“We’re JUDGES – We Can Do Any Damn Thing We WANT.” COMICS! Sometimes It’s A Clear Cut Case of Rather You Than Me, Dear.

I only had time to write about one comic this time. Sorry. But do please feel free to all club together and make me independently wealthy. I’ll probably manage, oooh, three comics then. Gee, thanks for thinking about it, anyway. This time I continue to big up The Home Side by looking at the very latest issue of 2000AD. It might only be one comic, but it’s a fresh ‘un! Hmm, still breathing so it is! JUDGE DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O’Grady & Parkhouse

Anyway, this. 2000AD Prog 1965 Art by Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, Clint Langley, John Burns, Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Pat Mills, Kek-W, John Wagner Coloured by Len O’Grady Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland Cover by Cliff Robinson(a) & Dylan Teague(c) JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner KINGDOM created by Richard Elson & Dan Abnett ABC WARRIORS created by Kevin O’Neill, Brendan McCarthy, Mick McMahon & Pat Mills THE ORDER created by John Burns & Kek-W STRONTIUM DOG created by Carlos Ezquerra Rebellion, £2.55, weekly (2016)

You know, it has belatedly occurred to me that I have, characteristically, set off on this whole 2000AD thing more than a little half-cocked. So here are the answers to a few questions I should have probably addressed at the very start of this pointless exercise:

1) It’s all a bit creaky isn’t it? Why don’t they update it? You know, give some characters cancer, or a womb, or both even? Make one into a womb that fires cancers, even? Maybe give them those ridiculous beards Ver Kids are sporting these days? Why? Oh, why? Oh, why, oh why, oh why?

I admit I too was a little surprised and not a little dismayed on my return to the Galaxy’s Greatest Comic, after a hiatus of some 8 years, only to find that just one series was unfamiliar to me (THE ORDER). Truth to tell, it did occur to me to start wailing, gnashing my teeth and rending my garments over the lack of original concepts on show. However, I just couldn’t be bothered. (I suffer from idleitis, a recognised medical condition named by my Mum.) This, for once, was to my advantage. Because in the meantime it occurred to me that at present Marvel©™®’s biggest selling comics (to Retailers) are based on the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS. Which, despite it currently thrilling the easily thrilled with a fresh instalment in cinemas right now, started off in 1977 as did 2000AD. More than likely 2000AD’s inception was hastened, if not occasioned, by the blockbuster success of the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS. Both of them were pretty derivative as well. STAR WARS, the popular children’s entertainment, being basically Kurosawa’s HIDDEN FORTRESS (1958) with the dogfight from 633 SQUADRON (1964) bolted on the back. But in space! And with some New Age bum chunder about The Force! (Peter Cushing’s performance is ****ing immaculate, however.) While 2000AD in its rather more vulgar turn smashed and grabbed with abandon from hither and yon to great success, mainly by adding lashings of violence with a topping of topicality. In 2016 the only Force the popular children’s entertainment STAR WARS cares about is that of the market, so while 2000AD might still be trotting out Judge Dredd, ABC Warriors and Strontium Dog it wins, because they are good comics and have progressed within themselves. Basically, until 2000AD gives up the creative ghost completely and just becomes a billion dollar advert for toys and ancillary revenue streams across multiple platforms (UGH!) we’ll let it off. As for DC©™®, their biggest sales (to Retailers) are currently based on Batman, who was created in circa 1938, so they can’t point any fingers either. Sticking a hipster beard on Shaggy isn’t a paradigm shifter, you know, DC©™®. And, yeah, what is it with those beards. The beards on The Kids these days. I mean, seriously, kids. It’s like I woke up one day and I was in Philip K Dick’s THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE; every third youth looks like a U-Boat commander on shore leave. What’s that all about? Sort yourselves out.

Picture thieved from Getty Images ("It's Not an Image, Unless it's a Getty!")

2) John, you complacent oaf, you failed to tell us why it is called 200AD in the Year of Our Lord 2016AD. So do that! NOW!

