Arriving 3/23/16

New MIRROR, CRY HAVOC, BATMAN and NOWHERE MEN headline this week!
 
Check the cut for the rest of this weeks new comics!

ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT AVENGERS #7 ASO ALL NEW HAWKEYE #5 ANGELA QUEEN OF HEL #6 ART OPS #6 BADGER #2 (OF 5) BATMAN #50 BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #25 BETTY & VERONICA JUMBO COMICS DIGEST #242 BILL & TED GO TO HELL #2 BIRTHRIGHT #15 BLOODSHOT REBORN ANNUAL 2016 #1 BTVS SEASON 10 #25 CARNAGE #6 CIRCUIT BREAKER #1 (OF 5) CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS #6 CRY HAVOC #3 CYBORG #9 DEATHSTROKE #16 DELETE #1 (OF 4) DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR TWO #7 DOCTOR WHO 11TH YEAR TWO #7 DOCTOR WHO 4TH #1 (OF 5) DR MIRAGE SECOND LIVES #4 (OF 4) ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST #14 GI JOE DEVIATIONS (ONE SHOT) GOD IS DEAD #48 GRAYSON #18 HARLEY QUINN #26 HELLBOY & BPRD 1953 BEYOND THE FENCES #2 HIP HOP FAMILY TREE #8 HOWLING COMMANDOS OF SHIELD #6 ASO HYPERION #1 ILLUMINATI #5 INFINITY ENTITY #3 (OF 4) INVADER ZIM #8 JACKED #5 (OF 6) JUSTICE LEAGUE 3001 #10 KLAUS #4 LAST GANG IN TOWN #4 (OF 6) MARVEL UNIVERSE GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #6 MIRROR #2 NEW AVENGERS #8 ASO NOWHERE MEN #9 OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN #3 (OF 5) OH HELL #1 OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #17 PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT #4 PENCIL HEAD #3 (OF 5) PUBLIC RELATIONS #6 RINGSIDE #5 ROCKETEER AT WAR #2 (OF 4) SECRET SIX #12 SHADOW GLASS #1 (OF 6) SIMPSONS ILLUSTRATED #22 SNOWFALL #2 SONS OF THE DEVIL #6 SPIRE #7 (OF 8) STAR WARS #17 STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #13 SUICIDE SQUAD MOST WANTED DEADSHOT KATANA #3 (OF 6) SUPERMAN LOIS AND CLARK #6 SUPERZERO #4 TEEN TITANS #18 TMNT ONGOING #56 TOMB RAIDER 2016 #2 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #4 ULTIMATES #5 UNCANNY X-MEN #5 VENOM SPACE KNIGHT #5 VENUS #4 WE ARE ROBIN #10 WONDER WOMAN #50 WRAITHBORN #2 (OF 6) X-MEN WORST X-MAN EVER #2 (OF 5) X-O MANOWAR #45

Books/Mags/Things ALL MY GHOSTS AMADEO & MALADEO HC MUSICAL DUET ASTRO BOY OMNIBUS TP VOL 03 CURSED PIRATE GIRL TP VOL 01 CYBORG TP VOL 01 UNPLUGGED DEVIL SURVIVOR GN VOL 04 DEXTER DOWN UNDER TP DOCTOR FATE TP VOL 01 THE BLOOD PRICE GOODNIGHT PUNPUN GN VOL 01 GRAVEYARD QUEST GN IDOL DREAMS GN VOL 02 INFINITY WATCH TP VOL 01 LOCKE & KEY MASTER ED HC VOL 02 MASTER KEATON GN VOL 06 URASAWA OUT THERE TP VOL 01 PERSONA Q SHADOW OF LABYRINTH SIDE P4 GN PUNISHER MAX TP COMPLETE COLLECTION VOL 02 RANMA 1/2 2IN1 TP VOL 13 RATTLER GN REAL ACCOUNT GN VOL 01 ROCKET RACCOON TP VOL 02 STORYTAILER SHURIKEN & PLEATS GN VOL 01 STAR TREK GREEN LANTERN TP SPECTRUM WAR STARFIRE TP VOL 01 WELCOME HOME SUPERMAN & THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA TP VOL 01 SUPERMAN ATOMIC AGE SUNDAYS HC VOL 02 1953-1956 WONDER WOMAN WAR OF THE GODS TP

As always, what do YOU Think?

"I Can't DO This Anymore." COMICS! Sometimes I Wish I Had A Hammer Too.

In which I look at a Batman comic so lacking in self-awareness it unknowingly reviews itself:  photo DK002B_zpsbuuzwjfs.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Miller, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

But I still went on about it nevertheless.

Anyway, this… DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE #3 Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller, Lynn Varley & Klaus Janson (although third time out DC again only identify Frank Miller as the author. Tsk. Tsk.) Art by Andy Kubert, Klaus Janson, John Romita Jnr, Frank Miller Story by Frank Miller & Brian Azzarello Lettered by Clem Robins Colours by Brad Anderson, Alex Sinclair Cover by Andy Kubert & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miller & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Dean White, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, John Romita Jnr, Danny Miki & Dean White Retailer variant cover by Geg Capullo & FCO Plascenia, Gabriel Dell'Otto, Paul Pope & Shay Plummer, Alex Garner DC Comics, $5.99 Standard/$12.99 Deluxe (2016) Batman created by Bill Finger & Bob Kane

 photo DKCovB_zpser4b9aqi.jpg

Now, I’m not really auf fait with the whole sexy modern Terror thing (torture is awesome, right?) but I was around in the ‘70s and ‘80s, so I have in fact been evacuated from two buildings, watched pubs burn on the teatime news and also had my favourite Saturday shopping centre remodelled by, in all probability, Semtex©®™ (the Czech plastic explosive not the Czech energy drink), and my take away is that the big thing about terrorists is that terrorists are generally perceived (by themselves at  the very least) as the underdogs. They are denied the usual channels of protest and don’t have the resources of whoever they are up against, so they by necessity, and I am in no way endorsing this, fall back on terrorist tactics. Given that, I’m not entirely sure why a city full of Superpeople who can fly faster than a fighter jet, balance a city block on each ear, punch through the earth’s crust, shoot fire out of their eyes and make steel shattering cold hiss from their mouths would see themselves as underdogs. In fact they don’t; one of the (very) few things this comic makes clear is that they consider themselves Gods, so c’mon, get worshipping!  That’s their whole, like, thing. So why (WHY!?!) they would turn themselves into bombs and threaten to drop themselves hither and yon unless Earth kowtows is almost as inexplicable as the first two issues of this thing, where Batman sought to convince everyone he was dead by reminding everyone of his existence.  I’m not sure there was enough air in that bottle these dudes popped out of, because their plan makes about as much sense as beating someone to death with an atom bomb. Or treading on someone whose super power is SHRINKING(!) and believing they are dead. Or trying to convince everyone you are dead by reminding everyone of your existence. Or pretty much anything in this thing. Basically, given the massive imbalance of power on show I don’t think this metaphor is working like anyone involved thinks it is.  photo DK001B_zpsf2xy5nlr.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Miller, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

That is of course if they’ve put any thought at all into it, because this third issue seems particularly begrudging in its display of stale thrills. There’s a half-hearted attempt at continuing the whole social media/talking heads thing, but it’s sprinkled so stingily over the pages you get the impression they wished they’d never started doing it. And the heads that talk are hardly impressive, their likenesses blunted by Kubert’s stubbornly generic approach. I think one of them is Donald Trump, which, yes, well done, is super-timely, but has it no real comment to make about him, except his is a face you’ll have seen on television. It might as well be Cookie Monster or Latka from TAXI. Amazingly in a 21st Century comic there’s actually a “my wife” joke, the best I can say about that is at least it isn’t a “my mother-in-law” joke.  On the bright side though, if this whole hacking out cashgrabs thing doesn’t work out, Brian Azzarello could fall back on  touring Working Men’s Clubs with Jim “Nick! Nick!” Davidson. Or maybe not, because the secret of comedy is timing, and here Azzarello and Kubert manage to thoroughly fluff a conceptually pretty good joke about how no one’s too fussed about the Kandorians until they interrupt their web service. It’s a good joke, but it just expires on the page before your eyes. Like they just couldn’t be fussed, and this air of enervation permeates the whole issue.

 photo DK004B_zpslfhwcscw.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Miller, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

Which is thematically apt since most of this issue is about people being tired. Here even Batman’s a bit tired of it all. He’s not the only one. His fire’s gone out. Reading this book I can think of some other people whose fire has gone out. I’m not saying there’s some psychological projecting going on on the part of the creators but then nor would I rule it out. Batman’s throwing in the towel, my arse. To stop Frank Miller’s Batman you’d need to feed Frank Miller’s Batman into a wood chipper, give the resultant slurry to pigs, fire the Batman-fattened pigs into the sun, drop the sun into a black hole and then maybe, maybe you’d be on the right track to stopping  the mad thug from coming back. Even so, you’d probably turn round and the last thing you’d see would be his grin as he unzipped you like a sleeping bag and paddled in your guts. Here, though, Frank Miller’s Batman is tired and he doesn’t want to play anymore. Bless. Fantastic grasp of Frank Miller’s Batman there. Almost as good as the one they have on Superman.

 photo DK003B_zpscabwlgpv.jpg DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Miller, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

Oh yeah, then there’s Superman – he just gave up one day and sat down and stopped moving. As you do. Fantastic writing there, really gets to the nub of the character. He’s Superman, he’s what’s best in us, and he always finds a way. Of course he’d just give up just…well...er…because. It’s all got a bit much, that’s all the motivation on show here. Hey, it all gets a bit much for me too, Superman, if just sitting down and not moving was an option I’d have grabbed it with both hands decades ago. Anyway he’s sat in some ice (exhibiting truly impressive control of his bodily functions) and although conscious, is unresponsive to stimuli. Look, I’m no professional but I think once the catatonic state is breached we’d try maybe 20 to 40mgs of Citalopram©®™ and a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy initially. Were his state more responsive perhaps a talking cure might be an option, but that’s further down the line. Er, sorry. Anyway, medically Batman is a bit more hands-on and hits Superman with a big hammer. This doesn’t work. Luckily Carrie Kelly wakes Superman up by telling him what the problem is. We are told this is a stroke of genius by Batman, you know, asking Superman to help because there are a lot of Superpeople engaging in a poorly conceived metaphor about Terrorism outside. Who would have thought Superman would respond to a clearly articulated problem. Not Batman. But then he has just tried to chivvy someone out of a mental collapse by hitting him with a big hammer.  I liked the big hammer by the way; it’s the only thing in three stubbornly unspectacular and bafflingly self-satisfied issues that has felt slightly “Frank Miller’s Dark Knight”. The fact that Batman carries a massive hammer miles through the snow to break the ice on Superman is just so cartoonishly dumb it spoils everything even more, because you realise all the more keenly how tepid and underwhelming everything around it is. Case in point, next issue is clearly the one where Superman gets a good leathering just like he did in the previous two Dark Knight series, because, well, fuck it, the cheque’s cashed so why not just be totally predictable. Three issues in and this thing remains a pile of stale horseapples. CRAP!

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The mini-comic this time out has the typically pacy Azzarellian zip of an arthritic tortoise with a brick on its back struggling up a steep incline, and disdains the immature allure of an actual fight scene in order to favour the more sophisticated alternative of three ladies floating about while passively aggressively sniping at The Sphinx. The Sphinx it should be noted is an ancient pile of stones, so it is understandably less than forthcoming with responses. Undaunted by the futile idiocy of their actions they carry on trolling the inanimate object while chipping away at it, in the process resembling less super advanced beings and more a bunch of bored scrotes kicking a dried dog turd about while waiting for a bus to arrive. Instead of a bus Hal Jordan turns up. Or a pile of sentient broccoli which has chosen to assume the form of “Hal Jordan” (this, like so many things in this comic, is needlessly unclear). The talk turns Super Deep with questions being raised as to whether it is right than women should be unequal to men (no) or whether the colour of one’s skin makes some innately superior to others (no). Strong stuff and given the complexities of the questions it’s understandable that there aren’t any answers given (No, not even “no”), just questions raised. Quail before the philosophical might of Brian Azzarello!  (Never mind The Riddle of The Sphinx! What about The Riddle of The Azzarello? “Is it right that men and women should be uneq..”, “No.”, “…Uh, lucky guess. Is it right that people’s skin col..?”, “No.”, “Um. What’s black and white and read all ove..” “Dude, no one reads newspapers anymore. Get a clue. Your riddles are balls nasty.”)

 photo DKM001B_zpsjrwoso89.jpg DKIII:TMR by Romita Jnr, Miller, Azzarello, Sinclair & Robins

So flummoxed is Hal Jordan by the philosophical conundrums posed by his floating foes that he just hovers there slack jawed until they take him out, with a sudden act of violence clearly designed to make Geoff Johns purr like a dirty cat. However, as pompous and inanely opaque as it all is (and, boy, isn’t it just), this mini-comic is at least drawn by John Romita Jnr with inks by Frank “The Tank” Miller. Which means it is gorgeous, shimmering gloriously as it does between Moebius and DKSA era Miller.  It’s like someone cracked a window in a room full of stale farts. A breath of fresh air is what I’m saying there.  If these two had drawn the whole book it wouldn’t have made it good, but it would have made it better. Writing –wise the mini-comic is CRAP! But the mini-comic art is VERY GOOD!

NEXT TIME: Something a bit better than this. Something that's bit better at being – COMICS!!!

"...Spring-Heeled Jack, The Duke of Clarence, Walter Sickert, Arthur Askey..." COMICS! Sometimes It's The Full English.

In which I sulkily refuse to acknowledge my recent absence (ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies) and just go straight into talking about a comic about an old man who fills his days by chuntering incessantly about nonsense to a disinterested and increasingly uncomfortable audience in the low single digits. I can’t imagine what attracted me to it.  photo Figgs02B_zps0f9erfnl.jpg ALBY FIGGS by Warren Pleece

Anyway this…

ALBY FIGGS by Warren “The Boy” Pleece Blank Slate, £8.99/$13.99 (2014) © Warren Pleece 2014

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What’s in a name, eh? There are worse places to start after all, so over here in the UK Alby is an archaic diminutive for the name Albert, one more commonly encountered today in the heathen lands of Australia and New Zealand, or in movies with astoundingly literal titles in which young men run around CGI mazes. Then there’s the fact that the fruits of figs(sic) are renowned for their laxative and irritant qualities. Keep you loose they do; sparing you the details, sparing your blushes. Basically “Alby” tells us he’s an old geezer, while “Figgs” metaphorically encapsulates (oooh!) his tendency to run off at the mouth and cause low level distress in his listeners. He can talk the hind legs off a donkey, and no mistake.

 photo Figgs04B_zpshnmp0y1t.jpg ALBY FIGGS by Warren Pleece

Alby’s a pretty common character type in the UK but probably less so in, say, America, as falling prey to his type of harmless verbals depends on a bone deep politeness and a terror of causing offence being present in his target. Now no one wants to come right out and say it, America, but you are a bit uncouth for that, more of a British ”thing”, donchaknow. Mind you, truth to tell, Old Blighty’s getting a bit brusque too. There was a time though, there was a time, when you couldn’t make it from one end of a shopping esplanade to the other without being buttonholed by some loquacious old dear, whose weirdly needy extemporising combined with your repressive upbringing would lead to you nodding glazedly through a highly dubious reminiscence involving Christopher Biggins, Hot Gossip and a Fray Bentos pie while time turned treacley around you. You don’t get that so much now. Seriously, you don’t miss it ‘til it’s gone, do you?

Of course you do still get buttonholed, but it’s buttonholing of a different order, usually by shifty eyed men asking for “bus fare”. However, in a nice nod to traditional values it is still an unspoken but required formality to humour their entire spiel and enter into the shared fantasy that this “bus” isn’t made of heroin or Tennants Extra. No word of a lie, they look really hurt if you just give them the money and hustle off with a “Yeah, sure.” Look at you like you just shat on the social contract. Heart-breaking it is. Not that you’d care, America. Anyway, Alby’s a different breed to those lost to the phantom bus routes of addiction; his addiction is to attention and he’s not after handouts; the only currency he wants is conversation. Nah, I just said that for cheap alliterative effect. Conversation’s a two way street and Alby’s a one way diversion which adds hours to your journey. The scenic route, if you will. He just wants your attention; he just wants someone to listen. I know, I know, I’ve totally lost you now, America. Listening to people, what’s that about; little wonder we lost our Empire. Hang in there, America, I’ll pick something violent next time, promise.

 photo Figgs05B_zpsdj7xvur1.jpg ALBY FIGGS by Warren Pleece

Anyway, long story short, Warren “The Boy” Pleece captures that familiar character perfectly in the pages of this book. And, bless his cotton socks, he doesn’t just go the one-note route of having Alby yammer on in every episode with the same punchline, strip upon strip until the world freezes in the dark of a dead sun. This probably explains why Alby Figgs isn’t in The Metro every day. One for the commuters there. Heart and soul of the city they are, bless. No, instead Alby Figgs’ fundamentally mundane yet undeniably emotive encounters are instead confined to this tidy little book destined for the perusal of picto-lit sophisticates like what we is. And make no mistake as picto-lit goes this is some sophisticated stuff on show. Now, language is Alby’s bread and butter and Pleece pulls a blinder in this regard. Colloquialisms abound and the rhythm of every dodgy discourse rings true. Mind you, it’s not chat city, it’s not all wall to wall prattle. No, it’ll probably surprise you to learn that for a book in which the main character lives to talk Pleece uses silence to superb effect. Artistically ironical, I’d call that; shrewd stuff like Melvyn might bray on The South Bank Show. Pick of the litter is the strip called “Sis” set on a bus, which with its lengthy silence interrupted by a hurried and carefully neutral farewell contains such depths of truth that it could just as well be titled “The English Character in Four Panels”. ‘S dead clever is what I’m getting at. You know there’s some serious smarts on show when a strip called “The Rickenbacker Falls” is set in a guitar shop and involves not just a Rickenbacker falling, but also a decisive encounter between Alby and his nemesis which ends with doubt as to whether any fatalities have occurred. Geddit, like that Sherlock fellow, yeah? No, not that new soshul medjah effete child one. No, the old one, Rathbone, The Cush; we had proper Holmeses in them days. Oh aye, Alby’s got a nemesis, his very own mouthy Moriaty and they’ve got a history too.

 photo Figgs01B_zpsj7npsvqp.jpg ALBY FIGGS by Warren Pleece

Given that the book is composed of single page strips of four panels Peece packs them with content while keeping a visual lightness of touch. Proper storytelling, I’m talking about there; the uncanny transference of intangible but weighty emotions via the alchemical magic of words and pictures. Comics, yeah? Not everyone can make it work, but them that can shouldn’t be ignored just because they veer past the flash and the crass to focus on concerns closer to home. Thanks to Pleece’s deft storytelling touch and peerless cartooning chops, what could easily have been an exercise in sour tempered repetition instead involves a rounded character with a lively supporting cast whose commonplace days casts a wider light on all our lives. The nub, if you will is it’s just a book about an old bloke who likes to talk, but it’s bloody well done.

 photo Figgs03B_zpsylf3arvi.jpg ALBY FIGGS by Warren Pleece

Alby Figgs is a little joy, a little gem of a book. One which, in common with its titular character, tells you volumes about this country but only if you’ll only take the time to stop and listen. Go on, bend an ear and make an old man happy. VERY GOOD!

