“We Must Allow None of These DIBBUKS To Escape!” COMICS! Sometimes God Loves a Trier.

A funny thing happened on the way to The Reichstag…. 7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

Anyway, this...

7 PSYCHOPATHS #1-3 Art by Sean Phillips Written by Fabien Vehlmann Translated by Dan Heching Coloured by Hubert Lettered by Troy Peteri BOOM! Studios, $3.99 each (2010)

Despite sharing a name this 3 issue comic book series published by BOOM! Studios in 2010 is nothing to do with Martin McDonagh’s 2012 ridiculously overstuffed (but still wildly enjoyable) movie. Also, despite it involving an attempt on Adolf Hitler’s life by a bunch of ne’er do wells any similarities with Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Bastards” (2009) will have to come from you, because I don’t watch Quentin Tarantino movies anymore. I’d rather watch the movies he rips off, uh, repurposes. Hey, you watch what you want and I’ll watch what I want, nobody’s judging anyone here. Going on the brief text piece provide by Sean Phillips in the back of #3 this was initially published as a 1 volume hardback in that there Europe in 2007. Which explains why each issue feels weirdly paced, particularly the first one where they don’t even finish introducing the cast before you hit the back cover. Still, no one’s going to be reading it in monthly instalments in 2017 so it’s not really a concern. I’m sorry I brought it up. Alright, alright, don’t go on about it. ♫♬♩ Let it go, let it go, let it gooooooooooooooo! ♫♬♩.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

So the high concept is set a nutter to kill a nutter. Or 7 nutters, for as Joshua Goldschmidt, the plan’s instigator and principal nutter, points out, 7 in the Kabbalah (קַבָּלָה) symbolises completeness. I remember this from R.E. lessons myself; you know, all that business about 7 days to create the world, Exodus telling you how to make a 7 candle menorah, er, 7 brides for 7 brothers all that. 40 was a pretty popular number in the Bible or Torah (תּוֹרָה) (from which the Kabbalah is derived) as well, maybe Joshua Goldschmidt would have been better with 40 psychopaths. He would certainly have been better with 40 days, because he also specifies the mission has to take 7 days. It’s a bit of a tight deadline that but, hey, he’s not the full shilling is he? He’s all about the number 7 this guy. But why people with, uh, issues. Look, okay, I apologise for using the term “nutters” back there, I did so on the understanding that we’re all here to have  a bit of light hearted fun, and that when I use the term I’m kind of just indicating how exaggerated and cartoonish the mental health issues on show are. Life is hard and we’re all built differently, and it takes its toll on us all in different ways. You know, my compos isn’t exactly totally mentis either but, yeah, I hear you, words matter. Duly noted. Even Goldschmidt pitches a fit when he catches his Special Executive Operations (SEO) liaison calling the project “7 Psychopaths”, even though there are 7 of them and they are all…

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

…talented in their own ways. Willy Wright just wants to be loved and to this end can transform himself into anyone you like with a bit of bootblack and a comb, like that “Ooo will buy mah steecks!” guy off the Fast Show or (my Bronze Age DC fave) The Unknown Soldier, but without the hideous facial scarring. I guess that’s because there was no scarring left to go round because "The Warlord" is a hulking crust of scar tissues with tendencies of a decidedly pyromaniacal stripe. He’s a mute, unlike the voice in Erik Starken’s head which is that of the Berlin paperhanger himself and which stridently orates about intense visions of possible futures, with a worrying rate of accuracy. Our female member, Susan, would be worried about that but she’s too busy worrying about everything else, she’s the best shot in the forces but her tendency towards catastrophic thinking keeps shooting her concentration to shit. In the shit is where Captain Stewart finds himself after a bit of murdering but who better to turn his murder on than the architect of mass murder himself, the failed painter, Hitler. James Smith is so sane he’s insane and Joshua Goldschmidt we’ve already met. That’s 7, yeah? Phew! Goldschmidt reckons his plan will succeed because his crew’s unpredictability will make it impossible for the enemy to anticipate them. He’s not wrong. If anything he’s too right, because the unpredictability takes a terrible toll on the plan early in the game. Pretty much precisely at the series’ half way mark in fact.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

Which, unless you’ve just read a review which spoils it for you, comes pretty much out of left field. But don’t worry because that inept (and most likely aged and balding) reviewer has left plenty of other “!” moments unrevealed. See, the big thing about 7 Psychopaths is how refreshing the storytelling is. It doesn’t go where you think, and it doesn’t get to where it’s going the way you expect. It’s kind of bracing not to have the same old trex from the same old guys who’ve all read the same old books on “How To Sell Tepid Undemanding Shit To Hollywood” without realising (or caring, let’s be honest) how stultifying and homogenous most genre entertainment has become as a consequence. Three Act Structure! Meet the mentor! The Hero’s Journey! No room at his inn, pal! Yup, the best thing about 7 Psychopaths is that Joseph Campbell’s dead and withered balls haven’t been rubbed all over it so hard all the individuality’s been erased. I don’t know whether that’s because European comics have a whole different set of genre conventions, or Fabien Vehlmann is some kind of Gallic genius, but what I know is 7 Psychopaths wrong footed me throughout. It’s also pretty funny in a dark way. Just saying.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

Of course this BOOM! Edition was aimed at an Engish or American audience so being healthily xenophobic we don’t care about Fabien Vehlmann with his, ugh, Frenchness, no matter how well he’s written this; no, we’re probably drawn to this because it was, uh, drawn by Sean Phillips. Mostly Sean Phillips spends his time making Ed Brubaker comics far more interesting than they have any right to be, so it’s nice to see him do something else. He does a pretty good job here; he’s Sean Phillips after all, so even on a bad day he’s still got some sweet chops. The panels are quite small, Euro-style, and he never gets a full splash, yank style, so he seizes by the scruff the few three quarter splashes he does get. Yeah, he has some fun with those showing the prophetic pantomime show going on in Starken's head. The stained glass Hitler warning us of the Cuban Missile Crisis was my favourite. Although the bit where they open the door to meet Hitler hits its hilarious mark spot on as well. Spoilt for choice, really. It’s a war book so by necessity it’s a reference heavy book and Sean Phillips does okay. I didn’t check any of it, but the German uniforms look like German uniforms and the Jerry tank is a Tiger instead of a Russki T-34, the British look British etc. The physical locations all look present and correct, largely because he seems to have drawn over photos so well they should be. There’s a bit too much “Sean’s Smile” going on (look at his work long enough and you soon recognise “Sean’s Smile”) and some problems getting the distinctive German helmet right, but all my carps are small carps. It’s Sean Phillips stretching himself so, you know, it’s solid with the odd burst of spectacular. On reflection I’m probably just being overly picky because he doesn’t find room for his signature “white shirts with creases”, which I enjoy seeing so much.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

7 Psychopaths is inventively written and nicely drawn stuff so I’m going to give it a GOOD!

OI! Where do you think you're swanning off to? No one said you could go. Sit back down. Right...Now look, it’s a sad reflection on the depths our collective psyche has plumbed that I feel the need to point out that in this series Hitler is the bad guy. Further, and it kind of pains me to have to spell this out, in real life Hitler was the bad guy. He was a “bad dude”, in the parlance of today’s POTUS. Previously that could go unspoken, but apparently some of you out there these days don’t really get the whole Nazi thing. Even I in my blithely middle-aged caveman no Facebook, no Twitter life picked up on the recent furore over whether it was right to punch Nazis. I really don’t know what’s so hard about that question. Was everyone just stuck for moral dilemmas that week? Had everyone forgotten their history? Have you all lost your furshluginner minds! The Nazis were a blight on humanity. They still are. They always will be. The evil is built in. Nazism is a giant filthy ideological cancer that will metastasize like mad given half a chance. So you don’t give it that chance. Oy! What’s hard about this, I ask you?!? Say you go to your doctor and he or she pulls a funny face and orders some X-rays, and later finds some shadows on your lungs, okay? He or she doesn’t go “Gee, we should maybe encourage that. Maybe you should take up smoking, eat a lot of burnt toast? Smoke more if you already smoke, get some Genetically modified food into your diet, put your head in the microwave if you can. Y’know, a lot of people talk cancer down, but, you know, maybe if we encourage it, give it chance to grow it’ll make you shit gold bars and bring a Heaven on earth.”  No, he or she gets zapping that crap as fast as he or she can.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

Fucking Nazis. What’s up with you all out there? Try turning off MR fucking ROBOT and picking up a book. If you ever find yourself going, “Hmm. You know, maybe those Nazis have a point.” Something’s gone wrong in your head. There’s no “shades of grey” here. It is simply black and white. Or black with silver piping and a natty little skull to boot. Nazis! Their “philosophy” was/is childish horseshit. A load of half understood crap science and mindrot mythology, about being descended from a race of people who live in the earth’s core. That’s a 1970s Edgar Rice Burroughs movie starring Doug McClure and Caroline Munro not a workable philosophy! Some of those evil goofballs were actually, really, truly, looking for Biblical nonsense like The Ark of The Covenant and The Spear of Destiny. That was in the 1940s, Kirk Brandon didn’t even form Spear of Destiny until 1983! That’s how fucking smart Nazis are. But John, they are smart, they’ve read Nietzsche! Don’t give me that Nietzsche stuff, unlike most Nazis I’ve read Nietzsche, and as problematic as a big woolly humanist like me finds him, Nietzsche would have spat in their faces. Of course they’d have bested his more subtle ratiocinations by catching him in an alley and kicking him to death en masse, or maybe throwing a Molotov through his window while he slept, you know, in that brave way Nazis have. And they’re always the injured party! O! So badly done to! Nazis! Always the fucking underdogs, even when they’re shoving bayonets through barbed wire at your emaciated frame. It’s still your fault! Why are you making them do this! Can’t you see the tears in their eyes as they bundle you into that van with the hose leading from the exhaust into the air vent! You heartless untermensch! The poor wickle Nazi lambs.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

They have to do all this rank shit because, well, er, the Treaty of Versailles went too far. That’s it. That’s their rationale. Look, the Treaty of Versailles was in 1919 and had to do with Germany’s reparations for WW1. ♫♬♩ Let it go, let it go, let it gooooooooooooooo! ♫♬♩. I don’t know what earthly reason an American Nazi has to feel badly done to. Particularly as the average American Nazi would probably look at you gone out if you even mentioned the Treaty of Versailles. I imagine they aren’t too tight on the whole WW1 deal either. I guess it must just be terrible living in the richest country in the world. Is it that there’s too many black people? Too many Jews? Too Many Hispanics? Too  many cooks? Have you seen how big America is! No, if there’s too many of anything there’s too many Nazis. If there’s one Nazi there’s too many Nazis. Even if (and it’s a pretty big if) American Nazis were still sore about the Treaty of Versailles, or whatever’s hurt their sensitive Nazi feelings in America (Black people being able to drink from water fountains? ALF getting cancelled?), what are they working towards? The most successful Nazi ever was Hitler and Hitler’s Germany ended up (and these are just the highlights you understand) shooting the mentally ill and shoving people in ovens. That wasn’t a mistake; things didn’t just get a little bit out of hand; that was the plan. That. Was. The. Plan. I don’t know, call me a snowflake, but that’s not an ideal outcome to my mind. But to Nazis it is. That’s what they are working towards. That’s still the plan. Building giant autobahns with concrete mixed with your ashes. Something to aim for there. Really worthwhile stuff. Making the world a better place, yeah? Seriously, Nazis have nothing to offer humanity. Sit round the negotiating table with a Nazi and you’ll soon find they have nothing to offer. It’s never long before they start on the old “ethnic cleansing” tip. Dead giveaway really, that. I find the whole “ethnic cleansing” thing a bit of a deal breaker, speaking personally. I’m just funny like that.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

Remember that bit in The Dead Zone where Johnny Smith asks Dr Sam Weizak if it would be right to go back in time and kill Hitler? He doesn’t ask if it is okay to go back and punch Hitler, does he? No, he cuts straight to the chase. And the Doc does too: “I'm a man of medicine. I'm expected to save lives and ease suffering. I love people. Therefore, I would have no choice but to kill the son of a bitch.” Christ, I got my moral instruction from Original Star Trek, 2000AD, a second hand illustrated Bible and my ol' Mum’s Stephen King novels, and even I know whether or not to punch a Nazi is the wrong question. The right question is why are there still Nazis? Sort yourselves out, you’re a disgrace. It’s 2017 not 1939; sort it.

7 PSYCHOPATHS by Phillips, Vehlmann, Heching, Hubert & Peteri

NEXT TIME: Maybe something else from that there Europe because whatever the original language they are all – COMICS!!!

"I Have No Interest In Pleasure." COMICS! Sometimes They Make Jurassic Park Look Like Flamingo Land!

So while I was musing, as is my wont, upon THE LAST AMERICAN it occurred to me that it could also be read as a riposte to another strip involving a trek across a post-nuke landscape. One Wagner was also involved in, but which was driven mainly by Pat Mills. The difference between the two approaches is telling. But I don't tell you about that, instead I just ramble aimlessly in my irritatingly hyperbolic style. It's “An Impossible Journey Through a Radioactive Hell...” It's “The Cursed Earth”! JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon & Mills

Anyway, this...

JUDGE DREDD: THE MEGA COLLECTION Vol. 32: THE CURSED EARTH Art by Mick McMahon, Brian Bolland (Dave Gibbons inks one episode) and John Higgins Written by Pat Mills, John Wagner, Chris Lowder and Alan Grant Lettered by Tom Frame, Peter Knight and John Aldrich Originally serialised in 2000AD Progs61-85 & JUDGE DREDD ANNUAL 1988. © 1978, 1987 & 2015 Rebellion A/S Hatchette Partworks/Rebellion, £9.99 (2015) JUDGE DREDD created by Carlos Ezquerra & John Wagner

“The Cursed Earth” started in Prog 61 of 2000AD and is when Judge Dredd, for me (yes, it’s all about me!), became not just one more very good thing about 2000AD, but the very best thing about 2000AD. Pat Mills seizes the reins, with an assist from John Wagner & Chris Lowder, and starts hacking all the ballast from Dredd’s first appearance (in Prog 2) back to the raw necessities, and there’s a marked emphasis on cohesion of backstory. The first shaky steps on this road had been made in the “Robot Wars” and “Luna-1” extended story lines, but it’s “The Cursed Earth” where things really start to click into place and the mythological underpinnings really lend the strip its own unique flavour. Basically Judge Dredd starts to feel a lot less like Dirty Harry in the future and a lot more like its own crazysexy thing.  In these 21(*) episodes (each roughly 7 pages in length) the strip savagely shears off the generic elements and imprints the series with the signature super-satirical lunacy, mega violent mayhem and boundless imagination which will propel it through to 2017.  Also, it’s also a fuck ton of fun.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon, Mills & Frame

Oh, it’s still a work in progress and there’s still some pruning to be done; witness the first episode, set in 2100AD, when Dredd’s old friend, Red, a space pilot returns from a plague ridden Mega City Two with a desperate plea for help. In hindsight not only is it unlikely Dredd would have a friend who was not a Judge, the idea of Dredd having friends of any description seems to soften the character to almost Mr Tumble proportions. Dredd comes off as strangely naïve throughout; quick to recognise the decency in radlanders (“I guess all mutants AREN'T crazy and evil...”) and often appalled by the depths people sink to (At one point he even writes “SOMETIMES THE HUMAN RACE MAKES ME SICK!” in his notebook in block CAPS with underlining, like a disillusioned adolescent. Not quite the stony faced arbiter of authoritarianism we will all come to both fear and pity. But then this is mostly Pat Mills' baby and so it is a heady blend of shrieking polemic and apocalyptic violence, events are so awesomely unhinged the characters have to shout their way through them as though they can't believe what's happening either (“THE BRUTE'S TRYING TO EAT THE KILL-DOZER!”) Chris Lowdner would be lost to the mists of time and John Wagner would cover himself in glory hereafter but “The Cursed Earth” is very much a Pat Mills strip. On the upside, for those who find Mills too antagonistically blunt, there’s a dizzying explosion of world building on show.  Mega City Two is first mentioned here, and expands Dredd’s world considerably, being a West coast equivalent of Mega City One. Well, at least it is until 2114AD when it is nuked to ash during the “Day of Judgement” epic. Fourteen years earlier though, in order to prevent the whole of Mega City 2 devolving into feral cannibals Dredd will have to deliver an antidote to the 2T(FRU)T (that’s right, “oh Rudy!”) virus by crossing “over a thousand miles of hostile radioactive desert!” The Cursed Earth! which is named here for the first time.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon, Mills & Frame

The mind thrashingly bizarre encounters include The Last President of America, Robert “Smooth” Booth, (affording us our first glimpse of how the Judges came to power), escaped genetically engineered dinosaurs (linking Judge Dredd to “FLESH!” (AKA  “The Best Comic Strip Ever!”; thus spaketh the sage  John Kane (age 7)), masses of mutants both good and bad (which will provide much grist to the strip’s mill in the decades ahead) and the war droid survivors of The Battle of Armageddon (2071AD). (These last and the dinosaurs will also be linked by Pat Mills later to his ABC Warriors strip, which will itself become linked to “Invasion: 1999” etc etc etc) And that’s just the continuity stuff I can remember. Then there’s  the crazytown who make sacrifices to flying rats, Mount Rushmore with a special addition, the mutant slavers, the Las Vegas mafia Judges, sad faced telekinetic Novar and his spindly metal tree, Tweek the rock eating alien who is more human than the humans who degrade him, and I know I already mentioned the dinosaurs, but I did not specifically mention SATANUS, THE SON OF OLD ONE-EYE! And I don’t think it’s possible to mention rampaging genetically engineered dinosaurs too much. SATANUS! SATANUS! Rah! Rah! Rah! Cough, uh, anyway Dredd’s band is hassled by that eyeboggling lot as they cross The Cursed Earth. Oh, they have to go by land, see, because the cannibals have taken over the spaceports, or there are “death belts” of rocks in the air which are never ever mentioned again, or both; I can’t recall. It doesn’t matter. No one said it was drum tight stuff. It’s 1978! Just go with it. Dredd soon crews up, gears up and sets off into one of the most entertaining uses humanity has ever put paper and ink to - “The Cursed Earth”. You think I’m exaggerating? It’s drawn by Mike McMahon and Brian Bolland.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by Bolland, Mills & Frame

Dredd and his team of elite Judges (Gradgrind, Patton and, uh, Jack) are accompanied by Spikes Harvey Rotten and some war droids aboard the Modular Fighting Unit. Continuity is bolstered by the return of Judge Jack from “Robot Wars”, and Spikes Harvey Rotten, who is drawn here by McMahon completely differently from Bolland’s original in “Death Race 5000” (but Bolland here gamely follows McMahon’s lead). The names of Dredd’s compadres are a nice touch too, adding another level of fun to the proceedings. Judge Gradgrind recalls Charles Dickens’ character Thomas Gradgrind (from HARD TIMES (1854) and whose surname has become a byword for hard hearted philistinism); Judge Patton is named after the flinty WW2 U.S. General, as famous for slapping a wounded soldier as for his nickname of “Old Blood and Guts” (which also foreshadows “Old Blood and Nuts” who crops up later); and Judge Jack is called that because that’s what he was called last time. Mills often has fun with names, witness also Judge Fodder who lives up to his jokily obvious name in short order (“AAAGH!!”).

