work's successes because Simonson & Goodwin do achieve some fantastic successes here. One of them is this:

During the film Ian Holm is able to subtly suggest Ash's oddness with a series of brief bizaritties that verge on the subliminal; his little standing jog, the intermittent twitchy moues and his inflexibly diagnostic gaze during the 'birth' sequence for example. It's a subtle string of hints and tics that build towards his character's revelatory scene. S&G don't have room for that but they get one good shot in with the above panel. From the stance to the complete nullity of the background they manage to communicate that as far as Ash is concerned only he exists and has any real import. Nothing around him matters, particularly not his crew-mates. He's the perfect Company Man. And like all Company Men he isn't really a man at all. Um, spoiler?

6. "It's Got A Wonderful Defense Mechanism. You Don't Dare Kill It." or (Quick) Motion.

Punctuating the unhurried pacing of the film like a steel toothed phallus piercing a Brit thesp's chest are scenes of abruptly frantic action. One of the earliest of these occurs when the crew discover that the xenomorph sat on Kane's face has a charming defense mechanism in the form of acid for blood. S&G don't have a physical set they can hurtle through with a soundtrack and editing enhancing the action but they have a good go nevertheless.

The page itself is pressed into service as the film set with the panel breaks and gutters providing the editing. The eye has to travel from the top of the first column to the base then in the gutter it moves swiftly to the top of the second vertical which is interrupted by the in-panel floor levels suggesting "soft" breaks in the page which the eye lingers on but less so than "hard" white breaks. The speed of the gaze downwards is thus increased but not actually interrupted before zipping back up via the gutter again to the top of the third vertical where the division into four panels by "hard" breaks cause the gaze to slow before halting on the final panel. Reading the sequence the eye really covers some ground and together with the diminishing pace this adroitly captures the essence of the scene.

7. "Now, This Air-Shaft May Work To Our Advantage." or The Suspense of Uncertainty.

The sequence where Dallas scurries around in the guts of the ship in pursuit of the Alien is also rendered effectively despite the static nature of the form although here the techniques are a little more ambiguous. Purposefully so, I'd say. In the top layer we are adopting the POV of something other than Dallas, its uncertain whether we are seeing things from the Alien viewpoint or just a non specific POV. Then there are the thin vertical panels breaking up the larger images. Are these the Alien's POV? The increasingly illuminated panels interrupting these flat blacks indicate Dallas' imminent arrival.  When Dallas reaches our POV the interruption changes from black to a blare of white dominated by a bizarre image. It's clearly related to the Alien but is it the Alien reflected in Dallas' lamp lens? Is it the Alien sheltering in some comfy duct now the light has invaded its previously dark nest? Dallas forges on to the outer edge of the last horizontal panel but behind him there is darkness.

In fact there's an uncomfortable amount of darkness behind him, more than there is light in front; is that to indicate how far he's come or to indicate that now there is something behind him? The whole sequence depicts Dallas nearing our POV on the top layer, arriving at that POV in the middle layer and then moving away again in the final lower panel. There's a definite sense that what he was heading towards is now behind him. Something happened in there, the exact nature of which is imprecise but the implication is it isn't going to be good. There's just something really creepy and suspenseful about the whole thing which is perfectly appropriate and the uncertainty of it all exacerbates this.

8. "I Wanna Go Home And Party" or Hurray, I Shut up!

Yeah, sure, despite all this craft, talent and enthusiasm A:TIS never once manages to replace the audio-visual thrill of the film itself. But this would be an expectation held only by someone possessing an excess of optimism or a shortage of sense. It does however provided a surprisingly innovative comics experience. One that's still fresh and surprising on a technique level some three decades later. As I say I've just highlighted some of my favourite parts. There's plenty of other stuff on the pages such as Simonson's occasional use of organic bio-form borders, the use of splash pages at moments when they are most useful and even one page that is composed entirely of colour elements with no line work. This all sounds positivley innovative and challenging particularly as the modern tendency would surely be to to slap verbatim dialogue on unvaryingly widescreen panels. And, yes, if you break down the techniques on show they are quite complex but this complexity is  used entirely in the service of transparency of meaning. While Simonson has claimed that the book was accompanying a hit movie accounts for its unprecedented success it wouldn't be too outlandish to think that the high quality and accessibility of the end product itself might not have helped as well. ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED STORY is, after all, VERY GOOD!