NEXT TIME: I haven’t the foggiest, me old mucker. Spare some change for some – COMICS!!!

Arriving 3/16/16

This is a week of comics! New MONSTRESS, LOW and RAT QUEENS! Check the cut for the rest of this weeks comics!

3 DEVILS #1 (OF 4) ADVENTURE TIME ICE KING #3 ALL NEW INHUMANS #5 ALL NEW X-MEN #6 AMAZING FOREST #3 ASTONISHING ANT-MAN #6 ASTRO CITY #33 BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #24 BLACK CANARY #9 CAPTAIN MARVEL #3 CLEAN ROOM #6 DARK HORSE PRESENTS 2014 #20 DEADPOOL MERCS FOR MONEY #2 (OF 5) DEVOLUTION #3 (OF 5) DOCTOR FATE #10 DRAGON AGE MAGEKILLER #4 (OF 5) EMPTY ZONE #6 EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #8 AW GHOSTBUSTERS DEVIATIONS (ONE SHOT) GREEN ARROW #50 HENCHGIRL #5 HUCK #5 INFINITY ENTITY #2 (OF 4) INJECTION #8 INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR FIVE #6 INTERNATIONAL IRON MAN #1 JAMES BOND #5 JIM HENSONS STORYTELLER DRAGONS #4 JONESY #2 KANAN #12 LEGACY OF LUTHER STRODE #5 LEGENDS OF TOMORROW #1 LOOKING FOR GROUP #12 LORDS OF THE JUNGLE #1 (OF 6) LOW #12 LUCIFER #4 LUMBERJANES #24 MAN PLUS #3 (OF 4) MARTIAN MANHUNTER #10 MAXX MAXXIMIZED #29 MOCKINGBIRD #1 MONSTRESS #4 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDS FOREVER #26 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC #40 MYSTERY GIRL #4 ODYC #10 PAKNADEL & TRAKHANOV TURNCOAT #1 POISON IVY CYCLE OF LIFE AND DEATH #3 (OF 6) POWER BUTTON #0 POWER MAN AND IRON FIST #2 PRINCELESS RAVEN PIRATE PRINCESS #6 RAT QUEENS #15 RED SONJA VOL 3 #3 RED THORN #5 ROBIN SON OF BATMAN #10 ROCHE LIMIT MONADIC #1 (OF 4) SCARLET WITCH #4 SECOND SIGHT #2 SILK #6 SIMPSONS COMICS #227 SINESTRO #21 SPIDER-WOMAN #5 SQUADRON SUPREME #5 STARBRAND AND NIGHTMASK #4 STAR-LORD #5 STARVE #7 STEVEN UNIVERSE & CRYSTAL GEMS #1 SUPERMAN #50 SUPERMAN AMERICAN ALIEN #5 (OF 7) SUPERMAN THE COMING OF THE SUPERMEN #2 (OF 6) SUPERMAN WONDER WOMAN #27 SYMMETRY #4 TITANS HUNT #6 (OF 12) TRANSFORMERS #51 TRANSFORMERS DEVIATIONS (ONE SHOT) UNCANNY INHUMANS #6 UNCLE SCROOGE #12 USAGI YOJIMBO #153 WEB WARRIORS #5 WELCOME BACK #6 WILL EISNER SPIRIT #9 WYNONNA EARP #2 (OF 6)

Books/Mags/Things ADVENTURE TIME TP VOL 08 ARCHIE TP VOL 01 AVATAR LAST AIRBENDER TP VOL 12 SMOKE & SHADOW PART 3 BART SIMPSON TP MASTER OF DISASTER BATMAN HC VOL 08 SUPERHEAVY BATMAN TP VOL 07 ENDGAME BEAUTY TP VOL 01 CHRONICLES OF CONAN TP VOL 31 EMPIRE OF UNDEAD CIVIL WAR FRONT LINE TP COMIC BOOK APOCALYPSE GRAPHIC WORLD OF JACK KIRBY TP DARK TOWER DRAWING OF THREE TP LADY OF SHADOWS EERIE TP VOL 01 EXPERIMENTS IN TERROR FORGET ME NOT GN VOL 01 GOTHAM ACADEMY TP VOL 02 CALAMITY HELP US GREAT WARRIOR TP VOL 01 HIT TP VOL 02 1957 HUMANS TP VOL 02 HUMANS TILL DETH UP MASTER KEATON GN VOL 05 MAXX MAXXED OUT TP VOL 01 NAMELESS HC OH MY GODDESS OMNIBUS TP VOL 03 ONE PUNCH MAN GN VOL 05 PARADISE RESIDENCE GN VOL 01 PHONOGRAM TP VOL 03 IMMATERIAL GIRL PROJECT SUPERPOWERS BLACKCROSS TP ROBIN TP VOL 02 SECRET WARS HC SUPERMAN THE GOLDEN AGE TP VOL 01 TOMBOY DIVINE INTERVENTION TP UNCLE SCROOGE PERIL OF PANDORAS BOX TP WORMWOOD GENTLEMAN CORPSE OMNIBUS TP

As always, what do YOU think?

Arriving 3/9/2016

New DOCTOR STRANGE, HEAD LOPPER, VISION and MIGHTY THOR this week! Check the cut for the second of five March Wednesday comics!

ACTION COMICS #50 ADVENTURE TIME #50 AGENTS OF SHIELD #3 ASO ALABASTER THE GOOD THE BAD & THE BIRD #4 (OF 5) ALL NEW WOLVERINE #6 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #9 AW YEAH COMICS ACTION CAT & ADVENTURE BUG #1 (OF 4) BAKER STREET PECULIARS #1 BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #23 BATMAN SUPERMAN #30 BATMAN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #4 (OF 6) BLACK JACK KETCHUM #4 (OF 4) BLACK KNIGHT #5 CATWOMAN #50 CODENAME BABOUSHKA CONCLAVE OF DEATH #5 CONSTANTINE THE HELLBLAZER #10 CROSSED PLUS 100 #14 DARK AND BLOODY #2 (OF 6) DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #3 (OF 8) COLLECTORS ED DESCENDER #11 DETECTIVE COMICS #50 DIRK GENTLY A SPOON TOO SHORT #2 (OF 5) DISNEY PRINCESS #1 DOC SAVAGE SPIDERS WEB #4 DOCTOR STRANGE #6 DOCTOR WHO 12TH YEAR TWO #3 DONALD DUCK #11 DRIVE #4 (OF 4) EARTH 2 SOCIETY #10 FABLES THE WOLF AMONG US #15 GOLD DIGGER #230 GOTHAM ACADEMY #16 GREEN LANTERN CORPS EDGE OF OBLIVION #3 (OF 6) GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #6 GUTTER MAGIC #3 (OF 4) HARROW COUNTY #10 HAUNTED LOVE #2 HEAD LOPPER #3 HOWARD THE DUCK #5 INFINITY ENTITY #1 (OF 4) INSEXTS #4 INSUFFERABLE ON THE ROAD #2 JUPITERS CIRCLE VOL 2 #4 (OF 6) KENNEL BLOCK BLUES #2 LANTERN CITY #11 (OF 12) LAST CONTRACT #3 LEAVING MEGALOPOLIS SURVIVING MEGALOPOLIS #3 LEGEND OF WONDER WOMAN #3 (OF 9) LIMBO #5 (OF 6) LUNA THE VAMPIRE #3 (OF 3) MARS ATTACKS OCCUPATION #1 (OF 5) MASSIVE NINTH WAVE #4 MIGHTY THOR #5 MS MARVEL #5 NEW ROMANCER #4 (OF 6) NEW SUICIDE SQUAD #18 NO MERCY #8 PRECINCT #4 (OF 5) RED HOOD ARSENAL #10 RED WOLF #4 ROCKET RACCOON AND GROOT #3 SAMURAI #1 (OF 8) SHAFT IMITATION OF LIFE #2 (OF 4) SHUTTER #19 SLASH & BURN #5 SNOW BLIND #4 SPIDER-GWEN #6 SPIDER-MAN 2099 #8 SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #3 SPONGEBOB COMICS #54 STAR TREK ONGOING #55 STARFIRE #10 STREET DAWGZ TELOS #6 THE UNMENTIONABLES (ONE SHOT) TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS EYE #50 UNCANNY AVENGERS #7 ASO VISION #5 WAR STORIES #17 WEIRDWORLD #4 X-FILES DEVIATIONS (ONE SHOT)

Books/Mags/Whatever ANGEL & FAITH SEASON 10 TP VOL 04 MORE THAN KIN AZRAEL TP VOL 01 FALLEN ANGEL BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL TP VOL 01 BATMAN CONTAGION TP BLOODY MARY TP CAPTAIN AMERICA TP VOL 01 MARVEL KNIGHTS CIVIL WAR BLACK PANTHER TP NEW PTG CROSSED PLUS 100 TP VOL 02 HEAVY METAL #279 JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #369 JUSTICE LEAGUE HC VOL 07 DARKSEID WAR PART 1 JUSTICE LEAGUE TP VOL 06 INJUSTICE LEAGUE MARCH OVERSIZED HC BOOK 01 LTD ED MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC TP VOL 09 ONLY LIVING BOY GN VOL 01 PATCHWORK PLANET PARACUELLOS TP VOL 01 RETROWORLD GN STEVEN UNIVERSE TP VOL 02 STRING DIVERS TP TEEN TITANS TP VOL 02 ROGUE TARGETS THOR TP VOL 02 WHO HOLDS HAMMER THORS TP TIME OUT SHORTLIST GOTHAM METROPOLIS GUIDEBOOK TOKYO GHOST TP VOL 01 ATOMIC GARDEN X-MEN 92 TP VOL 00 WARZONES

As always, what do YOU think?

Arriving 3/2/16

New WALKING DEAD, BATGIRL and PROPHET! Plus the debut of the new BLACK WIDOW from Mark Waid and Chris Samnee!
 
Check the cut for the rest of the first week of March comics!

A-FORCE #3 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN AND SILK SPIDERFLY EFFECT #1 (OF 4) ANGEL AND FAITH SEASON 10 #24 ANOTHER CASTLE #1 AVENGERS STANDOFF ASSAULT ON PLEASANT HILL ALPHA #1 ASO BATGIRL #49 BATMAN 66 MEETS THE MAN FROM UNCLE #4 (OF 6) BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #22 BATMAN BEYOND #10 BLACK WIDOW #1 BOBS BURGERS ONGOING #9 DARTH VADER #17 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #10 DEADLY CLASS #19 DEADPOOL #8 DEJAH THORIS #2 DISCIPLINE #1 DOCTOR WHO 11TH YEAR TWO #6 DREAMING EAGLES #3 EXODUS LIFE AFTER #4 FUSE #18 GIANT DAYS #12 GRANT MORRISONS 18 DAYS #9 GREEN LANTERN #50 GUARDIANS OF INFINITY #4 INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR FIVE #5 INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #7 JOE GOLEM OCCULT DETECTIVE #5 JOHNNY RED #5 (OF 8) KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #229 MERCURY HEAT #8 MIDNIGHTER #10 MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS #1 NEW AVENGERS #7 NIOBE SHE IS LIFE #2 NOVA #5 OLD MAN LOGAN #3 OMEGA MEN #9 PREDATOR LIFE AND DEATH #1 (OF 4) PROPHET EARTH WAR #2 (OF 6) REGULAR SHOW #33 REPLICA #4 REVIVAL #37 SAINTS #6 SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #15 SHERIFF OF BABYLON #4 (OF 8) SPIDER-MAN #2 STREET FIGHTER UNLIMITED #4 STUMPTOWN V3 #9 SURVIVORS CLUB #6 SWAMP THING #3 (OF 6) TOMBOY #4 TRAIN CALLED LOVE #6 (OF 10) UNCANNY AVENGERS #6 UNCANNY X-MEN #4 UNFOLLOW #5 VAMPIRELLA VOL 3 #1 VIOLENT #3 WALKING DEAD #152

Books/Mags/Things BLACK CANARY TP VOL 01 KICKING AND SCREAMING COMPLETE WIMMENS COMIX HC BOX SET CONAN HC VOL 19 XUTHAL OF THE DUSK DAREDEVIL BY MILLER AND JANSON OMNIBUS HC DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS TP VOL 01 ENLISTED DISNEY ZOOTOPIA CINESTORY ELEKTRA BY FRANK MILLER OMNIBUS HC GRAHAM INGEL EC STORIES ARTIST ED HC HARLEY QUINN AND POWER GIRL TP LUCKY PENNY GN MIRACLEMAN GAIMAN BUCKINGHAM PREM HC BOOK 01 GOLDEN AGE NEW LONE WOLF AND CUB TP VOL 08 SUPERMAN UNCHAINED TP THIEF OF THIEVES TP VOL 05

As always, what do YOU think?

“Would You Like A Waffle With Chestnut Butter?” COMICS! Sometimes It's Safer In The Asylum.

Bonjour mesdames et messieurs! Une tasse de thé sans lait, veuillez. Beaucoup merde! Or for those who lack the class I has, and thus do not speak the language of The French: This week John read a graphic novel by Jacques Tardi, who is not Jacques Tati but who is French. Luckily someone had the foresight to translate the book into The Beautiful Tongue or else this would have been a bit of a nonstarter.  You know, what with John being an enormous monolingual xenophobe and all.   photo TardiSirB_zpsailbt7vi.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

Anyway this…

RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL Adapted by Jacques Tardi Translated by Doug Headline Based on the novel by Jean-Patrick Manchette Fantagraphics, $19.99,H/B, B&W (2015)

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RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL is a comics adaptation by Jacques Tardi of the 1972 French crime novel "Ô Dingos! Ô Châteaux!" by Jean-Patrick Manchette. Manchette (1942-1995) himself was a bit of a fan of the, how you say, comics and translated Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore’s WATCHMEN for the French market. I haven’t read the original novel, so how this book works as an adaptation is a question for people who take writing about comics a lot more seriously than I do. As a graphic novel, however, I am able to tell you that RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL works excellently. But then it would, since it’s by Jacques Tardi. Tardi is an acknowledged master of the comics form with his deceptively loose style able to encompass various genres with equal aplomb. Yeah, I know, I know, a French artist and blah, blah, blah, aren’t I just special for reading foreign comics and, well, it’s all starting to feel a bit like homework, right? Relax. All you need to know is that this is a balls to the wall neo-noir chase caper with more violence and surprises than when your family gets drunk at Christmas. Or as Howard Victor Chaykin says on the back cover, “To put it simply, this shit kicks ass.” He may have a mouth like a sailor but the man does know his comics.

 photo TardiOopsB_zpsznmffwaf.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

The premise is simple: Ex-architect Michael Hartog is a philanthropic moneybags whose benevolence is fuelled by guilt over the fact that his current wealth resulted from the tragic deaths of his brother and his wife, and Hartog’s consequent guardianship of their behaviourally troubled son. In line with his charitable tendency to employ the damaged and neglected, Hartog hires a woman, Julie, from an asylum to care for the child, Peter. Swiftly targeted by a  bunch of reprobates led by the ailment plagued assassin, Thompson, the less than stable duo are kidnapped. Basically, like my Dad says, no violent kidnapping plan ever survives first contact with a mentally troubled woman and her emotionally wayward ward. Hijinks découlent.

 photo TardiRocksB_zpsu7rfifmv.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

The cast are all distinctively portrayed by Tardi as individuals, but they all share various levels of facial bloat and sag which lends the art a cartoony amiability which alternately enhances or ameliorates the morally wayward proceedings. (There’s an inadvertent extra level of comical dissonance for British readers as the kid, Peter, with his unruly hair, saucer face and air of detached entitlement resembles a pint-sized version of the malignantly calculating Tory blight, Boris Johnson.)

 photo TardiBorisB_zps3ikz9lcm.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

Things get pretty wayward indeed, and as if to prepare the reader RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL opens with the slaying of a pederast which is both matter-of-factly  presented and narrated with an apparently eerie detachment, but one which is undercut by an unsavoury eye for detail. All the narrative text is similarly lean and constantly belies its apparent neutrality via applying its callously clipped tone regardless of the emotional content of the scene. I guess this is carried across from Manchette’s source novel , but the fact it works in English is due to Doug Headline's translation. It’s the kind of writing that looks easy but isn’t, and if it goes awry even a talent like, say, Sean Phillips' wonderfully ruckled shirts won’t stave off ennui for long. The dialogue is similarly unadorned with an absence of the showboating monologue which tarnishes so much crime fiction. Although we never do discover anyone's favourite Alan Ladd movie or which pizza topping they prefer, the funky verve of Tardi's art manages to soften the blow. Sometimes events reach such a hectic pitch that language fails completely and all that’s left is a wildly expressive exclamation, strikingly depicted by Tardi as a kind of wobbly “A”.

 photo TardiOwchB_zpsimgkgev3.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

With its familiar crime premise it would be easy to mistake RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL for yet another hacky trek through Homage Town (twinned with Lazyville). Thankfully it’s nothing of the kind. Not only is the setting (France) a nice change of pace, but it’s surprising how much Tardi gets out of depicting everyday normality. Tardi’s use of pure scribbles to denote reflections, moustaches and shadows is just amazing; I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any comic artist achieve so much with so little. The mundane made magical is a neat trick but Tardi goes one better by subtly upping the weirdness quotient as the book progresses. Sometimes it's isolated but repeated imagery,  such as when our vicious Brit repeatedly folds at the waist to emit a viscous sheet of vomit. Or it’s the showpiece set-to in the supermarket which degenerates into absurd violence and potentially deadly slapstick as consumer durables are set aflame by our resourceful Scary Poppins, and then brought into play as weaponry.  While the scene ends in fiery farce, with a scorched reprobate fleeing sans trousers, Tardi (& Manchette) quickly pop their brass knuckles back on and slap the smile off your face with a brutally one sided street slaughter. And even here Tardi manages to somehow soften into something lightly comical the catastrophic failure of the structural integrity of a human head in the blast of a shotgun. This is a book that keeps fiercely lunging into absurdity, but is restrained from topppling over the edge by Tardi's quirky realism.

 photo TardiCarB_zpseceohgr5.jpg RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL (Tardi, Manchette)

Hollywood will probably adapt RUN LIKE CRAZY RUN LIKE HELL with Sandra Bullock (in a late career-rescuing Troubled But Capable Lady role) being pursued by Tom Hanks (in an Against Type Older Male role) and with a CGI child (motion captured by Andy Serkis) but some things are just better on paper. Particularly if that paper has ink slapped on it by the mighty Jacques Tardi. VERY GOOD! 

