Wait, What? Ep. 144: The "Ass" in "Assemble"

Fuck yes, Shaolin Cowboy.

Hey, so it's another installment of Wait, What?, and I think maybe this fortnightly thing is going to work out?  (Provided you don't abandon us in droves or something...)  Whereas our last installment was two hours and us whingeing on about the news, this one is two hours and is us whingeing about comics we've read.  Brilliant!

After the jump, Jeff makes some brilliantly incorrect statements about Shaolin Cowboy in service of a perfectly good theory, Graeme fills us in on the most successfully monetized fanfic since 50 Shades of Grey, and we do that thing about the first twenty-five issues of Avengers that would finally allow an old man like me to type 'smh' except I have no idea how to pluralize that. (Plus, guest appearances by two of the more important writers in the science fiction and fantasy genres.)  In short: show notes!

00:00-21:47: Greetings!  As I mentioned, last time was news, this time it’s weather. No, wait, comics, I mean comics! Jesus, I am rusty.  But this every other week thing has made us hungry to talk, let me tell you that.  For example, Graeme knows I’ve got this theory about the most recent four issue run of Geoff Darrow’s Shaolin Cowboy, so I, uh, I really go right into it. Seriously, if you thought the biggest problem with the podcast was Jeff didn’t start throwing around crazy theories in under the first minute, this is the fast-moving podcast for you. It’s very much a full spoiler conversation, as it’s impossible for me to talk about it without talking about the very end.  (Although looking at the first issue again, I see at least one helluva big hole in my theory….and after looking over the last three issues at once think my biggest argument for my theory is also, uh, not quite right.  So…cave canem, y’all!) 21:47-28:11:  The Fox #1 and #2, by Dean Haspiel and Mark Waid!  Not nearly as extensive a theory on Jeff’s part (no theory at all, in fact, just his usual irresponsible opinions) but that means that Graeme gets more than a word in edgewise, thank goodness. 28:11-33:11: The comparisons between Dean Haspiel and Mike Allred lends itself well to Graeme weighing in on Don Slott and Mike Allred’s Silver Surfer.  Also covered: we discuss Steve Englehart’s Silver Surfer... because it is Steve Englehart and because it is our heart. 33:11-53:59:  Exactly five minutes later (exactly!) we end up discussing the Star Trek photonovel, Strange New Worlds, assembled by John Byrne. Somewhere in there, my voice picks up a faint echo, not unlike one of the quasi-omnipotent aliens from the first series?  And then the dogs go cuh-razy? And we discuss how to best be a comic store clerk and not end up in hell?  And Jeff does the best imitation he probably has ever done?  And we talk about how John Byrne’s financial affairs, like that’s even a thing we might know anything about?  So....a little bit of something for everyone?  Or maybe a whole bunch of nothing for someone?  You make the call! 53:59-57:11: Graeme asks Jeff what he thinks about the Joe Casey Captain Victory news.  Jeff, as it turns out, knows nothing about it.  We talk about it super-briefly (because what is there to say, apart from sweet mother of god, that art team!) and then… 57:11-1:01:47: Graeme talks about a bit about what he’s read recently, including the first Constantine trade by Ray Fawkes, Jeff Lemire and Renato Guedes, the second and third Justice League Dark trades by Jeff Lemire, Mikel Janin, and Graham Nolan. 1:01:47-1:22:41: Thanks to the holiday generosity of Whatnaut Matt Terl, Jeff got a free one month sub to Marvel Unlimited, the digital all-you-can eat service offered by Marvel.  Our discussion of it is perhaps inextricably intertwined with  our thoughts about stuff — to be more speciific, Peter Bagge’s brilliant The Death of the Age of Stuff  — the digital economy, why audio never goes viral,  and other things  like Christploitation, The Power of Warlock, The Incredible Hulk, the last thing Jeff will think of before he dies (which hopefully is not the perfect seque into…) 1:22:41-1:27:48:  The first twenty-five issues of Avengers! Graeme and Jeff are endeavoring to read the first 300 issues this year and talk about them:  good luck on that one, since (a) our disagreements start from literally the first issue, and (b) if there are more stretches like that first twenty-five issues, then…whew. Anyway, in there Graeme starts cutting out a little bit so we have… 1:27:48-1:28:10: INTERMISSION ONE! Man, I kind of missed these.  I really have to rope Graeme into doing more music for the show. 1:28:10-2:06:45: And we’re back!  And Graeme’s not cutting out anymore! And Jeff no longer sounds like one of those omnipotent threats from the first series of Star Trek!  Yay, technology!!  Technology can’t help where the first twenty-five issues of Avengers are concerned, though: so we have to talk about their slapdash charms (or pseudo-charms, to be honest).  Of particular interest: Stan Lee’s handling of Captain America, the difference between the original team and the new team, celebrity fan letters,