Note: ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED STORY is due to be reprinted in May 2012.

Acknowledgements: If any facts have made it into this waffle that is due purely to the following sources: MODERN MASTERS: WALTER SIMONSON (TwoMorrows, 2006) THE ALIEN ANTHOLOGY (20th Century Fox, 2010 (Blu-Ray))

Have a good weekend, all, and remember to read some COMICS!!!

"I Want To Be That Man!" Comics! Sometimes A Little Melodrama Doesn't Hurt!

Happy New Year and I do so hope you all had a very Merry Season of Cheer! Sadly I read some more DC war comics from the '70s and then wrote about 'em!

I think you'll find I can and, worse, I did!

SHOWCASE PRESENTS: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER By Joe Kubert, Irv Novick, Doug Wildey, Dan Spiegle, Jack Sparling, Gerry Talaoc (Art) with  Joe Kubert, Bob Haney, Robert Kanigher, Archie Goodwin, Frank Robbins and David Michelinie (Words) (DC Comics, $16.99, 2006)

Art by Joe Kubert

(N.B. All images are taken from original copies of the comics on loan from the Kane Archive. The book under discussion itself is B&W. However the guy who wrote this was unable to satisfactorily wrestle his SHOWCASE onto the scanner and achieve pleasing results. The images in the book are excellent but THEY ARE IN BLACK AND WHITE!)

1. The Twice Born Man: Origin(s) of A Living Legend

It sounds like something Steve Allen might drone as he extended a limp arm in welcome to his next guest; “And now…the man no one knows yet is known by everyone…!” but it isn't rather it’s the tag line for the Immortal G.I. himself  - The Unknown Soldier. This SHOWCASE PRESENTS volume collects his first 38 issues in the form a big B&W brick of crisply reproduced pages. The Soldier (as I shall for brevity’s sake refer to him hereafter) was created by Robert Kanigher and Joe Kubert in OUR ARMY AT WAR #168 (June 1966). In 1970 The Soldier took over the lead in STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES with #151. Judging by the letter columns (not reproduced) it seems the then lead Enemy Ace feature while popular wasn't popular enough, so The Soldier’s appearance was intended to find a lead feature which would engage with enough readers to prevent cancellation. The concept seems to have been an attempt to create a super-hero for WW2 but one with at least some realistic grounding.

In his first appearance The Soldier is presented as the latest in a family in which the males are bred to serve the US in times of war as troubleshooting masters of disguise. They have been doing this since The Revolutionary War. Don’t worry if this is news to you because someone clearly had an attack of sense and this silliness was redacted in #154 with a second origin. According to the second, more popular, and better, origin The Immortal G.I. was originally a (never named) grunt who lost both his brother (Harry) and his face in a Japanese attack.  Just before death and disfigurement visit the pair Harry tells the Legend-to-be that “one guy can affect the outcome of a whole war! One guy in the right place…at the right...time…”  It’s lucky for comics that Harry didn't choose to that moment regale his sibling with tales of which cheerleaders he wished he’d banged back home or how he was shipping machine gun parts back piece by piece to settle scores when he got Stateside; lucky because it’s these words that lead the defaced survivor to dedicate his life to being that “one guy in the right place…” and in being such a man to become a Legend. The Legend of The Unknown Soldier.

Art by Gerry Talaoc

Following his training the Soldier is a dab hand at creating an accurate mask of a person, impeccable at intuiting their body language and mannerisms and very convincing when it comes to replicating vocal inflections. And he can usually do all that from just a photograph. Look, it’s a ‘70s WW2 war comic dreamt up on the fly about a guy with a bandaged face who can impersonate anyone; a comic largely intended to entertain; a series that ends with The Soldier making Hitler die like a dog in his bunker while on a mission to stop vampiric octopi being unleashed (note: not in this volume as it is a couple of decades later).  It’s just one of those series where the dumb and the excessive combine to create a flavour of awesome only some palates will savour. Most of the time.

Sometimes the comic goes off-mission and starts to stray into more realistic areas.  And it’s when the realism starts to chafe at the entertainment that I find the series at its most interesting. So, those are the aspects I’ll be concentrating on as I drivel on about a select few issues of STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES Featuring: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER.