Okay, sure, it might seem odd that the comic is still called 2000AD since it is now 2016AD; so what was once, in 1977, unthinkably futuristic is now quaintly dated. I can assure you though that as the millennium loomed much discussion was had regarding the comic’s name in the letter pages, and several alternatives were indeed considered (2001AD, 2050AD, 3000AD, “Geoffrey”, probably even 2525AD (you know, if man is still alive, if woman can survive)) . In the end they stuck with what everyone knew. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”, we say over here, which is why Britain is a world leader in innovation. Me, I would have gone with 3000AD myself, plenty of future-proofing (ugh!), see, but there you go. No one listens to me. Which is why we don’t live in a Socialist Utopia, and 2000AD is still called 2000AD in 2016AD. In their defence part of the fun of watching something like ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is admittedly that bit where it comes up with “1997 – NOW!” at the beginning. Also, whenever I visit my parents to remind them why they wish they had remained childless, I always pass this hairdressers called HAIR2000. That’s 16 years out of date as well, and nevertheless there are still women in there getting their rinses blued. (I have always wanted to ring people up for a night out and say “Let’s all meet up at HAIR2000.” But I don’t have any friends; largely because of jokes like that. And the fact I’m a big prick.) I guess the lesson here is: quality of content trumps a name, or 2000AD is such a strong brand that…ugh, sorry I passed out there. Anyway, amusing as I find HAIR2000, it’s not my favourite shop name; I once spotted a dress shop called SOPHIE’S CHOICE. Nice.

3) Is 2000AD really edited by a green alien from Betelgeuse called Tharg The Mighty?

Yes.

Picture ganked from Down The Tubes

I hope that answers your questions anyway because if it didn’t, tough titty.

Meanwhile…back at the comics.

JUDGE DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O’Grady & Parkhouse

The pace of JUDGE DREDD (Sexton/Carroll/O’Grady/Parkhouse) continues to resemble my feet after I accompanied my son (“Gil”) and his Cub pack on a walk around Carsington Reservoir – blistering. Following The Set-Up (Ep. 1) and The Big Fight (Ep. 2) episode 3 of Ghosts is the investigative bit; the procedural part if you will. Because, no, contrary to popular misconception Judge Dredd doesn’t typically just ride up and shoot the perp du jour in the face and give with a quip; there’s more to it than that (unless it’s that regrettably dunderheaded Dredd run where Mark Millar and Grant Morrison were in charge). Here we get the bit where Dredd acts like a **** for the Greater Good. Since the Western mind set seems to currently be a trifle crypto-fascist, I should probably point out that we aren’t really supposed to be cheering Dredd on as he psychologically tortures an innocent woman to draw out the wrong ‘uns. Sure, it looks like it’s worked but at what cost; every action has an equal and opposite reaction, as Ray Palmer reminds us in that Godawful DKIII:TMR comic. And I think that’s true morally too. I do. I haven’t got any proof mind, but that’s rarely prevented anyone from voicing their opinion. Anyway, Nietzsche’s just popped in to remind us that “He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself”. Thanks, Fred. Nice ‘tache! Stay away from piano stools, now! Anyway, in this issue Joe gets a bit scalier and Mark Sexton continues to impress with his balance of detail and clarity; although I think he could make his Dredd a bit more iconic, you know, if I had to whine about something. VERY GOOD!

KINGDOM by Elson, Abnett & De Ville

Now, I’m not saying the events so far in KINGDOM (Elson/Abnett/De Ville) test my patience exactly, but it is a bit like if after The Big Badness your nan wanted a biscuit with her Sour Grass Tea and you went out into The Big Dusty and after a hundred yards came upon a fully operational Fox’s biscuit factory. Massively convenient might be the term. Because it turns out that Gene and his pack have found exactly what they need to outrun the swarm and get back to warn the folks at home. Not only that but only Gene can operate it. Yes, I’d say massively convenient might do it. Which is fine because KINGDOM is just breezy action based larks, so it can get away with massively convenient. Not least because Elson’s art has a detail and a crispness which is never less than impressive. OKAY!