the world’s worst person, terrifying comic ads,

the origin of the mighty Marvel subplot, early continuity, and much, much more. 2:06:45-2:08:57: Penultimately, Graeme has some breaking news (at the time of recording) about Agents of SHIELD and Deathlok. You can actually hear Jeff’s ambivalence about this news manifest itself as a low sonic hum. 2:08:57-end:  Closing comments! Remember to come back in two weeks!

Aaaaaaand...scene.

This sucker is already up on iTunes and our RSS feed, but it is also the kind of thing we'd like to make available for you here:

http://theworkingdraft.com/media/podcasts/WaitWhat144.mp3

As always, your thoughts and comments are appreciated and obsessed over to an inordinate degree!  We hope you enjoy and, of course, thank you for listening!

"NNGGGGAAAANNGAAAABBUUUBBBUUUZZZZZZZ..." COMICS! Sometimes They Are Good, Sometimes Not So Much!

I hope all our American friends had a smashing Thanksgiving! Managed to sneak another holiday in there before Christmas again, I see. Couldn't wait a few weeks for some Turkey. America, we are going to have to work on your delayed gratification! Maybe in the New Year, eh? Along with that membership to the gym. No, I have no idea what I'm on about.  Here are some words about comics I managed to dash off before being swallowed by the pre-Christmas maelstrom. Sorry about the lack of images but, y'know, time and all that hot jazz. Anyway, this...

All Star Western #25 Artist Moritat Writers Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray Colour Mike Atiyeh Letters Rob Leigh Cover by Howard Porter Jonah Hex created by Tony DeZuniga and John Albano DC Comic, $3.99 (2013)

I’m not saying the driving conceit of this series is low hanging fruit but its rind is a gnat’s fart from brushing the tips of the grass. It’s Jonah Hex in the DC Now! While it was a fair joke to have Jonah show up and be more inclusive of difference than the modern populace stewing around him it wasn’t a joke that had much legs. A better joke would have been having Jonah show up and be distastefully offensive to everyone. (But that would require having some nuts left in your sack). Every month Jonah could have wandered around displaying levels of racism, homophobia and misogyny toxic to normal people. Hell, he could even have worked in comics. (Oh, too soon?) Anyway, now it’s just Jonah mamboing about and bumping into DC Universe characters. Like a Bob Haney comic but with none of the energy, inventiveness or flair. So, not much like a Bob Haney comic then. More of a Gerry Conway comic. It isn’t well written; something happens; something else happens; then it ends. Despite the fact Jonah is in the 21st Century, meets John Constantine, fights (well that’s gilding the lily, they move about a bit in an aggressive fashion) a demon and then Swamp Thing shows up it is all curiously unengaging. If it were any more pedestrianly written it would come with a free pair of shoes. Which means, as is more often than commonly acknowledged, the art has to carry most of the load. Luckily, Moritat has many strengths, mostly in figure work, architecture, faces and textures. Not so much panel to panel flow or action. There was a bit an issue or two ago where some guy in a car looked to be spoiling a fun run but in fact he was killing people by the shed load.  The impact was somewhat diluted. And the same is true here with Moritat tasked with a battle in the desert which, well, he muffs. Even so Moritat just about carries this comic, but it isn’t really a Jonah Hex comic anymore than Hex was a Jonah Hex comic. All Star Western is EH!