Apres moi, Les – COMICS!!!

Arriving 2/24/16

This is a HUGE week! New SAGA, DARK KNIGHT III, CRY HAVOC, BLACK MAGICK, NOWHERE MEN, the return of KARNAK, GANGES and so much more! Check the cut for the "...more!"

ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT AVENGERS #6 ALL NEW INHUMANS #4 ALL NEW X-MEN #5 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1.3 ANGELA QUEEN OF HEL #5 AQUAMAN #49 ART OPS #5 ASTONISHING ANT-MAN #5 BACK TO THE FUTURE #5 (OF 5) BART SIMPSON COMICS #100 BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #21 BLACK MAGICK #5 BLOODSHOT REBORN #11 CHEW #55 CONAN THE AVENGER #23 CRY HAVOC #2 CYBORG #8 DANGER GIRL RENEGADE #4 (OF 4) DAREDEVIL #4 DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #3 (OF 8) DEATH HEAD #6 (OF 6) DEATHSTROKE #15 DIRK GENTLY A SPOON TOO SHORT #1 (OF 5) DRAX #4 FAITH #2 (OF 4) FIGHT CLUB 2 #9 FLASH #49 FOUR EYES HEARTS OF FIRE #2 (OF 4) FUTURAMA COMICS #78 GANGES #5 GHOSTBUSTERS INTERNATIONAL #2 (OF 4) GODDAMNED #3 GRAYSON #17 GRAYSON #17 NEAL ADAMS VAR ED GUIDEBOOK MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE MARVELS AVENGERS HAUNTED HORROR #21 HAUNTED LOVE #1 HELLBOY & BPRD 1953 BEYOND THE FENCES #1 HERCULES #4 HOWLING COMMANDOS OF SHIELD #5 INVISIBLE REPUBLIC #9 ITTY BITTY HELLBOY SEARCH FOR THE WERE-JAGUAR #4 (OF 4) JACKED #4 (OF 6) JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS #12 JUDGE DREDD (ONGOING) #3 JUSTICE LEAGUE #48 JUSTICE LEAGUE 3001 #9 KANAN #11 KARNAK #2 KING CONAN WOLVES BEYOND THE BORDER #3 (OF 4) LAST GANG IN TOWN #3 (OF 7) MAXX MAXXIMIZED #28 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #4 MUNCHKIN #14 MYTHIC #7 NOWHERE MEN #8 ORPHAN BLACK HELSINKI #4 (OF 5) OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #16 PATHFINDER HOLLOW MOUNTAIN #4 (OF 6) PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT #3 PEANUTS VOL 2 #31 PENCIL HEAD #2 (OF 5) PLUTONA #4 (OF 5) POSTAL #10 RACHEL RISING #40 RICK & MORTY #11 RINGSIDE #4 SAGA #34 SILK #5 SPAWN #261 SPIDER-MAN 2099 #7 STAR TREK ONGOING #54 STRAYER #2 STREET FIGHTER X GI JOE #1 (OF 6) SUICIDE SQUAD MOST WANTED DEADSHOT KATANA #2 (OF 6) SUPERMAN #49 SUPERMAN LOIS AND CLARK #5 SUPERMAN THE COMING OF THE SUPERMEN #1 (OF 6) SUPERMAN WONDER WOMAN #26 TEEN TITANS #17 TMNT ONGOING #55 TRANSFORMERS #50 TRANSFORMERS VS GI JOE #11 UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL #5 VENOM SPACE KNIGHT #4 VENUS #3 WAYWARD #14 WE ARE ROBIN #9 WILDS END ENEMY WITHIN #6 (OF 6) WILL EISNER SPIRIT #8 WOLF #6 WYNONNA EARP #1 (OF 6) X-MEN WORST X-MAN EVER #1 (OF 5)

Books/Mags/Things 2000 AD PACK JAN 2016 ALL NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA TP VOL 01 HYDRA ASCENDANT ARK HC BIRDS OF PREY TP VOL 02 CORTO MALTESE GN CELTIC TALES CROSSED TP VOL 15 DEADPOOL CLASSIC TP VOL 15 ALL REST DEATHSTROKE TP VOL 02 GODKILLER DONALD & MICKEY DISNEY COMICS/STORIES 75TH ANNV COLL TP EC REED CRANDALL & FELDSTEIN HIGH COST OF DYING HC FOUNDING FATHERS FUNNIES HC GUARDIANS OF GALAXY AND X-MEN TP BLACK VORTEX KAIJUMAX TP VOL 01 KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND VINAMARAMA DELUXE ED HC MAD MAGAZINE #538 MARTIAN MANHUNTER TP VOL 01 THE EPIPHANY MEZOLITH ORIGINAL GN HC VOL 01 NEIL GAIMANS MR HERO HC VOL 01 OCTOPUS PIE TP VOL 01 PREVIEWS #330 MARCH 2016 RUMBLE TP VOL 02 A WOE THAT IS MADNESS SAM KEITH MAXX ARTIST ED HC SIEGE BATTLEWORLD TP SPIDER-VERSE TP STAR TREK NEW VISIONS TP VOL 03 STAR WARS TP CHEWBACCA SUNSTONE OGN VOL 04 THE LAST FALL TP ZAP COMIX #16

As always, what do YOU think?

“I Fail To See What’s So Remarkable About Two Robots Dancing.” COMICS! Sometimes I’ll Need To See Some ID Before You Go Any Further, Sunshine.

This time out I look at 2000AD yet again, but you can tell I’m getting a bit worn down. Not because you’re perceptive, but because I flat out say so. Then in an attempt to pep things up a bit I take a look at  a one man anthology by the one man affront to all that’s rational! Men want to be him, women want to be with him, and the FBI just plain want him! It’s that loveable scamp, the part-time Cher impersonator and full-time living colossus of Comics, Mr. Gilbert “Betty” Hernandez. And this wretched creature on the end of my critical stick is BLUBBER #2.  (Strictly no kids past the MORE…) photo BlubTopB_zpsjcz32qdm.jpg BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

Anyway, this…

2000AD #1967 & #1968 Art by Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, Clint Langley, John Burns, Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Pat Mills, Kek-W, John Wagner Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland Coloured by Len O’Grady Cover by Clint Langley JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner KINGDOM created by Richard Elson & Dan Abnett ABC WARRIORS created by Kevin O’Neill, Brendan McCarthy, Mick McMahon & Pat Mills THE ORDER created by John Burns & Kek-W STRONTIUM DOG created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner © 2016 Rebellion A/S Rebellion, £2.55 each, weekly (2016)

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What? Again? Already? Stomm, I’m not really feeling it this time out. The problem it turns out is that weekly instalments all end up being a wee bit samey, so it’s a little difficult coming up with something new to say. But we’ll persevere, after all that’s why they pay me the big bucks. In the indicia to Prog 1967 Tharg’s hidden message is that he is very busy and everything is late. By Prog 1968 things seem to have calmed a little and he’s crowing about how only the best Venusian oil will do for his droids, but is considering doing a Kickstarter due to the high costs of importing said oil. (N.B. It is tacitly understood by readers that 2000AD’s editor is a green skinned Betelgeusian and the creators who toil beneath his tyrannical yoke are all characterised as robots who should think themselves lucky. Over in the UK we find this kind of thing amusing.)

 photo DreddB_zpstarw3goh.jpg JUDGE DREDD (Sexton, Carroll, O’Grady & Parkhouse)

In Prog 1968 the not entirely convincing saga of Judge Badger and the Secret Citi-Block of Rogue Judges comes to a somewhat sudden end. Taking the tale as a whole I’d have to say it was a well done enough chunk of fun, but very little had changed by the end. Dredd’s fascistic veneer took another tiny little knock but more importantly, I guess, Carroll laid the groundwork for future stories which won’t trip over John Wagner’s stuff. Mark Sexton was the star of this one with his crisply attired Judges smoothly navigating the slightly scruffy future setting. And either Len O’Grady or Sexton himself did some nice layering with the colours to lend the images depth, which really paid off in the fighting on catwalks scenes. Carroll’s story was sound on the surface but had some worrying chinks in its armour. A scene where one of four chains supporting a craft was shot resulted in the craft plummeting onto the bad guys below, but should really just have resulted in that corner of the craft drooping and bobbling about like Bruce Willis’ penis in the Color of Night pool scene. And no matter how close sisters may be, it’s unlikely a fascistic wingnut with delusions of grandeur is likely to risk decades of covert skulduggery just so they can be together. Now, we’re all God’s children so I’m not saying fascists lack normal human feelings but it is a fact that I’ve never seen a “For Fascists” section in a greeting card shop. But, y’know, the twist involving DeMarco was, however, pretty neat and all my typically minor carps were ultimately outweighed by the strong pacing and the high entertainment quotient. Solid stuff so GOOD!

 photo KingDB_zpsncquwr1f.jpg KINGDOM (Elson, Abnett & DeVille)

Despite the fact that Prog 1966 promised all kinds of hell was about to break loose Prog 1967 has a weirdly truncated fight scene which pisses away the promise of the preceding issue’s double page spread to basically just establish our cast are now in a siege situation. Then someone notices a giant insect mound that they should probably go and pour a giant kettle of hot water down in order to stop the insect horde. So they decide to do that. Come Prog 1968 Gene and Co, are well on their way, and in case you were wondering how they got out of the besieged city then be assured that Abnett makes every effort to make you think he’s explained that, but you’re pretty sure he hasn’t. Or maybe he did, I read this when I was tired (but I don’t think he did explain it). Prog 1968’s episode opens with a couple of humans who previously appeared in the strip during the 8 years I wasn’t reading it. That’s okay, because there’s a little note referring to previous events. They don’t do notes like that in North American comics anymore because everything happens so slowly that drawing attention to it would just be dispiriting to everyone. (“Miles first started cooking these pancakes six issues ago!”, Underutilised Ed!) Accompanying the humans is another dog thing who immediately starts fighting Gene, our hero, in a page snaffling instance of the usual clichéd misunderstanding  so beloved of old timey comics. Efficiency remains the watchword with Abnett’s script and Elson continues to steadfastly draw it all with a crispness that Quentin (*) would envy. OKAY! (*) Quentin Crisp not Quentin Tarantino. C’mon, work with me here.

 photo ABCWB_zpsijxju9et.jpg ABC WARRIORS (Langley, Mills & Parkhouse)

If at any point anyone out there (SMASH CUT to street as seen in Western movies, cue tumbleweed and eerie whistling) is considering berating Pat Mills for the lack of subtlety in his satire you may wish to remind yourself that in PROG 1967 the villainous Howard Quartz draws up a Death List of droids for the chop, and he writes the names on a tablet clearly headed “DEATH LIST”. I don’t think Pat Mills is under any misapprehensions about the level of satire he’s offering up. But you might be. These two episodes are set in Gracie’s Bar and the second features Ro-Jaws and Hammerstein doing a song and dance number gussied up in top hat and tails. It’s a Hell of an image and Langley delivers it as he delivers all his imagery here, with an appropriately messy undercurrent to the technology on show. It was at that point that I started to strongly suspect Mills was actually writing this story within (between) the very earliest Ro-Busters stories, because I know that image of the dancing droids of old; it kind of sticks with you. How very clever, Pat Mills. Of course I can’t tell you how successfully he’s doing it, because I don’t still have those issues, but still a doff of the cap and all that.  What is new (to me) is Mills’ subversive take on the “cakewalk” and how by applying it (retroactively) to Ro-Jaws and Hammerstein’s antics he’s able to bed in his slaves/robots  (sub)text so deep it won’t shift. Satire doesn’t have to be subtle (and it doesn’t even have to be funny) it just needs to ring true. Ding! Ding! VERY GOOD!

 photo OrderB_zpswsuafier.jpg THE ORDER (Burns, Kek-W & De Ville)

Like I said back there, I was tired when I read these comics so in-between all the stuff about consciousness transferring, lovers reunited and my personal confusion over the fact that what I had previously thought was one woman was in fact two women (said confusion despite John Burns attiring one in a memory searing outfit of scarlet leather) I think I recall Francis Bacon being in this. No, the philosopher and statesman, not the painter. It’s set in the 1580s, so come on, play fair now. Anyway, if you look him up on Wikipedia so you can type “the philosopher and statesman, not the painter” like you know what you are talking about, there’s a facsimile of his signature. It’s got his birth date and everything on there as well, which I find a touch dicey given all the palaver about identity theft these days. (“Hello, Mr. Bacon? This is VisaCard, can you confirm the fact that you recently purchased a 97” HD-Ready Television in Portugal yesterday?” “No, no, I did not. I live in Balham and I’m perfectly happy with my current television. Damn, it’s those irresponsible fuckers at Wikipedia again!”)  See, whenever a real life historical figure appears in a comic I am unavoidably reminded of Jonathan Hickman and Dustin Weaver’s (still uncompleted) SHIELD series. In a clear bid for intellectual cachet this series (the still uncompleted SHIELD one by Jonathan Hickman and Dustin Weaver) about Tony Stark’s Dad (Larry Stark) and Reed Richard’s Dad (Trevor Richards) bro-ing about, also had Sir Isaac Newton and Leonardo Da Vinci squaring off because comics. Being a modern man I know very little about, and I have very little interest in, anything that does not impinge directly on my life, a remit which some long dead boffins scarcely fill, but I’m pretty sure they were clever fellows. Yet in Jonathan Hickman and Dustin Weaver’s (still uncompleted) SHIELD series these two had their followers dress in uniforms and run at each other in the street like slightly less boorish football hooligans. It’s this deft handling of real-life historical figures which always comes to mind when another such figure rears its head in a story. Um, I’ve lost track of what I was on about. I usually mention John Burns’ art is a treat for the eyes, did I do that yet? OKAY! 

 photo StrontB_zpstq024i6y.jpg STRONTIUM DOG (Ezquerra, Wagner & Bowland)

STRONTIUM DOG continues to be so reliable as to be easily taken for granted when in fact its very reliability should be the subject of envy throughout the Comics World. Guess which bit I left until last and then ran out of time on. Hey, I’m sorry my review isn’t up to snuff but I want a weekend too! VERY GOOD!

WOULD ALL CHILDREN PLEASE LEAVE THE AUDITORIUM! LADIES POSSESSED OF A DELICATE NATURE AND GENTLEMEN SUFFERING FROM DISORDERS OF THE MIND ARE ALSO ENCOURAGED TO SEEK ALTERNATE SHELTER FOR THE DURATION OF THE FOLLOWING! (!!KLAXON SOUNDS!!) THE MANAGEMENT THANKS YOU. AND NOW…

BLUBBER #2 by Gilbert Hernandez Fantagraphics $3.99 (2016) © 2016 Gilbert Hernandez (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339)

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WARNING! BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) is proper nasty. Dirrrrrrrrty, even.