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by Bolland, Mills & Frame

You might think that that stuff might be above most 8 year olds and you wouldn’t be wrong, but since it’s 2017 and we’re still here talking about a comic from 1978, I will stand by my belief that it’s always better to write up to than to write down to your audience. Essentially though, the primary audience in 1978 was most definitely kids, so it was a smart move to base the Modular Fighting Unit on the MATCHBOX ADVENTURE 2000, K-2001, "COMMAND RAIDER" toy. Also, having a physical reference would have helped keep McMahon and Bolland on-model, because stylistically those two were/are apples and oranges, Ditko and Kirby, ham and eggs, Hammerstein and Ro-Jaws, Bogie and Bacall, uh, pretty different but both great, yeah? And a bit of visual consistency never hurts. Lest we forget each of these episodes originally  appeared weekly, so it’s no surprise that McMahon shoulders most of the burden since Bolland’s never really been built for speed. His art may be a crisper, cleaner and altogether more elegant affair, but it’s little Micky whose scruffy bursts of inky mania prove a far better fit.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon, Mills & Aldrich

Back in 1978 Bolland’s the better draughtsman, but his Cursed Earth is a tad too antiseptic. That alien slaver might have a nose festooned with boils but it still looks like you could eat your dinner off 'em. It’s attractive stuff artistically speaking and Bolland’s astonishingly accomplished even at this early stage but Mike McMahon? Look, Bolland is beautiful, but Micky’s the Man. You wouldn’t even want to eat your dinner off a dinner plate if Mick McMahon (circa ’78) drew it. His art here is just such raw bloody fun and the sheer talent on show is immense. Each of McMahon’s pages is so hectic with incident and so deceptively detailed that in lesser hands they would collapse into eye boggling unintelligibility. The control of flow and density of information is that of a master, but the energy and chutzpah is that of a sugar rushed kid. It’s a killer combo for a strip paced as crazily as Judge Dredd circa ’78. Most comic artists could work a lifetime and never reach this peak, but for little Mick McMahon it was just the start. And the stuff both Bolland and McMahon are called upon to draw is punishing and unrelenting in its demands.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by Bolland, Mills & Frame

In 2017 most comics hunger to be TV shows or movies and so the imagination on show is (unconsciously?) limited by implicit budgetary restrictions. Back in 1978 it was understood that comics were movies without budget, and thus there were no limits to the imagination. Back then, basically, Brit comics blew the bloody doors off. Jim Lee would sue for mental cruelty if he had to draw an episode of “The Cursed Earth” in a week. Or even a panel. In one panel McMahon has to draw a T-Rex smashing through a prison wall while all the prisoners react in a fairly understandable fashion. Another finds our T Rex drooling mutilated bodies from its flesh glutted mouth as it rampages about. What? No, not splash pages, panels. About six of those things to a page, each imbued with so much atmosphere you can practically smell the fetid stench of theT-Rex's breath.  It’s a strong style, sure, and it’s not for everyone, which is why in the halls of my mind he will evermore be known as Mike “Mango Chutney” McMahon.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon, Mills & Frame

“The Cursed Earth” is kind of wonky, and lopsided but it is drawn by two All-Time Great artists, and has a narrative festooned with visions of the impossible which sear themselves indelibly into your soul. It would be a stony heart indeed which could be left unmoved. And the bit where Dredd finally staggers into Mega City Two battered, rad-burned, stubborn beyond sanity and still defiant is a comic book moment up there with Spidey and his machinery lifting.“The Cursed Earth” is VERY GOOD!

JUDGE DREDD: LAST OF THE BAD GUYS by Higgins, Wagner, Grant & Frame

The book also contains a later strip from the JUDGE DREDD ANNUAL 1982 by Wagner, Grant & Higgins. “Last of the Bad Guys” is inessential stuff, notable mainly for Higgins' queasy colour scheme and the ability of Wagner and Grant to pad out an idea more suited to 7 pages to 30 pages without leaving you feeling too short-changed. It's OKAY!

(*) Originally “The Cursed Earth” was 25 episodes long but this reprint omits the “Burger Wars” and “Soul Food” chapters, 4 episodes in total. Since the strips mocked the copyrighted characters of McDonalds, Burger King, and Green Giant (amongst others) and this led to legal action, these were not reprinted until 2016 in ““The Cursed Earth” Uncensored”. This was due to a 2014 change in the law implementing a European directive on copyright law allowing the use of copyright-protected characters for parody. Bloody Brussels! Bloody unelected bureaucrats! Coming over here and staffing our Health services! Grrr! Oh, wait…Anyway, I can’t remember the missing episodes having only read them once, and so “The Cursed Earth” no longer includes them in my head. Basically I’m not fussed that this book is “incomplete”, but you might be. You know how funny you can be about these things.

JUDGE DREDD: THE CURSED EARTH by McMahon, Mills & Frame

NEXT TIME: A flamboyantly insane man-child achieves the highest office in the land endangering the lives of millions! Is it reality or – COMICS!!!

THE JUDGE DREDD MEGA COLLECTION REVIEW INDEX

Arriving 2/8/17

When a week has ALL STAR BATMAN, EAST OF WEST, WICKED + DIVINE and MOTOR CRUSH you know things must be looking up, right? Check the cut for the rest!

ACTION COMICS #973 ALL NEW WOLVERINE #17 ALL STAR BATMAN #7 ALTERS #4 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN RENEW YOUR VOWS #4 ANGEL CITY #5 (OF 6) BATGIRL AND THE BIRDS OF PREY #7 BIRTHRIGHT #22 BLACK #4 BLACK SCIENCE #28 BLACK WIDOW #11 BLUBBER #4 DARK TOWER DRAWING OF THREE SAILOR #5 (OF 5) DEADMAN DARK MANSION OF FORBIDDEN LOVE #3 (OF 3) DEADPOOL THE DUCK #3 (OF 5) DEATH BE DAMNED #1 DEATHSTROKE #12 DETECTIVE COMICS #950 DOCTOR STRANGE PUNISHER MAGIC BULLETS #3 (OF 4) DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #5 DUCK AVENGER #3 EARTH 2 SOCIETY #21 EAST OF WEST #31 EMPOWERED SOLDIER OF LOVE #1 FLASH #16 GIRRION #3 GOTHAM ACADEMY SECOND SEMESTER #6 GRANT MORRISONS 18 DAYS #20 GREEN VALLEY #5 (OF 9) GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #17 HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #14 HARD CASE CRIME TRIGGERMAN #5 (OF 5) HOMIES #4 (OF 4) IVX #4 (OF 6) JAMES BOND FELIX LEITER #2 (OF 6) JESSICA JONES #5 JIM HENSON STORYTELLER GIANTS #3 JONESY #10 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA REBIRTH #1 JUSTICE LEAGUE POWER RANGERS #2 (OF 6) KINGPIN #1 MIGHTY THOR #15 SORRENTINO VAR NOW MOONSHINE #5 MOTOR CRUSH #3 MS MARVEL #15 NAMESAKE #4 NEW SUPER MAN #8 NO MERCY #13 PINK PANTHER CARTOON HOUR SPECIAL POWER MAN AND IRON FIST #13 RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #7 RED SONJA #2 ROM ANNUAL 2017 SCOOBY APOCALYPSE #10 SNOWFALL #8 SOUTHERN CROSS #11 SPAWN #270 SPONGEBOB COMICS #65 STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #4 STEVEN UNIVERSE ONGOING #1 SUICIDE SQUAD #11 SUPERGIRL #6 SUPERWOMAN #7 TERMINAL PROTOCOL ONE SHOT THROWAWAYS #5 (MR) TITANS #8 TOMBOY #10 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #16 TRANSFORMERS TILL ALL ARE ONE #7 UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL #17 UNCANNY INHUMANS #1.MU UNWORTHY THOR #4 (OF 5) WAR STORIES #22 WEIRD LOVE #16 WICKED & DIVINE #26 WONDER WOMAN #16 WORLD OF TANKS #5

Books/Mags/Things ALIENS SALVATION HC ARCHIE 1000 PAGE COMICS COMPENDIUM TP ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM GN VOL 14 BLACK HISTORY IN ITS OWN WORDS HC BTVS SEASON 9 TP VOL 04 WELCOME TO TEAM EMPRESS BOOK ONE PREMIERE HC HAL JORDAN & GLC TP VOL 01 SINESTROS LAW (REBIRTH) HINGES TP BOOK 03 MECHANICAL MEN INVISIBLES TP BOOK 01 JOJOS BIZARRE ADV STARDUST CRUSADERS HC VOL 02 JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #380 LAND CALLED TAROT HC MOBY DICK HC MY LOVE STORY GN VOL 11 NAMELESS TP NEW TEEN TITANS TP VOL 06 PRETENDING IS LYING GN ROBIN WAR TP SO CUTE IT HURTS GN VOL 11 STAR WARS LEGENDS EPIC COLLECTION TP EMPIRE VOL 03 STRANGERS IN PARADISE OMNIBUS SC ED WHISPERS IN THE WALLS HC XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS OMNIBUS TP VOL 01 YONA OF THE DAWN GN VOL 04

As always, what do YOU think?

“A Second World War Every Second...” COMICS! Sometimes You've Gorra Larf, Aincha!

One of the best comics you haven’t read is coming back into print. I shamelessly try and big it up because it’d be nice if people bought it this time round. What with it being pretty great and all. Oops, spoiler! THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

Anyway this…

THE LAST AMERICAN: The Collected Edition (Digital Version) Art by Mike McMahon Written by John Wagner & Alan Grant Introductions by Garth Ennis, Dave Gibbons (and a hilariously self-deprecating one by) Mike McMahon © 1990, 2012 Alan Grant, Mike McMahon & John Wagner THE LAST AMERICAN created by Mike McMahon, John Wagner & Alan Grant

“The missiles are flying. Hallelujah, Hallelujah!” – President Greg Stillson (The Dead Zone, 1986)

“For myself and my loved ones, I want the heat, which comes at the speed of light. I don’t want to have to hang about for the blast, which idles along at the speed of sound.” – Martin Amis (Einstein’s Monsters (1987))

“Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around...” – Elvis Presley (Are You Lonesome Tonight, 1960)

Apocalypse, word wonks will tell you, means revelation of knowledge previously hidden. Nuclear apocalypse is the revelation that those turned to ash in the first few minutes will be the lucky ones. Pedantry will not protect you from 37.4 megatons of TNT, alas. THE LAST AMERICAN is about what happens after the apocalypse. It is set after the dust has settled. The dust that was once planning its retirement and worrying about missing MR ROBOT.

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

Some of that dust would have read THE LAST AMERICAN when it originally appeared in 1990 as a 4 issue mini-series from Marvel’s EPIC imprint. Being  a darkly witty work of intelligence, one illustrated in a style spectacularly balancing the harrowing and the humorous, it sank without trace. Not even a silhouette burned into a wall. So little love did the series receive in the time of artistic titans like Liefeld and McFarlane that it wasn’t even collected until 2004 by COM.X, and now, apparently, in 2017 Rebellion will be reissuing the series in a TPB. Basically then THE LAST AMERICAN will be reprinted roughly every 13 years until you recalcitrant rabble pick up on its magnificence. And it is magnificent.

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

It’s magnificent for several reasons but chief of these reasons is that Mike McMahon draws it, and Mike McMahon is never less than magnificent. THE LAST AMERICAN is a full on MickMac Attack! In THE LAST AMERICAN Mike McMahon’s inveterately evolving style mutates once more, here into a eye-sexing fusion of meticulous exactitude and visual hyperbole. Take our protagonist, Ulysses S. Pilgrim, awakened from cryogenic suspension and searching for life 25 years after the earth has been scorched with nuclear fire. He is at once convincingly realistic in his details yet also disarmingly comic booky due to their preponderance. Visually Pilgrim is every inch the comic book hero, with his flashy insignia, his swollen shouldered jacket, high waisted slacks and ruffty tuffty boots all topped off with a cap gilded with laurels and lightning bolts. He looks every inch what he is - an Apocalypse Commander! Apocalypse Commander! Armed with a big gun! Driving a giant tank! Accompanied by two War Robots! With a comedy sidekick robot! Apocalypse Commander! In a Post Nuclear Wasteland! See the Apocalypse Commander and his mechanical allies face mutant tribes of violent mechanically gifted lunatics with a passion for punkish couture! Or not.

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

And it’s actually not. And it’s better it’s not, because you’ve seen that story before and you’ll see that story again, but you’ve never seen this story before and you won’t see it again. Because this is a more realistic post-apocalypse world than genre entertainment is used to; the cars are rusted tombs and the hairspray is past its sell by date. In THE LAST AMERICAN a comic book creation is dropped into the reality of a post-bomb world, and found wanting.  Dubbed Apocalypse Commander by the President hissownself and entrusted with taking the fight to the enemy, Pilgrim instead finds nothing to fight but failing defence systems, tedium, haunting memories and the swift corrosion of his sanity in the face of a world encrusted with corpses. What could have been a one-note joke is lent poignancy and weight by Wagner and Grant’s inventive script.

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

They know that even if there’s just one human left then there’s an imagination, and even one imagination contains worlds entire. So a story about one man (and three robot)’s stroll through the dark night of all our souls is lit up from within by Wagner & Grant’s resourceful creativity. New York City may be dead but that doesn’t stop it getting up and dancing a star-spangled mish-mash of musical dreams, and a mind under duress can find itself in a very American heaven where Presidents past discuss the bomb while passing the canapes, and the diary of an autistic girl takes us into the murky heart of potential survival. This last is a gruelling work of genius that deftly sidesteps the mawkish. See, she doesn’t understand what’s happening and when it happens none of us will understand either. Those of us that live long enough to understand something has happened anyway. Ultimately THE LAST AMERICAN works as well as it does because the authors (Wagner, Grant and, yes, McMahon, whose deftly desolate cartooning cannot be overpraised here) know that if someone survives then laughter will survive too. Wait, did I mention it was funny?

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

Because it is funny. Which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone familiar with Wagner & Grant’s work for 2000AD (STRONTIUM DOG, JUDGE DREDD etc etc). Their gracefully mordant wit infects the whole of THE LAST AMERICAN right from the start with an intro that moodily apes the ALIEN wake-up scene punctured by an intrusively jarring ad jingle. And the book ends on a note of dark irony when all hope rests on the flick of a lighter, that delightful igniter of a billion cancer sticks. (Obviously cancer has nothing on nuclear war. Nuclear war has cancer beat on the old mega death score.)

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

In between there are jokes both large and small, dumb and smart, joyful and despairing. When Pilgrim finally teeters on the brink, it’s a joke as dark as it is smart that pushes him across the pit to the other side. It’s a hard world after the bomb and you have to look hard for the hope.  But it’s there, even if it’s just in the mere presence of another human’s shit. A hard world doesn’t need a hard man, it needs a man who can flex under stress, and there’s no greater indicator of that than the man who can laugh in the face of global extinction. Whatever else the last American is he’s a man who laughs. THE LAST AMERICAN is EXCELLENT!

THE LAST AMERICAN by McMahon, Grant & Wagner

After the bomb there will be no – COMICS!!!

Arriving 2/1/17

This first week is on the slim side but new WALKING DEAD, SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL and HAWKEYE make it one to check out! The rest under the cut!

ADVENTURE TIME #61 ALL NEW X-MEN #1.MU ALL NEW X-MEN #18 IVX AQUAMAN #16 AVENGERS #4 BACK TO THE FUTURE #16 BALTIMORE THE RED KINGDOM #1 BATMAN #16 BIG TROUBLE LITTLE CHINA ESCAPE NEW YORK #5 BLOOD BLISTER #1 BOX OFFICE POISON COLOR COMICS #2 BULLSEYE #1 (OF 5) CHAMPIONS #5 CYBORG #9 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #22 DEADLY CLASS #26 DEADPOOL #26 DEADPOOL AND MERCS FOR MONEY #8 IVX DEATH OF HAWKMAN #5 (OF 6) DISNEY FROZEN #5 DOCTOR WHO 12TH YEAR TWO #14 ELECTRIC SUBLIME #4 (OF 4) EVERAFTER FROM THE PAGES OF FABLES #6 FAITH (ONGOING) #8 FALL AND RISE OF CAPTAIN ATOM #2 (OF 6) FLINTSTONES #8 GIANT DAYS #23 GOLDIE VANCE #9 GREEN ARROW #16 GREEN LANTERNS #16 GWENPOOL #11 HARLEY QUINN #13 HAUNTED HORROR #26 HAWKEYE #3 INJUSTICE GROUND ZERO #5 INVINCIBLE #132 JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS ANNUAL 2017 JEM MISFITS #2 JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS #4 JUSTICE LEAGUE #14 KARNAK #6 MARVEL GUARDIANS OF GALAXY VOL 2 PRELUDE #2 (OF 2) MIDNIGHTER AND APOLLO #5 (OF 6) MONSTERS UNLEASHED #2 (OF 5) MOON KNIGHT #11 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC #50 NAILBITER #29 NIGHTWING #14 NOVA #3 OLD MAN LOGAN #17 PAPER GIRLS #11 PLANET OF APES GREEN LANTERN #1 PLANETOID PRAXIS #1 (OF 6) SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL #5 SPIDER-MAN 2099 #20 STAR TREK NEW VISIONS SAM STAR WARS #28 STAR WARS DARTH MAUL #1 (OF 5) SUPER POWERS #4 (OF 6) SUPERMAN #16 TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS EYE #57 UNCLE SCROOGE #23 UNSTOPPABLE WASP #2 VAMPIRELLA #0 WALKING DEAD #163 WILL EISNER SPIRIT CORPSE MAKERS #1 (OF 5) WOODS #29

Books/Mags/Things BATMAN DETECTIVE TP VOL 01 RISE OT BATMEN (REBIRTH) CAPTAIN MARVEL TP VOL 02 CIVIL WAR II CHESTER 5000 HC BOOK 02 CIVIL WAR II HC DEPT H HC VOL 01 PRESSURE DISNEY DESCENDANTS CINESTORY TP VOL 03 IMAGE PLUS #10 (WALKING DEAD HERES NEGAN PT 10) JUDGE DREDD BRENDAN MCCARTHY COLLECTION HC KID ETERNITY TP BOOK 01 (MR) KODT CATTLEPUNK CHRONICLES VOL 02 HERDSMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE LITTLE TULIP GN POORCRAFT GN VOL 01 PREVIEWS #341 FEBRUARY 2017 RED ONE HC VOL 02 UNDERCOVER ROBIN SON OF BATMAN TP VOL 02 DAWN OF THE DEMONS SCOOBY APOCALYPSE TP VOL 01 SHERIFF OF BABYLON TP VOL 02 POW POW POW SPIDER-GWEN HC VOL 01 TEEN TITANS TP VOL 04 WHEN TITANS FALL WOLVERINE EPIC COLLECTION TP SHADOW OF APOCALYPSE WOLVERINE OLD MAN LOGAN HC NEW PTG WONDER WOMAN TP VOL 09 RESURRECTION YOU MIGHT BE AN ARTIST IF HC

As always, what do YOU think?