ABC WARRIORS by Langley, Mills & Parkhouse

In the letters page there’s a bit of a kerfuffle over Pat Mills, as no less than two of the three letters therein find exception with the fact that Mills’ stories always basically end up being the same, no matter what colourful character fronts them. i.e. an uncouth Rip The System! riff with some clumsy exposition, endearingly silly wordplay and the odd off-colour joke chucked in. As a criticism it’s perfectly valid, and I can certainly see their point. However, it misses the larger point that the burden isn’t on Pat Mills to change the stories he tells, but for society to sort itself out so that Pat Mills no longer has to tell these stories. Come on, Society, pull your finger out and let’s see what Pat Mills has to say when we’ve all stopped ****ing each other over. Until such time I for one am more than happy for Pat Mills’ comics to remain perpetually chanting the lyrics to Soft Cells’ Best Way to Kill. Oh yeah, babies of the beard, raise your voices high, “…like a badge on a blazer at school – TEAR IT OFF!! RIP IT UP!! Stick your two fingers up at the world!” If you want comics about ****ing nothing you’re spoilt for choice, so in the meantime, personally speaking, I’m perfectly happy for Pat Mills and the Warriors to continue to age disgracefully. This week ABC WARRIORS (Langley/Mills/Parkhouse) continues to explore the (REALLY unlikely) idea that The System might exploit the fear of terrorism in order to pursue its own agenda of repression and profit. (Which is just CRAZY TALK!) As fantastical a notion as that is (I mean, AS IF!) it makes for very good fiction. On art Clint Langley manages to make a bunch of robots and wreckage extraordinarily atmospheric and expressive, despite the fact that that must be very difficult to do. And I greatly enjoyed his off-kilter choice to sparsely spot colour the odd bit here and there with a queasy green and a rosy red. VERY GOOD!

THE ORDER by Burns, Kek-W & De Ville

Although THE ORDER (Burns/Kek-W/De Ville) is set in the 1580s the odd burst of computer speak blaring out of the mystified face of our fiery headed lead (“10 print john rules ok [RETURN] 20 goto 10 [RETURN]”, he doesn’t say) suggests a futuristic aspect to the strip yet to be clearly revealed. Because I have a mind so finely honed that it would shame a VIC20, I think I have already sussed the twist. The clue is in its dung studded, infrastructure light setting in which squats a scrofulous population of downtrodden paupers, through which privileged fops can cut a swathe, thanks to the heavily armed police acting as their personal militia. Clearly, we are in fact in the future and the year 1580AD is actually 1580 After Dave, because when Tories dream it is this they dream of. And every day that dream comes closer. Or maybe my mind was tip-toeing through its own tulips because the whole thing was a bit generic for me, and the only solid pleasure was seeing what the estimable John Burns did with colour; just a really arresting series of loose washes which sometimes don’t even stay within the lines, and are often quite minimal in their range of shade within a single panel. Yet, always, always he takes pains to mark out the protagonist’s barnet with a blob of red. John Burns is great. Burns, baby, Burns! OKAY!

STRONTIUM DOG by Ezquerra, Wagner & Bowland

Okay, I was initially underwhelmed by the ease with which Johnny Alpha and his mutant chums pulled off their heist in STRONTIUM DOG (Ezquerra/Wagner/Bowland). But on reflection since it did depend on the ability to stretch one’s arm like reed Richards’ can only dream it was probably a lot more difficult than it looked. Plus, this is the lulling section of every heist movie. The bit where things get a bit tense but the objective is achieved. PHEW! we all exclaim in relief as Danny Ocean hides inside the guard’s anus with the crown jewels, and is walked safely out of the building to a sloppy but enriching exit. Things start getting interesting after this bit, where in all likelihood we'll get the Strontium Dog equivalent of Andy Garcia jumping out of the guard’s sock and threatening to flush the loo unless the newly excreted Danny Ocean gives him his career back. Or something. I forget; OCEAN'S ELEVEN was okay but I prefer that 2001 David Mamet heist movie. The one with Gene Hackman, Delroy Lindo and Danny DeVito doing a heist. It's a good heist movie. I wish I could remember what it was called, that heist movie. Anyway, STRONTIUM DOG this week is all smooth reading from both script and art, as the old pros Wagner & Ezquerra go back for one more job. Most likely though all the goodwill I felt was down to Kid Knee reappearing, and his being just as endearingly fractious as ever. GOOD!

NEXT TIME: I’ll hopefully look at more than one comic because that’ll mean I can use the plural which is – COMICS!!!