There is a school of thought that BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) is Gilbert Hernandez taking the piss out of the whole Comics Aren’t Just for Kids! horsepuckey by applying to the tropes of childish entertainment: superheroes, zombies, bad girls, monsters etc. a more realistic approximation of the actual recreational thoughts of real-life adults. Sure, everyone pretends adults are forever relaxing with a cheeky red while reading the novels of Stefan Zweig or watching the movies of Shohei Imamura, whereas of course they are mostly getting shitfaced on gassy piss and reading Dan Brown books or watching Star Wars movies. Which they are perfectly entitled to do. And, lest we forget, it’s a white knuckle ride for anyone anticipating sophistication and erudition once they pass through the beaded curtain into the “Adult” section of anywhere at all. So I’m told. Mind you, none of that matters since I am the only person attending that school, and its curriculum reflects so badly on both humanity and myself that its funding has been pulled with a view to it being demolished, the ground salted, and the whole unwise endeavour replaced by a statute of Deadpool miming a slightly risqué joke.

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BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

So, politicians, dog fondlers, Catholic priests, ham radio enthusiasts, bacon fetishists and people with unimpeachable taste in comics rejoice, because YES! it’s the second issue of Gilbert Hernandez’ sanity taunting BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339)! That’s right, kids, the Best Comic of 2016©™® has already arrived! In January yet! And yes I do know it is now February but I’ve been busy; those ritual murders currently baffling the finest minds in law enforcement won’t commit themselves! So, February 2016 and already everyone else in comics can pack up and fuck right off, because here comes BLUBBER #2 (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339)! In this issue of BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) bestiality and mutilation flaunt themselves with gay abandon upon every B&W page. This time out though the familiar menageries of witlessly priapic and savagely violent species are joined by the most witlessly priapic and savagely violent species of all – humanity! Jism drizzled and blood sodden capers ensue. But don’t take my unbiased and wholly reliable word for it; check out the sordid menu yourself:

BLOVIATE! as the order comes from above for “T.A.C. Man” to track down the pollum and “fuck him up!” Can the world’s first Tactical! Advanced! Commando! Man! best his turgid membered and swingingly nippled nemesis? Meanwhile, back at the base bureaucratic thrills galore occur as Mr. Hippy is genitally mutilated and then cruelly defenestrated by Marshman in a  fit of pique! And could all this dark malarkey be the sinister work of the erectly menacing Wild Dicks? The only way to find out is to rub BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) against your face! T.A.C.TASTIC BONUS! Featuring the discharge enhancing debut of the sensational character find of 2016 – Boat Man! More than a man! More than a boat! It’s Boat Man! T.A.C. Man and Boat Man! Orifices on land and sea beware! T.A.C. Man and Boat Man! Action and buoyancy in blissful syncopation! T.A.C. Man and Boat Man! CHUCH MY MUNG, TRUE BELIEVERS!  photo BlubBoatB_zpsclktinlq.jpg

BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

INVEST! as “XXX Superstar Pupusi And Her Pals” degrade and traduce the beauty of the physical act of love with a cheeky wink, a sticky smile and maybe a philosophical bon mot or two! Ooh! Watch out Pupusi and Maximiliano! That creepy peeper, Mr. Hammernuts is at it again! The big shit!

BOONDOGGLE! as Gilbert Hernandez answers the question which has stumped the finest scientific minds since the world first cooled like a big spherical pie on the window ledge of the universe! Go tell your Momma, go tell the Spartans, “Who Fears The Froat?”

COMBUST! As the micro-dicked Grecian buff-cakes of “Sweet” amble about sating their sexual impulses via the slits, vents and cavities of willing fauna such as the Pooso and the Orlat. What does such mindless and crassly loveless debauchery mean? It means, dude, life is “Sweet”! Whoa! SAVOURY BONUS! Discover the untold secret origin of XXX Pupusi’s name!

LACTATE! for all must fall before the wildly flailing fists of THE TAMPERRRRRR! None must be allowed to slow his surly progress! See how he trundles sowing truculent violence in his wake! But wait! Has our tin carapaced malcontent finally met his match in the form of a Junipero Molestat? Can only an unconvincingly proffered claim as to the debilitating effects of a recent heavy cold save face? The answer will leave you UNRUFFLED! All hail the gutless metal bully! THE TAMPERRRRRR!!!!

SPINDLE! as events take a decidedly spiritual turn when “Father Puto”  takes a break from his incessant pud tugging to join Bulto N. Piper and  Bumps the Faun at the Zombie field. Events soon turn sour as Father Pupa’s dislike of Bumps the Faun lures him into expressing his baser nature. A small mind and a closed heart result in an eruption of anal horror and tragic asphyxiation due to ingestion of a bitten off zombie-cock. But wait? Could this all be part of God’s design? Will the chastened cleric get another chance to get it right? Find out in the latest adventure of the priest with the cum stained pants!

T.A.C.GASMIC BONUS! T.A.C. Man and Marshman “cross swords” once more with attendance at the celebration of the Christian Eucharist hanging in the balance!

N.B. BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) is not suitable for children or people with any sense of decorum or shame.

For the rest of us though, BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) is EXCELLENT!

BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) - Don’t ask, just weep!

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BLUBBER by Gilbert Hernandez

BLUBBER (DIAMOND CODE: SEP151339) is – COMICS!!!

Arriving 2/17/16

The end of February is rapidly approaching, but this week will not go by unnoticed! New ARCHIE and BITCH PLANET headline a strong week over all!

Check the cut for the rest of the new comics!

ADVENTURE TIME ICE KING #2 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #8 AMERICAN MONSTER #2 ARCHIE #6 ASTRO CITY #32 AVENGERS STANDOFF WELCOME PLEASANT HILL #1 ASO BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #20 BETTY & VERONICA COMICS DOUBLE DIGEST #241 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA #21 BILL & TED GO TO HELL #1 BIRTHRIGHT #14 BITCH PLANET #7 BLACK HOOD #9 BLACKLIST #7 BTVS SEASON 10 #24 CARNAGE #5 CITIZEN JACK #4 CLEAN ROOM #5 CRICKETS #5 CROSSED BADLANDS #94 DARK HORSE PRESENTS 2014 #19 DEADPOOL AND CABLE SPLIT SECOND #3 (OF 3) DEVOLUTION #2 (OF 5) DOCTOR FATE #9 DRAGON AGE MAGEKILLER #3 (OF 5) EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #7 FROM UNDER MOUNTAINS #5 GOLD DIGGER #229 HARLEY QUINN #25 HUCK #4 I HATE FAIRYLAND #5 JIM HENSONS STORYTELLER DRAGONS #3 LOOKING FOR GROUP #11 LUCIFER #3 LUMBERJANES #23 MAN PLUS #2 (OF 4) MARTIAN MANHUNTER #9 MIGHTY THOR #4 MIGHTY THOR #4 HUGHES VAR POISON IVY CYCLE OF LIFE AND DEATH #2 (OF 6) POWER MAN AND IRON FIST #1 RED SONJA VOL 3 #2 RED THORN #4 ROBIN SON OF BATMAN #9 SECRET SIX #11 SEX CRIMINALS #14 SILVER SURFER #2 SIMPSONS COMICS #226 SINESTRO #20 SNOWFALL #1 SPIDER-WOMAN #4 SQUADRON SUPREME #4 STAR WARS #16 STARBRAND AND NIGHTMASK #3 STAR-LORD #4 STARVE #6 STEAM MAN #5 (OF 5) STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #12 SUPERMAN AMERICAN ALIEN #4 (OF 7) SUPERZERO #3 SYMMETRY #3 TEEN TITANS GO #14 TITANS HUNT #5 (OF 12) TOMB RAIDER 2016 #1 UNCANNY INHUMANS #5 USAGI YOJIMBO #152 WEB WARRIORS #4 WONDER WOMAN #49 WRAITHBORN #1 (OF 6)

Books/Mags/Things 12 REASONS WHY I LOVE HER 10TH ANNV ED HC AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL TP VOL 02 AMERICAN VAMPIRE HC VOL 08 AUTEUR TP VOL 02 SISTER BAMBI BARB WIRE TP VOL 01 STEEL HARBOR BLUES BATGIRL TP VOL 02 FAMILY BUSINESS BILL & TED MOST TRIUMPHANT RETURN TP VOL 01 CAPTAIN AMERICA HC WHITE DOOM PATROL TP BOOK 01 E IS FOR EXTINCTION WARZONES TP FADE OUT TP VOL 03 GODZILLA IN HELL TP INVINCIBLE TP VOL 22 JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #368 MIDNIGHTER TP VOL 01 OUT PUNISHER VS MARVEL UNIVERSE TP REVENGER GN VOL 01 X-TINCTION AGENDA WARZONES TP

As always, what do YOU think?

“Oh, Betty!” COMICS! Sometimes It’s Doctor Who And The Pub Made of Haunted Wood!

Just for a change I thought I’d look at an Original Graphic Novel rather than a British anthology comic featuring a poo eating robot that talks more sense than most public figures. Naturally, I loaded the dice by picking one by one of my favourite writers working with an artist whose work I have much fondness for. And Michael Easton. Guess how well that worked out for everyone. photo GwomFishB_zpsjlr1eo9x.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein) Anyway, this… THE GREEN WOMAN Art by John Bolton Written by Peter Straub & Michael Easton Lettered by Todd Klein Starring Peter Capaldi Vertigo/DC Comics, £14.99 (2010)

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On the banks of the Milwaukee River squats a bar and in that bar there broods a man who is both more than a man and less than a man. He is old now and senses the fast enchroaching end to the long road paved with his dead. But no man murders without trace and in New York a self-hating cop begins to follow the trail which will end in either his redemption or in his destruction, but it will certainly end in a bar on the banks of the Milwaukee River where a man broods. A man once called Fielding Bandolier.

 photo GwomFaceB_zpswdold4yw.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

I know who Peter Straub and John Bolton are, but who is the mysterious Michael Easton? If only there was some easily accessible source of inf...ah. A quick glance at his Wikipedia page shows me that Michael Easton is a master of the smouldering glance and favours large cuffed shirts. He is also an actor (ALLY MCBEAL, MUTANT X, ONE LIFE TO LIVE) in things I’ve never seen,  a poet whose poetry I’ve never read, an author of OGNs (the SOUL STEALER SERIES) which I’ve never heard of, in fact all I know for certain is he’s just basically six different shades of dreamy, ladies. And, I guess, gentlemen too; it’s all just friction, you prudes! Now, being a nasty piece of work I would like to blame the failure of THE GREEN WOMAN on him alone. However, that’s probably unfair. Because in the interests of fairness I should probably point out that Peter Straub’s output has somewhat diminished since 2004’s IN THE NIGHT ROOM. Diminished in frequency and scale certainly but, THE GREEN WOMAN excepted, not in quality. This book first appeared in its hardcover iteration in 2010, a year which also saw Straub produce THE JUNIPER TREE AND OTHER STORIES and A DARK MATTER. A healthily impressive output at first glance, no doubt. However, as all readers of supernatural fiction know, appearances can be deceptive; THE JUNIPER TREE was a collection of previously published stories and A DARK MATTER, his first original novel since IN THE NIGHT ROOM, was poorly received (I liked it, but there you go). It basically took Straub six years to produce a single novel, which is par for some writers but not par for Straub. What I’m trying to get at is THE GREEN WOMAN feels like a new short initially intended to freshen up the THE JUNIPER TREE, but one that didn’t make it to fruition and so the basic outline was repurposed into an OGN with help from the dreamy enigma Michael Easton and John Bolton. Alas, this is of course pure conjecture and as a consequence utterly worthless, but it killed some time for us all. And gave me an introductory paragraph. In my opinion, which is basically The Truth of The World by any other name, Peter Straub is a magnificent writer, one whose output I hold in the highest of esteem. (I heartses Peter Straub, basically.) Some of his books may not be as good as others, but they are all better than most other people’s books. This is because he is a masterful prose artist who can make distressingly horrific effects explode seemingly from nowhere following the most sublime of slow burns. His books work because Peter Straub is an unnervingly fastidious author and also because he is in complete control of his prose. This obviously isn’t the case with THE GREEN WOMAN where other hands muck in and, well, things go a bit to pot.

 photo GwomNamB_zpsgc3kd5hn.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

THE GREEN WOMEN is intended to act as a capstone to all the fiction Straub has previously penned regarding one Fee Bandolier. And there has been a lot of fiction from Peter Straub regarding Fee Bandolier. I’ll resist the temptation to list them as sometimes part of the joy of Straub’s work is realising how something you are reading ties in to other works, and such a list while making me feel all superior would edge a wee bit too close to SPOILER territory in some cases; trust me, Fee’s all over Straub’s post-KOKO work like a psychotic yet weirdly endearing rash. Don’t worry though THE GREEN WOMAN recaps everything you need to know about Fee and his…tendencies. Unfortunately it does so in the bluntest possible way, lacking almost wholly Straub’s prose finesse which usually effortlessly ameliorates the clichés which underpin this material. Basically dependent on others to aid his vision this just reads like a not terribly well executed serial-killer-with-‘Nam-flashbacks-hunted-by-rogue-cop-who-is-more-like-his-prey-than-he-wishes-to-acknowledge. It’s just disheartening to see Straub stoop to a cop who is the tiresome Troubled White Guy with a Gun so familiar to us all. But then I recall that he has done that in his novels and it’s worked a treat. See, it’s not the concepts in THE GREEN WOMAN which are at fault, it’s the execution and maybe the limited page count. The core tale of Straub’s (previously brilliantly realised) tragic monster reaching the end of his rope, while being hunted by a man who’s character is swiftly unravelling due to the moral faultlines within him, would have been plenty all on its todd but, no; there’s a secondary plot revolving around a malevolent ship’s figurehead which in the long gone days caused its crew to suicide en masse, and now wants to be reunited with the timbers of the boat it was stuck on, which are currently holding up a pub in Ireland. Yes, that’s right we’re talking here about spooky wood pining (get on that one, Brian Azzarello! Geddit: “pining” wood! That’s GOLD!) Obviously most scary doodahs can be reduced to the laughable via fantastic word skillage as what I has. However was a similar excellence in prose in evidence it could make the concept of haunted wood turn your bowels to water. In a Peter Straub novel this would be the case (see IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW) but this is not a novel it is a graphic novel, so the prose is sparse and far too much rests on the art. Which is terrible. Really bad.

 photo GwomthatB_zpsv1xhy4bh.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

It gives me no pleasure to point out the artistic failings of THE GREEN WOMAN. I have enjoyed John Bolton’s flowing Frazetta-esque art in the past (HOUSE OF HAMMER, WARRIOR) but not here, not in THE GREEN WOMAN. Not unsurprisingly, and entirely to his credit, John Bolton has developed since then as an artist. However, the area he has chosen to take his art into centres around photo manipulation. Unfortunately for my eyes it turns out that I’m a bit picky, and I only like John Bolton’s art when he is actually, you know, drawing, which he isn’t here. He’s doing something with photographs which regular readers (hi, mom!) will recall I welcome like warts on my nethers. Even so, I am usually magnanimous enough to at least suggest the slightest possibility that that might be a matter of taste. Not here though; this is patently poor no matter what your preference.  For a start the whole thing looks so blurry I had to keep looking away to focus on other things in the room to reassure me that cataracts weren’t kicking in at a rate of knots. Then there’s the fact that someone has clearly set the resolution wrong on some of the pages, so you’re just left looking at it and wondering how many eyes this passed in front of, and how so many eyes could not care. A lot (all?) of the images are collaged together but sometimes you can clearly see the edges where the elements haven’t quite fitted together, and again those eyes, those uncaring eyes are brought to mind. There are some richly fruity images there for Bolton to play with (the women hung out like fish) but it’s all muffled and lacking in impact. THE GREEN WOMAN is just not a good reflection of John Bolton’s talent, because as sloppy as this stuff looks he’s a far from untalented artist. It’s a real shame because we’ve all had bad days at the office but few of us have those bad days printed up and bound for posterity. Mind you I don’t charge anyone money to look at my bad days at the office, either.

 photo GwomGreatB_zpsikrskes5.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

Even were it not ramshackle stuff (and, boy, is it ramshackle stuff) Bolton comes a cropper for me in his choice of model for Fee, our unhinged protagonist. See, he’s based every appearance of Fee here on the popular thespian Peter Capaldi. I mean, sure, Peter Capaldi gives good gurn so he’s a deft choice in that respect; you’re not ever in much doubt about Fee’s emotions at any given point. When the book was originally released (reminder: in 2010, in hardback) Capaldi was a recognised face in the UK thanks (largely but not solely) to his splenetic  portrayal of the sweary king of spin Malcolm Tucker in THE THICK OF IT (a political satire which now appears quaintly understated thanks to the idiocies of reality). So I’m guessing America was probably largely still oblivious to his spittle flecked charms when the book premiered, but in 2016 with Capaldi playing  the 197th Doctor in DOCTOR WHO pretty much any reader is all but guaranteed to be thrown out of the book every time he appears, which is often. (And FYI: he’s playing “The Doctor” not “Doctor Who”; woe fucking betide anyone who makes that error anywhere near some winner who has tied their sense of self-worth to a children’s TV show).

 photo GWomFeeB_zps7njhtzqb.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

So often does Capaldi’s emotionally contorted face glare out at you from these pages that THE GREEN WOMAN should in all fairness appear on Peter Capaldi’s Wikipedia page, somewhere between IN THE LOOP and BISTRO. It won’t do though, because it’s not like he owns his own face is it? (This is fine by me as I currently use Capaldi’s sinewy visage on dating websites to lure young women into extra marital filth because I have no respect for my partner, but that’s okay it’s the 21st Century. It sure seemed like a good idea, but every time I try to explain away the fact that I don’t look like Peter Capaldi by saying I’m still currently playing Doctor Who but a different incarnation, they start shouting about how it’s “The Doctor! Not Doctor Fucking Who! What’s wrong with you! I don’t mind being lured into creepy sexual nastiness but what kind of pervert and general failure as a human being doesn’t know that! IT’S THE DOCTOR! You massive nonce!” And then they storm out like I’ve seen ladies in movies do, and I end the evening tearfully wanking into a hanky. Then the head waiter asks me to leave.)  Seriously, it’s a total immersion destroyer turning the page and seeing Peter Capaldi fiercely scrunching his face up like a sock ready for the laundry again. I keep expecting him to ask someone if they’d like a jelly baby. (I know that was Tom Baker; I am fucking with you. It won’t be the last time.)

 photo GwomrainB_zpsiytzcq2p.jpg THE GREEN WOMAN (Bolton, Straub & Easton, Klein)

THE GREEN WOMAN is at once overstuffed and undercooked, and everyone involved has done better work elsewhere. Better to seek that out instead, say I, because this was AWFUL!