Arriving 1/25/17

This is a HUGE week! With SAGA and DOOM PATROL headlining, this is gonna get crazy! Check the cut for the rest!

ACTION COMICS #972 ALIENS DEFIANCE #9 ALIENS VS PREDATOR LIFE AND DEATH #2 ANIMOSITY THE RISE #1 ONE SHOT ARCLIGHT #4 AVENGERS #1.MU BACKSTAGERS #6 (OF 8) BATGIRL #7 BATMAN 66 MEETS WONDER WOMAN 77 #1 (OF 6) BATMAN BEYOND #4 BATMAN TMNT ADVENTURES #3 (OF 6) BETTY BOOP #4 (OF 4) BLACK PANTHER #10 BRIGGS LAND #6 BTVS SEASON 11 #3 CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS #10 CARNAGE #16 CIVIL WAR II OATH #1 COMIC BOOK HISTORY OF COMICS #3 (OF 6) CONAN THE SLAYER #6 D4VEOCRACY #1 DAREDEVIL #16 DARK TOWER DRAWING OF THREE SAILOR #4 (OF 5) DEAD INSIDE #2 (OF 5) DEADPOOL #25 DEATHSTROKE #11 DEPT H #10 DETECTIVE COMICS #949 DISNEY DARKWING DUCK #7 DIVINITY III STALINVERSE #2 DOCTOR STRANGE #16 DOOM PATROL #4 ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST #18 ETHER #3 EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #18 IVX FLASH #15 FROSTBITE #5 (OF 6) FUTURE QUEST #9 GARTH ENNIS RED TEAM DOUBLE TAP #7 (OF 9) GHOST RIDER #3 GI JOE (2016) #2 GUIDE TO MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE CAP AMERICIA CIVIL WAR HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #13 HARROW COUNTY #20 HELLBLAZER #6 HELLBOY WINTER SPECIAL 2017 ONE SHOT HILLBILLY #5 HULK #2 INFAMOUS IRON MAN #4 INSUFFERABLE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE #4 ISLAND #14 IVX #3 (OF 6) JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS #23 JOYRIDE #9 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA KILLER FROST REBIRTH #1 JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #6 (OF 6) KAMANDI CHALLENGE #1 (OF 12) LADYCASTLE #1 LETTER 44 #29 LOONEY TUNES #235 LOOSE ENDS #1 (OF 4) LUMBERJANES #34 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #15 MUNCHKIN #25 MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDS FOREVER #36 NO MERCY #13 ODYSSEY OF THE AMAZONS #1 (OF 6) OPTIMUS PRIME #3 OVER GARDEN WALL ONGOING #10 PATHFINDER WORLDSCAPE #4 (OF 6) PROWLER #4 CC PUNISHER #8 REBORN #4 REVIVAL #46 RICK & MORTY #22 SAGA #42 SAVAGE #3 (OF 4) SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #22 SERENITY NO POWER IN THE VERSE #4 (OF 6) SHE WOLF #5 SHUTTER #26 SIMPSONS ILLUSTRATED #27 SIXPACK & DOGWELDER HARD-TRAVELIN HEROZ #6 (OF 6) SKYBOURNE #3 SPACE BATTLE LUNCHTIME #8 (OF 8) SPELL ON WHEELS #4 (OF 5) SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #1.MU SPIDER-WOMAN #15 STAR TREK GREEN LANTERN VOL 2 #2 STAR WARS #27 SUICIDE SQUAD #10 (JL SS) SURGEON X #5 TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #102 TARZAN ON THE PLANET OF THE APES #5 (OF 5) TEEN TITANS #4 THANOS #3 THE DREGS #1 THUNDERBOLTS #9 TMNT ONGOING #66 TOMB RAIDER 2016 #12 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #15 NOW UBER INVASION #2 WARLORDS OF APPALACHIA #4 WAYWARD #20 WEIRD LOVE #16 WONDER WOMAN #15 WONDER WOMAN 77 BIONIC WOMAN #2 (OF 6) ZOMBIE TRAMP ONGOING #31

Books/Mags/Things ALIENS DEFIANCE TP VOL 01 AVATAR LAST AIRBENDER TP VOL 14 NORTH SOUTH PART 2 BATMAN ARKHAM MANBAT TP BATMAN DEATH AND THE MAIDENS DLX ED HC BLACK MONDAY MURDERS TP VOL 01 ALL HAIL GOD MAMMON (MR) CHECKMATE BY GREG RUCKA TP VOL 01 DRAMACON GN VOL 01 DRAMACON GN VOL 02 DRAMACON GN VOL 03 GREEN LANTERNS TP VOL 01 RAGE PLANET (REBIRTH) GUNNERKRIGG COURT TP VOL 04 MATERIA HARROW COUNTY TP VOL 04 FAMILY TREE IRON MAN EPIC COLLECTION TP BY FORCE OF ARMS JACK KIRBY FANTASTIC FOUR ARTIST ED HC LETTER 44 TP VOL 04 SAVIORS LOVE HC VOL 04 THE DINOSAUR MAE TP VOL 01 MICKEY MOUSE HC VOL 02 TIMELESS TALES MICKEY MOUSE SHORTS SEASON 1 TP VOL 01 NEIL GAIMANS FORBIDDEN BRIDES SLAVES DREAD DESIRE HC NIGHTWING TP VOL 01 BETTER THAN BATMAN (REBIRTH) PLANTS VS ZOMBIES HC BOOM BOOM MUSHROOM PUNISHER MAX COMPLETE COLLECTION TP VOL 05 STAR WARS LEGENDS EPIC COLLECTION TP VOL 01 NEWSPAPER STRIPS STARFIRE TP VOL 02 A MATTER OF TIME STUMPTOWN HC VOL 04 SUPERMAN BATMAN SAGA OF THE SUPER SONS TP NEW ED THIEF OF THIEVES TP VOL 06 TIME SHARE GN XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS OMNIBUS TP VOL 01 ZONZO HC

As always, what do YOU think?

“It seemed CENTURIES had passed.” COMICS! Sometimes It's Not As Easy As It Looks.

No, I don't know why I bother either. Masochism, I guess. DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Anyway, this... DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE #5 Pencils by Andy Kubert Inks by Klaus Janson Story by Frank Miller (Yeah, right) & Brian Azzarello Colours by Brad Anderson Letters by Clem Robins Cover by Andy Kubert & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miller & Alex Sinclair, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Alex Sinclair, Paul Pope & Jose Villarubia, Karl Kerschl Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller (WITH Lynn Varley, Klaus Janson & John Constanza. Remember them, DC Comics?) DC Comics, $5.99 or $12.99 (deluxe) (2016)

DARK KNIGHT III: THE MASTER RACE #6 Pencils by Andy Kubert Inks by Klaus Janson Story by Frank Miller (Yeah, sure) & Brian Azzarello Colours by Brad Anderson Letters by Clem Robins Cover by Andy Kubert & Brad Anderson Variant Covers by Frank Miller & Alex Sinclair, Jim Lee, Scott Williams & Alex Sinclair, Klaus Janson & Romulo Fajardo Greg Tocchini, Guiseppe Camuncoli & Dave Stewart Based on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS by Frank Miller (WITH Lynn Varley, Klaus Janson & John Constanza. I'm pretty sure they were all involved too, DC Comics.) DC Comics, $5.99 or $12.99 (deluxe) (2016)

I've read these comics several times now, trying to pinpoint exactly what it is about them that gets my back up so. Every time I read them new flaws come to light. So much so that it's got to the point now that I'm afraid if I read them again I'll discover the ink is actually the blood of poor people or they are printed on capybara skin. It's hard to think how a comic could fail so badly at pretty much everything. It's a Batman comic, for goodness sake. We're not talking about PROVIDENCE or HUMAN DIASTROPHISM here. Batman. I've tried to find the bright spots but I can only come up with one: in issue #5 Batman seeds the clouds with Kryptonite and the resulting rain depowers the Kandorians enough for everyone to lay into them. I liked that, it was fun and goofy and pretty much COMICS!!! Everything else made me wonder what everyone was thinking to let this get published. (Besides $$$$!)

DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Eventually I hit upon the answer. Or an answer. It was during one of Brian Azzarello's tedious inner monologues which he characteristically spreads across as many panels as he can, like a miser with margarine, in an attempt to disguise the banality of the thought at its heart. In this particular overwrought paean to intellectual aridity Batman refers to Fear as “My nanny.” Eureka!, I thought. And not because the comic stank no, all had come clear. They were trying to out-Frank Frank but because they fundamentally misunderstood THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS they had outflanked themselves. The ridiculously hyperbolic interior monologue is as much The Tank as wearing a hat that looks bigger than him, but Frank knows when to stop. Azzarello thinks you just keep going, listing things until you've filled enough panels. At no point did it occur to him that the “nanny” was way over the line into bathos. I mean, a fucking nanny. How identifiable. What next? “Fear is my Hedge Fund Manager.” “Fear is my Chauffeur.” “Fear is my Personal Masseur.” Seriously, by the time Batman is telling me Fear is his Nanny, he's no longer the Dark Avenger of the Night and is instead an addelpated overpriveleged fop in need of a hired titty to suck.

DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

The Tank would also go so large his ideas dwarfed our minds, but he'd stick to it. He'd fulfill that promise. He'd have a nuclear strike on the American mainland by Golly, and he'd make you feel it too. This clueless bunch trap Superman in a black matter shell which is, apparently, an whole 'nother infinity of bizarreness for eternity. What do we get. Pictures of Superman like he's caked in quick drying scat. The only thing Azzarello can think to do with it is set up a fucking awful play on the words “fork” and “fuck”. Seriously, is Carrie eleven years old? About that, during this series Carrie drawn as being just past Bruce Wayne's waist heightwise. How come everyone in issue #1 thought this flailing munchkin was Batman. And howcum his Bat-suit fit her? It should have hung off her like when Alfred used to wear it in the Adam West series, and be about as convincing. This comic is so terrible it makes previous issue worse retroactively, and they were pretty dire to start with.

DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

So this Black Matter dimension, right? There's a load of people telling us how terrible a pickle Superman is in (over a whole host of pages, natch) but he just pops out of it in a stunningly dull splash page (i.e. typically Andy Kubert). I have had balloons from the fair that were weightier than this threat. It's all huffing and puffing this comic, working so hard to avoid doing any hard work that it might have just done the hard work in the first place. Having underplayed everything to a remarkably wearying degree they then have Superman recover from this awesome threat by just touching his face and wincing, and then he feels all better. It's high stakes stuff you can feel in your boots! This wholly unnecessary side road into adventure-as-tedium tries one last time to convince us something of import has happened by having Superman declare that while in the Black Matter Scat he searched his soul. Sorry, his SOUL (because Brian Azzarello's random emphases are in full effect throughout this, sorry, THIS, series). That sounds interesting doesn't it? I wonder what Superman saw in his SOUL. And I'll have to keep wondering because they haven't got a clue with how to do anything with that, and the book strolls into the next scene. Mostly though, I wonder what Brian Azzarello sees when he stares into our souls. His career? (Take your time…geddit?) And because this team can't give without taking away, the groovy Kryptonite rain pays off with Superman in a no-neck-robot suit. This suit is so hilariously drab and perfunctorily designed you wonder if your eyes are having a laugh. Even better it has a fully molded reproduction of Superman's face as the helmet. It's just...shit. Utter, utter shit. Which is two more shits than the people involved in this comic apparently gave.

DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Ah, the people! Thus far the ridiculously poorly thought out metaphor for Terrorism has floated about in the sky and asked the people of Gotham to bring it Batman. Now, ask yourself what you do when you want to find something. No, not Batman. Just your keys or that picture of Howard Victor Chaykin looking well buff. Okay? Right, do you run around like a screaming maniac smashing things and setting things on fire? No? Well that's what the people of Gotham do. For several days. Batman feels all put out because the poorly thought out metaphor for Terrorism has shown humanity at its “worst”. But Batman is mistaken. The people who made this comic have shown us at our “worst”. It's this nasty, tiny-minded, and thoroughly adolescent view of human nature which is the biggest bellyflop in replicating the spirit (good movie; shut your face!) of DKR. Yeah, the people of Gotham behaved abominably in the original, but there came a tipping point. Humanity came through. Jim Gordon had Sarah, and thinking of her made everything easy;Gotham rioted and looted, but it pulled together and mostly without Batman. Fires were extinguished, people held out hands and lifted others up. Sanity and humanity prevailed. Sure, Batman helped, but after the understandable initial wobble after the nuke hit, people were the best we could be.

"The SPIRIT spreads as fast as the fire. Two NURSES show up out of NOWHERE--they don't have a DAMN thing to work with..The ones they can't COMFORT they get DRUNK. a HARDHAT grabs a LUGWRENCH from the back of his dead TRUCK and smashes open a FIRE HYDRANT. The man at the HARDWARE STORE puts his shotgun away and empties PAINT BUCKETS all over his new tile FLOOR. A LINE forms." Frank Miller in DKR, 1986.

That generosity of spirit (I'm telling you, revisit it) is wholly absent from DKIII:TMR. The people of Gotham are a mob which Batman redirects at the Kandorians. In DKR people were humans, in DKIII:TMR people are weapons. Ugh. Just ugh.

DKIII:TMR by Miller, Sinclair, Robins, Azzarello

All that is prologue because in DKIII:TMR #6 Batman dies! Yes! You read it here first, effendi! Batman dies! (Well, you know, "dies") OMG! Has Brian Azzarello been crowbarred onto on a US TV talk show where they clearly couldn’t give a tin shit about comics, and been patronised like a precocious child who can recite the Bible backwards? You know, fielding hardball questions like, “And the words, do you write all those yourself?”; “I see, the pictures are drawn by another person? Golly!”; “You are in your forties now and you’re on TV talking about killing Batman, do you sometimes wake up with your face inexplicably damp with tears?”, “Well, Batman sure has changed since I was a kid! Now here’s Chet with news of a dog with a very special talent. Chet…?”  If he hasn’t why not? This is important business! The death of comic book characters is seismic stuff! I still remember where I was when I heard Hawkeye had shot the Hulk with a Special Bendisium Arrow. At home. Or at work. One of the two. I don’t get out much, so it was definitely one of those. Titter ye not, non-continuity-poorly-written-Batman dying is a real ball jangler! I hope that guy who studies Batman is paying attention, his reading list just got EDGY! I cannot overstate the importance of this development! These pages are soaked in historical significance like a teenagers tissues are soaked in dead jizz! The game just got changed, my friend. BOOM! My kid tried to pick this comic up, but luckily I roundhouse kicked him across the room before his germy fingers could soil this Near Mint Collector’s Edition. “THIS IS YOUR COLLEGE FEES!!! DON’T!!! YOU!!! EVER!!! TOUCH!!! IT!!! I screamed into his traumatised face as he spat out his teeth like bloody chiclets . Kids don’t get it, comics aren’t for them anymore. They are for death fetishists and preposterously optimistic speculators. Hurrah!

DKIII:TMR by Kubert, Janson, Azzarello, Anderson, Robins & Miller

Remember Captain Marvel’s death scene in DKSA? “Where does a dream go?”, “Go out with a lion’s roar!”, all that, yeah? It was about a page if that, he was a supporting player if that, and it resonates through the decades to make my elderly eyes tear up still. Here in DKIII:TMR in stark and daft contrast Batman gets shot in the back by B’al-D'ee’s eye beams . Mind, he mustn’t have hit anything too vital because Bats has time to swoon into Superman’s No Neck Robot Suit arms and tell Superman not to take him to hospital because, uh, I guess he mustn’t have kept up with his insurance? Or maybe he doesn’t like those gowns that tie at the back and leave your arse flapping about? This heat beam takes its sweet time to find anything vital because Bats has chance to tell Supes to tell Carrie…what? We’ll never know. Oh! What gems from the pen of Brian Azzarello have we been deprived of! Possibly, “Tell Carrie…I’m sorry I involved her in this nonsensical belly flop of half arsed execution and poor creative choices.” Maybe it’s “Tell Carrie…I love her, tell Carrie I need her, tell Carrie I may be late, I've something to do, that cannot wait.” I can see Bruce being a big Richie Valens fan. Superman’s more Glen Miller, I think. KRYPTON-65000! Doodly doo doo! Well, that’s about as likely as Batman getting shot in the back by heat vision.