“Like Turds in Rain...” COMICS! Sometimes I Act My Shoe-Size Not My Age.

Abhay's below this, so don't dilly dally, and certainly don't shilly shally, go there! Do it NOW! Me, I'm still trying to get regular, so here's another go at that. There's a lot of toilet humour in this one. It's the only industry we have left. DKIII by Risso, Azzarello, Mulvihill & Robins

Anyway, this... SIR: The critics? No, I have nothing but compassion for them. How can I hate the crippled, the mentally deficient, and the dead? The Dresser by Ronald Harwood

2000AD Prog 1964 Art by Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, John Burns, Clint Langley, Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Kek-W, Pat Mills, John Wagner Colours by Len O'Grady,the artists Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie De Ville, Simon Bowland JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner KINGDOM created by Richard Elson & Dan Abnett THE ORDER created by John Burns & Kek-W ABC WARRIORS created by Kevin O'Neill, Brendan McCarthy, Mick Mcmahon & Pat Mills STRONTIUM DOG created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner Rebellion, £2.55 weekly (2016)

Borag Thungg! Another week, another issue of the Galaxy's Greatest Comic! This week in Judge Dredd (Sexton/Carroll/O'Grady/Parkhouse) the decision is taken to devote the bulk of the seven page installment to a quite bloody and brutal action sequence which leaves Dredd on the edge of death. Also, some plot developments. It's a salutary reminder that when a Judge goes wrong that's way more dangerous than just your average perp. As seven pages go it's lean, mean, gory and crunchily executed stuff. Two parts in and “Ghosts” is shaping up VERY GOOD!

DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O'Grady & Parkhouse

KINGDOM (Elson/Abnett/DeVille) takes time out from hurtling about hither and yon for a quick plot stop. Some fruity swears and mysterious discoveries later the strip is tanked back up with motivation enough to hurtle off, in the final panel of the fifth page, into what promises to be a more typically action orientated episode. Elson art possesses a crisp precision and Abnett's script remains fundamentally derivative but still just original enough to provide undemanding fun. OKAY!

KINGDOM by Elson, Abnett & DeVille

Alas, the major question raised by THE ORDER (Burns/Kek-W/DeVille) so far is what exactly was achieved by the steampunk motorbike that could not have been achieved by a horse. So, obviously this one's not exactly pulling me in. It's not terrible though. And that's despite groan inducing clichés such as the masked rescuer being revealed to be a stunningly beautiful lady (and unless Boots The Chemist was operating in 1560 then her make up skills are a tad anachronistic). As if in balance there's a nifty bit of dialogue on the fifth and final page (the “...empircal evidence..” bit). That alone is enough to leave me optimistic that the ideas underpinning the series will eventually be revealed to have been worth the more predictable stretches. OKAY!

THE ORDER by Burns, Kek-W & De Ville

Last week, while struggling to make sense in a short space of time, I , somewhat tenuously I thought, mentioned Blade Runner in connection with the mek-nificent ones. This week Serendipity, obviously in a playful mood, shocks my socks of by having Pat Mills rejig the Roy Batty death speech everyone loves from that selfsame movie, but puts it in the foul mouth of an ailing Ro-Jaws and, thus, appropriately enough, fixes up the references within it to those of a somewhat more scatological stripe. Reader, I larfed. One of the many things I respond to in Pat Mills' writing is his unselfconscious embrace of puerility. It's particularly prevalent in ABC Warriors and is always welcome. In a strip where the authorities (who have been searching for Hammerstein) have just cottoned on to the fact that that robot that looks just like Hammerstein but with a different head is in fact Hammerstein but with a different head, having a giant robot referencing David Lynch films and also yelling about “Big Jobs!” is probably more of a help than a hindrance. (Note for Children of The Now: “Big jobs” was used to refer to babies going “Number Two” back in the day, back in the UK.) Clint Langley's art looks like it's all taking place inside an active bowel and so is perfectly appropriate. VERY GOOD!