THE WAKE #5 (of 10) Artist Sean Murphy Writer Scott Snyder Colour Matt Hollingsworth Letters Jared K. Fletcher The Wake created by Scott Snyder & Sean Murphy DC Comics, $3.99 (2013)

Fair warning: turn away now because I don't think this comic is very good. The urgency of any notionally exciting action is continually being spuffed away by the creaky and derivative narrative joltingly halting while someone delivers a big old furball of exposition. Said text dump consisting of a lightly tweaked wikipedia entry in a laughably unconvincing attempt to lend the ridiculous events occurring some kind of gravitas. In old legends floods are mentioned sometimes so, uh, yeah. And the people hawking this stuff up are just, well, it’s a good job they are all so memorably portrayed by Sean Murphy because otherwise they might as well just have stickers on their heads (Spunky Lady, Sciency Man, Troubled Mom). Murphy gives them all engaging visual presences (it doesn’t hurt that one of them looks like Harlan Ellison and another Ditko and Lee’s elderly Vulture). In fact it’s wholly to Sean Murphy’s credit that I’ve stuck this badly written dross out thus far. With his incredible ability to convey mind swamping discrepancies of scale; to lend the quieter moments as much weight as the flashier bits together with his endearing tendency to draw people with beards as though their face is a mass of scar tissue, Sean Murphy is the only real reason to turn up.

Anyway, at this point the series takes a break and I’ll not be rejoining it. Apparently when it resumes all the good stuff starts. Which seems a bit late really. Since the good stuff seems to consist of the umptyumpteenth iteration of a Drowned! World!, and one where there’s enough technological infrastructure to produce cutting edge swimwear at that, I think I’ll be popping off, thanks. Oh, and let there be no doubt all the failures here are the writer’s (“Oh we’re all doomed! Luckily I have a secret submarine armed with ridiculous weapons I failed to mention before.” Oh, do fuck off. Do! ) This is exemplified by a piss poor text piece at the back which is so repetitive and badly written it’s just depressing. So, I’ll see you on something else Sean Murphy. As for Scott Snyder, well, everyone meet the new Steve Niles, same as the old Steve Niles. The Wake is EH!

Batman ’66 #5 Art by Ruben Procopio, Colleen Coover Written by Jeff Parker Colours by Matthew Wilson, Colleen Coover Lettered by Wes Abbott Cover by Michael & Laura Allred Batman created by Bob Kane DC Comics, $3.99 (2013)

While DC’s bold new creative direction of frantic barrel scraping is largely of little interest to me…everyone has a chink in their armour and my chink is shaped like the ‘60s Batman TV series. Personally, I believe the only reason God has still not scoured his finest creation of the plague of humanity is His/Her/It’s remembrance that the ‘60s Batman TV show existed. I like it is what I’m saying there. And I have always liked it. Even during those tedious decades when acknowledgement of the frivolous magic that was the ‘60s Batman TV Show provoked spittle flecked aneurysms in fandom. Finally I have been vindicated by DC’s creative bankruptcy! Batman is Bat-back! It’s like that time your family realised Uncle Larry was a lot wealthier than everyone thought and suddenly became oh-so-accepting of the fact he was a man who preferred the company of men and started inviting him to Thanksgiving again. While the art on every story here is wonderful and captures the ungainly physicality of the cast in action beautifully what most impressed was the writing. Writing wise it’s all about catching the voices; the lovely honey roasted burnish of those hammy, oh so hammy, voices. Although mine ears may be festooned with the hairs of age it sounds to me, well, it sounds to me like Jeff Parker couldn’t have done a better job if the voices were running around in straightjackets and he was armed with a butterfly net. Jeff Parker’s come along way from selling chickens by the roadside. Good on you, Jeff Parker. But this is a joint success with every hand working towards the creation of ridiculous, hilarious, entertaining and wonderful comics. Batman ’66 is VERY GOOD! Sure now and so it is, Boy Wonder!