2. Unrealistic Realism: Joe Kubert

The first phase of The Soldier’s adventures in this book are dominated by Joe Kubert. Kubert’s tales typically place The Soldier in a real event (The Doolittle raid on Tokyo, the July 20^th bomb plot against Hitler) or make broad points about heroism and sacrifice in at least marginally realistic scenarios. On the whole the comic booky nature of the hero and Kubert’s obvious brief to entertain work against his more serious intentions and so I've picked an issue which demonstrates this tension between the real and the fantastic more than most:

The Unknown Soldier in TOTENTANZ By Joe Kubert (a) and Bob Haney (w) Originally appeared in STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES #158 (DC Comics, $0.25, 1971) Reprinted in black & white in SHOWCASE PRESENTS: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER (DC Comics, $16.99, 2006)

 Totentanz is German for “dance of death” and it is used here as the name of the concentration camp setting for the latest mission for The Soldier. Unlike most concentration camp stories it starts with a joke:

Art by Joe Kubert

Threatening the inmates of a Concentration Camp with death may very well be the very definition of black humour. Beyond black even; anthracitic humour. It’s not a nice joke, but it is a joke. Beyond the gallows humour it’s pretty much the usual Joe Kubert war comic cover (which is to say it is a piece of excellence in and of itself, never mind the pages it is stapled to) in form at least. But in content it’s far from usual. There are children staring out from behind the wire. If you think that’s funny, congratulations, you’re really transgressive.

Art by Joe Kubert

Joe Kubert edited and drew this story so I’m going to assume he was the driving force behind the result.  Now, given his decades of excellence in and influence upon comics I doubt I have to tell anyone that Joe Kubert is Jewish. He also appears to be quite serious about this Jewishness. ( If the dryly amusing introduction to THE ADVENTURES OF YAAKOV AND JOSEF (2004) is to be believed Kubert only did the series of faith based stories after being browbeaten by a Rabbi.) Also, Kubert hasn't been one to shirk from documenting man’s inhumanity to man as the OGN FAX FROM SARAJEVO (1996) attests. Then there’s the OGN YOSSEL:APRIL 19, 1943 (2003). Basically if you read a decent proportion of Joe Kubert’ work you will soon start to see recurring themes and interests; Jewishness, The Holocaust, man's inhumanity to man and Tor. (Christ, Joe Kubert will never give up on Tor.) There’s all that stuff and more but essentially there’s this:  Joe Kubert’s family fled Poland to America to escape the Nazis. At least those of Joe Kubert’s family who survived the Nazis did so.

Art by Joe Kubert

I’ll not lie; Totentanz is as silly a story as most Unknown Soldier tales. The actual plot doesn't even make much sense. It’s very Bob Haney (1926 – 2004); which is to say his brio and level of craft manage to keep you reading despite all the increasing inconsistencies and illogicalities. That’s okay because Joe Kubert just wants a story set in a concentration camp and Bob Haney gives him that. And Joe Kubert wants a story set in a concentration camp so that he can at least suggest some of the inhuman foulness of such a place. And Joe Kubert gives us that. He gives us that right from the off with an opening splash that looks like this:

Art by Joe Kubert

And the whole story is basically an excused to present a series of terrible images of terrible things, a succession of suffering. Sadly for Joe Kubert this comic was made in 1971 and I don’t believe there was a writer working in comics then who could provide a text able to completely vanquish any qualms concerning tastelessness or, perhaps worse to today's audience, obviousness. Haney has a good go though with stuff like “testifying to the awful “fuel” within!” but he’s still effectively hamstrung by the fact that he’s writing what is essentially a children’s comic and his own limitations as a writer. Which is to say; he’s a fine ‘70s comic book writer but this tale’s a bit out of his reach. By their very nature Comics have always lagged in the writing department (and they still do despite what the writers say) but the Kubert's horrifically arresting art here is sufficient to achieve his purpose but it has to do it bluntly; so bluntly it might repel modern sensibilities. Also, maybe a subject like The Holocaust can’t be finessed. Once you get behind the wire things get primitive real fast and maybe intellectualizing this stuff just serves to dilute the impact. If a comic about Concentration camps doesn't leave you feeling sick that’s probably a worse comic about concentration camps than one that’s got a silly plot but does, at least, leave you feeling like someone’s hit you in the face with a shovel a few times. So yeah, like most of these stories in the Kubert part of the book Totentanz is hampered by the limits of mainstream genre comics of its time but is still pretty entertaining due to the strengths such comics had (compression, momentum, clarity of purpose). Unlike the other Kubert tales it aims a bit higher and, alas, fails a bit more but it gets its point across alright which isn't too shabby an achievement.