ABC WARRIORS by Langley, Mills & Parkhouse

You know the bit in every heist movie where the heist gets underway and it's a matter of watching the protagonists evade detection before things go wrong? This week's STRONTIUM DOG (Ezquerra/Wagner/Bowland) is that bit of the heist movie. The fun here is that instead of using specialist equipment provided by a character actor in a minor but showy role, they use their mutant abilities (stretchy arms, super strong fingers, x-ray vision, a Keegan perm, a bumpy heid, etc) and there is still time for a good joke about where one would hide the scared brain of a bizarre cult's founder. Ezquerra's art remains so flawlessy devoted to storytelling it never even hints at the effort and experience underpinning every panel. VERY GOOD!

STRONTIUM DOG by Ezquerra, Wagner & Bowland

DKIII THE MASTER RACE BOOK TWO Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller, Lynn Varley & Klaus Janson (although once again DC only identify Frank Miller as the author. Tsk. Tsk.) Art by Andy Kubert, Klaus Janson, Eduardo Risso Story by Frank Miller & Brian Azzarello Lettered by Clem Robins Colours by Brad Anderson, Trish Mulvihill Cover by Andy Kubert & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miller & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Brad Anderson, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, Cliff Chiang, Eduardo Risso & Trish Mulvihill Retailer variant cover by Sean Gordon Murphy & Matt Hollingsworth, Greg Capullo & FCO Plascenia Convention Variant Cover by Jill Thompson DC Comics, $5.99 Standard/$12.99 Deluxe (2016) Batman cteated by Bill Finger & Bob Kane

If nothing else this series has proved to be a thought provoking one. The thought it has provoked in my tiny mind is exactly how bad does the writing in a comic have to get before everyone stops just waving it through? Because the writing in this comic is astoundingly poor. I've not read any other reviews because I don't accidentally want to steal anyone else's thoughts, but unless those reviews point out first and foremost how utterly craptabulous the writing is I'd hesitate to trust anything they have to say. Because, ugh. I mean, ew. Someone wrote this with a big brown crayon, allright. It's no wonder they're so keen to drag Frank Miller's name into it. It's basically the same as blaming the old dog in the corner when you fart in company. “Man, this comic is carved out of stupid!”,“Dang, must be Frank Miller's fault!”Classy behaviour, guys. You know (of course you don't, what a stupid way to start a sentence) I was in the cinema recently, and during the performance someone broke wind next to me. Now let me tell you that was one blue ribbon winner of a fart and no mistake. It was like someone had just put a Sunday dinner under my nose. You ever smell a fart that smelt like you could chew it? This was that fart. It was a heroic achievement, to which I doff my cap; respect is due to someone who can create something like that. However, before we get carried away let's remember it was still just a fart. DKIII:TMR is the comic book equivalent of that fart. It's stink is mighty. Impressively so. But it's still just a big stink.

DKIII by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

Oh, that's a bit much, John! Really? Have you read this? Tell me, what is not cretinous about Batman's plan to make the world think he is dead? Let me just recap it for you: After an absence of three years during which the world has probably started to stop thinking about him, Batman rides his Bat-cycle into the middle of Gotham. He then proceeds to engage in a pitched battle with the Gotham PD. At some point the media notice and Batman's return is plastered across every TV screen in the world. Batman suddenly has an asthma attack and collapses. At this point it is revealed that Batman is in fact a young girl dressed as Batman, and she collapsed due to grief and exhaustion rather than a respiratory condition marked by attacks of spasm in the bronchi of the lungs. She is taken into custody and says nothing for twenty seven days, in which time the media speculate about Batman's whereabouts to its heart's content. On the twenty seventh day the girl tells a thoroughly unconvincing story about how Batman died (in bed; maudlin, bed-bound and old). Usually the police would require a body, they are funny like that. But they just take this girl's word, as you would. With Batman now ineradicably on everyone's mind it's a masterstroke of idiocy to have the young girl sprung by the sudden appearance of a massive Bat-Tank, which trashes the part of the GPD which isn't already in traction before disappearing in a thoroughly ill-defined way. Obviously, having now convinced the world of his death Batman is now free to act. Given his fantastic plan to make the world forget him, his first act will probably be to soil himself and dance the Macarena. Christ. Batman the tactical genius there.