DKIII:TMR by Miller, Janson, Sinclair, Robins, Azzarello

Even worse, because if there’s one thing DKIII:TMR likes to do it’s up the ante on awful, “Clever”, thinks Superman as his Bat pal is felled. “Clever.” Clever, my charred arse. Unless Superman has just realised the answer to that morning’s Daily Planet crossword clue which had him stymied over his java and Lucky Charms ("Closet's opening needs handle, quick" (6)) then I don’t know what he’s on about. “Clever.” That guy shot someone with his eyebeams. Ooh, that’s a smart move! You should write that one down Superman, maybe do that yourself sometime. What else does Superman think eyebeams are for? Reheating his java because he’s spent so long on his crossword that it’s gone clap cold. “Clever.” Sometimes I just despair. Remember Waterloo where it looked like Napoleon had won but The Duke of Wellington said he was going home, and as he walked away he spun round and shot Napoleon with his musket. “Clever”, said the history books. (Or for the Internet generation: This Entitled Elitist White Male Warmonger Won The Battle With This Clever Trick And The French Hate Him! (Picture of a dog with tits)) (NB I know Napoleon didn't die at Waterloo, I sincerely doubt Batman dies here.) The death of Captain Marvel this ain’t. “Where does a dream go?” More like,  “Where does a chump go?” “Go out with a lion’s roar!””, nah, “Go out with a wet fart!” It’s not the same really is it? Not “This would be a good death. Good enough” but “This would be a shit death. Shit enough.” Nothing about DKIII: TMR is “good enough”. The “death” least of all. Who signed off on this? Who thought, “Yeah, that’s good that is.” I’d really like to know. Names, I want names. Forget it, I just want it to be over. The best bits of DKIII:TMR are when The Tank draws something, even if it is all messy and wobbly and clearly the work of a man in trouble, it's still obviously COMICS!!! While DKIII:TMR is cynical, idiotic, vacuous and tiresome CRAP!

Arriving 1/18/16

DC's JUSTICE LEAGUE VS. SUICIDE SQUAD continues, Marvel launches MONSTERS UNLEASHED plus the KAMANDI CHALLENGE begins! Check the cut for the rest of this weeks new stuff!

ADVENTURE TIME COMICS #7 ALL NEW X-MEN #17 IVX AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #23 CC ANGEL SEASON 11 #1 AQUAMAN #15 ARCHIE #16 AVENGERS #3.1 BATMAN #15 BLACK HAMMER GIANT SIZED ANNUAL #1 BLACK PANTHER WORLD OF WAKANDA #3 BLACK ROAD #6 BLACK WIDOW #10 CAGE #4 (OF 4) CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM WILSON #18 CAVE CARSON HAS A CYBERNETIC EYE #4 CLONE CONSPIRACY #4 (OF 5) CC CURSE WORDS #1 DARK HORSE PRESENTS #30 DEADPOOL AND MERCS FOR MONEY #7 IVX DEADPOOL THE DUCK #2 (OF 5) DEMONIC #6 (OF 6) DESCENDER #18 DIRK GENTLY SALMON OF DOUBT #4 DOCTOR WHO 9TH #9 DRIFTER #16 FEW #1 GAMORA #2 GRAND PASSION #3 (OF 5) GREEN ARROW #15 GREEN LANTERNS #15 GWENPOOL #10 HARBINGER RENEGADE #3 HARD CASE CRIME PEEPLAND #3 (OF 5) HARLEY QUINN #12 HE MAN THUNDERCATS #4 (OF 6) HOOKJAW #2 (OF 5) HORIZON #7 INJUSTICE GROUND ZERO #4 INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #3 JAMES BOND HAMMERHEAD #4 (OF 6) JEFF STEINBERG CHAMPION OF EARTH #5 JUSTICE LEAGUE #13 (JL SS) JUSTICE LEAGUE #13 VAR ED (JL SS) JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA THE RAY REBIRTH #1 JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #5 (OF 6) KAMANDI CHALLENGE SPECIAL #1 KILL OR BE KILLED #5 LUCIFER #14 MANIFEST DESTINY #25 MAYDAY #3 (OF 5) MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #1 NOW MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS #11 MONSTERS UNLEASHED #1 (OF 5) MOSAIC #4 MOTOR GIRL #3 NIGHTS DOMINION #5 NIGHTWING #13 PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT #14 POSTAL #17 RAVEN #5 (OF 6) RISE OF THE BLACK FLAME #5 (OF 5) ROCKSTARS #2 SIMPSONS COMICS #236 SLAM #3 SPIDER-GWEN #16 NOW SQUADRON SUPREME #15 STAR TREK WAYPOINT #3 (OF 6) STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #3 STAR-LORD #2 SUICIDE SQUAD MOST WANTED #6 (OF 6) EL DIABLO & AMANDA WALLE SUPER POWERS #3 (OF 6) SUPERMAN #15 THE CASTOFFS #4 THEYRE NOT LIKE US #13 TMNT UNIVERSE #6 TRINITY #5 ULTIMATES 2 #3 UNCANNY INHUMANS #18 IVX US AVENGERS #2 VENOM #3 WWE #1 X-FILES (2016) #10

Books/Mags/Things 2000 AD PROG #2011 SPECIAL ABE SAPIEN TP VOL 08 DESOLATE SHORE A-FORCE TP VOL 02 RAGE AGAINST DYING OF LIGHT BAKER STREET PECULIARS TP (C: 0-1-2) CHEW TP VOL 12 COMPLETE SCARLET TRACES TP VOL 01 DEPT H HC VOL 01 PRESSURE EC ELDER FELDSTEIN BRADBURY MILLION YEAR PICNIC HC FLASH TP VOL 01 LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE (REBIRTH) GARTH ENNIS TRAIN CALLED LOVE TP GODDAMNED TP VOL 01 THE FLOOD GREEN LANTERN HAL JORDAN TP VOL 01 HARLEY QUINN HC VOL 06 BLACK WHITE & RED ALL OVER HONEY SO SWEET GN VOL 05 HORIZON TP VOL 01 JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #379 JUSTICE LEAGUE TP VOL 01 THE EXTINCTION MACHINE (REBIRTH) KENNEL BLOCK BLUES TP KILL OR BE KILLED TP VOL 01 MIDNIGHTER TP VOL 01 OUT MIGHTY THOR TP VOL 01 THUNDER IN HER VEINS PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 01 RED ONE HC VOL 02 UNDERCOVER ROM TP VOL 01 SCARLET WITCH TP VOL 02 WORLD OF WITCHCRAFT SNOW BLIND TP STAR WARS TP VOL 04 LAST FLIGHT OF THE HARBINGER SUNSTONE OGN VOL 05 TEEN TITANS GO TP VOL 03 MUMBO JUMBLE WOLVERINE BY DANIEL WAY COMPLETE COLLECTION TP VOL 01 WOLVERINE OLD MAN LOGAN TP VOL 03 LAST RONIN

As always, what do YOU think?

Arriving 1/11/17

The first full week of comics of 2017! Featuring ALL STAR BATMAN and MOTOR CRUSH!

 

Check the cut for the rest!

 

ACTION COMICS #971

ALL NEW WOLVERINE #16

ALL STAR BATMAN #6

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN RENEW YOUR VOWS #3

ANGEL CITY #4 (OF 6)

ASSIGNMENT #1 (OF 3)

BATGIRL AND THE BIRDS OF PREY #6

BIRTHRIGHT #21

CALL OF DUTY ZOMBIES #2

CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS #9

DADS WEEKEND ONE SHOT

DAREDEVIL #15 BERMEJO VAR NOW

DAREDEVIL #15 NOW

DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #7 (OF 8) COLLECTORS ED (RES)

DARK TOWER DRAWING OF THREE SAILOR #4 (OF 5) (MR)

DEADPOOL #24

DEATHSTROKE #10

DEEP #1

DETECTIVE COMICS #948

DIE KITTY DIE #4

DISNEY FROZEN #4

DISNEY STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL #4

DOCTOR STRANGE PUNISHER MAGIC BULLETS #2 (OF 4)

DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #4

DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR THREE #1

DOCTOR WHO 12TH YEAR TWO #13

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS FROST GIANTS FURY #1

EARTH 2 SOCIETY #20

FLASH #14

GOD COUNTRY #1

GOLD DIGGER ANCIENT RECORDS (ONE SHOT)

GOTHAM ACADEMY SECOND SEMESTER #5

GRAVE LILIES #1

GREAT LAKES AVENGERS #4

GREEN VALLEY #4 (OF 9)

GROO FRAY OF THE GODS #4

GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #16

HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #12

HARD CASE CRIME TRIGGERMAN #4 (OF 5)

INVISIBLE REPUBLIC #14

IVX #2 (OF 6)

JADE STREET PROTECTION SERVICES #4

JAMES BOND FELIX LEITER #1 (OF 6)

JESSICA JONES #4

JIM HENSON STORYTELLER GIANTS #2

JONESY #9

JUGHEAD #12

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA VIXEN REBIRTH #1

JUSTICE LEAGUE POWER RANGERS #1 (OF 6)

JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #4 (OF 6)

KING CAT 76

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #239

LOBSTER JOHNSON GARDEN OF BONES ONE SHOT

MAGIC WHISTLE VOL 3 #3

MEGA PRINCESS #3

MIGHTY THOR #15 NOW

MOONSHINE #4

MOTOR CRUSH #2

MOTRO #3 (OF 10)

MS MARVEL #14

NAMESAKE #3

NEW SUPER MAN #7

OCCUPY AVENGERS #3

OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #24

POWER MAN AND IRON FIST #12

RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #6

RED SONJA #1

REGGIE AND ME #2 (OF 5)

RIFT #1 (OF 4)

ROCKET RACCOON #2

SCOOBY APOCALYPSE #9

SHADOWS ON THE GRAVE #2

SHERLOCK BLIND BANKER #1 (OF 6)

SHIPWRECK #3

SILK #16 CC

SOUTHERN BASTARDS #16

SPAWN #269

SPIDER-MAN #12 NOW

SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #13

SPONGEBOB COMICS #64

SPREAD #18

STAR WARS POE DAMERON #10

STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #20

SUICIDE SQUAD #9 (JL SS)

SUPERGIRL #5

SUPERWOMAN #6

THE SKEPTICS #3

TITANS #7

TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #14

UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL #16 NOW

UNCANNY AVENGERS #19

VIOLENT LOVE #3

WONDER WOMAN #14

WORLD OF TANKS #4

 

Books/Mags/Things

2000 AD PACK NOV 2016

2000 AD PROG #2010

AQUAMAN TP VOL 01 THE DROWNING (REBIRTH)

BATMAN TP VOL 01 I AM GOTHAM (REBIRTH)

BAYBA LADY BROWN

BEOWULF HC

BLACK PANTHER TP BOOK 02 NATION UNDER OUR FEET

FOURTH POWER DLX HC

GREEN ARROW TP VOL 07 HOMECOMING

HEAVY METAL #284

HELLBLAZER TP VOL 15 HIGHWATER

HOUSE OF PENANCE TP

JUDGE DREDD COMP CASE FILES TP VOL 28

LEGEND OF ZELDA LEGENDARY ED GN VOL 02 ORACLE SEASONS AGES

POP DC HEROES DKR SUPERMAN PX VINYL FIG

PROMETHEUS LIFE AND DEATH TP VOL 01

PROPHET TP VOL 05 EARTH WAR

RANMA 1/2 2IN1 TP VOL 18

RENATO JONES ONE PERCENT TP SEASON 01

RUE MORGUE MAGAZINE #174

SHADOW GLASS TP

SIX DAYS IN CINCINNATI GN

SOVIET DAUGHTER GN

TOWER OF COMIC BOOK FREAKS GN

UNFOLLOW TP VOL 02 GOD IS WATCHING

US JUDGE DREDD COMP CASE FILES TP VOL 13

WOLVERINE TP WEAPON X UNBOUND

As always, what do YOU like?

“Scream Twice If You Still Understand Anything I'm Saying.” COMICS! Sometimes It's The Worst of All Worlds!

It’s 2017! To start us off I cravenly pander to the swing of things to the Right Wing by looking at a comic with a Alt-Right Nazi as the good guy. Because only in Hell... REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT by Ledroit, Mills & Collin

Anyway this...

REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT VOL.1: RESURRECTION Art by Olivier Ledroit Written by Pat Mills Lettered by Jacques Collin Nickel Editions, Comixology:£2.49 (2000) Requiem Chevalier Vampire created by Olivier Ledroit and Pat Mills

Personally I blame Pat Mills. For my entrenched amour de la bande dessinée that is, not the parlous state of the world as we settle in for the long, long slog through 2017. Christ, nigh on forty years back now, in 1977, Pat Mills broke my juvenile mind with the first issue of 2000AD; oh, he’d been experimentally tapping it with a creative cudgel earlier via Action and Battle, but 2000AD did the trick. I never did put my mind back together, there was always a bit missing, a bit the comics would fill from now on. Ah, lovely, lovely Pat Mills. The day Pat Mills is no longer around to pursue his quirky herd of hobby horses with his unfashionably fiery passion Comics will be a smaller, dumber place. I may not agree with everything he’s caught up in (Réincarnation? Je ne vois pas de quoi que ce soit pire!) but I like the cut of that man’s jib. Fucker’s got fire, and I like that. That’s a quick refresher on my default position on Pat Mills, so how magical to have it confirmed so thrillingly with Requiem Chevalier Vampire, a comic I never even knew existed until it went on sale on the ’Ology.

REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT by Ledroit, Mills & Collin

While I was familiar enough with Pat Mills I’d never heard of Nickel Editions, which is no surprise as after a bit of research (AKA le googling) it transpires that Nickel Editions make Fantagraphics look like Marvel©®. Or they did when Requiem Chevalier Vampire started back in the year 2000. Nickel was formed by Pat Mills, Olivier Ledriot and Jacques Collin in order to get Pat Mills into that sweet, sweet French comics market by publishing (Prenez une proposition! Rapidement!) Requiem Chevalier Vampire (Aw, trop lent!) Since Mills and Olivier created the actual comic I’m guessing Collin handled the (lettering and) business bits, and since Wikipedia tells me Collin had previously founded Zenda Editions I’m upgrading that guess to a hesitant certainty. Founded in 1987 Zenda’s catalogue of DC, Dark Horse and British reprints, together with original works by budding French talents, had proved successful enough for it to be snapped up by Jacques Glénat in 1994. While still an independent entity Zenda had handled Marshal Law, Slaine and A.B.C Warriors reprints dans la belle France, all of which series most of you will know were co-created by one Pat Mills, additionally Zenda also first published the work of one Olivier Ledriot. Mills & Ledroit had also worked together on Sha (1995-7) for Zenda. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, it looks like everyone got on despite their different nationalities! Collaborating with Johnny Foreigner! This chappy Pat Mills needs a refresher in good old British Xenophobia. Report to your nearest Conditioning Centre, citizen Mills! Wait, one comic? I mean I know roughly shit squared about publishing but surely that’s some heavily swinging balls right there; you publish one comic you’ve got precisely one chance, so you better have the right comic. I guess  Requiem Chevalier Vampire was the right comic because after being on hiatus since 2011, it’s due to end in either 2017 or 2018 when the final two volumes will be released. Traditional as a Sunday roast, I started at the beginning and took a look at Requiem Chevalier Vampire Vol 1: Résurrection, or Requiem Vampire Knight Vol.1: Resurrection, as it is in the language of Shakespeare. Forsooth!

REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT by Ledroit, Mills & Collin

Ledroit and Mills’ begin as they mean to go on, leaving subtlety to slumber and splashing a honking great swastika at the top of the first page. And, Buddhists be damned, there’s nothing lucky about that spiritually devalued sign for Heinrich Augsburg, a German soldier whom we first meet splayed in the Russian snow unconscious from a headwound. Roughly awakened from his chilly torpor by a thoroughly uncouth Russki looter, Augsburg tries to save  a picture of his sweetheart, Rebecca, and succeeds instead in catching a bullet with his forehead. A wound he won’t be waking up on this earth from any time soon. Luckily anyone worried that they’ve just bought a very expensive and very, very short comic about the inadequacy of love to trump the inadvisability of invading Russia in winter, finds instead that in the world of Requiem Vampire Knight death is not the end. Ausburg does wake up from his wound but not in this world but the next. Résurrection, to give that world a name. Although “Hell” is used interchangeably with “Résurrection” throughout, despite it acting a bit more like Purgatory than the conventional Hell. Still it’s not like we’re talking about a real place, rather a fictional construct so whatever Pat Mills says goes, and he can call it “Betty” if he wants. Anyway, the setting is definitely where (most of) the dead are dumped before going anywhere else. Mills has time run backwards in “Hell”, probably as a wee nod to the Dresden chapter in Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse 5, or the entirety of Amis fils’ Time’s Arrow; both of which go on about WW2, and the latter of which is specifically about Nazi death camp atrocities. Fret not, Mills spares the reader the headache of actually writing the comic in reverse. Mostly then we get the odd caption like “yesterday”, which essentially means “the next day”, or “two years earlier” which means…ah, you’ve got it. The upshot is that (most) characters age backwards, losing memories as they do so until they wink out of existence or move on to wherever. The topsy turviness doesn’t stop there though! There’s a physical inversion for the revivified dead to contend with. The landmasses and the seas are also reversed, so America in “Hell” is a big sea of blood while the Pacific is a landmass of fiery offal, etc.  I think Mills is pushing for “Hell”, as does war, distorts reality so far out of the normal human frame of reference, that only by reversing it, or some similar mental gymnastics, can any sanity be clawed back. Oh, and here war is “Hell”, literally. Wars require factions and Mills serves up plenty of them; a great squirming mass of unsavoury types. I'll not go into them because the comic does that, but I will say I liked the Yoda mentor who was a big evil baby with skin like a verruca and teeth like a diseased dog.

REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT by Ledroit, Mills & Collin

While it would be unfair to say that if you’ve read one Pat Mills comic then you’ve read them all, it’s probably okay to say that if you’ve read one Pat Mills comic you’ve read bits of them all. And Requiem Vampire Knight is nothing if not a big hot comics pudding studded with the currants of Pat Mills’ anger misted mind’s eye. Thrill to the appearance of a rag tag bunch of cannon fodder misfits with comically distorted familiar names. (Al a Gangreen in Marshal Law. )  A hero who isn’t one, and by the end of the series can practically be guaranteed to be as big a shit as his Big Bad. (We all loved edgy alien terrorist Nemesis, but by the end he and Torquemada deserved each other. Power corrupts. Absolutely!) A smart arsed sidekick of reduced stature. (Ukko, ok?) Physical manifestation of the protagonist’s inner savagery. (Slaine’s warp spasm.) A less than chivalrous romantic relationship. (Too many past examples to mention. I fear for Pat Mils' bruised heart.) Satirical blunderpussing of whatever the patented Pat Mills Wheel of Disgust stopped at on that particular day. (Authority! Hypocrisy! Complacency! Mrs Brown’s Boys! Etc etc.) It would be wrong to put this down to a lack of, well, anything other than intention. Mills’s pursues these recurring themes and aspects so assertively across so many series that it can’t be anything but intentional.  As a result Mills’ work is very Moorcockian with the same people and concepts seemingly being reborn across all the disparate Millsverses, forever entwined in the Eternal Conflict. At a first cursory glance Mills might come off as Manichean, but he’s smarter than that. When he sets up Good and Evil you can be sure each is tainted by the other. Ah, tthe ‘shades of grey’ so beloved of folk who don’t want to commit themselves to a course of action, one might think. But not so, rather an acknowledgement that there is Good and there is Evil, but you have to keep your eye on the ball, people, or before you know it a, say, harmless bit of politically expedient scapegoating of minorities can quickly turn into industrialised mass murder. And it’s kind of hard to walk back from that one. (Not that there’s likely to be any politically expedient scapegoating of minorities in 2017, after all we all know better now after Nazi Germany. We sure don’t need people to point out that that is wrong. Right?) There’s subtlety and nuance in Mills work, but, yes,  it lurks under all the gaudy grand guignol and bombastic polemics. Or maybe he’s just saying people are dicks and ever will be dicks. He probably wouldn’t be wrong.

REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT by Ledroit, Mills & Collin

Even if you find Pat Mills' hectoring tone a turn-off there's still the attraction of Ledroit's art. Art which is kind of eye boggling in its intensity and clarity of detail. Here Ledroit’s art assaults the reader with a blend of fully painted images and mixed media mayhem, with a bit of technological jiggery-pokery to boot, I bet. Panels float atop sheets of sigils, maggots and gore, with cryptic backlit script making much of the book resemble an illuminated manuscript penned by the very Devil himself! In short it looks a lot like the work of Dave McKean’s troubled nephew, the one who plays Motörhead too loud and can’t be trusted around pets and sharp objects. It’s atmospheric stuff, imagine the world of Elric set in an abattoir; no, belay that, it’s a sword and sorcery comic set inside the mind of a serial killer, I don’t know, it’s a child playing soldiers with mismatched action figures on a carpet of something red wet and steaming that just ceased screaming; you’re getting the gist of the thing, yes? The art may be heavily redolent of offal but the result is very far from awful. There’s a gory grandeur to the thing with the soaring cathedrals of black stone and the mammoth air galleons pushing your belief capacitors to the limit. Think of the floating heads of Zardoz flensed to the skull and plated in chrome with a shine as sharp as a razor, now picture them scooting over a landscape resembling an untended butcher's shop window at the height of summer, firing blasts of  disco-hued energy at a chaotic riot of screaming rot. There's a bit of Enki Bilal in Ledroit's chalk skinned and razor cheek-boned Nazis, a bit of Clint Langley in the fusion of flesh and metal, but ultimately the bulk of the wide screen insanity is Ledroit's alone. Nice. All of which is a long-winded way of saying REQUIEM VAMPIRE KNIGHT VOL.1: RESURRECTION is as crazy as it is entertaining which can only be VERY GOOD!

Ultimately you can tell it's set in Hell because there aren't any - COMICS!!!

Comix Experience Best-Sellers 2016

Below the Cut, for people who like that kind of thing, Comix Experience's Best Sellers of 2016 (Warning: long!)

Just in case this is your first time reading a sales report from us, let me give you a little background and a longer look at my CV. My name is Brian Hibbs and I own two comic book stores in San Francisco: Comix Experience at 305 Divisadero St, and Comix Experience Outpost at 2381 Ocean Ave. I opened the original store 27 years ago in 1989, when I was just twenty-one years old, and I purchased Outpost almost exactly three years ago, in order to stop it from closing overnight.

San Francisco is currently home to nine comic book stores (The others include: Cards and Comics Central, Collector’s Cave, Isotope, Whatever, Amazing Fantasy, Mission: Comics and Art, and Two Cats); down from twenty-four when I opened in 1989. I’m really super glad that we lost no stores in 2016. There are also something around a dozen general independent book stores (note that San Francisco has no national chain bookstores!) that also carry a solid selection of “graphic novels” (which is usually really just a highfaluting name for “bound collection of comics”, and isn’t really any different in any substantial way from “comic book”, except that it makes people feel better about themselves) – but it is the comics specialty stores that are selling the most comics material, and it is my belief that my two Comix Experience stores sell roughly a quarter of all comics material in The City.

As I noted, I have been selling comics since 1989, and we’re the oldest comic store with the same ownership in the same location in San Francisco. For a quarter of a century I’ve written “Tilting At Windmills”, a regular column about comics retailing, also published in two volumes from IDW Publishing; I’ve been a judge of the Eisner Awards (Comics’ equivalent of the Oscars); I’ve sat on the Board of Directors of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund (an organization that protects the First Amendment rights of comics creators), I was one of the original founders of ComicsPRO (the comics retailer trade organization); and I even led a successful Class Action lawsuit against Marvel Comics that won more than a million dollars for comic book retailers internationally.

Most recently, in response to rising costs in San Francisco, we launched an international Graphic-Novel-Of-The-Month Club where we hold streaming meetings with authors (like Neil Gaiman!) for literally hundreds of folks around the country (and globe!), and we also have a sibling club for kids aged 8-13, which is co-hosted with my twelve year old son.

(*whew*)

2016 was another fine year for Comix Experience – sales were up by 1.7% in the main store, and by an excellent 11.7% at Outpost.  I attribute our growth mostly to my superlative staff (Douglas, Emma, Sienna and Asia at the main store, and Nathan, Cameron, and Julie at Outpost) – and we’ve had our best year ever at both locations.

However, the year pretty much died in the last quarter – a lot of the drop coming from much weaker periodical sales.

The two stores are VERY different from one another with different tones and tenors. The main store is very much a book store that specializes in comics material: 57% of our sales came from book-format comics this year, while 39% came from new periodical comics (usually stapled, usually 32 pages). 1.5% of sales are back issues, 1.5% is supplies, and the last 1% is everything else: Magazines, Toys, Apparel, Buttons, whatever. Comix Experience is less about the characters (Batman and Spider-Man, et al.) and much more focused on the creators that bring those characters to life. As a creator-driven store, our sales reflect that passion, as you will see below.

Comix Experience Outpost runs pretty differently – it was an existing store that we took over, and because of its location and the nature of its traffic, it is FAR more focused on the periodical comic (as well as the back issue). Outpost is 62% new periodical-format comics (and 7% back issues), and just 23% in book format comics. 3% each are Toys and Supplies, which leaves 2% for “other”. It’s a very different sales mix than the Mothership!

Let’s take a look, store-by-store, at sales this year, and see what the best-sellers are in each category, and get a sense of maybe where the market is heading. Let’s look at BOOKS, first, since that’s the biggest category at the bigger store!

One important consideration here is that these numbers DO NOT include the Graphic-Novel-Of-The-Month Club numbers, every one of which would top the #1 in-store book! In fact, we’ve been told that, for at least some of the titles we selected (which were, in order:

Jan 2016: Joshua Cotter’s “Nod Away”

Feb 2016: Xander Cannon’s “Kaijumax”

Mar 2016: Daniel Clowes’ “Patience”

Apr 2016: Manuele Fior’s “5000 KM Per Second”

May 2016: Lucy Knisley’s “Something New: Tales from a Makeshift Bride”

June 2016: Paul Dini and Eduardo Risso’s “Dark Night: A True Batman Story”

July 2016: Majorie Liu and Sana Takeda’s “Monstress”

Aug 2016: Lucas Varela’s “Longest Day of the Future”

Sep 2016: Tom Gauld’s “Mooncop”

Oct 2016: Sarah Glidden’s “Rolling Blackouts: Dispatches from Turkey, Syria, and Iraq”

Nov 2016: Jeff Lemire and Greg Smallwood’s “Moon Knight: Lunatic”

Dec 2016: Isabel Greenberg’s “The One Hundred Nights of Hero”

(Damn, what a line-up!), the GN club represented 8-10% of the print run of a few of those books!

The Kids Club list (Again NOT counted in these numbers) looked like this – all of which would have beaten the #6 best-selling book at retail:

Jan 2016: Derek Fridolf and Dustin Nguyen’s “Secret Hero Society: Study Hall of Justice”

Feb 2016: Svetlana Chmakova’s “Awkward”

Mar 2016: Tony Cliff’s “Delilah Dirk & The King’s Shilling”

Apr 2016: Faith Erin Hicks’ “The Nameless City”

May 2016: Annie Szabla’s “Bird Boy: The Sword of Mali Mani”

Jun 2016: Matt Kindt and Brian Hurtt’s “Poppy & The Lost Lagoon”

Jul 2016: Norm Feuti’s “The King of Kazoo”

Aug 2016: Alexis Fajardo’s “Kid Beowulf: The Blood Bound Oath”

Sep 2016: Raina Telgemeier’s “Ghosts”

Oct 2016: Hope Larson & Brittney Williams’ “Goldie Vance”

Nov 2016: Mike Raicht & Brian Smith’s “Tree Mail”

Dec 2016:  Jeffrey Brown’s “Lucy & Andy Neanderthal”

As always, our single biggest entry is the generic “Sale Book”, where we’re marking down unsold books by roughly 50% of cover price to get them out – that catchall, combined, sold WAY more copies than our #1 book. This is true at BOTH stores. But, I’m not including that in this presentation because I think it muddies the waters too much. Plus it mostly represents our mistakes! :)

So, starting with The Mothership, Comix Experience on Divisadero, we sold approximately 4500 different books selling at least one copy for full price.

Our Top 100 is right below, and represents twenty three different publishers.  The publisher placing the most number of books is Image, with a dominating forty-one out of one hundred and ten.  DC comes in next with thirteen, followed by Marvel and Scholastic (!) tied at eleven each.  We have books from Archie and Koyama, Fantagraphics and Drawn & Quarterly and a number of the “real” book publishers, too.  We have two manga on the list.  I’m pretty happy with the diversity of my store, as these things go!

1	MONSTRESS TP VOL 01
2	SAGA TP VOL 06
3	RAINA TELGEMEIER GHOSTS GN
4	PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 01
5	SAGA TP VOL 05
6	SAGA TP VOL 01
7	DAN CLOWES PATIENCE HC
8	SAGA TP VOL 04
9	BITCH PLANET TP VOL 01 EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE
10	SAGA TP VOL 02
11	BLACK PANTHER TP BOOK 01 NATION UNDER OUR FEET
12	RICK & MORTY TP VOL 01
13	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 03
14	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 01 THE FAUST ACT
15	DARK NIGHT A TRUE BATMAN STORY HC
16	SAGA TP VOL 03
17	SPACE DUMPLINS GN VOL 01
18	APOCALYPTIGIRL AN ARIA FOR THE END TIMES TP
19	DESCENDER TP VOL 01 TIN STARS
	NIMONA GN
21	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 01 THE PROMISE
22	WATCHMEN TP
23	MS MARVEL TP VOL 01 NO NORMAL
	SANDMAN TP VOL 01 PRELUDES & NOCTURNES
	SMILE GN
26	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 05 ALL THESE SECRETS
	LOW TP VOL 01 THE DELIRIUM OF HOPE
28	DEADLY CLASS TP VOL 01 REAGAN YOUTH
29	PREACHER TP BOOK 01
30	WONDER WOMAN EARTH ONE HC VOL 01
31	SANDMAN OVERTURE DELUXE ED HC
	TOKYO GHOST TP VOL 01 ATOMIC GARDEN
33	BABY SITTERS CLUB COLOR ED GN VOL 01 KRISTYS GREAT IDEA
	DAYTRIPPER TP
	MEANWHILE IN SAN FRANCISCO THE CITY IN ITS OWN WORDS
	PRETTY DEADLY TP VOL 01
	RAINA TELGEMEIER GHOSTS HC GN
38	INJECTION TP VOL 01
	SISTERS GN
	THE INCAL HC NEW PTG
	THIS ONE SUMMER GN
42	LOVE AND ROCKETS NEW STORIES TP VOL 08
	Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 01
44	AMULET SC VOL 01 STONEKEEPER NEW PTG
	LUMBERJANES TP VOL 01
	SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 01
47	DRAMA GN
	PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 02
	SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 03 THREE THE HARD WAY
	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 02 FANDEMONIUM
	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 04 RISING ACTION
52	BONE COLOR ED SC VOL 01 OUT FROM BONEVILLE
	SAGA DLX ED HC VOL 01
54	CAT PERSON
	DESCENDER TP VOL 02
	TREES TP VOL 01
57	BABY SITTERS CLUB COLOR ED GN VOL 02 TRUTH ABOUT STACEY
	BATMAN THE KILLING JOKE SPECIAL ED HC
59	ARCHIE TP VOL 01
	BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 01 HOW TO FALL FOREVER
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 04 WHO WANTS WAR
	WALKING DEAD TP VOL 25 NO TURNING BACK
63	AMULET SC VOL 07 FIRELIGHT
	FUN HOME TP
	KAIJUMAX TP VOL 01
	SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 02 TWO WORLDS ONE COP
	SOMETHING NEW TALES FROM MAKESHIFT BRIDE GN
68	AWKWARD GN
	DEADLY CLASS TP VOL 03 THE SNAKE PIT
	FIGHT CLUB 2 HC
	LUMBERJANES TP VOL 03
	SANDMAN TP VOL 02 THE DOLLS HOUSE NEW ED
	STAR WARS TP VOL 01 SKYWALKER STRIKES
	TREES TP VOL 02
75	DEADLY CLASS TP VOL 04 DIE FOR ME
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 02 WE ARE ALL ONE
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 03 THERE IS NO US
	HARK A VAGRANT HC
	RAT QUEENS TP VOL 03 DEMONS
	ROLLING BLACKOUTS HC
81	CIVIL WAR TP
	COMPLETE CHI SWEET HOME TP VOL 01
	DEADLY CLASS TP VOL 02 KIDS OF THE BLACK HOLE
	HEAD LOPPER TP VOL 01 ISLAND OR A PLAGUE OF BEASTS
	MS MARVEL TP VOL 02 GENERATION WHY
	STAR WARS ORIGINAL TRILOGY GN HC
87	5000 KM PER SECOND HC
	PREACHER TP BOOK 02
	SUPERMUTANT MAGIC ACADEMY GN
	TRANSMETROPOLITAN TP VOL 01 BACK ON THE STREET
	WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME IF I WET THE BED GN
92	AKIRA KODANSHA ED GN VOL 01
	COMPLETE PERSEPOLIS TP
	DARTH VADER & FRIENDS HC
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 06
	GOLDIE VANCE TP VOL 01
	LOW TP VOL 02 BEFORE THE DAWN BURNS US
	LUMBERJANES TP VOL 02
	MS MARVEL TP VOL 04 LAST DAYS
	MS MARVEL TP VOL 05 SUPER FAMOUS
	STAR WARS TP VOL 02 SHOWDOWN ON THE SMUGGLERS MOON
	STEP ASIDE POPS HARK A VAGRANT COLLECTION HC
	TOMBOY GRAPHIC MEMOIR
	UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL TP VOL 01 SQUIRREL POWER
	UNBEATABLE SQUIRREL GIRL TP VOL 02 SQUIRRELYOU KNOW IT
	VISION TP VOL 01 LITTLE WORSE THAN MAN
	WE CAN NEVER GO HOME TP
	WRENCHIES GN
	Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 02
	ZAP COMIX #16

MONSTRESS does the previously unthinkable, and displaces SAGA from the top of the list.  In fact, SAGA settles down into a more Mature sales pattern and doesn’t annihilate everything, like it did last year when it took the first six spots.

I’m super happy with the diversity and breadth of this list of books – my staff has a wide range of material that they push, and it really shows! Great to see Liz Prince and Kids books share the list, y’know?

One calculation I’d like to share this year is the difference between the above list (which is sorted by QUANTITY SOLD), and if you sort the same thing by dollars generated – then things change pretty substantially….

1	DAN CLOWES PATIENCE HC
2	SAGA TP VOL 06
3	MONSTRESS TP VOL 01
4	SAGA TP VOL 05
5	RAINA TELGEMEIER GHOSTS GN
6	PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 01
7	THE INCAL HC NEW PTG
8	SAGA DLX ED HC VOL 01
9	DARK NIGHT A TRUE BATMAN STORY HC
10	RICK & MORTY TP VOL 01

As you can see here, under this calculation MONSTRESS drops to #3, with PATIENCE being our #1 seller, and SAGA v1 drops out of the top ten all together! (comes in at #12)  Wow, and look how well THE INCAL scores!  That last is even more amazing when you consider that THE PUBLISHER didn’t have any copies to sell us for at least 10% of the year (including the all-important last six weeks of 2016) – as our incoming President might say, “Sad!”

At the end of the day, while $9.95 price points certainly can help sell more COPIES of books, they’re not so hot for making money for stores or for creators.  Fundamentally, I don’t believe that more than 10% of our sales of MONSTRESS v1 was directly connected to cover price (as opposed to salesmanship!), and yet it is 33% cheaper.  In the case of SAGE v1, my assessment is that maybe (MAYBE!) 2% of the sales of that this year came from the cover price being a major factor, and if you look at poorer-selling books like, dunno say, RINGSIDE or THE FIX (neither of which managed to chart), the sales impact of that $10 cover price is exactly nil…. But the impact on the creator-owned bottom-line is enormous.