Zero #3 Illustrated by Matteus Santolouco Written by Ales Kot Coloured by Jordi Bellaire lettered by Clayton Cowles Designed by Tom Muller Zero created by Ales Kot Image Comics, $2.99 (2013)

It didn’t look good. The comic starts off with that terrible style of dialogue that seeks to be arch, smart, worldy and profane but just comes off like how kids think grown-ups might talk if grown-ups were, like, not totes super-lame all the time but, you know, somehow got it together sometimes to be all, whoa, cool and shit, maybe, uh, nice tats, my man, ha, no, your mom, ha ha ha ha, no, really, your mom. As a reluctant eldster I can assure you that never, not once, on the very many occasions on which it has occurred have I failed to punch someone who greeted me with “Hey, cock-stippler, see ya still got a face like a racist’s taint!”, or, you know, whatever. I mean. It’s not really conducive to productive communication, is what I’m saying there. So, the dialogue here’s great if you like that Ellis-y “I know you are, but what am I?” playground mode of chat. Hell, don’t get me wrong, it’s still okay even if you don’t. After all, this is comics where a guy (not this guy, another guy) whose dialogue is nothing more than the literary equivalent of water-injected meat can be compared to a Pulitzer winning playwright. No, my point is it set my teeth on edge and the likelihood of enjoying the following comic was low.

And yet enjoy it I did. And very much so.

(Which is supposed to indicate how good the comic was, how it won me over after my knee-jerk initial negative reaction. A reaction which was wholly on me and not on anyone involved on the comic. Just making that clear.)

Because after the writer has had his c-word and eaten it the dialogue calms down. Then we’re off to the races as the creative team throw a fizzy confection of ideas and helter skelter paced events into your face like, er, a glass of innovation laced with a soupcon of emotional impact. Or birds, a handful of garish birds singing a swetly sad song thrown in your face. Or something else, pick something. Everybody on these pages pulls their weight and the success of the resultant package is a group success. A success resting on Bellaire’s palette shifts from warm party colours which threaten to push into the red spectrum of violence to the icy blues which foreshadow the chill of the denouement; Santolouco’s clarity of staging, elegance of scene setting and crisply sudden violence; even Cowle’s letters which get to hold centre stage unadorned for a whole page and leave the reader feeling not in the slightest shortchanged. All these are brought together to serve the writer’s fun, fast and slightly experimental ideas. I stress this; Zero is not one of those Shit’n’Glitter comics that seek to distract you with pointlessly ostentatious storytelling devices from the hollowness within them. No, Zero is a collaborative success. Zero is good comics. Zero is VERY GOOD!

Shaolin Cowboy #2 Story and Art Geoff Darrow Colours Dave Stewart Letters, back cover, design Pete Doherty Shaolin Cowboy created by Geoff Darrow Dark Horse Comics, $3.99 (2013)

COMICS!!!! And unrepentantly so. EXCELLENT!

Wait, What? Ep. 136: Finally, Finally, Finally.

Anyone remember in what book Tolkien references the Battle of the Open-Faced Sandwich?  Infographic/opening salvo by the invincible Kate McMillan.

Oh, man. I hope that infographic does not hog up too much of our precious SavCrit real estate--please don't miss Abhay writing about Lazarus or that piece about how DC ran its print runs for Villains Month, or other fine entries!

Also, do join us after the jump for shownotes for our latest "Reunited-and-it-feels-so-good-except-Graeme-and-I-exchange-words-about-Game-of-Thrones-so-how-good-can-we-feel-really?" podcast!

0:00-22:17: Hey, we are back and we are discussing some of the groovy NYCC announcements that the savvy Mr. McMillan knew at the time of recording.  Among the various bombshells dropped:  Priest and Bright back on Quantum & Woody; DC's announcement of the Batman weekly, Batman Eternal;  and a huge block of time wherein Graeme tells us about the Marvel announcements, including Trial of The Jean Grey; the Black Widow's new title; Al Ewing on a new Loki title; Ales Kot taking over on Secret Avengers; Avengers Undercover; All-New Ghost Rider #1 (which sounds pretty ridiculous but as I've since found out Felipe Smith of Peepo Choo fame is writing it, I'd be into it, and ditto on the Disney title written by Witch Doctor's Brandon Seifert); and much, much more. 22:17-55:14:  But there were also some pretty great comics that came out in our semi-skip weeks too and we sit down to talk about those too:  a very brief discussion of Paul Pope's Battling Boy (Graeme had read it; Jeff hadn't); Saga #14 (see?  It's been a while, hasn't it?) which leads into a talk about…TV(?) including the season debuts of Parks & Recreation, Nashville, New Girl, and others; The Star Wars #2 (with some impressive kvetching from Graeme) and which features this:

(sorry about the dumb reflective lighting in the pic, we have pretty awful lighting in our place)

Empowered: Nine Beers with Ninjette; Fatale #17; IDW's Powerpuff Girls #1 by Troy Little; Rocket Girl #1 by Amy Reeder and Brandon Montclare; and Batman #24 by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo. 55:14-1:07:50: Additionally, Graeme has read Superman Wonder Woman #1; Green Lantern Corps #24, Forever Evil: Arkham War #1; and the first issue of Coffin Hill by Caitlin Kittredge and Inaki Miranda, and goes on to discuss them, thank goodness, otherwise I would've really wasted some time typing those names out. 1:07:50-1:13:01: Graeme has also read Kings Watch #2 by Jeff Parker and Mark Laming, and a copy of First Second's Fairy Tales Comics in which Chris Duffy has assembled a powerhouse of comic talent--it is worth looking out for. By contrast, Jeff scratches his weary head over Walking Dead #115. 1:13:01-1:17:33:  And yet, we were both surprised and delighted by Afterlife with Archie by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and Francesco Francavilla (The interview with Aguirre-Sacasa that Jeff calls out is available here.  The image Jeff chooses to babble about briefly that you can't see because we are an audio podcast is this one:

1:17:33-1:21:16: Compare and contrast with Shaolin Cowboy #1 by Geoff Darrow from Dark Horse Comics?  How can one? And yet, Jeff does. 1:21:16-1:39:56: Lazarus #4.  Lazarus has received a pretty good drubbing on this site, but Jeff continues to read it.  If you want to hear a new, far-more-inarticulate set of frustrations with the title, these are the few minutes for you! 1:39:56-1:45:16: Our most controversial topic yet--the open-faced sandwich!  (See above.)  Little did Jeff know when he recorded his solocast that he was inviting tremendous dissent from many…most especially the formidable Kate McMillan. (Again, see above.) 1:45:16-1:59:44: And, finally: we talk about the long-gestating secret project that's been keeping Jeff busy seemingly forever -- the electronic imprint Airport Books and its first title, the reprint of E.J. Ehlers' never-before-printed Erotic Vampire Bank Heist.  Although we aren't the type to shill heavily (for ourselves, anyway), Graeme is kind enough to help Jeff do so here, and we do hope that if this is the sort of thing you're interested in, you consider picking up a copy for your Kindle or Kindle reading app. 1:59:44-end: Closing comments! A bit of excited blurbing about the Zombo trade leads to the promise/threat of a Zombo book club for next week!  Here's the cover so you know what to look for:

(See, I told you we don't shill for ourselves....)

And but so!

The podcast is on iTunes (probably, maybe, probably) but it is also here for your audible delectation:

Wait, What? Ep. 136: Finally, Finally, Finally.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go celebrate the launching of my imprint in fine style and go get my teeth cleaned and drilled. (On the plus side, the nitrous will probably give me hallucinations of chatting with Amanda Urban over some choice canapes, so maybe that's the perfect launch party.)

Thank you for your kindly attention, and we'll be back with ep. 137 next week!

"...A Cascade Of Wasps Attacked the Furry Monster!" COMICS! Sometimes You Worry About The Men Who Made Them!

That's right I read some comics. Some of them were old and some of them were new and one of them wasn't really a comic at all. But only one of them made me think it was a miracle anyone was actually conceived in the '50s.