DKIII by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

That ridiculous horseshit takes up most of the first and second issues but there's still room in this one for Ray Palmer to say something science-y (but not too demandingly science-y) and act like a Batman level moron. Because at no point - AT NO POINT - does it occur to Ray Palmer that introducing to the planet Earth a city full of people who can fly, fire fire out of their eyes and probably fart mustard gas to boot, might be less than stellar thinking. Jean left you because you were an idiot, Ray. There might be pages of this comic which don't insult the reader's intelligence but I couldn't recall any. What about the art? People don't talk about the art! Why should I say anything about the art when the writing is this bad. The writing here is ruinously bad. But okay, Kubert as ever manages that trick of being both fussy and lazy, while in the mini-comic Eduardo Risso's deep contrast talents are wasted on something so superfluous it's barely there. But really, what matters the art when a character describes herself as Batman's “prick”? “I was his PRICK.”, she says. Nice dire-logue, Brian Azzarello! “I was his PRICK.”, she says. She says was an old man's prick. What does that even mean, Brian Azzarello? That she got him up at odd times during the night for a piss? Boom, and indeed, BOOM!

DKIII by Risso, Azzarello, Mulvihill & Robins

See, the real problem is that this utter drivel is soaking up attention better used on other comics. There are too many comics today, and the good ones risk getting lost in the crush. Instead of writing about Brian Azzarello and Andy Kubert's futile attempt to polish the stale turds of greater talents I should have been writing about, say, MONSTRESS, STRAY BULLETS, ISLAND, EGOs, RAGNAROK and SPONGEBOB COMICS. All of which are probably struggling to survive while this bloated, brainless and thoroughly unnecessary thing flails about attracting everyone's attention. I mean, I don't need to write about this comic do I? Everyone else will already have alerted you to how fundamentally poor it is. (Won't they?) Look, my complaint isn't even that DKIII:TMR isn't a Frank Miller comic; it's that DKIII:TMR is CRAP!

DKIII by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson & Robins

NEXT TIME: On September 28th 2015 at 10:44 am “Peter” asked if I would be looking at the US attempts to “do” Judge Dredd. In 2016, he will have his answer! (SPOILER: It's “yes” and it's next up, thanks to my library.) I may be tardy but I will eventually get around to your - COMICS!!!

“I've Had Mair Exciting Enemas.” COMICS! Sometimes It's The Comics of Tomorrow – TODAY!

Hey, I finally realised after eight years of looking at Brian (The Guv'nor) Hibbs' Shipping Lists that due to a temporal anomaly which baffles the greatest scientific minds of our times, I am able to tell the The Americas about certain comics well in advance of when they are able to read them! Or it might be because they are British comics and it takes a bit of time for them to get distributed. That's a bit mundane though isn't it? Temporal anomaly it is! So, below the line I give you The Future - NOW! JUDGE DREDD by Marshall, Carroll, Caldwell & Parkhouse

Anyway, this... For those joining us late:

2000AD is a UK anthology comic published weekly which contains usually 5 strips, each of which is given between 5 and 7 pages to strut its sci-fi themed stuff. When 2000AD (or “Tooth” as no one calls it) was first published in 1977 (Year of The Jubilee, Year of Elvis' Death, Year Zero for Punk: quite the year) this sci-fi aspect was its basic remit, but as the years have passed it has cheerfully incorporated any and all genres. Mostly though it's okay to refer to it as a weekly sci-fi anthology comic published in the UK. I was there in 1977 when it launched but I stopped reading it about 8 years ago.

Now, this wasn't because it was rubbish (I'd have stopped in the '90s if that was a problem) but because I and mine moved across the UK. Due to the speed this had to occur it was reminiscent of a movie where an ailing plane has to gain altitude to clear a mountain range and everyone throws everything out including the seats. That is to say, I had to let a large portion of my comic collection go to charity. Don't..I'll be okay...in a ...minute. Sniff! Since this included my entire run of 2000AD it seemed a good place to stop.

But then I was in the newsagent the other week and I thought why am I in the newsagent I should be in work o God have I been drinking again, no, I thought, hey it's a New Year and I can start it off by telling all those funny foreign folk about a British institution. Fair warning though, I have missed nearly a decade of issues so I might be bit rusty. Still, God loves a trier (and the odd burnt sheep) so, hey ho, let's go!