Let’s go over and look how Outpost’s books sold, with the super important caveat that Outposts single best-seller would have only ranked about #30 on the Mothership list, and, in fact, I will only list through #50(+1) since the quantities are so super-low (relatively).  Outpost sold just over 1600 different titles selling one copy or more. Here’s their Top 50:

1	SAGA TP VOL 06
2	BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 01 HOW TO FALL FOREVER
3	MONSTRESS TP VOL 01
	PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 01
5	SPACE DUMPLINS GN VOL 01
6	BIRTHRIGHT TP VOL 01 HOMECOMING
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 01 THE PROMISE
8	SAGA TP VOL 05
9	NOWHERE MEN TP VOL 01 FATES WORSE THAN DEATH
10	BITCH PLANET TP VOL 01 EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE
	SAGA TP VOL 01
12	CIVIL WAR TP
13	NIMONA GN
	SAGA TP VOL 02
	SAGA TP VOL 04
	STAR WARS DARTH VADER TP VOL 01 VADER
17	LUMBERJANES TP VOL 01
	MS MARVEL TP VOL 01 NO NORMAL
19	BATMAN TP VOL 01 THE COURT OF OWLS
	BATMAN YEAR ONE DELUXE SC
	BLACK PANTHER TP BOOK 01 NATION UNDER OUR FEET
	RUMBLE TP VOL 01 WHAT COLOR OF DARKNESS
	SAGA TP VOL 03
24	BATMAN THE KILLING JOKE SPECIAL ED HC
	HARROW COUNTY TP VOL 01 COUNTLESS HAINTS
	LOCKE & KEY TP VOL 01 WELCOME TO LOVECRAFT
	WONDER WOMAN EARTH ONE HC VOL 01
28	COPRA ROUND ONE TP
	STAR WARS TP VOL 01 SKYWALKER STRIKES
30	DARK NIGHT A TRUE BATMAN STORY HC
	INJECTION TP VOL 01
	LOW TP VOL 01 THE DELIRIUM OF HOPE
	RAINA TELGEMEIER GHOSTS GN
	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 01 THE FAUST ACT
	Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 01
36	AUTUMNLANDS TP VOL 01 TOOTH & CLAW
	BATMAN HUSH COMPLETE TP
	DAREDEVIL TP BORN AGAIN
	DESCENDER TP VOL 01 TIN STARS
	EAST OF WEST TP VOL 02 WE ARE ALL ONE
	PREACHER TP BOOK 01
	WALKING DEAD TP VOL 01 DAYS GONE BYE
43	BLACK MAGICK TP VOL 01 AWAKENING PART ONE
	DEADPOOL KILLS MARVEL UNIVERSE TP
	MOON KNIGHT TP VOL 01 FROM DEAD
	MS MARVEL TP VOL 02 GENERATION WHY
	SAILOR MOON TP KODANSHA ED VOL 01
	SANDMAN TP VOL 01 PRELUDES & NOCTURNES NEW ED
	SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 01
	STAR WARS DARTH VADER TP VOL 02 SHADOWS AND SECRETS
	WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 03

The list isn’t insanely different, though there are some major holes.  Where is PATIENCE, for example? (Down at #75, while THE INCAL is at #66).  But, yeah, this is kind of a mainstream listing from a mainstream store.

(And yet, SPACE DUMPLINS is book #5, NICE!)

But what about the periodical comics?

Periodical comics are the engine that drives cash flow week to week TO ALLOW US TO sell the books the way we do – we’re able to keep a wide variety of material on hand simply because the periodicals drive sales and provide us with regular ongoing weekly readers.

Here’s The Mothership (in Quantity Order):

1	BLACK PANTHER #1
2	BLACK PANTHER #2
3	DC UNIVERSE REBIRTH #1 first print
4	SAGA #33
5	SNOTGIRL #1
6	SAGA #36
7	BLACK PANTHER #3
	SAGA #35
9	SAGA #34
10	SAGA #37
11	BATMAN REBIRTH #1
	PAPER GIRLS #4
13	SAGA #38
14	PAPER GIRLS #6
15	SAGA #39
16	BLACK PANTHER #5
	PAPER GIRLS #5
18	BLACK PANTHER #4
	PAPER GIRLS #7
20	PAPER GIRLS #8
21	SAGA #32
22	SECRET WARS #9 (OF 9)
23	PAPER GIRLS #9
24	PAPER GIRLS #10
25	BATMAN #1
26	BLACK PANTHER #6
27	WONDER WOMAN REBIRTH #1
28	SAGA #40
29	SNOTGIRL #2
30	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #4 (OF 8)
31	CIVIL WAR II #0 RCW2
32	CIVIL WAR II #1 (OF 7)
33	BLACK PANTHER #7
34	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #3 (OF 8)
	WONDER WOMAN #1
36	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #5 (OF 8)
37	MONSTRESS #3
38	MONSTRESS #7
39	4 KIDS WALK INTO A BANK #1
	ALL STAR BATMAN #1
41	BATMAN #2
	CIVIL WAR II #2 (OF 8)
43	DOCTOR STRANGE #4
44	FLASH REBIRTH #1
	JUSTICE LEAGUE REBIRTH #1
46	BATMAN #3
47	SEVEN TO ETERNITY #1
	WALKING DEAD #154
49	JUSTICE LEAGUE #1
	SAGA #31
51	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #6 (OF 8)
	DOOM PATROL #1
53	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #2 (OF 8)
	DOCTOR STRANGE #5
	DOCTOR STRANGE #6
	FLASH #1
	SUPERMAN REBIRTH #1
	WALKING DEAD #150
	WONDER WOMAN #2
	SNOTGIRL #3
61	KILL OR BE KILLED #1
	STAR WARS POE DAMERON #1
63	BLACK PANTHER #8
	DARK KNIGHT RETURNS THE LAST CRUSADE #1
65	ALL STAR BATMAN #2
	MONSTRESS #4
67	BATMAN #4
	MONSTRESS #5
69	BITCH PLANET #7
	CIVIL WAR II #3 (OF 7)
71	ARCHANGEL #1
	BITCH PLANET #6
	DOCTOR STRANGE #9
	WALKING DEAD #151
	WONDER WOMAN #3
76	BATMAN #5
	CIVIL WAR II #4 (OF 7)
	DOCTOR STRANGE #7
	SEX CRIMINALS #14
80	MONSTRESS #6
	SEX CRIMINALS #15
	WALKING DEAD #152
83	DETECTIVE COMICS #934
	MONSTRESS #1
	WALKING DEAD #157
86	DOCTOR STRANGE #8
	GREEN LANTERNS REBIRTH #1
	SECRET WARS #8 (OF 9)
89	BATMAN #6
	CIVIL WAR II #5 (OF 8)
	DOOM PATROL #2
	WALKING DEAD #153
93	BATMAN #50
	BITCH PLANET #8
	WALKING DEAD #155
	WALKING DEAD #159
97	DOCTOR STRANGE #10
	EAST OF WEST #24
	EAST OF WEST #27
	LOW #12
	MIRROR #1
	WALKING DEAD #158

The monster success story is Black Panther by Ta-Nehisi Coates – we sold nearly fifty percent more copies of issue #1 than we did of 2015’s best-selling comic.  It’s a little insane. And, I short-sleeved the book a bit, ordering less than Doug and the staff recommended, because their number scared me.  So, since we sold out at a few points as a result (though never more than 3-4 days at a time), I think we could have done at least 10% better there; maybe even 20%.  The drop-off, however, was pretty cataclysmic. I may always and forever have BP #4 in stock!

You can see Rebirth did big all around, CIVIL WAR II failed compared to the end of SECRET WARS (you can’t see it here, but pretty much putting the CW2 logo on a Marvel crossover comi caused sales to DROP here….), and 4 KIDS WALK INTO A BANK, DOOM PATROL and ARCHANGEL were all surprise hits. Oh! And MIRROR #1 made the Top 100, yay!

And over at the Outpost….

1	DC UNIVERSE REBIRTH #1
2	BATMAN REBIRTH #1
3	BLACK PANTHER #1
4	BATMAN #1
5	BATMAN #2
6	WONDER WOMAN REBIRTH #1
7	BATMAN #3
8	SUPERMAN REBIRTH #1
9	BLACK PANTHER #2
10	FLASH REBIRTH #1
11	WONDER WOMAN #1
12	JUSTICE LEAGUE REBIRTH #1
	SUPERMAN #1
14	CIVIL WAR II #1 (OF 7)
15	FLASH #1
16	BATMAN #4
17	ALL STAR BATMAN #1
	DETECTIVE COMICS #934
19	BATMAN #5
20	4 KIDS WALK INTO A BANK #1
	CIVIL WAR II #3 (OF 7)
	CIVIL WAR II #4 (OF 7)
23	CIVIL WAR II #2 (OF 8)
	TITANS REBIRTH #1
25	SUPERMAN #2
26	BLACK PANTHER #3
	CIVIL WAR II #0 RCW2
28	JUSTICE LEAGUE #1
29	BATMAN #6
	SECRET WARS #9 (OF 9)
31	BATMAN #50
	DETECTIVE COMICS #935
	WONDER WOMAN #2
34	BATMAN #7
	SUPERMAN #3
36	FLASH #2
	NEW SUPER MAN #1
38	GREEN LANTERNS REBIRTH #1
	MONSTRESS #3
40	BATMAN #51
	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #3 (OF 8)
	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #4 (OF 8)
43	BATMAN #49
	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #5 (OF 8)
	TITANS #1
46	BATMAN #48
47	BATMAN #52
	BLACK PANTHER #4
	DARK KNIGHT RETURNS THE LAST CRUSADE #1
	MONSTRESS #6
	WONDER WOMAN #3
52	MONSTRESS #4
53	JUSTICE LEAGUE #2
54	FLASH #3
55	AQUAMAN REBIRTH #1
56	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #15
	GREEN ARROW REBIRTH #1
	SUPERMAN #4
	SUPERMAN #5
60	JUSTICE LEAGUE #3
	NIGHTWING REBIRTH #1
62	FLASH #4
	MONSTRESS #5
64	BLACK PANTHER #6
	SEVEN TO ETERNITY #1
	WONDER WOMAN #4
67	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #12
	DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #6 (OF 8)
	SUICIDE SQUAD #1
70	ALL STAR BATMAN #2
	BATMAN #10
	BATMAN #9
	CIVIL WAR II #5 (OF 8)
	FLASH #6
	GREEN ARROW #1
	SPIDER-MAN #1
77	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #13
	GREEN LANTERNS #1
	SUICIDE SQUAD REBIRTH #1
80	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #6
	BATMAN #8
	BLACK PANTHER #5
	NIGHTWING #1
50	FLASH #5
	JUSTICE LEAGUE #50
86	ACTION COMICS #957
	ALL STAR BATMAN #4
	DETECTIVE COMICS #937
	DOCTOR STRANGE #7
	PAPER GIRLS #4
	SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #1
	WONDER WOMAN #5
93	EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #5
	INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #7
	PAPER GIRLS #7
	STAR WARS POE DAMERON #1
97	ACTION COMICS #958
	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #11
	AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #9
	DETECTIVE COMICS #936
	EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #6
	KILL OR BE KILLED #1
	OLD MAN LOGAN #1
	SPIDER-MAN #2
	SUPERMAN #6
	UNCANNY X-MEN #1

Way way way more traditional, right?  Here CIVIL WAR II mostly works (though, still, not for the crossovers),  and they go ALL-IN on Rebirh.  That’s most of what drove that 11% sales increase at the Outpost – the DC Explosion of sales here.  There’s NO WAY I would have caught but a fraction of those sales without the returns.  Oh, and 4 KIDS WALK INTO A BANK #1 at #20? Wow!

OVERALL, the biggest surprise for me in 2016 was looking at the Publisher percentages, and seeing an upset that the Mothership has never ever seen in 27 years of business.  Here’s how the Top 30 Publishers by dollars break down:

MARVEL COMICS	21.64%
IMAGE COMICS	19.43%
DC COMICS	19.01%
DARK HORSE COMICS	5.89%
IDW PUBLISHING	3.40%
FANTAGRAPHICS BOOKS	3.14%
BOOM! STUDIOS	3.10%
GRAPHIX	1.73%
ONI PRESS INC.	1.63%
DRAWN & QUARTERLY	1.53%
:01 FIRST SECOND	1.27%
VIZ MEDIA LLC	1.16%
D. E.	0.93%
KODANSHA COMICS	0.93%
AVATAR PRESS INC	0.83%
HUMANOIDS INC	0.80%
ARCHIE COMIC PUBLICATIONS	0.75%
TITAN COMICS	0.56%
PANTHEON BOOKS	0.53%
REBELLION / 2000AD	0.44%
YEN PRESS	0.35%
KOYAMA PRESS	0.31%
CHRONICLE BOOKS	0.29%
SELFMADEHERO	0.27%
BLACK MASK COMICS	0.26%
HARPER COLLINS PUBLISHERS	0.25%
ABRAMS COMICARTS	0.25%
VERTICAL COMICS	0.25%
VALIANT ENTERTAINMENT LLC	0.25%
ALTERNATIVE COMICS	0.24%

WHAT?  What the HECK is Marvel doing in the lead???!?!  Well, I can tell you: it’s pretty much those first few issues of BLACK PANTHER.  Not only is that the best-selling comic book the store has seen… well, maybe since that issue of Spider-Man with President Obama? But, sheesh, it was $5. That pricing (and their generally much MUCH more expensive book pricing) drove their percentage to an all-time high.

No, serious, I never ever thought I would see the day that Marvel comics was the #1 publisher at Comix Experience on Divisadero.

How’d the Outpost look this year?

MARVEL COMICS	36.64%
DC COMICS	26.51%
IMAGE COMICS	13.55%
IDW PUBLISHING	3.69%
DARK HORSE COMICS	3.60%
BOOM! STUDIOS	2.94%
D. E.	1.11%
ONI PRESS INC.	0.98%
ARCHIE COMIC PUBLICATIONS	0.83%
FANTAGRAPHICS BOOKS	0.47%
AFTERSHOCK COMICS	0.45%
VIZ MEDIA LLC	0.44%
TITAN COMICS	0.43%
AVATAR PRESS INC	0.39%
BLACK MASK COMICS	0.35%
GRAPHIX	0.34%
GRAPHITTI DESIGNS	0.34%
:01 FIRST SECOND	0.33%
FUNKO	0.32%
KODANSHA COMICS	0.23%
BONGO COMICS	0.23%
HUMANOIDS INC	0.22%
VALIANT ENTERTAINMENT LLC	0.22%
DRAWN & QUARTERLY	0.21%
HEAVY METAL MAGAZINE	0.18%
BENITEZ PRODUCTIONS	0.18%
IDW - TOP SHELF	0.17%
PANTHEON BOOKS	0.15%
JOE BOOKS INC.	0.15%
ACTION LAB - DANGER ZONE	0.15%

Yeah, like I said, traditional-ass comics store.

But, one thing I would like to highlight is just what happened at Outpost with DC during the Rebirth launch.

Here’s Q1

MARVEL COMICS	41.56%
DC COMICS	19.31%

Then Q2:

MARVEL COMICS	40.23%
DC COMICS	24.65%

But look at Q3, where they almost tie!

MARVEL COMICS	33.84%
DC COMICS	32.03%

And finally Q4:

MARVEL COMICS	32.36%
DC COMICS	28.74%

Four points separating is a whole different ballgame than sheesh, 22 points in q1!

Another thing that happened at Outpost this year was some of the “Variant Series” (ex: Skottie Young variant covers, Hip Hops, etc.) lost most of their ground – at one point we’d sell 20+ copies with a Skottie cover, but by the end of the year we were down to about 7.  Doesn’t help, either, that Marvel kept raising their targets, so we couldn’t actually order most of them without taking a risk and a bath.  Less money for us all.

Overall, both stores seem to be going in the right direction, and we’re seeing a lot of strength in a lot of great comics. We’ve absolutely got a comic that you’re going to like, and we’d love it if you came by and let us show you all of the possibilities that comics have, whether that’s at our main store on Divisadero, or at the Outpost, out on Ocean ave., or through our Graphic-Novel-of-the-Month Club or our GN Club for Kids! We LOVE comics, and we want you to love them too!

Feel free to make any observations about our sales in the comment section below – we’re always interested in questions and feedback.

Arriving 1/3/17

Small first week of the year but with SAGA and SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL, it would not behoove you to miss it! Check the cut for the rest!

ADVENTURE TIME #60 ADVENTURE TIME COMICS #6 AQUAMAN #14 AUTUMNLANDS TOOTH & CLAW #14 (MR) AVENGERS #3 BATMAN #14 BIG TROUBLE LITTLE CHINA ESCAPE NEW YORK #4 BLACK SCIENCE #27 BOX OFFICE POISON COLOR COMICS #1 CAGE #3 (OF 4) CANNIBAL #4 CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM WILSON #17 CHAMPIONS #4 CYBORG #8 DC COMICS BOMBSHELLS #21 DEADPOOL THE DUCK #1 (OF 5) NOW DEATH OF HAWKMAN #4 (OF 6) DEPT H #9 EVERAFTER FROM THE PAGES OF FABLES #5 FAITH (ONGOING) #7 FALL AND RISE OF CAPTAIN ATOM #1 (OF 6) FLINTSTONES #7 GIANT DAYS #22 GRANT MORRISONS 18 DAYS #19 GREEN ARROW #14 GREEN LANTERNS #14 HARLEY QUINN #11 HAWKEYE #2 INJUSTICE GROUND ZERO #3 JADE STREET PROTECTION SERVICES #3 JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS #22 JUSTICE LEAGUE #12 (JL SS) JUSTICE LEAGUE #12 VAR ED (JL SS) JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA THE ATOM REBIRTH #1 JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #3 (OF 6) MARVEL GUARDIANS OF GALAXY VOL 2 PRELUDE #1 (OF 2) MIDNIGHTER AND APOLLO #4 (OF 6) MOON KNIGHT #10 NOW NAILBITER #28 NIGHTWING #12 NOVA #2 OLD MAN LOGAN #16 OPTIMUS PRIME #2 RAGNAROK #11 RED THORN #13 RISE OF THE BLACK FLAME #5 (OF 5) SAGA #41 SCARLET WITCH #14 SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL #4 SLAPSTICK #2 SPIDER-MAN 2099 #19 STAR TREK BOLDLY GO #4 STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE #8 SUPERMAN #14 UNCLE SCROOGE #22 UNFOLLOW #15 (MR) UNSTOPPABLE WASP #1 NOW UNWORTHY THOR #3 (OF 5) US AVENGERS #1 NOW WALKING DEAD #162 WICKED & DIVINE #25 WYNONNA EARP LEGENDS DOC HOLLIDAY #2 X-FILES (2016) #9

Books/Mags/Things ASTRO BOY OMNIBUS TP VOL 06 GRAYSON TP VOL 05 SPYRALS END GREEN ARROW TP VOL 01 LIFE & DEATH OF OLIVER QUEEN (REBIRTH) INCREDIBLE HULK EPIC COLLECTION TP FUTURE IMPERFECT MICKEY MOUSE MYSTERIOUS MELODY HC MORNING GLORIES TP VOL 10 NEW AVENGERS BY BENDIS COMPLETE COLLECTION TP VOL 01 NGE SHINJI IKARI RAISING PROJECT OMNIBUS TP VOL 02 OBJECT 15 WORKS BY KILIAN ENG HC ONE PUNCH MAN GN VOL 10 POWERPUFF GIRLS HC VOL 01 HOMECOMING RING OF THE SEVEN WORLDS GN RUROUNI KENSHIN 3IN1 TP VOL 01 STAR WARS HAN SOLO TP SUPERMAN TP VOL 01 SON OF SUPERMAN (REBIRTH) TWIN STAR EXORCISTS ONMYOJI GN VOL 07

As always, what do YOU think?