NEXT TIME: Uh, (SPOILER!) - COMICS!!!

Yummy Yummy Abhay!

You probably don't really need me linking to THE COMICS JOURNAL for you, but in case you haven't seen it, Abhay has an epic threefour-part journey through Comics 2015 that is a very worthwhile read -- I laughed out loud at least at four separate occasions, and I am one jaded-ass fucker. Part One: http://www.tcj.com/the-tcj-2015-year-in-review-spectacufuck-part-i/

Part Two:  http://www.tcj.com/the-tcj-2015-year-in-review-spectacufuck-part-ii/

Part Three: http://www.tcj.com/the-tcj-2015-year-in-review-spectacufuck-part-iii/

Part Four: Up tomorrow, dumb Brian.  But.... I bet you might be able to guess the URL....

 

Go read, and thank me later!

 

-B

“Let’s All Send Him Our Love.” COMICS! Sometimes I Suspect My Chakras Are Stunted.

Anthologies don’t sell! Yet people keep publishing them and I keep buying them. Here are some words about three anthologies I read this week.  photo ABCtopB_zpshtgnon6i.jpg ABC WARRIORS (Langley, Mills & Parkhouse)

Anyway, this... 2000AD Prog 1966 Art by Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, Clint Langley, John Burns, Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Pat Mills, Kek-W, John Wagner Coloured by Len O’Grady Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland Cover by Neil Roberts JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner KINGDOM created by Richard Elson & Dan Abnett ABC WARRIORS created by Kevin O’Neill, Brendan McCarthy, Mick McMahon & Pat Mills THE ORDER created by John Burns & Kek-W STRONTIUM DOG created by Carlos Ezquerra Rebellion, £2.55, weekly (2016) All contents © 2016 Rebellion A/S, unless specifically stated otherwise.

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Hey, here’s a thing I just noticed about 2000AD: in the little box of publishing information which tells you who owns what and what they’ll do to you if you nick it (rub distressed foxes in your face), some wag has only gone and put something humorous in it. I don’t have a fetish for legal bumph but concealing larks in that part of a comic is not entirely unknown, so occasionally I check, and this time that nanosecond glance into the small print paid off. I don’t know if it’s a regular thing, but this time out, camouflaged by legalese, someone has used the space to update people on his/her opinion of that TV series with the bikers in. The one with Ron Perlman in. The one Jason Aaron fans probably call “searing” and “incisive” when they aren’t eating raw bacon and crying about their dad not hugging them enough. Whoever penned the micro-crit wasn’t too impressed with the surly biker show but we were already into some pretty entertaining stuff and the comic hadn’t even started. See, it’s always worth having a poke about, you never know what you might find. Unless of course you work with highly confidential information, in which case you’re probably as well just minding your own business. No one wants to end up in a field choked on a porn mag with a suspiciously curt suicide note pinned to their head now, do they? As usual Tharg says some stuff but I didn’t read it. So if he said owt about me mum, let me know and I’ll go round and give ‘im a thick ear. At the bottom of the page we are promised the return of Bill Savage – COME ON, TWINKLETOES! GET SOME! So, yes, looking forward to that. GET IN THERE! Stoked, one might say.

 photo DreddB_zps0omcuaan.jpg JUDGE DREDD (Sexton, Carroll, O'Grady & Parkhouse)

Oh, this one’s getting shakier as it goes on. Okay, we can go with a secret city-within-a-city of faux Judges, but stressing how hard-line they are (Hershey says they make normal Judges look like liberals – Whoof!) and then having them risk everything to rescue someone’s sister rings more than a little false. Additionally names are important in genre fiction and unfortunately naming the big bad “Badger” just makes me think of Brian May and I don’t really ever want to think about Brian May. Unless he’s being attacked by badgers. On the upside, however, Carroll does a really good job selling the idea that Dredd’s outclassed by his opponents on the cunning front, only to give him a sweet “You’re so sly, but so am I!” move to end the episode on. Sexton’s art remains detailed without becoming cluttered and is a definite asset to Carroll’s slightly listing script.  GOOD!

 photo KingdB_zpsfb3pppim.jpg KINGDOM (Abnett, Elson & De Ville)

There’s not a lot to say about this because it isn’t really a story, Gene (our genetically modified hero) goes and tells everyone the bugs are coming, everyone listens, goes away and prepares and then the bugs come. That’s yer lot. There isn’t even a dude with anchors on his jacket telling Gene that it’s the Fourth of July so it’s probably best for everyone if the beaches stay open. No, they just go “okay”, and knuckle down for the big slobberknocker promised by the closing two page spread of the sea of insects about to break upon the walls of the compound. You can tell that’s a big moment because pages are precious in each and every Prog, so to splurge on a double page spread means you best sit up and listen. It’s not like your American comics with their splash page fetish and its ever diminishing returns (except for writers who get paid by the page). Oh, KINGDOM’s all right, but like I say it doesn’t feel like a story just a sequence of events. Which is fine, Abnett and Elson efficiently purvey low-attention, high-octane entertainment, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel the need to read a collected edition. For six or so pages it’s pleasant enough company. A bit like a short bus ride sat next to someone who neither stinks of ammonia nor yammers into a mobile like a deaf cretin. OKAY!

 photo ABCWarrB_zpsdspsdtnh.jpg ABC WARRIORS (Langley, Mills & Parkhouse)

Pat Mills and Clint Langley once again, via the medium of violent robots, point at real world events and make Little Rascals Faces. Remember all those enquiries we had over here, particularly that phone hacking one which saw all those morally scrofulous people sent down and disgraced despite their connections to Rupert “Doomlord” Murdoch and David “The Ham Botherer” Cameron because The System works? No, neither does Pat Mills, but he remembers all those enquiries we had over here, particularly that phone hacking one which saw all those morally scrofulous people look a bit sheepish and embarrassed for a bit before basically taking up where they left off once everyone’s attention wandered back to The f****** Great British Bake-Off (“Terry’s sponge fingers tickle everyone’s fancy!”). Because: power protects power. Admittedly as messages go it’s all a bit rainy-day but Mills & Langley do part the clouds a bit to throw in a robot nurse with steel breasts (because men would, wouldn’t they?) and a psychotic robot yelling about “Big Jobs!” Langleys’ art might, alas, look like someone forgot to set up the printer properly but the fact ABC WARRIORS still bothers to pretend anyone cares about anything goes a long way towards healing that particular visual wound. Also, “Big Jobs!” will always make me laugh; simple pleasures for simple folk. And I am nothing if not simple. VERY GOOD! 

 photo OrderB_zpsmslut0le.jpg THE ORDER (Burns, Kek-W & De Ville)

Finally, The Order plays to its strengths which, John Burns’ lovely art aside, is the odd bloke tracking our dreary heroes.  The strip would be a lot better if this guy was the protagonist; he’s a bit like the autistic savant type so beloved of current televisual melodramas but less tiresomely winsome. The lesson here is that steam driven motorbikes and people anachronistically babbling in Code are okay, but character wins the day. OKAY!

 photo StrontDB_zpsns4q6pvi.jpg STRONTIUM DOG (Wagner, Ezquerra & Bowland)

It’s easy to take Strontium Dog for granted given the apparent ease with which Ezquerra and Wagner pump it out. But then you see a panel where an alien seagull is snatching some snap from a dude with his face in his knee and the amiable weirdness of what is going on becomes glaringly apparent. I also like the fact that while Johnny is a presented as a Good Guy (which he mostly is) he’s also well dodgy and has no qualms taking advantage of the fact that the Galanthans can’t understand the concept of deceit. He’s not hurting anyone is he? Also, The Brain of Hoomonos looks like the end of term scrapings from the underside of a thousand ten year olds’ desks palm-rolled into a ball. Light comedy, endearing characters and nimbly imaginative shenanigans all add up to something that’s VERY GOOD!

JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #368 Art by Nick Percival, Paul Grist, Steve Yeowell, Ben Willsher Written by Michael Carroll, Paul Grist, Arthur Wyatt Coloured by Nick Percival, Phil Elliott, Chris Blythe Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Paul Grist, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland Text features by Karl Stock, Matthew Badham Rebellion, £5.80, mothly (2016) All contents © 2016 Rebellion A/S, unless otherwise stated. Demon Nic © 2016 Paul Grist JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner DEMON NIC created by Paul Grist GALEN DEMARCO created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner

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JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE began in 1990 and is thus 2000AD’s much younger relative.  It comes out monthly rather than weekly, and has always seemed a bit extraneous to be honest; an impression not softened by the knowledge that it has often struggled to survive. At one dire point half the comic was taken up by PREACHER reprints, which was okay if you hadn’t already read PREACHER (or didn’t think PREACHER was an undisciplined mess). In 2016 those mend and make do days are long gone and it’s all original strips; well, except for quite a sizeable chunk of text stuff. I didn’t read the text stuff because I barely had time to read the comic, but it takes the form of interviews with the artists Mark Sexton and Darren Douglas, and the writer Si Spurrier. Although this is basically cheap content I am tentatively approving of it since I am old school, and I well recall having to actually make the effort to hunt down interviews with comic creators, and also the infrequency of such interviews. So if you have an interest in the work of Sexton (currently drawing Judge Dredd  - see above) or Douglas then there you go. Si Spurrier is more about shilling his new series from Image about werewolf lesbian soldiers or something. I’m sure it’s fine; he’s a decent writer from what I’ve seen. I do remain confused as to why he’s given space in the megazine to basically advertise another company’s product, but I’ll put that down to the British largesse of generosity (yes that famous largesse of ours) rather than the result of some weird quid pro quo. Mind you, if anyone is after some purely prose werewolf entertainment I’ll grant myself this opportunity to shill Toby Barlow’s SHARP TEETH (VERY GOOD!) and RED MOON (GOOD!) by Benjamin Percy. Two can play at that game, son.

 photo GyreB_zpsuhhbm8to.jpg JUDGE DREDD (Percival, Carroll & Parkhouse)

Aw, nertz. This is just EH! And me and Michael Carroll were doing so well, we were going to meet each other’s parents and maybe start looking for a small house together! But he’s put the kibosh on all that with this duffer. In this first disappointing instalment of a new Dredd thrill, Judge Dredd and Judge Joyce go to a floating shanty town populated by the crew from Bill Nighy’s ship in that movie based on a theme park ride.  The thing is though, right, because of science no technology can work in this place, The Gyre.  Ah, where to begin. Right, yeah, it’s okay making a point of mentioning that Judge Dredd’s bionic eyes will still work because they are “shielded” since a) I’m impressed anyone remembers he had his eyes poked out during City of The Damned and b) the guy has to see unless we’re in for a kind of ultra-violent fascistic riff on Norman Wisdom. So, ahuh, okay, the tech don’t work except for Dredd’s eyes  (which are “shielded”) but how come, how come right, even though their guns don’t work, and they knew going in that only Dredd’s “shielded” eyes would work, how come they didn’t just take some of those projectile weapons humanity has had such a boner for for, ooh, only a few thousand years? How come that?   There’s no microchips in a Desert Eagle, Judge Dredd! Or a bow and arrow, for that matter. And why, pray tell, isn’t Judge Joyce in proper uniform? He’s an Irish Judge so he should be in green and white with the Guinness harp on his helmet, and be perpetually concerned that they’re all after his luck charms, Bejaysus! (Hey, don’t look at me; Garth Ennis’ frequently regrettable sense of humour’s the culprit there.) Or whatever. But no, he’s depicted as just another Judge here, which seems odd. (I suppose he could have got a transfer I forgot about during my 8 years in the wilderness) Mind you Nick Percival’s art is also pretty odd from soup to nuts. He’s gone for that all painted approach which is usually used by weaker artists to plaster over any artistic deficiencies, a function it never achieved too convincingly. And so it is with Nick Percival. But, I can’t fault his colours; everything’s got an appropriately fish-gutty look, and it all certainly looks like it would stink like death would be a mercy if you were actually there. But everything under the colours is awkward with stilted poses, and such a lack of flow that the water based scenario just becomes cruelly ironic. Like the host of a shit party Percival saves the worst until last, with a full page splash of something apparently so daunting our Judges can only goggle. Unfortunately the page turn reveals Percival has drawn what appears to be a bunch of empty barges kind of milling about lethargically, which no matter how highly strung you are isn’t even interesting, never mind threatening.  It’s like he forgot to draw something very important (like a horde of angry fish men, or a rain of enraged monkfish; I don’t know what he forgot,  after all it’s pretty hard to guess what someone hasn’t drawn). Nothing about this strip is interesting except the fact that Carroll decides to lift the “mind your language” bit from DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, and by interesting I mean baffling. I mean, why? (Because that’s what being baffled sounds like.) It’s not a homage - Dredd isn’t mortally wounded and he isn’t chasing his “Joker” through a Tunnel of Love, he’s just running after some thug and gets a bit short on wind on board a crappy ship. I don’t know why the callback’s there really. This first episode is so poorly thought out, slackly paced and badly visualised it’s more DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE than DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. I’m not a fan is what I’m getting at here. Step it up, guys.

 photo NicB_zpsd7rfb3yh.jpg DEMON NIC (Grist & Elliott)

DEMON NIC (someone explain that title to Brian Azzarello, his little face is all creased up!) is a creator owned series by Paul Grist, and this episode is the final episode in the current run. Now, I don’t really know how I find myself in the weird position of just chancing upon work by Paul Grist right as it ends because , seriously, I would certainly appreciate it if someone out there could keep me informed of Paul Grist’s doings from now on. Clearly, The Internet isn’t cutting it. It is forever telling me what people I have no interest in are doing (things I have no interest in reading, weirdly enough).  I’m not bothered if he’s doing DOCTOR WHO because Doctor Who is, er, well, look, I’m not fussed, okay. I’m allowed to not be bothered about DOCTOR WHO you know! Everything else Paul Grist gets up to? Would you mind awfully letting me know? Thanks, you are a dear. So, yeah, nothing worse than coming in on a series’ vinegar stroke but this seems to be a spooky actioner a la Hellboy but considerably more dense, amusing and generally playful in that droll way I like. Oh, and the art is spectacular. Usually I get a bit twitchy when the page is black rather than white (Avatar do that a lot) and I’ll be shaking like a shitting dog if the panel borders also go AWOL because you need to be pretty sweet at that whole art deal to be getting away with that. Here Grist just plops his chunkily robust cast onto pure black pages and guides the eye around via the miracle of being very bloody good at what he does. Just brilliant stuff. EXCELLENT!

 photo MarcoB_zpsacvdiq3i.jpg DEMARCO, P.I. (Yeowell, Carroll & De Ville)

Ah, I’m beginning to see the problem; Michael Carroll is overstretched. Personally I avoid the work of any writer who regularly produces three or more US comics a month. I mean at that frequency we’re just talking mental effluvium at best; it’s not writing at that point it’s just words. Now, I don’t think Michael Carroll’s at that point yet, but then nor do I wish him to reach that point. This strip centres on Galen DeMarco a character introduced in the main Dredd strip who graduated to her own series. As a character I can’t say she she’s been terribly consistently written but then again last time I saw her she had a talking ape as a companion.  Said ape is notable by his absence so he probably died and we had a sad ape death scene which I missed, which is a shame as I am a sucker for sad ape death scenes. But enough about me! Here DeMarco is helping a bunch of Judges with some weird beast-robot things which might be connected to that TRIFECTA storyline? It’s not terribly clear. Anyway something breaks out and the size of the panels taken together with the  fact that the best last words two successive Judges can come up with at the point of death is a bare bones “No!” suggest Michael Carroll wasn’t going for the Nobel with this one. A harsher judge than I would declare it a bit of a page waster, but then I guess they wouldn’t find sufficient pleasure in Steve Yeowell’s lanky B&W stylings to raise it to OKAY!

 photo MDreddB_zpsm8pzuexo.jpg DREDD (Willsher, Wyatt, Blythe & Bowland)

This is a Judge Dredd strip set in the cinematic universe of Judge Dredd. I don’t understand why that is because the cinematic universe of Judge Dredd is precisely one movie which wasn’t popular enough for a sequel. It was also a normalised version of Judge Dredd. It was okay and all; I enjoyed it. Thankfully it fed that Stallone fiasco into the woodchipper but it didn’t dethrone the original strip in my mind. It was a good movie, probably suffered from being released in such close proximity to the (similar but superior) THE RAID but, yeah, I enjoyed it. This strip seemed okay too, like if you wanted to read Judge Dredd but didn’t want to actually read proper Judge Dredd because, gee, it’s all a bit far-fetched. So in this one all the kit is more functional and the swears are normal and, me, I don’t find that as much fun. There’s a suspicion in my head that it might be repackaged at some point by IDW as it seems oriented to the American market in terms of pacing and storytelling. OKAY!

WUXTRY! Shrink-wrapped with this issue is a free magazine type Graphic Novel. This time out it’s Synnamon: Mecha Rising. I didn’t have time to read it but I do remember reading it back in the day, and for a strip about a leather jump suit lady burglar in the future it was OKAY! Undemanding entertainment slickly delivered. I think the important thing here is that you get a free magazine of reprints, and given 2000AD’s storied history chances are good that this will pay off more often than not.