2000AD Progs #1962 & #1963 Art by Paul Marshall, Mark Sexton, Richard Elson, Clint Langley, John Burns and Carlos Ezquerra Written by Michael Carroll, Dan Abnett, Pat Mills, Kek-W and John Wagner Coloured by Gary Caldwell, Len O'Grady or the artists. Lettered by Annie Parkhouse, Ellie DeVille and Simon Bowland Rebellion, £2.25 each, every Wednesday, (2016)

JUDGE DREDD # 1962 - Street Cred Art by Paul Marshall Script by Michael Carroll Colours by Gary Caldwell Letters by Annie Parkhouse #1963 – Ghosts: 1 Art by Mark Sexton Script by Michael Carroll Colours by Len O'Grady Letters by Annie Parkhouse Judge Dredd created by John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra

JUDGE DREDD by Sexton, Carroll, O'Grady & Parkhouse

Judge Dredd remains The Daddy of the comic, I see. The Dan Dare to 2000Ad's Eagle if you will. I was slightly discombobulated by the name Michael Carroll as I have never heard of him. Yet here he is helming the flagship character. Every now and again whoever owns 2000AD realises John Wagner is in fact just mortal and won't be around forever, so they try and groom (not in that sense) a replacement. Dredd's a tough gig and even big names can fail; those of us who suffered through it still bear the mental scars of Grant Morrison and Mark Millar's petulant turd of a run. Anyway, it looks like yer man Carroll's up for anointment this time round so let's see how that goes.

First up, he's got a done-in-one called Street Cred in which a man walks into a bar and tells everyone he's shot Judge Dredd. I'm sure I've read this same story somewhere else, about another hard-ass character who provokes fear in his enemies. Batman or Jericho, whatever. It doesn't matter as there are after all only seven stories, as anyone who has read a Book on Writing by someone no one has ever heard of can tell you. (These being: a man buys a motorbike and has to sell it because he's too old for all that leather and looks a fool, a woman buys Orla Kiely wallpaper and her child spoils it with crayons, Batman kills the Joker, a small animal finds shelter in the snow, a ultra capable female assassin is sad inside because ladies have feelings, and a man walks into a bar and tells the clientele he has shot their hated enemy.) What matters is how well Carroll tells it and he tells it well. Short and to the point, with even a touch of that distinctive dated Dredd punnery (“Roseanne's Bar” indeed.). Next up Carroll goes a bit more long-play with Ghosts which in six pages contains characterisation, pathos and action while also managing to lay out the long term plot with an efficiency that never once sacrifices atmosphere. I was impressed. In both cases Carroll is aided by artists who are talented enough to combine clarity with a distinctive style, with Marshall edging towards the Gibbons end of the spectrum and Sexton clearly dipping a toe into the pool of Darrow. VERY GOOD!

KINGDOM Beast of Eden: Two, & Three Art by Richard Elson Script by Dan Abnett Letters by Ellie De Ville

Kingdom created by Dan Abnett & Richard Elson

KINGDOM by Elson, Abnett & De Ville

KINGDOM had been around a while when I threw in the towel, but the fact is I can barely remember anything about it. I'm having trouble remembering the two parts I just read, so it's consistent if nothing else. Back in the day 2000AD used to, uh, appropriate freely from the pop culture of the time and KINGDOM continues that grand tradition by being, seemingly, Mad Max versus the aliens from Starship Troopers. What helps it stand out is the fact that the characters are all humanoid dogs who communicate using a gruffly truncated vernacular. It's very much an action strip and it does that well enough. Elson gets some energy into all the jalopy jolting, and the scale of the swarm doesn't defeat his gifts. It's not bad, just a little slight as action strips are wont to be. And for something that rips off Mad Max there's nothing as memorable as “Why, he's just a raggedy man!”, and if you're entering the Thunderdome with Mad Max you need to be able to supercede the memory of Tina Turner dressed in ring pulls and cake tins. At the very least. But, in its favour at no point is the strip quite so bland and forgettable as Tom Hardy. He likes dogs though, that Tom Hardy, maybe he'd like KINGDOM more than me. OKAY!