Art by Joe Kubert

3. Ruddy Good Fun And Race Hate: Archie Goodwin & Frank Robbins

Phew! Industrialised genocide sure puts a damper on things doesn't it? Let’s try and fill that uncomfortable silence and get the party mood going again with some race hate! It’s surprising to find such a subject in the next section of the book which I have designated as being The Goodwin/Robbins Bit. Archie Goodwin (1937-1998) was, of course, possibly the greatest Editor in comics. He’s certainly one of my favourites (along with Andrew Helfer in case anyone gave a toss) and back when Editors did Editing Stuff rather than whatever they do now he was The Best. I suppose you want some kind of supporting evidence because you have mistaken this for some kind of disciplined text instead of the rambling nonsense it so clearly is. Well, do you know how Archie Goodwin edited STARSTRUCK? By doing nothing to it. Clearly Archie Goodwin knew when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. He was also a pretty good writer but his work in the BLAZING COMBAT collection is better evidence of that than anything here. Here Goodwin has clearly been asked to provide espionage capers and he does so. They are okay, they are entertaining but they aren't as good as Frank Robbins’ (1917 – 1994) stories. Or at least one of Frank Robbins’ stories. This one:

The Unknown Soldier in A TOWN CALLED HATE! By Jack Sparling(a) and Frank Robbins(w) Originally appeared in STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES #179 (DC Comics, $0.20, 1974) Reprinted in black & white in SHOWCASE PRESENTS: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER (DC Comics, $16.99, 2006)

Art by Joe Kubert

Unlike Totentanz this tale succeeds on the strength of the writing rather than the art. Jack Sparling was, I’m sure, a lovely man and a joy to all he met but his art here is functional; this being no small praise in the days when they had to chuck this stuff out at a rate of knots. But it’s the writing that makes this one worthy of attention. Which is a bit of a shocker I can tell you. Prior to this issue Frank Robbins has seemed content to provide capers in the style of Goodwin bur with the pulp ridiculousness turned up to Purple. Entertainment is the name of the game with these and as a result they haven’t aged too well although I’m sure any 7 year olds were thrilled to bits which, let’s be fair, was pretty much the point of this stuff. Following tales in which shaven headed Nazis torture young Belgian girls while leering over the contents of their straining sweaters and flicking fag ash in their desperate eyes to have Robbins suddenly get all serious is certainly arresting. It’s just not what you expect from someone who has committed “What—What does an apprentice cheese-maker know of…DEATH DEVICES?” to posterity. I mean I’m glad he did because I like a laugh too but I’m more grateful for A Town Called Hate.

Art by Jack Sparling

In “a small French town near the Malmedy area” (which probably isn't really called "Hate") an all-black engineers corps are greeted by a white soldier with some racist banter. That night several of them are machine gunned in their bunks. The survivors immediately blame “Those dirty, muther-lovin’ WHITE TRASH...!” and toss a grenade into a bunkhouse of their sleeping Caucasian comrades. The town is now a battleground with sides divided on racial grounds. Enter The Soldier. Except...The Soldier is unavailable so the task falls to his comrade Chat Noir. As is explained by the man himself “..it means “Black Cat!” I AM black …and PROUD of it!” Robbins’ does a nice job in the conversation between Chat and a General of showing how racism exists in less overt forms than the violence we have seen. Chat picks him up on the use of “your people” and seethes over being addressed as “boy”. If the current conflict can be ceased that isn't going to mean the end of racism and the beginning of a bold new dawn but first things first and off Chat trots.