DARK HORSE PRESENTS #18 Art by Craig Rousseau, Dennis Calero, Julius Gopez, Carla Speed McNeil, Marc Olivent, David Chelsea, Tim Hamilton Written by Rich Woodall, Dennis Calero, Shawn Aldridge, Carla Speed McNeil, Barbara Randall Kesel, David Chelsea, Paul Levitz Coloured by Lawrence Bassa, Jeremy Colwell, Jenn Manley Lee, David Chelsea Lettered by Rich Woodall, John J. Hill, Carla Speed McNeil, Adam O. Pruett, David Chelsea Spot Illustrations by Geoff Darrow Cover by Craig Rousseau & Lawrence Basso Kyyra: Alien Jungle Girl TM © 2016 Craig Rousseau and Rich Woodall The Suit TM©2016 Dennis Calero Last Act TM © 2016 Shawn Alridge Finder TM © 2016 Lightspeed Press Sundown Crossroads TM© 2016 Barbara Kesel Sandy and Mandy TM © 2016 David Chelsea Brooklyn Blood TM © Paul Levitz and Tim Hamilton Shaolin Cowboy and related characters TM © Geoff Darrow Dark Horse Comics, Inc., $4.99 (2016)

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 photo DHPKyrraB_zps2omfxjtf.jpg KYRRA: ALIEN JUNGLE GIRL (Rousseau, Woodall & Basso)

This is an absolutely gorgeous strip, done in a robustly fun style saturated in E-number colours, seemingly aimed at Young Adults which repositions Tarzan as a young girl and the setting as an alien planet. I’ve already read Tarzan and I’m neither Young nor an Adult so it left me pretty cold. The art by Rousseau is thoroughly charming though. It’s OKAY! but like a lot of comics today it’s pretty thin stuff once past the delightful art. Still, it’s nice that there’s a strip about a Cave Girl that’s not drawn by Frank Cho just so that men can fap over it and show those SJWs what’s what. Progress of a sort there. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

 photo DHPSuitB_zpsew0rbf8p.jpg THE SUIT: CONTRACT NEGOTIATION (Calero & Hill)

This is CRAP! This is the second run of this consistently poor series in DHP. I don’t know who asked for it back but when I find out they’ll get the sharp end of my tongue.  Every time this thing appears I just have no idea what I’m looking at on most of its pages, and when I do know what I’m looking at it’s some kind of unholy show involving photos of the two old blokes from TRADING PLACES and Don Draper. Not entirely sure if they are making love or fighting or what. Oh wait, there’s a ‘Nam flashback. Thank Christ for that. C'mon, Was everybody in America over in The ‘Nam or what? Did it not get crowded? I’m not saying ‘Nam flashbacks are overused but, yes, yes I am saying exactly that. Even my son talks about being in “The Shit” and getting back to “The World” and he’s 10 and has never been further than St Ives. And far be it from me to say that Calero is into photo referencing too heavily, but if it was cocaine we’d be calling for an intervention. Oh, mercy, mercy me (the ecology), this is just visual noise; a cacophony of blurry clip art. The passage of every poorly executed page makes Alex Maleev look more and more like Frank Robbins. I don’t want to be a big shitter here, but this should never have seen print. I just. I don’t. What. It’s. No. Just no.

 photo DHPFlyB_zpsm3mnp5zb.jpg LAST ACT (Gopez, Aldridge & Colwell)

It would be easy to take the Mick out of this overly earnest and somewhat overwrought attempt to graft some meaning onto the superhero trope, but since it was pretty refreshing to find anyone doing anything remotely interesting with the superhero trope I’ll let it off with an OKAY! Although it did not escape my irony detectors that this was basically a strip in which a superhero makes a man called John feel better by misrepresenting reality to him. Which is basically my childhood reading habits: redux.

 photo DHPFinderB_zpsbvbf9wch.jpg FINDER: CHASE THE LADY (Speed McNeil & Lee)

Carla Speed McNeil is EXCELLENT! Everything Carla Speed McNeil does is EXCELLENT! Her horse radish soup is EXCELLENT! I know because I go through her bins at night, but respectfully and not in a creepy way. And guess what? Her bins are EXCELLENT! The fact that she enjoyed that movie with Keanu Reeves on a bus so much that she legally adopted its title into her name is EXCELLENT! It’s possible Carla Speed McNeil has done some things which weren’t EXCELLENT! but I’m not privy to them so they don’t exist. FINDER is EXCELLENT! Even though in chunks this small and separated by whole months, my aged brain is struggling to stitch them all together into a coherent narrative, I have every faith such a thing will come to pass, and so the very strength of faith I have in Carla Speed McNeil’s being EXCELLENT! is EXCELLENT! in and of itself. Even Carla Speed McNeil’s colours, a softly vibrant balm for the eyes, are EXCELLENT! And that’s from someone so thuggishly impervious to colour he still doesn’t understand why Sam Neill is so upset on that bus in IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS. And, no, Sam and Carla Speed are not related because Sam has an extra “l” in his surname, but had they been related I think we can all agree that that would have been EXCELLENT! Anyway, this was OKAY! Just joking, it was EXCELLENT! Oh my, what an EXCELLENT! joke.

 photo DHParseB_zpsy3vb9iik.jpg SUNDOWN CROSSROADS (Olivent, Kesel & Pruett)

The best thing about this strip is that, well, I don’t know about you but sometimes I wake up in the night drenched in sweat worrying about whether we’re going to make it, you know, as a species. After reading SUNSET CROSSROADS I’ll probably sleep a little easier as it introduces the entirely new thought into the equation that maybe it’d be better for all concerned if we don’t. Ugh. This is some heroically twee balderdash right here.  I can make up the cover blurbs for the collection of this thing now: “With SUNSET CROSSROADS Barbara Kesel has vajazzled the soul of a generation!” - Kelly Sue DeConnick! “Something about dreams. Something about stories. SUNSET CROSSROADS is something something something.” - Neil Gaiman! The strip itself privileges us with a peek into the life of some kind of self-satisfied meringue brain wafting about her apartment, talking smug bunkum via a live podcast to people whose minds can only be little miracles of inanity. Now, my viscerally negative reaction could be due to envy as this conceited poltroon obviously makes a lot of money talking star-spangled claptrap and peddling her tat online since her apartment is bigger than my house. She doesn’t leave it either, that apartment; for the duration of the strip we are trapped inside with her and her incessant prattle; it’s like some terrible punishment. She only pauses when she spies outside what looks hilariously like Sean Philips on the street below. Sean’s minding his own business (probably getting some fresh air to clear his head before returning to the latest listless yet craft-fat script from Ed Brubaker) but our ethereal dream queen drags poor Sean into her nauseatingly precious monologue and he returns the favour by dragging her into her PC. Spooky stuff! I can tell the strip failed because my first thought as she disappeared into her monitor was “good”, not “ooh, I wonder what happens next.” I can probably live the rest of my life quite contentedly without knowing what happened to that frivolous void of a creature. Ugh. The best thing about the strip is the art, but even then in one panel the self-obsessed buffoon’s head is about four sizes too large for the body it bobbles above; which I can only hope is the artist having a cheeky laugh at the expense of the swell headed heroine. Basically, and I’m not sure if I made this clear, I’m probably not the audience for this one as I couldn’t give less of a shit about Steve Jobs and Subway makes me angry because if I wanted to make my own ****ing sandwich I’d have made my own ****ing sandwich! Basically, I am a bit of a throwback; you’d have to have your head further up the arse of the 21st Century than I’ll ever manage in order to appreciate this. That does, however, mean it is possible someone might not think SUNDOWN CROSSROADS is AWFUL!

 photo DHPChelseaB_zpsthwiiimc.jpg SANDY AND MANDY (Chelsea)

If David Chelsea wants to put his elegantly precise Winsor McCay-isms to use in immaculately illustrating a sedately paced cascade of jokes which veer giddily from the hilarious to eye-rolling howlers then who shall say him nay? Not I, sir. Not I. VERY GOOD!

 photo DHPLevitzB_zpskg5oww0h.jpg BROOKLYN BLOOD (Hamilton, Levitz & Pruett)

Brawklynn! BRAWK-LYNNN! People are super-proud of living in Brooklyn aren’t they? Well, people who live in BREWK-LARYNN! Seem to be. Doesn’t Jimmy “Spats” Palmiotti cahm frawm BRAHK-LAHYNNNA? I don’t know, but he should. I do know that BROKE-LIE-IN! is supposed to be one of those places that has mystique (not the naked blue lady) but all I can think of is the smell of fried onions, small boys in old men's caps selling papers on street corners and pigeon coops on rooftops. Is that BRAWK-LYNNN!? (I don’t care really. I’m just humouring them.) So, yes, BREWK-LYNNE is special, and so are you if you live there, but moving on…a lot of people criticise the American police and, you know, sometimes they have a point but, personally, I think the brunt of the blame should be borne by their Human Resources Department. I realise it’s not the sexiest of Police Departments but, still, there’s no excuse for such laxity. Who keeps signing off as fit for duty all these blackout drunks, PTSD sufferers, psychics, aliens and blind tap dancers who festoon their fictional ranks?  Yes, here we are again in the aisle marked “Damaged White Men With Guns” (next to the corn, above the beets), what’s not to love! This is the second (maybe; I don’t care enough to look) episode of this exciting new series which is exactly like every other cop series about a traumatised cop, but with “‘Nam” scratched out and “Iraqistaniraq” written above it. Despite there having been two murders most of the page time has been spent watching the mentally disordered white guy roll around in the street being distressed by phantom firefights. Which is okay, because murder’s pretty shabby but the real crime is how war fucks up white guys. Mind you, I am quite impressed with how clean American streets are; if you roll around in the ones near me you’d end up covered in dog poop and cig butts. Possibly the odd unlucky hedgehog. But then I don’t live in BRAWK-LYNNN! This strip is some bizarre stuff; the damaged white guy basically can’t walk down the street without hallucinating he’s in Call of Duty (but 4Realz!!) and his partner just dusts him off and puts him to bed. Go to sleep, tiny nutcase. The main draw here is the art by Tim Hamilton which has that generosity of ink I like and there’s also something fun happening with the colours; they get all luridly rhubarb purple and custardy yellow when there’s a catastrophic flashback, but I also like the subtlety in the bed scene where he dials it right back.  Maybe this strip is some kind of post-modern piss take of clichéd cop crap and every episode they’ll discover a body and the white cop will roll about and his not-white (obviously) partner will be all sensible, and it’ll just keep going like that with the bodies turning up in ever more ludicrous places and his mania taking on more and more extreme forms. By episode six they’ll be attending a murder in a clown school and he’ll be throwing poop at the local Shriners. In reality it’s probably just going to be more EH! but in BREWK-LYNN!

What am I giving up for Lent? I don’t know but it won’t be – COMICS!!!

Arriving 2/10/16

Without a doubt the book this week is new LOVE & ROCKETS, but BATMAN, DESCENDER, MANHATTAN PROJECTS, MS. MARVEL and LOW are nothing to scoff at either, right?

Check the cut for the other early spring comics!

ABE SAPIEN #31 ADVENTURE TIME #49 AGENTS OF SHIELD #2 ALABASTER THE GOOD THE BAD & THE BIRD #3 ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT AVENGERS #5 ALL NEW HAWKEYE #4 ALL NEW WOLVERINE #5 ALL NEW X-MEN #4 ARCADIA #8 AUTUMNLANDS TOOTH & CLAW #9 BADGER #1 (OF 5) BATMAN #49 BATMAN 66 MEETS THE MAN FROM UNCLE #3 (OF 6) BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #19 BATMAN SUPERMAN #29 BATMAN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #3 (OF 6) BLACK CANARY #8 BLACK JACK KETCHUM #3 (OF 4) BLACK KNIGHT #4 BLACK SCIENCE #20 CATWOMAN #49 CONSTANTINE THE HELLBLAZER #9 CRICKETS #5 DARK AND BLOODY #1 (OF 6) DARTH VADER #16 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #9 DEADPOOL #7 DESCENDER #10 DEUS EX #1 (OF 5) DOC SAVAGE SPIDERS WEB #3 DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR TWO #6 DR MIRAGE SECOND LIVES #3 (OF 4) EARTH 2 SOCIETY #9 FABLES THE WOLF AMONG US #14 FISTFUL OF BLOOD #4 (OF 4) FLASH #48 GOTHAM ACADEMY #15 GREEN LANTERN CORPS EDGE OF OBLIVION #2 (OF 6) GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #5 GUTTER MAGIC #2 (OF 4) HARLEYS LITTLE BLACK BOOK #2 HARROW COUNTY #9 HIP HOP FAMILY TREE #7 ILLUMINATI #4 INJECTION #7 INSEXTS #3 INSUFFERABLE ON THE ROAD #1 INVADER ZIM #7 JAMES BOND #4 JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS VALENTINES DAY SPEC 2016 JONESY #1 JUGHEAD #4 KINGS ROAD #1 LANTERN CITY #10 (OF 12) LAST CONTRACT #2 LAST SONS OF AMERICA #3 LEAVING MEGALOPOLIS SURVIVING MEGALOPOLIS #2 LEGEND OF WONDER WOMAN #2 (OF 9) LETTER 44 #23 LIMBO #4 (OF 6) LOW #11 MANHATTAN PROJECTS SUN BEYOND THE STARS #4 MARVEL UNIVERSE GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #5 MASSIVE NINTH WAVE #3 MIRRORS EDGE EXORDIUM #6 MS MARVEL #4 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC #39 NEW AVENGERS #6 NEW ROMANCER #3 (OF 12) NEW SUICIDE SQUAD #17 NO MERCY #7 OLD MAN LOGAN #2 PRECINCT #3 (OF 5) PUBLIC RELATIONS #5 RED HOOD ARSENAL #9 RED WOLF #3 SCOOBY DOO WHERE ARE YOU #66 SECOND SIGHT #1 SHAFT IMITATION OF LIFE #1 (OF 4) SILK #4 SLASH & BURN #4 SNOW BLIND #3 SPIDER-GWEN #5 SPIDER-MAN 2099 #6 SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #2 SPONGEBOB COMICS #53 SPREAD #13 STARFIRE #9 STREET FIGHTER UNLIMITED #3 TELOS #5 THEYRE NOT LIKE US #11 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #3 TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS EYE #49 TUKI SAVE THE HUMANS #4 ULTIMATES #4 WEIRDWORLD #3 WELCOME BACK #5 X-FILES SEASON 11 #7 ZODIAC STARFORCE #4

Books/Mags/Things 1602 WITCH HUNTER ANGELA TP AMAZING SPIDER-MAN EPIC COLL TP RETURN OF SINISTER SIX AS YOU WERE VOL 04 LIVING SITUATIONS ATOMIC ROBO TP CRYSTALS ARE INTEGRAL COLLECTION BATMAN HARLEY AND IVY DELUXE ED HC BLACK SCIENCE PREMIERE HC BEGINNERS GUIDE TO ENTROPY BTVS SEASON 10 TP VOL 04 OLD DEMONS CONSTANTINE THE HELLBLAZER TP VOL 01 GOING DOWN DARK KNIGHT RETURNS TP NEW EDITION DEADPOOL FIRSTS TP DISNEY PIXAR GOOD DINOSAUR CINESTORY TP ELTINGVILLE CLUB HC GIGANTO MAXIA TP GUNNERKRIGG COURT TP VOL 03 REASON JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA THE SILVER AGE TP VOL 01 LEGO LEGENDS OF CHIMA GN VOL 06 PLAYING WITH FIRE LOVE & ROCKETS LIBRARY GILBERT GN VOL 06 COMICS DEMENTIA LOVE AND ROCKETS NEW STORIES TP VOL 08 NOD AWAY GN ONYX TP PRECINCT 69 GN VOL 02 RENEE GN ROMAN RITUAL TP SCRIBBLER GN SECRET SIX TP VOL 01 FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES SECRET WARS JOURNAL BATTLEWORLD TP SKYLANDERS LIGHT IN THE DARK HC ULTRAMAN GN VOL 03 UNDERWORLD HOBOKEN TO HOLLYWOOD HC WELCOME BACK TP VOL 01 WILL EISNERS SPIRIT NEW ADVENTURES HC X-MEN TP AGE OF APOCALYPSE DAWN Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 04 ZOMBIES VS ROBOTS TP VOL 02 WAR BOTS

 

As always, what do YOU like?

“He Thought He Could Forget The Past. He was Wrong.” COMICS! Sometimes I Find A whole New Way To Bore You!

Of late I've been a regular Chatty Cathy and no mistake, so as a change of pace I've scanned in some House Ads which ran in DC Comics from (and it's totally arbitrary this) March 1989 to August 1990. I always enjoy looking at these things when I dig out my back issues; they remind me of stuff I have tucked away (and even sometimes forgotten), or nudge me about stuff I mean to pick up at some point before...I come to my senses and start acting my age. Sometimes they just make me shake my head and wonder how that turned out for everyone. Heck, it's just fun looking at them, basically, and I hope you share my fascination...  photo DCHADSstart_zps8zsk4fy9.jpg

Anyway, this...

While this is an image heavy post, and so you do get off lightly, you don't get off Scott-free as I have some words as well. Looking at the ad for SKREEMER I am reminded of one of several reasons why I will always be happy to give Peter Milligan a hug i.e. the ferocious passion with which, early in his career, he sought to make James Joyce an influence on comics. Now with most (mainstream North American) comic writers rarely straying to any level higher than that of Glen A. Larson or The Disney Channel his example is missed more than ever. Also, SKREEMER is not only violence and intelligence beautifully and cheekily intertwined via Milligan's script and Dillon/Ewins' art, but it is also still in print today. So go and buy a copy before I do a more in depth write-up on it, is what I'm getting at there.