Yes, paging Dr. Subtext! Outbreak of '50s gynophobia! But then to nostalgic old fools like me '50s gynophobia is arguably the finest gynophobia of all! Anyway, this... THE SHAOLIN COWBOY ADVENTURE MAGAZINE #1 The Shaolin Cowboy in "The Way of No Way!" by Andrew Vachss and Geoff Darrow Time Factor by Michael A. Black Illustrations by Geoff Darrow and Gary Gianni Designed by Peter Doherty Cover by Scott Gustafson Dark Horse Books, $15.99 (2012) Shaolin Cowboy created by Geoff Darrow

This isn't a comic book, best get that straight right from the off. What it is is a loving evocation of the pulp magazines of the past. Peter Doherty has designed the book, and every page within it, to wilfully evoke those deceased progenitors of the super hero comic. He draws short at leaving the page edges untrimmed but other than that it's a splendid piece of design work. The contents are very reminiscent of the old pulps too. I haven't read a lot of those but what I have read of them they were largely shaggy dog stories told in very wordy way with the main draw being the charisma of the central character and the outlandish inventions deployed by the (often uncredited) authors to delay the ending.  Pulps were largely exercises in covering as much ground with as little material as possible (very much like certain comics from The Big Two. Ha ha! You Crazy!) but fought hard to be entertaining while doing so (unlike certain...Ha ha! Me passive aggressive!).

So what you get here consists of pages of words punctuated by  a plenitude of Darrow's hypnotically precise spot illustrations and a smattering of full page "Helpful Hints" where Shaolin Cowboy helpfully shows you how to switch on a toaster before e.g. tearing off someone's nutsack with it. That's the joke there and it's the same joke every time but as with certain jokes the accumulative repetition somehow keeps it funny. Because that's the thing about Shaolin Cowboy isn't it? There aren't a lot of jokes but what there are are good jokes. The best joke in the comics is appreciating the density of illustration used to enliven such meagre plots. The trick here is that Vachss and Darrow make the language serve the illustrative function but the joke remains, in essence because whole pages dense with text  are spent describing a scene only to have the scene change suddenly. More space is spent describing how the people Shaolin Cowboy is about to dispatch look than there is spent describing how they are dispatched. As with the comic the emphasis is on appearance rather than action. You will have to like words to like this one.

Darrow and Vachss have worked together before (Darrow did the covers for Vachss' 1995 CROSS series at Dark Horse and worked on the 1993 ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET THINGS RIGHT g/n along with many other artists) but it's surprising how well it works here given that change of emphasis from art to text. Vachss is a perfect choice for a pulp project like this. He's an accomplished writer of fiction whose work tends to read like nothing so much as pulp filtered through a dark adapted eye. His Burke novels are pretty much What If  Doc Savage and his crew had all had terrible childhoods and now hunted sexual predators with absolutely no intention of rehabilitating them. Vachss is an imposing figure what with his designer suits, eye-patch and general stance that seems to declare that he has just dealt with something and it will never hurt anyone else again. He isn't a dilettante either, just paddling in the waters of human atrocity for profit. This is from his bio in the back:

"Andrew Vachss has been a federal investigator in sexually transmitted diseases, a social-services caseworker, and a labour organiser, and has directed a maximum-security prison for "aggressive-violent youth". Now a lawyer in private practice, he represents children and youth exclusively."

This explains the references to the organisation PROTECT which crop up in the book and the no-nonsense message about kids and violence. Andrew Vachss makes Steve Ditko look indecisive is what I'm saying. I'm glad there is someone out there like Andrew Vachss, almost as glad as I am sorry that there is a need for people like him. But I can assure you that my rating is based entirely on the fact that I really enjoyed the book. It certainly isn't fear of having my legs broken that makes me say it was VERY GOOD! Also, the Michael A. Black time travelling/dinosaurs short that brings up the rear of the book is pretty neat and will take you back to Sundays reading Ray Bradbury on the rug in front of the fire before you even knew the world contained kids less fortunate than you who needed things like PROTECT.