Luckily The Soldier ends up in the same town (it’s a comic!) but he’s posing as a German and then joins some Germans disguised as Americans which makes him an American posing as a German who is posing as an American. This is confusing but accurate what with the Germans actually using such tactics during the Battle of The Bulge. So there are German wandering around disguised as G.I.s and…oh, you've figured it out! Clearly the black soldiers were killed by a German posing as a Yank!  And, yes, so the evidence indicates and the plucky G.I.s team back up and start fighting the right war again. How neat and quaint except…it isn't. Robbins has The Soldier and Chat realize that in fact the violence was sparked by a racist G.I. but the obvious, yet wrong, solution was used to get the guys back together and pointing their guns in the right direction. I like that a lot. I like the fact Robbins doesn't take the easy way out, in fact I like it so much I brought it to your attention. Robbins takes a pretty big subject dresses it in genre trappings without losing sight of the fact the subject is bigger than the tale he’s telling. He does a good job. There’s not a lot of nuance, y’know. But again, how much nuance do you really need? Racism isn't right. It’s not open to debate. That’s it. End of.

Art by Jack Sparling

4. Subterfuge And (Sub)Text: Michelenie & Talaoc

I am a great fan of the Michelinie/Talaoc stories. This may be because this is where I came in when I was a kid but it may also be because they are very good. For me Michelinie seems to be the first writer to really nail the concept. Given the evidence in this book his stories take the form of morality plays spliced with espionage thrillers. There’s always a more personal, more human conflict being addressed within the wider conflict of WW2 in which the stories take place. Again, they aren't big on nuance (today's word is: nuance!); there is never any doubt what the stories are supposed to be demonstrating but they are big on characterisation and entertainment. They never forget that they are pulp and this together with a pretty dark sense of humour saves them from becoming preachy. No one likes preachiness! Except preachers, I guess.

The Unknown Soldier in 8,000 To One By Gerry Talaoc(a) and David Michelinie(w) Originally appeared in STAR SPANGLED WAR STORIES #183 (DC Comics, $0.20, 1974) Reprinted in black & white in SHOWCASE PRESENTS: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER (DC Comics, $16.99, 2006)

Art by Joe Kubert

Did you know that Hitler had a “hands off” policy regarding Jews in Denmark? Well in 1943 it appeared Der Fuhrer regretted his largesse and changed his nasty mind. In this tale plans have been made to ship 8,000 Jews to safety , but this plan has been compromised – enter The Soldier! Posing as a Kommando The Soldier hits an early roadblock when upon reporting to his superior the Colonel orders his men to “Kill Him!” Naturally The Soldier goes Mortal Kombat on them and it turns out that this was only “a test!”. This is awesome pulpness but Michelinie slips in the caption, “…no time to think of the lives hanging in the balance. I had only time to – REACT!” A caption which appears redundant but is important later. Shortly thereafter The Soldier meets Inger.

Art by Gerry Talaoc

Inger’s a real piece of work. Inger is a Jew working with the Nazis who will do “anything” to stay alive. That’s what Inger’s about – staying alive. Like The Bee Gees. She knows what the Nazis are all about when it comes to The Jews (what the Nazis are all about with The Jews is bad). A failed attempt is made on Inger’s life and she recognises the dead assassin as her brother. She weeps but doesn't recant. This is pretty good stuff. I mean, I don’t want to die and I also don’t want to help Nazis and I know I’d like to make the right choice but…hey, you never know do you? I don’t like Inger but I understand Inger. A couple of pages later in fine pulp tradition Inger has outlived her usefulness and become “expendable!” As a final test of loyalty (the Germans still have suspicions what with The Soldier getting up to all kinds of stuff I haven’t told you about) The Soldier is ordered to shoot her.

Does he:

a) Shoot her. b) Turn his weapon on the Germans, escape with her and sail off with The 8,000 Jews. c) Disarm everyone with laughter by doing an impression of a drunk monkey.

The correct answer is:

Art by Gerry Talaoc

I mean he isn't happy about it or anything. In fact he even has a caption: “Like the trembling girl before me the War left me no choice…”Remember Soldier, one slip-up…and 8,000 innocent people…will die!”” Hey, maybe this can usefully be juxtaposed with the earlier caption where he didn't have time to think. Here he has time to think, but in the end he still has to do the same thing: kill. One more time in case anyone missed it: “Like the trembling girl before me the war left me no choice…” Because isn't that the point of the whole story? Inger made a choice but in the end she might as well not have done: she still ended up dead. She just betrayed 8,000 people for a couple more weeks of life. It’s pretty sad really. What? Oh, The 8,000 Jews get away but it wasn't really about them it was about one Jew who should have been hateful but ended up being tragic. As ever there’s not a lot of nuance (!) but there is a lot of excitement, action and heart. And I guess that’s why, despite the formidable talent preceding them Michelinie and Talaoc’s Unknown Soldier stories are the best in this book. Or maybe it’s just because I read them when I was a kid. This stuff really did a number on your head as a kid, y’know?