Don't Look Back. Don't Ever Look Back! Sometimes it's 2017!

SHE WOLF by Rich Tommaso

Happy New Year from all aboard The Savage Critics! Okay, now look, it's a New Year so it's important we all get off on the right foot. We need some smiles, people!

Sure, I could let the continuing fascistic farce of BREXIT Britain bring me down...

V for VENDETTA by David Lloyd and Alan Moore

Or...I could accentuate the positive and look ahead to all the magical joys COMICS!!! have in store in 2017!

So chip in below and tell the world (well, the infinitesimal portion of the world that reads The Savage Critics) what's looking to brighten up your life in the twelve months ahead! Or don't. Free Will, yeah? So here are two to start you off:

So what's got you 'orrible lot salivatin'? Oi, cheeky chops! Keep it to COMICS!!!

Happy New Year!

Abhay: 2016-- Another Year that I Mindlessly Consumed Oh God Oh God Make It Stop Uncle Uncle

Best-of Lists! Because when I think back on 2016, it's just going to be a highlight reel of movies and comics, and I'm probably going to remember sweet nothing-else. "I sat on a throne of Dirty Grandpa merch and played my fiddle while the world burned. Dance to my fiddle music, Oberon-- let the decadence set your feet alight! Twingly-twang-twang-twang-twang."

FAVORITE COMICS

I didn't want much to do with comics this year. A few times this year, I heard the old music playing in my head, but mostly, I'm a little exhausted.

I don't want to dilute out a list to get to 10 comics I don't feel strongly about. So: here's the top 5 that survived my apathy/melancholy.

5-- What is Evil by Benjamin Marra

Two pages. Sixteen panels. It's the efficiency of "What Is Evil", that gets me. How the panels and the words don't connect right-- a car comes up to a sign, but in the next panel when a man is walking by the sign, it only comes up to his knees. How the narration shifts tone when it goes from the sanity of the caption boxes at the top of a panel, to the insanity of the free-floating text at the bottom of a panel. How the final panel is this jagged cut to the present, with all the juicy bits of the story left in the gutters.

A descent into sin, and then a slow dawning realization that things have gone too far, a whole technicolor horror story for your head, all in two pages, sixteen panels.

4-- On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden

I'm behind on this so maybe the later chapters prove me wrong, but...

A thing I've noticed about The Young People that I think is different from the Way Back When: there's a bunch of the young artists that seem to pay more attention to a kind of experience that is less about classic two-fisted comic-book conflict (good, evil; thrills, chills), drama or what have you, than a kind of serenity when you experience it. I see the indie game kids talk about self-care a lot when talking about their ideal experiences, in particular. I don't entirely know what that's about 100%, but I find it fascinating.

In comics, I find myself thinking about that with On a Sunbeam. There are dramatic events in the plot. If there's any question whether Walden has a drama gear, it would probably be answered by a bit in the 4th chapter where Walden cuts effectively between crescendo-events in two different timelines.

But the overall feeling I get from On a Sunbeam is more a sense of peace. It all sort of drifts through the air, seemingly in no hurry to get to any particular destination, all liminal, almost like a long sigh. The art's just a wisp of a line, delicately exploring science fantasy spaces. And its careful use of color-- Walden doesn't overload a page with color, usually only sticking to a few colors, and applying them only when appropriate, equally satisfied to leave white space on the page. It's relaxing just to look at-- it never feels like it's trying to impose.

Alternative cartoonists some years older than me all shot for this kind of anal-retentive quality in their work-- it was going to look exactly a certain way, and that was going to be true from tip to toe, line by line, panel after panel. On a Sunbeam feels no less deliberate about its choices, but the result is completely different. In a year where I think that other kind of comic would have felt truly suffocating, Walden's work felt like a breath of fresh air.

3-- Pascin by Joann Sfar

Here's a thing I like about Joann Sfar: he has a major part of his career that's been dedicated towards French artists who are super-good at getting laid. Picasso had his blue period? Well, Sfar has has had his French cocksman period. I know which I want to hear more about, so suck it, Pablo.

Pascin is about the painter Jules Pascin, but it's a biography focused a bit on sex. We meet characters that (I think) are the basis of Two Friends, and they're hookers who rush off to watch a Prefect "gobble" down a pot of piss at a whorehouse. Most of the time Pascin's talking about how he'd rather draw girls than have sex with them. The rest of the time, we follow Pascin's friends getting off instead of him-- fucking art models; fucking art mannequins; none of this is pornographic-- it's got stuff on it's mind, about art, violence, perversion, men. But still: it's a hoot, this comic.

Sfar's the star attraction, of course. This was all drawn back in the 90's apparently-- it's just how I like a comic to look. Ink's splashed and slashed onto a page; none of the drawings feel planned out, worried over, ruined by some egotistical desire to fuss over an image too much; it all seemed like it came to life on a drawing table, and they got it out to you with the ink still drying on the pages. It looked like a blast to make.

2-- Four Kids Walk into a Bank by Matthew Rosenberg, Tyler Boss, and Thomas Mauer

A comic that's funny still seems like a little miracle to me.

And sure, plenty of comics have been funny -- I hate any kinda review that does that "comics usually aren't __, but this one is!" shit, as if comics haven't been doing every-other-fucking-thing since gee-damn forever.

But it's a grind, comic book comedy: there's no audience to play off of; the physical lizard-brain reaction of watching a person acting foolish or outrageous, you don't get that with a comic; getting the timing on a comic generally is hard-- doing jokes (which are all about timing) on top of that???

I have this Old Man Conversation with folks sometimes, and it goes basically like this:

"Is it us? Maybe it's us. Maybe things are still great and we're just too old now. Maybe it's not them-- maybe it's us. Maybe we've seen it all and we're jaded now, and the comics are as good as they've ever been, and it's us, we're aging like a bowl of spaghetti that's been left out on a porch."

But then a comic comes along like 4 Kids that's funny, that's funny in a character-centric way, funny because it has characters you enjoy seeing interact with one another, funny because it's got dialogue with a voice to it, funny because it has rhythm...?

Here's what that means: IT'S NOT US! It's them!   It was them all along-- in the Hallway, with the lead pipe, I think I just won this game of Clue! If some comic I never heard of from some people I never heard of published by some yahoos whose name I can't remember can still stick the landing on a $4 serial comic-- IT'S THEM. And I'm going to be young forever!

1-- Sir Alfred by Tim Hensley

I've written about this comic a couple times this year. It's a sort of biography of Alfred Hitchcock, or of the legend of Alfred Hitchcock at least. It's hard to say, which is what I like about this comic so much: it's a cartoon about a real-life person ... but a real-life person who had in our collective memory of him already become a sort of cartoon.

What was the "real" Alfred Hitchcock like? I wouldn't pretend to know -- but I know that I do have a fictional Alfred Hitchcock in my head, an amalgamation of biography, anecdotes, rumors, and a mythology that Hitchcock himself purposefully created as part of his marketing. I know that Hitchcock isn't the "real" Hitchcock -- but at some point, does it matter that I "know" that? Does it make a difference if the Alfred Hitchcock that's really "alive" for me is my fake version?

And isn't that process true not just of Hitchcock, but almost every historical figure? Isn't it true of people right now, alive right now-- what's the difference between how people think about celebrities, politicians, our various elites and a cartoon character?

The comic strips featured in Sir Alfred are funny, cute, gag strips of a kind that comics used to truck in more frequently in the way, way back when. But behind that funny surace is a sort of bigger and more troubling concern: how time and speed boil down every human being until they've become two-dimensional, symbols, sketches more than flesh, blood. And consequentially, how little we know about each other or can connect with each other, ultimately.

Hensley's comics, for me, it's how they unpack in my head after I've read them. None of them are inscrutable or mystery boxes -- at the beginning, there's a certain amount of confusion about what he's up to, why he'd bothered, why so much precision is being directed towards recreating a vernacular held in such disregard (and probably correctly so). But by the end, they all make sense for me. There's a point where his work just unfurls, blossoms, and some bigger thematic picture eeks out from its cocoon-- a thematic picture that's thorny and interesting but always presented in a way that's light-hearted, joke-y, tongue firmly in cheek, and deeply of comics.

His work is just about the best thing going.

HONORARY MENTION

World War 3, published by Ace Comics in 1953, authors unknown.

The comic I got most tickled by this year, an oldie-but-goodie that I'd just noticed had been floating around the internet for years, not nearly trumpeted enough. More the very first story in the comic, "World War 3 Unleashed", than the follow-ups.

But that first one...

It's just panel after panel of bangers.

Crazy-making sincere. Heartless. Paranoid. Dirty-feeling.

There's something that just feels stupid and wrong about it.

So, yeah: this is the good shit.

Apocalypse-comics fans might also want to check out Sneak Attack from Ace Comics 1952 publication's Atomic War #1:

There is an alternate history of comics where little kids in 1952 and 1953 realized which way was up and got behind Ace Comics in a big way.

Easy money says that history would have been 10,000 times more rad.

WORST COMICS

I'm looking through my notes of what I read this year. Nothing jumps out as especially bad, as especially upsetting. I didn't care enough to get angry about anything, which makes me sad, but.

Mostly, my notes reflect that reading comics in 2016 for me was mostly a story about an oppressive tedium. Of feeling asleep. Of wanting to read stuff that'd wake me up. Of wondering if there was something wrong with me. And just wading through a whole bunch of yawns, trying to find something to care about.

If I'd read a bunch of Marvel comics, I'd be talking about Marvel comics. But I mostly read a bunch of Image Comics.

So my notes are filled with (and this all very nearly verbatim) "Renato Jones: The One -- that was a pile of shit; just really fucking dumb" and "Seven to Eternity: shitty-- like a grocery-store fantasy novel ... underwhelming" and "Velvet: did something go wrong?" and "Sex Criminals: the creators showed up in-comic ala Grant Morrison's Animal Man except to talk about a tumblr post??" and "The Fix: I was just really bored for 95% of it. It was sort of like 'oh yeah this is what I've been avoiding'" and "Why can't Image publish more comics for 9-11 truthers?"

I'm not sure what the common denominator to all these things are, besides me. I wasn't a good audience this year. I wasn't interested in people telling their little stories.

So: worst thing about reading comics I guess this year was me, the reader...???

Well, not counting all the scumbags at DC and Dark Horse. And not counting that time comic people were full-throated yelling how "Devin Faraci is right -- all you comic fans are scum-- we deserve better than you" and then it IMMEDIATELY turned out Faraci had sexually assaulted a girl -- nice choice of hero bros whooopsie-doopsie. And not counting that time Jack Davis and Richard Thompson died on the same day-- not counting the fucking Grim Reaper. And not counting that time Peter David went gonzo-racist at a convention.

Actually, looking at my list again, maybe the worst thing in comics was just Image Comics full-stop, because man, Renato Jones-- that really was pretty terrible-- that was just stone dumb. I felt pretty embarrassed for the entire mother-loving Planet Earth, reading that sucker. Image Comics could have stopped that from happening.

Image Comics could have done something, said something, told somebody!

Yeah. Yeah, I want to change my answer-- I'm never the problem! I'm going to be young forever!

FAVORITE MOVIES

Never saw: Ex Machina, Midnight Special, Hell or High Water, Always Shine, Moonlight, Silence, Manchester by the Sea, or 20th Century Women.

Here's what I dug:

10. Don't Breathe

This slot was never going to go to Arrival or Toni Erdmann or Nocturnal Animals-- I just wasn't too into any of those movies (Animals, in particular, I had zero use for). It could've gone to 13 Hours or my beloved, beloved Now You See Me 2, but I saw this flick the other night-- and I'm not really a horror guy, but I just thought it was a gas. I just thought it was a fun little horror-thriller flick that hit exactly the mark it had set out to hit-- except for one scene which was too stupid for words.

Sure, probably an easy movie to dismiss, but I particularly liked how it was all visual storytelling, all editing, all about these physical performances, instead of just gore or knife-kills or whatever. It felt more like a kung fu flick or a dance movie that way. Plus, look: the premise just makes me laugh.

9. Circle

This was a movie that turned up on Netflix in 2016. I'd never heard of it. I had no idea what it was about. I just put it on randomly, completely randomly, while I was cooking up some food-- I like to put stuff on for noise because I'm slow at cooking, not being very good at it. It didn't even sound like anything I'd like-- I just remember thinking the Netflix images looked weird.

So this was a memorable movie experience for me. Terrible acting-- I mean, terrible. Right on the nose metaphors. An abject lack of subtlety. A not particularly well executed episode of a Twilight Zone vibe to it all.

But I totally bought in. It got me at the right time. It got me at the right place. I got suckered in. It had a cool idea, and then I laughed when I saw where it took it.

Was Arrival a better movie than this, say? Absolutely. But two-thirds of the way into Arrival, I left my seat to go to the bathroom, and I took my sweet time while I was gone. I wasn't in any hurry to get back. I don't like lists that are like "here's my pronouncement from the mountain tops" -- I just like to rank the experiences...? This was one of my favorite ones.

(Though from an experience standard, I walked out of Now You See Me 2 higher than just about any other fucking thing, but ... I just can't even pretend that's because it's a "Great movie" so much as just how that movie filled me with a great love for humanity, that humanity managed to make a Now You See Me 2, at all. For me, Woody Harrelson playing dual roles as his own evil twin brother whose magical gibberish-powered hypnosis powers somehow rival his own was a small step for man, but a giant leap for mankind...)

8. Shin Godzilla

What is more boring and takes fewer risks than franchise movies?

So, I was so happy how this took this old, storied franchise and repurposed it to make a movie about bureaucracy. Godzilla doesn't fight Megalon-- Godzilla fights a department of office workers.

My favorite shot in action movies is when a camera slowly pans over a table full of guns, that swagger of filmmakers telling the audience they mean business. This movie had those shots-- for photocopiers, staples, file folders.

This movie's directors created a formula when they worked at an anime studio named Gainax:  (a) take a classic science fiction nerd-genre and (b) insert the characters you'd LEAST want handling fantastical threats, the least qualified, the most inept.  Which is clever:  it makes you have to root more for the good guys to win.  Good-looking people don't need you to root for them -- God already rooted for them.  But wastoids?  You better go buy some pom-poms.

Seeing them use that formula here, watching them figure out that the people you'd least want to see fight Godzilla are modern bureaucrats... The results were wildly imperfect, sometimes astonishingly boring, but overall, I just found watching that formula in action for a Godzilla movie invigorating.

Because if you believe it doesn't matter that "it's all been done before," if you believe that things having been "done before" shouldn't stop artists from being creative and finding new places to take things, if you believes those things, well, then these are dark times. And Shin Godzilla's a nice rare sigh of relief.

7. Green Room

I think one of the characters says the word "meatgrinder" out loud, which sort of sums up the whole appeal and aesthetic of this movie. Relentless; unsympathetic; heart of ice.

A pretty-much-all-British cast plays American nazis, and it doesn't matter because the real star is an adorable puppy and the healing power of music. Mr. Holland's Opus finally has the unauthorized-but-equally-uplifting sequel we were all waiting for.

6. High Rise

Kinda feels stupid to say a lot about this movie. It's not really a subtle one. It'd be like writing an essay about that time I got punched in the eye. I got punched in the eye- it felt a certain way-- the end.

5. Nerve

This was my favorite trailer this year-- I laughed and laughed and laughed. So when the movie came out, I went to check it out, expecting to just giggle and shake my heads and go "oh those kids, with their teen romance internet-thrills party movies...".

At some point during this movie, did I stop laughing at it and start going along with it completely? Did it win me over and I had to go "no this isn't something to laugh at-- I care too much about these characters"?

No. No, the reason I like Nerve so much is that by the end, I 100% cared about the characters, but I never ever ever stopped laughing at this movie. It did both those things simultaneously.

4. Hail, Caesar!

My favorite writer-directors on fuck-around gag mode. A lot of people hated this one-- underrate it, I think, though it certainly has its imperfections (I'd have liked more of a resolution for Alden Ehrenreich's character, though it's hard to guess if the Coens knew they'd gotten lucky on that casting). But where I think they lost a lot of people is that it's a gag movie, but they never really spell out the gag for people. You just have to key into this movie's wavelength, on this one.

I think the gag is this: the movie is like one of those Fables shows where fairy tales are all real and talking to one another-- you know, Once Upon A Time, Little Red Riding Hood Except Modern, ABC's What's Bleeding Into My Underwear, etc. But instead of being about old-school fairy tales, it's about the mythology of the Golden Age of Hollywood. What if every myth about that time was true? "The cowboys are the good guys. The studio boss is a tough guy with a heart of gold looking out for his talent. Danny Kaye's got a hairy back. The famous movie actress is a brassy dame who just needs to find a nice, normal boy and settle down. The writers are all stinking commies."

It's a movie about a movie about religion that's actually a movie about the religion of movies. It's the Coens throwing around big silly set pieces (e.g., Channing Tatum tap-dancing) where they tell you flat-out how the set piece hokey, they ain't hiding the hokiness ... but they also know you can't help but like the set piece anyways. Because sure, it's silly, but what's the alternative? In the Coen universe, the alternative always tends to be sitting in a Chinese restaurant looking at a photo of a Bomb.

Plus, the Ralph Fiennes scene is probably the funniest scene all year.

3. Swiss Army Man

Daniels!! I have loved this music video directing team for years and years-- and it was exciting that their big screen debut continued in the themes that had made their music video work so exciting. Namely, Daniels does body horror comedies.

Example: this movie's better known by the internet as "the farting corpse movie."

There aren't a ton of body horror comedies-- there's Splash. There's some Steve Martin movies. There's all the body-flip comedies, or movies where men wake up as women or whatever. But most of the body horror comedies really skimp on the horror bits. Most don't involve a corpse.