ALL STAR WESTERN#13 Jonah Hex: Art by Moritat, written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, coloured by Mike Atiyeh and lettered by Rob Leigh. Tomahawk!: Art and colour by Phil Winslade, written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti and lettered by Rob Leigh. DC Comics, $3.99 (2012) Jonah Hex created by Tony DeZuniga and John Albano Tomahawk created by Edmund Good and Joe Samachson

This book gets worse and worse and it still sells more than it did when it was called JONAH HEX. But then it isn't about Jonah Hex anymore is it? No,  it's more like Jonah Hex And His Amazing Friends. Except they are far from amazing and, as he's Jonah, they aren't really his friends, so it's more Jonah Hex And Some People Tolerating Each Other. Whatever I say about this book (and I'll be saying some stuff alright) all that needs be done to refute me is to chuck back its sales figures in my angry biased jealous fan boy face. The guy doing the most work here is clearly Moritat and he does a far better job than the material requires. Look, this isn't about Jonah Hex being "my" character and how I don't like what they've done to him. It's about bad comics. This one starts off with a clown killing a priest. He is killing the priest because he does not like priests because they fiddled with him when he was a kid. Jonah and his crew show up and notice the dead priest has had his face painted like a clown and someone says there's a circus in town and, oh God, oh Jesus....it's not exactly a fucking "two pipe problem" is it, Watson?

And I've gone Holmes on you there because what this comic is also doing is bringing in fictional literary characters from the period the book is set in (at the minute we have Edward Hyde, y'know, from Little Dorrit.) I can only guess they are doing this because the constant shout-outs to DC super hero continuity aren't stupid enough. I've got no beef with either man (I'm certainly not jealous(!)) but Palmiotti and Gray's work comes down heavily on the commercial rather than the creative end of the see-saw. It beggars my mind why on earth they would seek to go toe to toe in the shared-world arena with Kim Newman, Philip Jose Farmer and that elderly Englishman we've all decided we hate (because although less than he was he still makes everyone else look bad).  In comparison this is just pantomime and Palmiotti and Gray look like they'be both not only turned up as the horse, but they've miscalculated further and they both came as the horses' ass.  C'mon, the clock is ticking until Spring Heeled Jack shows up. After all some claim the murders ended because he sailed to The New World, how can they resist. Look forward to "It's Saucy Jack, sir! He's struck agin! Right under our very noses!" That should show FROM HELL up good and proper. Yeah, I know; but it sells more than ever - so I lose. I looOOooooOOOOOOooOOse! Look, something can be successful but still CRAP! It isn't a critic's job to tell you what's selling - it's their task to tell you whether something is any good or not and why. Sometimes elliptically. Sometimes irritatingly.

UNTOLD TALES OF THE PUNISHER MAX#5 Art by Mirko Colak (p) and Norman Lee & Rick Ketcham (i) Written by Skottie Young Coloured by Michele Rosenberg Lettered by VC's Cory Petit Marvel, $3.99 (2012) The Punisher created by John romita Snr, Ross Andru and Gerry Conway

There are many audacious things aout this comic written by the man who will, on this evidence, remain better known for his art on Marvel's wonderful Oz books. First up is the fact that Young attempts to position FrankMax as some kind of homicidal homilist dispensing murder and maxims. That would be okay(ish) if this were FrankNorm but in the MAX (So uncompromising! So complex! (i.e. violent and cruel)) world it seems a bit...off. Like FrankMax's taken one too many blows to the head and suddenly become simple minded or something. Don't get me wrong it's a good moral but I don't know if the guy who (spoiler!) killed your Dad is the guy you're going to listen to. No, put the phone down! Not your Dad; the Dad in the book. The Punisher didn't kill your Dad! He isn't real! No, The Punisher isn't real, your Dad is. Look, you're just doing it on purpose now.

The other bold move is to have the issue basically centre around a high-stakes cat and mouse game revolving entirely around the making of cheese macaroni and, specifically, whether there is some cheese in the fridge! I won't spoil it for you. No, not the cheese that's okay it's in the fridge. Or! Is! It!? I kind of liked that actually; it amused me. Young really stretches my credence to cracking point though when he suggests someone's favourite movie could be Appollo 13. Hey, it's a decent movie and it documents a thoroughly remarkable instance of insanely laudable human bravery and ingenuity no doubt, no doubt. But...favourite movie? Ever? Of all the movies you have ever seen? Okay, it might be crew members Lovell and Hise's favourite movie (Swigert died before it was made but he'd probably have been mad keen on it too.) but this comic isn't about them. I know all kids think their Dad's taste in movies suck but c'mon. Even my Dad likes Reservoir Dogs (altho', "There's no real need for all that language, John.", so spaketh he.) All this together with the unspectacular art makes the comic EH! And in the end the brassiest thing about the comic is that Marvel charged $3.99 for it. (You don't even get a Free Digital Code!)