5. Gerry’s Vase

Alright! Stop shuffling about in your seats this is the last bit. I just wanted to draw attention to the work of Gerry Talaoc in this book. Gerry Talaoc was never better than here. Which is a stupid thing to say since I haven’t seen everything Gerry Talaoc’s ever done. But since the stuff here is so freaking awesome it’s hard to believe he did better stuff and everyone’s just keeping quiet about it when I enter the room. People aren't exactly shouting about this stuff after all are they? Talaoc’s art on these Unknown Soldier stories is fantastic. Everything has a really grubby look to it. Absolutely no one looks like a movie star, everyone looks human and by “human” I mean a bit weird, a bit like life’s had a good go at them. He does have a tendency to make his figures gangly but that just works out really well too because when he cracks out the action it has a unique flailing look. Have you ever been in a fight? It isn't like a Bourne film (I’m assuming you’re a normal person not a professional cage fighter or something) it’s like a Gerry Talaoc comic. Lots of flailing, gnarled face pulling, shabby desperation, yeah, Gerry Talaoc’s fighting is pretty convincing. Best of all though is what I’m calling, in an attempt to get in The Comics Journal, Gerry’s Vase. In 8,000 To One there’s this bit of business with a vase. It’s totally inconsequential to the action but its beautiful. Look:

Art by Gerry Talaoc

I bet that vase wasn’t in the script he just did it. Physical objects in the drawn environment reacting to the actions within that environment. Should be standard stuff but it isn’t. After all when was the last time you saw Gerry’s Vase?

Hopefully I’ve managed to give some indication of why SHOWCASE PRESENTS: THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER is VERY GOOD! If I haven’t, well, that’s on me because it is. That’s it. Well done, thanks for coming. Don’t forget to collect your coats.

Have a good weekend everyone!

“More Water, Ma’am?”…Comics? They still make 'em and I still read ‘em!

Enter my personal four colour nightmare! Gonna make your eyes boil like eggs! Or bore you senseless. Hard to tell really. Anyway, I read some comics wrote some words - it's a story as old as Love itself! Like my face. (You look lost, stranger - The Shipping List is the next post down)

You know, without your glasses and your hair down like that you look like you'd enjoy hearing about:

PUNISHERMAX#14 by Jason Aaron(w), Steve Dillon(a), Matt Hollingswoth(c) and VC’s Cory Petit(l) (Marvel/Disney, $3.99)

“FRANK Part Three”: Then: Back from The ‘Nam Frank continues to brighten up the lives of all around him while exploring new career opportunities. Now: A wholly expected riot erupts. Will Frank learn to hate again. Will he learn to kill again? Time may just be running out for everyone’s favourite sad mass murderer…

Yes, every story element in this comic is so totally unoriginal that every scene is as familiar to me as my sainted mother’s “disappointed” face, but it cannot be denied that it still retains narrative power and wrongful fascination enough to stick a shank right into any misgivings and jerk that sucker about until the toothbrush handle snaps in half. Nick Fury is a bit of a cranky man though; I think Frank would make a great dishwasher. Keep him away from the cutlery perhaps.  Also, I hope Big Jesus’ surname is Trashcan. Oh, I see, I see how it is. It’s just David Bowie references that are Da Kewl. Fine.

Meanwhile Steve Dillon’s backgrounds continue their audition for a revamp of the Simon MacCorkindale detective/body horror series but they appear to have misheard the title as “Minimal”. It’s too late. I made that joke thirty-five minutes ago! Somewhat predictably this was VERY GOOD!

FLASHPOINT BATMAN: KNIGHT OF VENGEANCE #1 by Brian Azzarello(w), Eduardo Risso(a), Patricia Mulvihill(c) and Clem Robbins(l) (DC Comics, $2.99)

Thomas Wayne is The Batman! The Joker has kidnapped Harvey (not Two-Face!) Dent’s twins(!). How nasty will it get before someone tranq darts Brian Azzarello? Very, I'm guessing.