JUSTICE INC. by Helfer & Baker isn't in print and (AFAIK) has never been reprinted. This is bad. However, you can pick up both prestige format issues for pennies. Which is good. Particularly if you want a comic which wades into the same troubled waters of America's History as Ellroy's UNDERWORLD USA trilogy and Don Winslow's POWER OF THE DOG. Not only that, but it does so by avoiding Ellroy's grating (if historically accurate) racism and Winslow's risky dalliance with cliché. JUSTICE INC. is also funnier. Not only that but Helfer's scripts show that if your dialogue is going to make the art play second fiddle, then it better be pretty immaculate dialogue. Which his is. Of course, it doesn't hurt to have a stylistic chameleon like Kyle Baker on board either, and he makes every artistic inch begrudgingly allotted him work like a pastel shaded dream.

Additionally, from this aged vantage, I well recall Alan Grant and Norm Breyfogle's Batman run(s). As well I should, as it's the only comic I allowed myself while, ahem, studying due to the fact that Guinness doesn't buy itself. (Sometimes I weakened and bought SHADE THE CHANGING MAN as well. Shhhh.) Those were some rock solid Batman comics and I'm pretty sure I can't be alone in being keen on a comprehensive collection of them appearing one day.

I note also that there's an advert for THE ART OF WALTER SIMONSON down there, and that volume is packed full of Simonson's early DC work, and is a humongous joy for any Simonson fan (which should really be any fan of Comics). It's also cheap to pick up today; so you just ran out of reasons for not owning it, chum. The magnificent Gil Kane's there as well; still alive back then, and fulfilling his personal dream of adapting (with Roy Thomas) Richard (not John) Wagner's The Ring Cycle. That's easy to find too in 2016, and if you like Gil Kane (as well you should) then that's you sorted. I never read Pepe Moreno's BATMAN: DIGITAL JUSTICE, which was probably for the best as I believe it's now considered to be to DC Comics as E.T. THE VIDEO GAME was to Atari.

There's lots of other stuff there, and feel free to share your recollections and misgivings regarding them. But before I go, it has always struck me as a bit of a dick move on the part of The Flash to challenge Superman to a race. Do you not think? And on that note, stick your face right into The Past and enjoy...COMICS!!!

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NEXT TIME: Take a wild guess, that's right - COMICS!!!

Arriving 4/3/16

Last week is a difficult show to out do, but this week has a fair shot at standing on it's own! New BATGIRL, A-FORCE and GIANT DAYS plus the second issue of one of the best new series in awhile AMAZING FOREST and the debut of a new entry in the 8HOUSE world from Emma Rios with MIRROR.

Check the cut for all the new February comics!

ACTION COMICS #49 A-FORCE #2 AMAZING FOREST #2 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #7 ANGEL AND FAITH SEASON 10 #23 BARB WIRE #8 BATGIRL #48 BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #18 BATMAN BEYOND #9 BATMAN EUROPA #4 (OF 4) BOBS BURGERS ONGOING #8 CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM WILSON #6 CAPTAIN MARVEL #2 CODE PRU #2 CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS #5 CROSSED BADLANDS #93 DEADPOOL MERCS FOR MONEY #1 (OF 5) DEJAH THORIS #1 DETECTIVE COMICS #49 DOCTOR STRANGE #5 DONALD DUCK #10 EXODUS LIFE AFTER #3 FUTURE SHOCK ZERO GN GIANT DAYS #11 GOD IS DEAD #47 GRANT MORRISONS 18 DAYS #8 GREEN ARROW #49 GREEN LANTERN #49 GUARDIANS OF INFINITY #3 HOWARD THE DUCK #4 INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #6 JOE GOLEM OCCULT DETECTIVE #4 JOHNNY RED #4 (OF 8) KENNEL BLOCK BLUES #1 KLAUS #3 KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #228 LARA CROFT FROZEN OMEN #5 (OF 5) LOONEY TUNES #229 MEAN GIRLS CLUB ONE SHOT MERCURY HEAT #7 MIDNIGHTER #9 MIRROR #1 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDS FOREVER #25 MYSTERY GIRL #3 NAILBITER #20 NOVA #4 OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN #2 (OF 5) PAPER GIRLS #5 PEEK THE FIRST (ONE SHOT) #1 PRETTY DEADLY #8 PRINCELESS RAVEN PIRATE PRINCESS #5 MAIN CVR PROVIDENCE #7 (OF 12) REGULAR SHOW #32 REPLICA #3 ROCKET RACCOON AND GROOT #2 SAINTS #5 SCARLET WITCH #3 SHERIFF OF BABYLON #3 (OF 8) SHUTTER #18 SPAWN #260 SPIDER-MAN #1 SPIDEY #3 SURVIVORS CLUB #5 SWAMP THING #2 (OF 6) TOIL & TROUBLE #6 (OF 6) TOMBOY #3 TRAIN CALLED LOVE #5 (OF 10) UNCANNY AVENGERS #5 UNCANNY X-MEN #3 UNCLE SCROOGE #11 UNFOLLOW #4 VELVET #13 VICTORIE CITY #2 (OF 4) VISION #4 WALKING DEAD #151 WALT DISNEY COMICS & STORIES #728 WAR STORIES #16 WE ARE ROBIN #8 WOODS #20 X-O MANOWAR #44

Books/Mags/Things AVENGERS BY JONATHAN HICKMAN HC VOL 03 BATMAN ARKHAM SCARECROW TP DAREDEVIL BY MARK WAID HC VOL 04 DEVIL TALES HC FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND #284 HINGES TP BOOK 02 PAPER TIGERS IDENTITY CRISIS TP NEW EDITION JOJOS BIZARRE ADV BATTLE TENDENCY HC VOL 02 LUMBERJANES TP VOL 03 MANHATTAN PROJECTS HC VOL 02 MANIFEST DESTINY TP VOL 03 NEW SUICIDE SQUAD TP VOL 02 MONSTERS PREZ TP VOL 01 CORNDOG IN CHIEF RED SONJA CONAN BLOOD OF A GOD HC SCHOOL JUDGMENT GAKKYU HOTEI GN VOL 01 SO CUTE IT HURTS GN VOL 05 SUPERIOR FOES SPIDER-MAN OMNIBUS HC TIPPING POINT HC UNCANNY X-MEN HC VOL 01 WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 03

As always, what do YOU think?

“We’re JUDGES – We Can Do Any Damn Thing We WANT.” COMICS! Sometimes It’s A Clear Cut Case of Rather You Than Me, Dear.

I only had time to write about one comic this time. Sorry. But do please feel free to all club together and make me independently wealthy. I’ll probably manage, oooh, three comics then. Gee, thanks for thinking about it, anyway. This time I continue to big up The Home Side by looking at the very latest issue of 2000AD. It might only be one comic, but it’s a fresh ‘un! Hmm, still breathing so it is!  photo DreddGoGoGoB_zpsurenbrwa.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O’Grady & Parkhouse

Anyway, this. 2000AD Prog 1965 Art by Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, Clint Langley, John Burns, Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Pat Mills, Kek-W, John Wagner Coloured by Len O’Grady Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland Cover by Cliff Robinson(a) & Dylan Teague(c) JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner KINGDOM created by Richard Elson & Dan Abnett ABC WARRIORS created by Kevin O’Neill, Brendan McCarthy, Mick McMahon & Pat Mills THE ORDER created by John Burns & Kek-W STRONTIUM DOG created by Carlos Ezquerra Rebellion, £2.55, weekly (2016)

 photo Cov1965B_zpsfwhvz7ky.jpg

You know, it has belatedly occurred to me that I have, characteristically, set off on this whole 2000AD thing more than a little half-cocked. So here are the answers to a few questions I should have probably addressed at the very start of this pointless exercise:

1) It’s all a bit creaky isn’t it? Why don’t they update it? You know, give some characters cancer, or a womb, or both even? Make one into a womb that fires cancers, even? Maybe give them those ridiculous beards Ver Kids are sporting these days? Why? Oh, why? Oh, why, oh why, oh why?

I admit I too was a little surprised and not a little dismayed on my return to the Galaxy’s Greatest Comic, after a hiatus of some 8 years, only to find that just one series was unfamiliar to me (THE ORDER). Truth to tell, it did occur to me to start wailing, gnashing my teeth and rending my garments over the lack of original concepts on show. However, I just couldn’t be bothered. (I suffer from idleitis, a recognised medical condition named by my Mum.) This, for once, was to my advantage. Because in the meantime it occurred to me that at present Marvel©™®’s biggest selling comics (to Retailers) are based on the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS. Which, despite it currently thrilling the easily thrilled with a fresh instalment in cinemas right now, started off in 1977 as did 2000AD. More than likely 2000AD’s inception was hastened, if not occasioned, by the blockbuster success of the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS. Both of them were pretty derivative as well. STAR WARS, the popular children’s entertainment, being basically Kurosawa’s HIDDEN FORTRESS (1958) with the dogfight from 633 SQUADRON (1964) bolted on the back. But in space! And with some New Age bum chunder about The Force! (Peter Cushing’s performance is ****ing immaculate, however.) While 2000AD in its rather more vulgar turn smashed and grabbed with abandon from hither and yon to great success, mainly by adding lashings of violence with a topping of topicality. In 2016 the only Force the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS cares about is that of the market, so while 2000AD might still be trotting out Judge Dredd, ABC Warriors and Strontium Dog it wins, because they are good comics and have progressed within themselves. Basically, until 2000AD gives up the creative ghost completely and just becomes a billion dollar advert for toys and ancillary revenue streams across multiple platforms (UGH!) we’ll let it off. As for DC©™®, their biggest sales (to Retailers) are currently based on Batman, who was created in circa 1938, so they can’t point any fingers either. Sticking a hipster beard on Shaggy isn’t a paradigm shifter, you know, DC©™®. And, yeah, what is it with those beards. The beards on The Kids these days. I mean, seriously, kids. It’s like I woke up one day and I was in Philip K Dick’s THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE; every third youth looks like a U-Boat commander on shore leave. What’s that all about? Sort yourselves out.

 photo youngpeopleB_zpsq06msiwj.jpg Picture thieved from Getty Images ("It's Not an Image, Unless it's a Getty!")

2) John, you complacent oaf, you failed to tell us why it is called 200AD in the Year of Our Lord 2016AD. So do that! NOW!

Okay, sure, it might seem odd that the comic is still called 2000AD since it is now 2016AD; so what was once, in 1977, unthinkably futuristic is now quaintly dated. I can assure you though that as the millennium loomed much discussion was had regarding the comic’s name in the letter pages, and several alternatives were indeed considered (2001AD, 2050AD, 3000AD, “Geoffrey”, probably even 2525AD (you know, if man is still alive, if woman can survive)) . In the end they stuck with what everyone knew. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”, we say over here, which is why Britain is a world leader in innovation. Me, I would have gone with 3000AD myself, plenty of future-proofing (ugh!), see, but there you go. No one listens to me. Which is why we don’t live in a Socialist Utopia, and 2000AD is still called 2000AD in 2016AD. In their defence part of the fun of watching something like ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is admittedly that bit where it comes up with “1997 – NOW!” at the beginning. Also, whenever I visit my parents to remind them why they wish they had remained childless, I always pass this hairdressers called HAIR2000. That’s 16 years out of date as well, and nevertheless there are still women in there getting their rinses blued. (I have always wanted to ring people up for a night out and say “Let’s all meet up at HAIR2000.” But I don’t have any friends; largely because of jokes like that. And the fact I’m a big prick.) I guess the lesson here is: quality of content trumps a name, or 2000AD is such a strong brand that…ugh, sorry I passed out there. Anyway, amusing as I find HAIR2000, it’s not my favourite shop name; I once spotted a dress shop called SOPHIE’S CHOICE. Nice.

3) Is 2000AD really edited by a green alien from Betelgeuse called Tharg The Mighty?

Yes.

 photo thargB_zpsjiesn7aq.jpg Picture ganked from Down The Tubes

I hope that answers your questions anyway because if it didn’t, tough titty.

Meanwhile…back at the comics.

 photo DreddTortB_zpsnaur5zmk.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O’Grady & Parkhouse

The pace of JUDGE DREDD (Sexton/Carroll/O’Grady/Parkhouse) continues to resemble my feet after I accompanied my son (“Gil”) and his Cub pack on a walk around Carsington Reservoir – blistering. Following The Set-Up (Ep. 1) and The Big Fight (Ep. 2) episode 3 of Ghosts is the investigative bit; the procedural part if you will. Because, no, contrary to popular misconception Judge Dredd doesn’t typically just ride up and shoot the perp du jour in the face and give with a quip; there’s more to it than that (unless it’s that regrettably dunderheaded Dredd run where Mark Millar and Grant Morrison were in charge). Here we get the bit where Dredd acts like a **** for the Greater Good. Since the Western mind set seems to currently be a trifle crypto-fascist, I should probably point out that we aren’t really supposed to be cheering Dredd on as he psychologically tortures an innocent woman to draw out the wrong ‘uns. Sure, it looks like it’s worked but at what cost; every action has an equal and opposite reaction, as Ray Palmer reminds us in that Godawful DKIII:TMR comic. And I think that’s true morally too. I do. I haven’t got any proof mind, but that’s rarely prevented anyone from voicing their opinion. Anyway, Nietzsche’s just popped in to remind us that “He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself”. Thanks, Fred. Nice ‘tache! Stay away from piano stools, now! Anyway, in this issue Joe gets a bit scalier and Mark Sexton continues to impress with his balance of detail and clarity; although I think he could make his Dredd a bit more iconic, you know, if I had to whine about something. VERY GOOD!

 photo KingdomB_zpsrugyqa06.jpg KINGDOM by Elson, Abnett & De Ville

Now, I’m not saying the events so far in KINGDOM (Elson/Abnett/De Ville) test my patience exactly, but it is a bit like if after The Big Badness your nan wanted a biscuit with her Sour Grass Tea and you went out into The Big Dusty and after a hundred yards came upon a fully operational Fox’s biscuit factory. Massively convenient might be the term. Because it turns out that Gene and his pack have found exactly what they need to outrun the swarm and get back to warn the folks at home. Not only that but only Gene can operate it. Yes, I’d say massively convenient might do it. Which is fine because KINGDOM is just breezy action based larks, so it can get away with massively convenient. Not least because Elson’s art has a detail and a crispness which is never less than impressive. OKAY!

 photo ABCTerrorB_zpsh0qavf8c.jpg ABC WARRIORS by Langley, Mills & Parkhouse

In the letters page there’s a bit of a kerfuffle over Pat Mills, as no less than two of the three letters therein find exception with the fact that Mills’ stories always basically end up being the same, no matter what colourful character fronts them. i.e. an uncouth Rip The System! riff with some clumsy exposition, endearingly silly wordplay and the odd off-colour joke chucked in. As a criticism it’s perfectly valid, and I can certainly see their point. However, it misses the larger point that the burden isn’t on Pat Mills to change the stories he tells, but for society to sort itself out so that Pat Mills no longer has to tell these stories. Come on, Society, pull your finger out and let’s see what Pat Mills has to say when we’ve all stopped ****ing each other over. Until such time I for one am more than happy for Pat Mills’ comics to remain perpetually chanting the lyrics to Soft Cells’ Best Way to Kill. Oh yeah, babies of the beard, raise your voices high, “…like a badge on a blazer at school – TEAR IT OFF!! RIP IT UP!! Stick your two fingers up at the world!” If you want comics about ****ing nothing you’re spoilt for choice, so in the meantime, personally speaking, I’m perfectly happy for Pat Mills and the Warriors to continue to age disgracefully. This week ABC WARRIORS (Langley/Mills/Parkhouse) continues to explore the (REALLY unlikely) idea that The System might exploit the fear of terrorism in order to pursue its own agenda of repression and profit. (Which is just CRAZY TALK!) As fantastical a notion as that is (I mean, AS IF!) it makes for very good fiction. On art Clint Langley manages to make a bunch of robots and wreckage extraordinarily atmospheric and expressive, despite the fact that that must be very difficult to do. And I greatly enjoyed his off-kilter choice to sparsely spot colour the odd bit here and there with a queasy green and a rosy red. VERY GOOD!

 photo OrderBurnsB_zpsncczziy6.jpg THE ORDER by Burns, Kek-W & De Ville

Although THE ORDER (Burns/Kek-W/De Ville) is set in the 1580s the odd burst of computer speak blaring out of the mystified face of our fiery headed lead (“10 print john rules ok [RETURN] 20 goto 10 [RETURN]”, he doesn’t say) suggests a futuristic aspect to the strip yet to be clearly revealed. Because I have a mind so finely honed that it would shame a VIC20, I think I have already sussed the twist. The clue is in its dung studded, infrastructure light setting in which squats a scrofulous population of downtrodden paupers, through which privileged fops can cut a swathe, thanks to the heavily armed police acting as their personal militia. Clearly, we are in fact in the future and the year 1580AD is actually 1580 After Dave, because when Tories dream it is this they dream of. And every day that dream comes closer. Or maybe my mind was tip-toeing through its own tulips because the whole thing was a bit generic for me, and the only solid pleasure was seeing what the estimable John Burns did with colour; just a really arresting series of loose washes which sometimes don’t even stay within the lines, and are often quite minimal in their range of shade within a single panel. Yet, always, always he takes pains to mark out the protagonist’s barnet with a blob of red. John Burns is great. Burns, baby, Burns! OKAY!

 photo StrontMoreB_zpsb2cbytbd.jpg STRONTIUM DOG by Ezquerra, Wagner & Bowland

Okay, I was initially underwhelmed by the ease with which Johnny Alpha and his mutant chums pulled off their heist in STRONTIUM DOG (Ezquerra/Wagner/Bowland). But on reflection since it did depend on the ability to stretch one’s arm like reed Richards’ can only dream it was probably a lot more difficult than it looked. Plus, this is the lulling section of every heist movie. The bit where things get a bit tense but the objective is achieved. PHEW! we all exclaim in relief as Danny Ocean hides inside the guard’s anus with the crown jewels, and is walked safely out of the building to a sloppy but enriching exit. Things start getting interesting after this bit, where in all likelihood we'll get the Strontium Dog equivalent of Andy Garcia jumping out of the guard’s sock and threatening to flush the loo unless the newly excreted Danny Ocean gives him his career back. Or something. I forget; OCEAN'S ELEVEN was okay but I prefer that 2001 David Mamet heist movie. The one with Gene Hackman, Delroy Lindo and Danny DeVito doing a heist. It's a good heist movie. I wish I could remember what it was called, that heist movie. Anyway, STRONTIUM DOG this week is all smooth reading from both script and art, as the old pros Wagner & Ezquerra go back for one more job. Most likely though all the goodwill I felt was down to Kid Knee reappearing, and his being just as endearingly fractious as ever. GOOD!