A.B.C. WARRIORS Return To Ro-Busters Parts Two & Three Art by Clint Langley Script by Pat Mills Letters by Annie Parkhouse ABC Warriors created by Pat Mills, Kevin O'Neill, Brendan McCarthy & Mick McMahon

ABC WARRIORS by Langley, Mills & Parkhouse

In Ridley Scott's beautiful mess Blade Runner it was posited that eventually robots would become more “human than human”. This led to spiritually troubled creatures with severe issues with their creator. Pat Mills eschews this comforting high mindedness and gives us a more realistic version of “more human than human” i.e. just as dumb, evil, weak, credulous, gifted and unexpectedly magnificent as we are. But able to eat sewage or have a big hammer for a hand. Ro-Busters are a robot rescue squad. That's it. Magnificently simple premise, and one which was elevated primarily by the pungent characterisation of the droids. Ultimately though Ro-Jaws and Hammerstein were the linchpins of the series, with Ro-Jaws being a waist-high chippy oik and Hammerstein his long suffering clenched sphincter good-soldier type pal. (Oh, Ro-Jaws and Hammerstein. You got that, right? Eat Pat Mills' dust, Brian Azzarello.) ABC WARRIORS and RO-BUSTERS remain essentially the same as they ever were because Pat Mills remains essentially the same as he ever was. Herein is the usual ebullient mooning in the face of authority, the effervescently stolid exposition, the giggling wordplay, the blunt appropriation of current affairs and the ever present, ever hopeful, entreaty for the reader to “Begin Thinking. Stop Believing.” And Clint Langley? He honourably upholds the fine tradition of artists who have been called upon to depict the mechanised milieu of ABC WARRIORS in a suitably shabby and rust scored style. ABC WARRIORS same as it ever was, so ABC WARRIORS is VERY GOOD!

THE ORDER In The Court of The Wyrmqueen Parts Two and Three Art by John Burns Script by Kek-W Letters by Ellie De Ville The Order created by Kek-W & John Burns

THE ORDER by Burns, Kek-W & De Ville

Going back to knicking from Pop culture we have The Order which reads like it was written by someone whose son plays a lot of Assassin's Creed. The unconvincingly monikered Kek-W gets points for period expletives (“swiving”; always a good one) and his romp pumps merrily along in fine fashion with the gross period detail contrasting nicely with the (purposefully) anachronistic slips. Unfortunately at the sight of a steam punk motorbike my eyes rolled so hard they rattled, so I might not be the audience for this one. Still, I'll keep reading it because the magnificent John Burns is on art duties. Burns is a genius level talent of the Old School, whose flowing linework is abetted by his painterly use of colour. Throughout this strip the main character's hair is depicted as a red blob; a move elegant in its simplicity, as it pinpoints him visually no matter how deep the murk he inhabits. A lot of the strip has a distinctly cloacal hue so old red top sticks out is what I'm saying. GOOD!

STRONTIUM DOG Repo Men Parts Two and Three Art by Carlos Ezquerra Script by John Wagner Letters by Simon Bowland Strontium Dog created by John Wagner & Carlos Ezquerra

STRONTIUM DOG by Ezquerra, Wagner & Bowland

STRONTIUM DOG is the last survivor of 2000AD's short lived companion STARLORD. Second only to Dredd in popularity it's Johnny Alpha who sees us out. Alpha died but came back. I can't recall the details but Garth Ennis/Alan Grant killed him off and John Wagner brought him back. Because everyone missed him, so why not. That's popular. Currently Johnny and his mutated muchachos are engaged in an ambitious, and somewhat convoluted, heist involving a race of beings who have become machines while inner ructions threaten to tear his gang apart. The fun of Strontium Dog is in the characters and their interaction within Wagner's lighthearted but still menacing universe. These days I see Wagner drops in exposition in a form reminiscent of the Hitchiker's Guide, but the affable action still unfolds with all the genially satisfying skill of a Dick Clement and Ian LaFrenais sitcom. But, you know, in space. And one guy's head is in his knee. Whether Wagner is Clement or LaFrenais then that makes Ezquerra the other one, because Johnny Alpha wouldn't be the same without Carlos Ezquerra's lumpy magic. VERY GOOD!

A couple of comics that are well worth reading then. Not a bad way to start off 2016. Because after all 2016 (like every year) is the year of – COMICS!!!