I really like Brian Azzarello’s Batman and the reason I really like Brian Azzarello’s Batman is because he is so very, very unlikeable. There’s no way this is accidental. Of course in regular DCU continuity Mr. Azzarello’s apparent experiment in aversion therapy is hampered by the fact that Batman can’t just machete open Killer Croc’s head like a coconut. Luckily the very special, very Geoff Johns-ian, magic of Flashpoint is that Batman can in fact do just that. So he does. So here’s Batmaniac, kids; everything everyone who ever got upset that Batman didn’t just kill The Joker has ever wanted. Now eat it. Eat it all up. Eat. It.

Mr. Eduardo Risso brings his usual experimental theatre production approach full of weird lighting sources, minimal stage design, excellent blocking and fine character acting and it is a dreamy thing indeed. This comic also has the dubious honour of having a last page so nasty the thoughts it provoked made me ashamed of my own brain. Relentlessly foul and repellent and, since that seems to be wholly the point, - EXCELLENT!

DOOM PATROL #22 by Keith Giffen(w), Ron Randall(a), Pat Brosseau(l) and Guy Major (c). (DC Comics, $2.99)

“Doomsday (No, Not Him)”: Mother of God, is this the end of The Doom Patrol? Like any of you lot care, right? Waaaahhhhhh!

I say, I say, I say, why do trade waiters read with gloves on? Because their hands are wet with the blood of cancelled comics! Bwa ha, and indeed, ha! Despite art that barely lurched above serviceable Keith “Take Me For Granted, Please!” Giffen served up a series that was loopy, clever, dense and oddly moving. Like a crab with a wooden leg. One that’s really good at telling stories, mind you.

The climax to the issue/series was a hilarious piece of rug pullery; the sort of thing that might upset some, but probably only because they forgot that in THE DOOM PATROL anything can happen and probably already did while you were separating your socks. It’s the sort of “4th Wall Breaking” that’s been going on since the ‘40s but that’s still inexplicably taken as modern and has folks breaking out “meta” (your flexible friend!) and in all likelihood blaming the series’ demise (but only if the series is sexy!) on the incredibly difficult demands it made on the poor audience (The Ben 10 Defence).

Not here, though, none of that will be happening here because Keith Giffen just thinks making smart comics is part of his job and that’s just not going to give anyone a pup tent in their pants now is it? Well, y’know what, every time I read an issue I was entertained and call me unfashionable (that’s your cue…) but that made this series VERY GOOD!

T.H.U.N.D.E.R. AGENTS#7 by Nick Spencer(w), Cafu/Bit(a), Mike Grell(a), Nick Dragotta(a), Santiago Arcas(c),Val Staples(c), Lee Loughridge(c), Patrick Brosseau(l)

“On Victoria”: What if the original Dynamo and The Iron Maiden had shacked up in suburbia? Would a panel consisting of her hand holding a cucumber make you turgid?

Oh dear, no. I rather think not. Here it is, my nightmare made paper – a whole page consisting of four panels the sum total of which is that a woman on a plane is asked if she wants a glass of water. She accepts. The only useful narrative information transferred is that she is preoccupied and reading a file about The Iron Maiden.

Enough, already! That’s a whole page up the Swanee right there. You only have 20 of these things now, y’know. Either writers today cannot see the very real differences between ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED STORY by Archie Goodwin and Walter Simonson and ALIEN: THE PHOTONOVEL or they think their readers can’t. You want to do cinematic comics see the aforementioned Goodwin/Simonson masterpiece or read AMERICAN FLAGG! Howard Victor Chaykin didn’t nearly kill his fragrant self breaking new ground just so you could all drive away readers with lazy tat! Nothing personal to all the talented individuals involved but this approach is helping no one because it is AWFUL!

BONUS! Courtesy of the preview of CAPTAIN AMERICA #1 here’s Steve “Did I mention the shield is quite important to me?” Rogers with Comic Book Scripting Secrets #2398:

“If I narrate something quite ordinary/but spread it out/over enough panels/by Sterile Steve McNiven/ or maybe Banal Bryan Hitch/by the time/I have finished/saying it/you will assume/you have read/something of substance.” Repeat. For ten years. EH!

Yeah, I'll probably read some more comics and, yeah, I'll probably tell you about 'em too later, see?  'Cos you can't stop me copper, see? See?

(PS Working on the scans thing but don't hold your breath is my advice.)

Thanks for letting me into your eyes!