NEXT TIME: I’ll hopefully look at more than one comic because that’ll mean I can use the plural which is – COMICS!!!

“Droids Don't Knock.” COMICS! Sometimes The Darkest Judge of All Is Judge Critic!

Not wishing to set a precedent here but in response to a reader comment I look at a volume of IDW’s JUDGE DREDD. There’s little, if any, toilet humour in this one. I've got all that out of my system (tee hee!) But if you like icy disdain then bring your skates because we’re doing figure eights! Or maybe I liked it. Ha, Ha, just kidding.  photo AWODshowB_zpsbhdibqy7.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

Anyway, this… JUDGE DREDD, VOLUME 5: THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH Art by Nelson Daniel, Steve Scott Written by Duane Swierczynski Coloured by John-Paul Bove Lettered by Shawn Lee Originally published as JUDGE DREDD #17-20 IDW, $17.99 (2014) JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner

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For a few years now IDW have had the licence to produce original Dredd comics in America, and these exist distinct from the (more familiar to me) UK Dredd canon, which is currently handled by Rebellion. Theoretically IDW are in a pretty advantageous position; they get to start from scratch without any of the early mis-steps of the original strip (Maria! Non-Judge policemen! Mick McMahon thinking Dredd was black!) and can cherry pick plots and characters from an impressively fecund near-40 years of ideas and concepts pre-tested in the fieriest crucible of the imagination  possible – British children’s minds. Alas, it gives me no pleasure whatsoever to report that on the evidence of this volume IDW have bungled it quite badly. I wanted to like this book; I want to like every book I read. Whatever kind of creature it is which knowingly seeks out things it dislikes, that is not the kind of creature I am. (Unless it’s DKIII: TMR because, seriously, **** that garbage.) JUDGE DREDD VOLUME 5: THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH is not a disaster, but like many a Tory given all its in-built advantages it’s a disappointment.

 photo AWODarghB_zps272rertf.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

Thanks mainly to Nelson Daniel's lively cartooning (and frequent use of a function on his PC which replicates that dotty stuff I like so much) as I read the book I was enjoying it, but the further I read that enjoyment was progressively undermined by some pretty basic gaffes. Not least among these was the utter disregard with which the volume treated potential new readers. Like, uh, me. It’s pretty staggering; as though IDW expect everyone to have read Vol.s 1 thru 4 thirty seconds before they cracked the covers on this one. Would it have broken the bank to use a page to provide a cast list and a “What Has Gone Before…” paragraph? (No, it wouldn’t.)  I’ve read Dredd for longer than is admissible in mixed company so, yeah, I know who Judge Janus and Judge Omar are, and why they can talk to each other using unanchored thought balloons (helpfully colour coded pink for a girl and blue for a boy like this is fucking Bunty or something) but does Chet in Omaha, who has never read a Dredd before? (No, Chet doesn’t. Look at his big simple face; he hasn’t a clue.) Of course, it’s not so much the basic set-up of Judge Dredd as a series I’m talking about; just looking at the book effectively communicates the fact that it takes place in The Future, Judge Dredd is a Cop and Things Are Less Than Rosy. Dredd’s a pretty direct concept. With the exception of Mark Millar & Grant Morrison most sentient creatures can pretty much pick up “Judge Dredd” so easily it’s almost as though it’s by osmosis. No, it’s more the set-up of the story herein itself which is the problem.

 photo AWODchokeB_zpsjtnkpemx.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

Essentially this doesn’t read like a complete story but like a section in a larger story. Which is fine, very sexy, very modern, very Television and all that but Christ, people, context counts. And context here is sorely lacking. Although the book is ostensibly about Dredd vs. The Dark Judges, some fuzzily defined business about two people who have swapped bodies (in a previous volume, I guess) keeps barging its way to the fore like a drunk on a bus. This is a problem, as I picked it up for The Dark Judges, and if you want me to be more interested in some other story that’s already half over you’ll have to put your back into it. Unfortunately, Duane Swierczynski doesn’t. He is, I hasten to add, professional enough to convey the essentials of the situation (a man and a woman have swapped bodies, one of them was a Judge, and the Judge swapped bodies so that the other party would go to Titan (the space prison for Judges) instead). Sure, Swierczynski manages to smoothly integrate all that into the text and I can think of plenty of Red Hawt Comics Writers who would have skinned their knees at even at that low hurdle. But, c’mon, being better than the worst isn’t good enough. Beyond the basics there’s no deeper insight into the situation proffered e.g. the relationship between the two people, how the swap occurred or even what crime the Judge committed. Let me put it in terms a writer would understand – when you go to a meeting with some people “in” Television what’s the first thing everyone does? Introduce themselves! The smile on your face tells me I’ve been understood.

 photo AWODeathB_zpswwdjv72e.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

It’s unfortunate that Swierczynski  seems to have elected to tell this other story with the The Dark Judges acting as merely a spicy backdrop, because this means he doesn’t really develop that bit either. The book starts and The Dark Judges are running amuck in Mega-City One because, uh, because…of something that happened in the previous volume? (Chet’s really flailing now, IDW. I don’t think you’ve won him over. He’s looking wistfully at the TV.)  For some inexplicable reason Swierczynski has decided to add a bunch of new Dark Judges as well. I know we’re always moaning that people don’t create stuff anymore but, you know a) there’s a time and a place and b) it still has to be good. These new Dark Judges are totally unnecessary and utterly underwhelming in comparison to their antecedents. I mean Nelson Daniel draws the balls off them, there’s nothing wrong with his designs at all; they are fresh, funny and not a little icky as befits a concept which straddles the sinister and the silly as deftly as that of The Dark Judges.

 photo AWODbigB_zpsgsojk82o.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

It’s a tough gig adding new Dark Judges, a bit of a poison chalice really. Especially since even the immediate additions post Death’s first appearance (Fear, Fire and Mortis) do, in retrospect, have the whiff of Brian Bolland’s having done some sweet character designs which were just thrown in to spice stuff up. Personally, Judge Death’s enough but there’s so many of the buggers now that even he’s barely in the book. Remember when you went to see BLADE: TRINITY and there were all these other people in it and Ryan Reynold’s abs vying for screen space? But you had gone hoping to see Blade not all these other people, and certainly not Ryan Reynold’s abs? It’s like that. A bit. There are so many Dark Judges, and the book is so slim that most of them only really get a scene to establish their shtick, and if they get more than that then it’s because the plot requires them to do something to propel it along. The action’s disappointing too, with Judge Dredd (points awarded for him being written as suitably curt and street-smart rather than a thick thug) strolling about dispatching his enemies with incendiaries. It's hardly Sun Tzu is it now? Mind you it’s hardly a permanent solution but then again the permanent solution is somewhat problematic. It’s problematic in the sense that it seems pulled from Duane Swierczynski’s backside. It hasn’t been of course. Obviously, this solution is a call back to events in an earlier volume but since there is no indication of this in the text it all seems bit random and dismayingly abrupt. (Chet’s started digging for gold up his nose and I don’t think he’ll be back, IDW).

 photo AWODliveB_zpsqhdowxbt.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

So even Nelson Daniel’s fizzy Charlie-Adlard-but-with-a-pulse performance can’t save what is basically a Freaky Friday re-run with cameos from The Dark Judges. In the hellish future world that is The Savage Critics Judge John is The Law, and Judge John’s verdict is that JUDGE DREDD VOLUME 5:  THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH is EH!

BONUS: HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THE NEW DARK JUDGES? TAKE OUR FUN QUIZ AND FIND OUT!

 photo AWODfistB_zpsrrgerbzf.jpg JUDGE DREDD by Daniel, Swierczynski & Lee

Judge Blank is: A) A mysterious teleporting entity which acts in opposition to the other Dark Judges.

B) A plot device used to get people from one far-flung location to another.

Answer: A)

Judge Fistula is: A) A blobby looking chap who links people together by impaling them with lengthy fleshy barbs.

B) A Scouser who issues sexual threats at passers-by (“I’m gunna fist you, la’!”)

Answer: A) (Now, I’ve not been graced with a fistula (“an abnormal or surgically made passage between a hollow or tubular organ and the body surface, or between two hollow or tubular organs”) but I do know what one is (see preceding note) and this “Judge Fistula” thing seems a bit tenuous. You may disagree. From the pages of sketches and notes in the back of the book it seems Duane Swierczynski was going for a Human Centipede effect. Since the whole Human Centipede effect depends on someone having their mouth sewn to a stranger’s arse and here we just have some people stood dazedly about connected by flesh sticks I think he missed that effect. I think “Judge Tumour” might have been better but again, that’s just me.)

Judge Skinner has: A) Had his lyrics discussed in an Oxford Professor of Poetry lecture by Sir Geoffrey Hill.

B) No skin and can remove the skin of his victims by magic.

Answer: B)

Judge Sleep is: A) A lady Judge who causes irritating gummy secretions in people’s eyes, which harden and can be really tricky to get out even if you use your little finger and get right on in there. Hot water and cotton wool are the cure.

B) A lady judge who puts people to sleep forever.

Answer: B) (Which sounds more like Judge Coma to me but there you go, I’m not a writer like Duane Swierczynski so what do I know.)

Judge Burroughs : A) Shoots wives in the head "accidentally" and fantasises about naked sailors hanging themselves in sufficient quantities that the resultant terminal ejaculate makes it look like it is snowing.

B) Burrows like a mole. (Brring! Brring! Brian Azzarello called, he wants his wordplay back.)

Answer: B) (He also looks like a mole, albeit a skinned one which, look, okay, moles do burrow, I’ll give you that,  but I’m kind of hazy on their connection to death. I’m struggling to think of any culture which has the mole as a totem of death. I’m flawed; I’ve watched a lot of bad movies where “nature fights back”, but I can’t think of even one where moles start acting up. Rabbits and worms, yes, slugs even, but moles? I’m drawing a blank here, to be honest. Maybe Duane Swierczynski’s got an allotment and moles got into his lettuce last summer and he still bears a grudge. Judge Burroughs is stupid is what I’m getting at there.)

Judge Sludge is: A) Made of Sludge and able to spray victims with a dense emission.

B) Evidence that inspiration can fail us all.

Answer: A)

Judge Metastasis is: A) an ever increasing giant composed of people subsumed into its bulk, all of whom are ruled by one mind; a searing commentary on the mindlessness of the mob.

B) the result of someone reading Clive Barker’s In The Hills, The Cities at a formative age.

Answer: A)

Judge Stigmata is: A) Able to sidle up to people and charismatically induce them to wound themselves.

B) An attention seeking hairdresser who gives priests who look like Gabriel Byrne boners.

Answer: A) (Unfortunately, and I take no pleasure in pointing this out, this is not actually stigmatism as the wounds do not appear spontaneously and nor do they conform to those said to have been endured by Jesus Christ. Those, you know, being the defining elements of stigmatism. What we have here in this book is hypnotically induced self-harming. I know it seems picky but there you go. Again, no writer I.)

Judge Choke is: A)  A somewhat hazily realised comment on the self-destructive  nature of smoking. (Okay, maybe he just straight up chokes people on smoke. Design-wise anyway, Judge Choke definitely looks like Ghost Rider after a light summer shower.)

B) An insecure actor who corners people at parties and, in an increasingly hysterical manner as the evening wears on, and the drink gets sunk, points out that although appearances in drearily unexceptional production-line Marvel©® movie fodder have made him rich he just really, really needs you to know that there’s just so much more to him than that; what with him having once directed a movie adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke. Struggling to stay conscious victims stab themselves in the leg with those cocktail sticks you put the tiny sausages on, eventually expiring from blood loss.

Answer A)

Judge Judy is: A) a TV program my Mum watches during the day because she is retired and that’s her choice; she’s worked hard and she’s earned that right.

B) a cheap joke on my behalf to see us out.

Answer: A) and B)

NEXT TIME: I don’t know. Do you think I actually have a plan? Probably this week’s 2000AD and a couple of other – COMICS!!!

Arriving 1/27/2016

You know it is a good week when three of the best comics all come out the same day! SAGA, ISLAND and MONSTRESS all make an appearance along with BLACK MAGICK, DEADLY CLASS and the debut of CRY HAVOC from Si Spurrier and Ryan Kelly. Check the cut for the rest of this weeks comics!

ALL NEW ALL DIFFERENT AVENGERS #4 ALL NEW INHUMANS #3 ANGELA QUEEN OF HEL #4 AQUAMAN #48 ART OPS #4 ATOMIC ROBO & THE RING OF FIRE #5 (OF 5) BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #17 BEAUTY #6 BLACK CANARY #7 BLACK MAGICK #4 BLOODSHOT REBORN #10 BLUBBER #2 CARNAGE #4 CHEW #54 CONAN THE AVENGER #22 CRY HAVOC #1 CYBORG #7 DAREDEVIL #3 DEADLY CLASS #18 DEADPOOL AND CABLE SPLIT SECOND #2 (OF 3) DEATHSTROKE #14 DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR TWO #5 DREAMING EAGLES #2 EAST OF WEST #24 ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST #13 EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #6 FAITH #1 (OF 4) FUSE #17 GHOSTBUSTERS INTERNATIONAL #1 GRAYSON #16 GUIDE TO MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE CA FIRST AVENGER HELLBOY WINTER SPECIAL 2016 #1 HENCHGIRL #4 HIP HOP FAMILY TREE #6 HOWLING COMMANDOS OF SHIELD #4 ISLAND #6 ITTY BITTY HELLBOY SEARCH FOR THE WERE-JAGUAR #3 (OF 4) JACKED #3 (OF 6) JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS #11 JUPITERS CIRCLE VOL 2 #3 (OF 6) JUSTICE LEAGUE 3001 #8 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #7 KANAN #10 KING CONAN WOLVES BEYOND THE BORDER #2 (OF 4) LAST GANG IN TOWN #2 (OF 7) MONSTRESS #3 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #3 MUNCHKIN #13 ODYC #9 OLD MAN LOGAN #1 OMEGA MEN #8 ORPHAN BLACK HELSINKI #3 (OF 5) OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #15 PASTAWAYS #8 PEANUTS VOL 2 #30 PROPHET EARTH WAR #1 (OF 6) REVIVAL #36 RICK & MORTY #10 RINGSIDE #3 SAGA #33 SCALES OF TIME SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #14 SIMPSONS ILLUSTRATED #21 SOUTHERN BASTARDS #13 SPIDER-WOMAN #3 SPIRE #6 (OF 8) STRAYER #1 SUICIDE SQUAD MOST WANTED DEADSHOT KATANA #1 (OF 6) SUPERMAN #48 SUPERMAN LOIS AND CLARK #4 TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #96 TEEN TITANS #16 TMNT ONGOING #54 TRANSFORMERS SINS OF WRECKERS #3 (OF 5) TWILIGHT CHILDREN #4 (OF 4) UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL #4 VENOM SPACE KNIGHT #3 VENUS #2 VERTIGO QUARTERLY SFX #4 VICTORIE CITY #1 (OF 4) WILDS END ENEMY WITHIN #5 (OF 4) X-FILES SEASON 11 #6

Books/Mags/Things ADVENTURE TIME SUGARY SHORTS TP VOL 02 BATMAN BY ED BRUBAKER TP VOL 01 BATMAN THE JIRO KUWATA BATMANGA TP VOL 03 (OF 3) BEE AND PUPPYCAT TP VOL 02 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA TP VOL 02 BILL TED MOST EXCELLENT COMIC BOOK ARCHIVE HC BLACK WIDOW ITSY BITSY SPIDER TP CURB STOMP TP DEAD LETTERS TP VOL 02 DUNGEONS & DRAGONS FORGOTTEN REALMS OMNIBUS EC ARCHIVES PANIC HC VOL 01 EVIL EMPIRE TP VOL 02 GARBAGE PAIL KIDS TP INVADER ZIM TP VOL 01 LAZARUS TP VOL 4 POISON MIND MGMT HC VOL 06 THE IMMORTALS MU ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN AND AVENGERS DIGEST TP PREVIEWS #329 FEBRUARY 2016 RASPUTIN TP VOL 02 SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN TP VOL 21 SHIELD TP VOL 02 MAN CALLED DEATH SPIDER-WOMAN TP VOL 02 NEW DUDS SUPERGIRL TP VOL 01 THE GIRL OF STEEL SUPERMAN SECRET IDENTITY DLX ED HC SWAMP THING TP VOL 07 SEASONS END

As always, what do YOU think?