HAUNTED HORROR #1 Art by C.A. Winter, Bernard Baily, Mike Sekowsky & Bill Walton (attrib.), Jack Kirby & Joe Simon, Jack Cole and Jay Disbrow. Reprints tales from WEIRD TERROR#1 (1952), THIS MAGAZINE IS HAUNTED#4 (1952), BAFFLING MYSTERIES#6 (1952), BLACK MAGIC#31 (1954), INTRIGUE #1 (1955) and CRIME DETECTOR #5 (1954) Cover by Warren Kramer and Lee Elias IDW/YOE Comics, $3.99 (2012)

If you don't think that that fine as wine cover is some kind of awesome then you best look away now because that's the smoothest thing in this package. And what a package this is! A splatter of pre-Code horror comics from various sources and various artists that shores up the case for art being the decisive factor in a comic's appeal. Because these sure ain't some well written comics. Apart from the Simon & Kirby (S&K) tale none of the other contents even get a writer credit. I'm not really surprised either. These things are entertaining allright but probably not in the way the authors intended. If the authors even intended anything because back then people just wrote this stuff to eat and they had to write a lot of it and they had to write it fast. Intentions are a very modern affectation for comics writers, tha ken. The more sedate of these tales are written like the writer’s got his cock in a mangle and he’s just learned he's late for a plane.They aren't exactly coherent is what I'm saying there. But the best one is "Black Magic In A Slinky Gown" because it has an almost palpable revulsion for women and the dirty, dirty things they make men do with them. The author of this one is only saved from almost certain Sectioning by the addled and unfocused nature of the storytelling. Or maybe it makes it seem worse than it is; either way it's hilarious. The kind of story you imagine being written by the kind of man who silently props up the bar surrounded by a circle of silence and goes home and the next time you hear about him it's in the paper and it isn't for winning the lottery.

In a more commonly accepted sense of "best" it's "Slaughter-House" which takes the prize. This is by S&K and is a real shocker. It's f-in' brutal!  A couple of battered Joes resist after the Earth has been conquered by '50s style aliens and it's all really unsettling. It's as though limited as to what they could depict visually S&K snuck through the real horror in the text. Seriously, it's basically got humanity being herded into killing pens and "...SLAUGHTERED like beef on the hoof!" With the wire and the guards and the mechanised death and the resistance and the Quislings and...you don't need letters after your name to know what S&K are on about (World War 2, darlings. World War 2). It also contains the word "noggin" which automatically makes my day. The ending is uncharacteristically downbeat for Kirby (maybe it's more Simon) but it's weird to reflect that The King's work appears more pessimistic before Marvel fucked him over than it does after. Because while this story apparently refutes it Jack Kirby, and I may have mentioned this before, never gave up on us.

This is a VERY GOOD! package overall. Not just for nostalgia (because don't you have to have experienced them first time round for that?) but also out of interest in what comics used to be like. Turns out they were the kind of thing that, had it been produced yesterday by people under thirty, would tickle the 'nads of VICE readers as much as the sight of a pretty girl reading Infinite Jest opposite them on the subway. (Honestly, there's some real Charles Burns/Dan Clowes look-a-likey stuff in here.) Also, for people who like their reprints just the way they were this book is for you, Brian Hibbs! It looks like someone just scanned the comics in and adjusted the contrast and so all you need is a Police Action in Korea, a corn dog and a cop on every corner for it be just like the good old days again!

Make Brian Hibbs smile like a child again by buying HAUNTED HORROR #1 from HERE.

And like the good old days - I'm gone!

Hope y'all had a good Thanksgiving and remembered to give thanks for COMICS!!!