Not for everybody. One, farting corpse. Two, it's the kind of thing people who like it will call whimsical and people who hate it will call twee as fuck hipster shit. But Daniels just commits so fully to the body horror, the confusion, this premise, these characters, that they end up with a movie about self-acceptance that I don't think more timid artists could match.

Self-acceptance is some tricky shit to think about; tricky shit to talk about; maybe boldness is required.

2. Hypernormalisation

A three hour Adam Curtis documentary released before the election about the last 40 years of history, with consideration paid especially to Libya, Syria, Trump and Putin. It's just helpful because Curtis tries to focus on, articulate and explain something that people tend to overlook or dismiss or take for granted while treating things like a horse race-- that things have stopped making sense.

The pitch: Hypernormalisation is a term that describes how before the fall of the Soviet Union, people knew that something was wrong with their system, but accepted all the wrong as "normal" anyways-- until it all collapsed. Now, our own system, horrible things happen-- financial crises, wars based on fake intelligence, control slipping away from ordinary people in countless ways-- but nothing changes and no one is held accountable. And we all know there's something wrong with that, but we also just accept it as normal.

The movie tries to explain what happened. I don't know if it succeeds 100%.  But that's a heck of a goal.   As a particularly disorienting example, after you see it, Trump winning feels like it makes sense, at least narratively. I don't know if I'd describe that as comforting...? But the movie takes a stab at a real and sane explanation for what's happening, which seems to be in short supply.

Plus: I just think it's fun as a movie. Curtis puts on some tunes, and shows some Jane Fonda workout videos. The way he makes these isn't some dull lecture or dumbed-down Michael Moore harangue. He just washes footage over the viewer-- sometimes making points or telling smaller stories that don't seem germane to his points (a stretch about a Japanese gambler, say)-- and lets the cumulative effect say what it has to: we're fucking suckers.

1. The Nice Guys

Audiences didn't go. There probably won't be more like this in a while, so I went twice. The audience gasped the same gasps in the same places both times. I feel like this is closer to the kinds of movies I really loved as a kid than that Rogue One, than any of these big noisy movies, but this movie failing, maybe that's the death knell. That's some horn sounding. Time to die.

I don't get it. I just thought there was everything to like about this one.

Shane Black, finally resurrecting a script I'd read years and years ago, "the Lost Shane Black movie."

Shane Black on full-on unapologetic Shane Black mode.

Russel Crowe, finally in an action movie I can get behind -- I wasn't into Gladiator, so I've been waiting for that since LA Confidential.

Ryan Gosling, playing one of Black's damaged hero characters-- throwing all his charm and likability behind a shitty alcoholic dad who'd destroyed his family and his life, someone the audience would have every reason to hate... and pulling it off.

Detectives. Mystery. Girls on the run. Keith David.

Los Angeles.

HONORARY MENTION

No one told me about Michael Keaton bravura performance, in a room all by himself in 2014's Need for Speed, playing a street race enthusiast podcast billionaire.

Did he win the Oscar for Need for Speed? Technically no-- he won in 2014 for Birdman, and the Infinite Sadness. But did some Oscar voters see his performance in Need for Speed, and realize that voting for Keaton for that dopey movie was their only way to reward true excellence?

My gut says yes.

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJuX_ewdAhU[/embed]

Here is Feel the Need for Speed, my loving 12 minute fan-edit of Need for Speed. I made a fan-edit because I don't know how to sculpt marble. Or what a Need for Speed marble sculpture would even look like.

"I look at a giant block of marble and I cut away everything that doesn't feel the Need for Speed." -Michelangelo, sculptor/party dude.

WORST MOVIE

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call.

I had this thing I believed: that people had been programmed by their society with ideas, beliefs, thoughts that were external to them; that this was wrong-- that any meaningful freedom includes being free of any kind of external brainwashing; that this programming included a lot of ideas about men and women that were really pretty silly if you spent any time thinking about them, all gussied up with bullshit psuedo-science-- but ideas that are also unfortunately profitable to some terrible fucking monsters; that if people talked to each other about those silly ideas, and how those silly ideas get taught, reinforced, expressed (including culturally), that this was good because it could get people to question their programming, and more cognizant of how grotesque people are profitting from that programming.

And that sure, sometimes those conversations could get pretty messy, but people were challenging themselves and helping each other realize their programming, and well, that was worth some headaches.

That was what I believed.

But then, this fucking Ghostbusters movie happened.

Yes, yes, yes-- some of the worst people in the world were obnoxious about this movie.  Anime nazis were angry, and it's fun to make fun of them since they're so mentally damaged and unfuckable. And YES, they were obnoxious for stupid-ass reasons-- some made-up nonsense about childhoods they've plainly needed to outgrow for a long, long time.

But this time, a machinery responding to those folks really went into overdrive.  And what it felt like for me at least, was that something broke. Something went totally out of control.

I felt like there were parts of the internet where every day, a few times a day, you would see people sarcastically ranting how anyone-- ANYONE, not just anime nazis, anyone-- who didn't want to see this movie, had any issue with this movie, had any doubt that this movie was a good idea ... was flawed, corrupted, broken, misogynist. All Men Unenthusiastic About Watching Middle Age Women Ghostbust were SCUM. And this machinery that wanted to incessantly parade this unearned sarcasm, they were the ONLY GOOD PEOPLE awake to how the world should really be.

Why, they were going to see Ghostbusters TWICE so that they could drink the tears of All Males Ever.  

It wasn't fun sarcasm -- it wasn't persuasive sarcasm -- it was a grinding, repulsive sarcasm.  And I enjoy sarcasm.  I was sarcastic once, many years ago, and I think it went well, except for the punching and the crying and the running.  But this, it just felt like it was incessant.  And misguided.

"We need more female-lead action-comedy franchises" is worth fighting for. It's weird there aren't more of those. But a Ghostbusters remake? Worth fighting for?  "Big budget special effects-driven remake that is intended to transform preexisting property into a multi-revenue stream franchise that will invariably crowd original ideas out the marketplace" seems self-evidently too tainted at the outset to argue that it has much moral progress to it.

There is a distinction there that I think people started to ignore, that got drowned out, that somehow became "besides the point." And none of this seemed honest after a while. The first trailer looked like shit? The sarcasm grew louder. The second trailer looked like worse shit? The sarcasm grew louder. The movie bombed? "Well, the Democrats will play it on a jumbotron during the inauguration, so take that, patriarchy!"

I remember at one point, every single one of these people on the internet stopped and in unison started screaming at ONE WHOLE RANDOM YAHOO who put out a youtube video saying he didn't want to see the Ghostbusters movie. One guy! One entire guy putting out one entire Youtube video! But a crowd of people: "How dare one entire guy dissent?? EEEEEEEEEE."

How did that level of insecurity and moral panic come to seem healthy and normal to so many people?

This all felt like it stopped being about people questioning their programming, or trying to provoke other people into questioning theirs. And it became something else.  "I'm a feminist who's going to beat all the other men at feminism and win the feminism trophy. You can bet with that mentality, I've always treated all kinds of women with respect!" -- Devin Faraci and an all-star calvacade of the internet's shittiest dudes. (SPOILER WARNING:  No).   Are these My-Brand-Is-Fightin'-for-the-Ladies He-Men Oh-Whoops-They're-Creepos an aberration, or an inevitability in this context?

This would have been a toxic conversation around a good movie.  But the Ghostbusters movie wasn't a good movie, not by a mile, which made it all the worse.

It wasn't funny.  It wasn't fun. The characters mostly weren't memorable. The racial politics were not ideal (which was made pretty unavoidably noticeable considering, you know, everything else).  Some of the biggest gags in the movie were lame and dull and missed any kind of mark (e.g., Hemsworth). The villain stunk-- a complete drag; unnecessary, uninteresting, not compelling. It didn't get at all what made the original work, but replaced that with no new insight or worthy angle on the material.  The story was sluggish and uninvolving. Too many special effects rather than comedy ideas. Too much corporate franchise fan service-- "Here's a scene where the Ghostbusters' logo gets created! Here's a scene where we explain how they get a hearse! Here are cameos, cameos, cameos, instead of spending time taking characters you care about through a meaningful story."

Fans talked up one particular action scene, but it only lasted approximately 10 seconds, 5 of which were in the trailer.

It was a slog to get through-- it was unpleasant and unentertaining to watch.

I hear infant girls like it because it taught them they can someday ghost-bust. That's nice. But that could've happened with a movie with functioning jokes in it. This movie had Debarge references instead.

Would this have been a more palatable movie without this horrible stew that got cooked up around it (and again, yes, a stew that really got fired up because of ludicrous and hideous-souled anime nazis overreacting to Ghostbuster casting)?  Was watching this movie poisoned by the conversation?  I think.  But I don't think I'd have even seen the movie but for that conversation either.  I'd have steered pretty far clear after that second trailer, entirely.

Look, there's no question one side was worse in this-- involuntarily celibate anime fans have all decided to be nazis now; they love something called Rourouni Kenshoo and hate minorities; I don't claim to fully understand it.  But in the long-term, this Ghostbusters "over-correct" didn't feel like it was just a one-off aberration. It felt like a horrible New Normal. Maybe that was just because of the election (where that same sarcasm was undeniably present -- PS another bellyflop, The Good People: 0 for 2 in 2016); but I have doubts that's true. Sure, the implications of all this may not have me as worried as NAZIS-- NAZIS kinda skew things. But it's still not really in the neighborhood of good. It's not desirable.

And it's far, far off from where I'd hoped things would go, which is people waking up to the fact that we've all been victimized, we are all the playthings of sinister people very intent on manipulating us to fight each other so we keep ignoring them, and that we are all letting those sinister folks win when we play the games they've very much programmed us to play.

Counterpoint:

So that's another possible explanation for why I didn't like seeing Kate McKinnon dance around meaninglessly to Debarge.  Who's to say...

FAVORITE TELEVISION

10. Line of Duty-- Final Episode, Season 3

I hadn't seen seasons 1 or 2 of this British crime drama-- I hadn't heard anything too good. But I just skipped to Season 3 after seeing fans react to a moment online-- a bit with a text message.

The rest of the show's got good bits and weak bits-- a little generic overall. But the text message was worth it. And even if that hadn't been there, look, the whole experience was worth it because it brought the dude pictured above into my life, definitely my favorite character of 2016. He's a constantly-disapproving head police-type guy who is frowning and very upset with every other character on this show because they let him down.

I don't know that I've ever seen a dude on TV be better at being disappointed by other people as this guy is.

I don't want to follow this guy's adventures in a TV show. I want more than that. I want this guy to come to a gym with me, and yell at me if I don't work out hard enough. I want an alarm clock app of this guy waking me up, by telling me that my father expected more from me. I want him to be able to push a button that randomly slaps food from out of my mouth at random and unexpected intervals. I want him to show up Max Headroom-style on Pornhub, and set me straight on the birds and the bees.  That's what I'm paying the license fee for, Queen Fancypants, so tell the Beeb to get on it and make that happen!

9. BrainDead -- "Notes Towards a Post-Reagan Theory"

When I've forgotten most of the TV on this list, I think I'm still going to remember the sex scene in this episode. There's an explanation for what's going on but I suspect it's just as good to wath it without that explanation.

8. The Good Place - "Jason Mendoza"

This year a lot of people fell in love with Westworld, a show with slow, long running storylines that gradually moseyed their way to some pretty obvious twists. And I was okay with Westworld, I guess. But for serialized television, I think the better game in town is this NBC sitcom.

Each episode has built on the previous ones, and the twists for me have been more unexpected, more satisfying, especially in this episode where the audience gets to meet Jason Mendoza.

Plus: the thing I got annoyed by sometimes with Parks & Rec was how everyone became such goody goodies over time. But I kinda dig how that's this whole show's schtick. I dig that they turned into the skid, rather than try to be something they're not. They hired Kristen Bell-- almost all the characters by definition are great people-- one character literally starts giving lessons in how to be a good person on this show. And it works. I think it's fun. At least, I want to find out what happens next more on this show than I ever did with the cowboy one, where I mostly just rooted for nudity.

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MubunsD-7g[/embed]

7. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's Election Specials

"I'd rather hear stuff like that than your little foo-foo tag lines that don't make sense."

For me, there was approximately ZERO good televised political comedy this year, besides these Triumph shows.  (Well, and the Eric Andre convention videos).

6. Gilmore Girls - "Summer"

I think this is the fans' least favorite episode because it has a half-hour musical in it about incest and Stars Hollow, but this one is my favorite episode because it has a half-hour musical in it about incest and Stars Hollow.

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YeCpHoy9EQ[/embed]

5. Cunk on Shakespeare

"That's the basic difference between Hamlet and Taken -- Liam Neeson makes up his mind."

4. Black Mirror-- "San Junipero"

A fast, all-thrills episode? No. Predictable? I guess, if that matters.

But I just liked the big technicolor emotions of this one. All the adolescent swooning and the teen ache of it. The Saved by the Bell aesthetics and the way characters's big intellectual stances don't so much change as just sort of erode-- heart vs. brains, brains are going to lose that every time.

I liked that Black Mirror put all of what Mallory Ortberg calls "what if phones, but too much?" of the show aside, and just went for this romance-- and that it made a counter-argument to the other episodes about technology, the way all the dystopias Charlie Brooker has posited might all be worth it because of how technology has let people who've been denied a voice find people and places where they can belong, how the spiritual-emptiness of of technology can sometimes be its biggest blessing, considering what absolute twats "spiritual-minded" people can be.

And I like that it was this frilly love story without for me at least (and mileage varies on this one) being too, too saccharine-- because the episode leaves space for the hard bits. There's other people in that episode who do not seem like happy people-- the long term prospects of those characters seem like they might end up being pretty sinister. It leaves space for the idea that we might be lucky to be leaving the characters at their happiest moment, that there's reason for concern ahead, that nothing's perfect forever.

I like that it's not a perfect ending-- imperfect endings are usually the happiest endings most of us can manage.

3. The Girlfriend Experience-- "Blindsided"

The fun of the Girlfriend Experience: it's a show about watching a woman who 99% of the time is completely opaque about what she's thinking or feeling, insincere, lying, while she has sex, for money, while also working as an intern at a prestigious law firm. The character never tells you what she's thinking -- and if you think she does, she's usually playing you.

Riley Keough plays the woman, and pulls off the bit the show really needed for it to have worked: you have to believe there's something underneath that opaque surface, something dark, something fucking angry. She had to give the viewer some reason to want to keep watching to see if when that surface cracked, what would be underneath. I don't know anything about acting, but it seemed like a pretty impressive trick to me, anyways, Keough's work here.

I don't want to spoil the show, but "Blindsided" is the episode where that surface cracks the most. It doesn't last for very long-- this isn't the final episode of the series by any means, though it definitely feels like it as it's happening. But the most the show gives the viewer usually is just getting to watch as something clicks behind Keough's eyes, some lizard-brain instincts kicking in. And that's not this episode. They give the viewer a little more to watch on this one.

2. Documentary Now -- "Parker Gail's Location is Everything"

This is the only thing on any of these lists I've seen like 4-5 times, that I made it a point to rewatch and rewatch and rewatch and rewatch.

I loved those Spalding Grey movies in college, so a parody as loving and exact and affectionate and critical and dubious as this was +1,000,000 to start out with for me. But even setting that aside, this was just a great half hour of comedy -- peak Bill Hader, John Mulaney work on the script; just that same thing that made the Grey movies so great-- getting to just watch a guy behind a table tell a crazy story, without any clutter, the inherent energy of that. For something so short, there's an awful lot I could point to that makes it great (e.g., the ways they find to blow up the Grey formula).

Documentary Now wasn't my favorite show in the first season. I admire the amount of weird comedy Fred Armisen has put out into the world, but I'm still not fast to sign up as a huge Armisen fan, for different reasons. The jokes tended to be a little too cutesy, and not have much teeth to them, except for maybe the Blue Jeans Committee two-parter. But the second season I thought became more effective -- with this episode; with the season finale, another Hader-Mulaney joke machine, recreating the Kid Stays in the Picture.

1. Fleabag -- Final Episode

I've just talked and talked about this show, but it's my favorite anything this year. I liked this more than any of the movies or comics listed above, anyways. It just ...

It's not one thing. Sometimes it's depressing; sometimes it's funny; sometimes it's kind; sometimes it's cruel. It's dirty; it's silly; it's got real sadness to it. It's sympathetic-- I didn't feel like it was a judgmental show, which is where a lesser version could have so easily gone wrong. None of the supporting characters know they're supporting characters-- all of them seem like they're trying to muddle through, same as the main character, even characters you assume are completely insignificant when you first meet them.

It's all anchored by the show's very likable writer/star, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who just always seems to go all out (though in certain respects, maybe not as much as the curry scene from Crashing-- like from a laundry perspective, at least?). And I just like how it just kept poking at the audience. "How do you feel about the main character? Oh. Well, NOW, how do you feel about the main character? Oh. Well, okay, okay, NOW how do you feel about the main character?"

There's never one answer, except by the end, just wanting her to be okay, just wanting her to be okay.

HONORARY MENTION

I mostly just watched a lot of Psych this year, though.

WORST TV

John Oliver - The Post-election Episode

What does a comedy show do when life stops being funny?

The team at John Oliver had a brilliant answer to that question: also stop being funny, at all, don't even try to be funny, forget being a comedy show, and instead spend a half hour lecturing viewers like they were stupid children about how they should subscribe to the New York Times, America's leading source for fake news in the run-up to the Iraq War, like that'll do any goddamn thing whatsoever.

Or wait-- tell people to just repeat "this isn't normal" because that's what we need-- more viral content. "Make America Drumf again. Say 'this isn't normal a bunch,' like a braying jackass. Star Wars Kid dancing! Memes!"

It's not that sincerity is the enemy. Stephen Colbert was sincere on election night and watching him react to the news in real time restored a lot of my enthusiasm for that guy that had gotten lost when I was watching him try to be Carson, Letterman, someone he wasn't.  I'm back on board with Colbert because he let himself be a human being, having human being shit happen on his face.

That last Oliver show wasn't vulnerable. It was just more partisan rancor. Which just seems like the opposite of vulnerability.

And the tragedy is how that rancor has ruined the show for me to some extent. When Oliver started, the thing that made it thrilling for me at least was that he wasn't talking about the news of the day -- there were other stories going on, that most people were ignoring, and he could take this platform HBO had given him, and refocus people on something besides the one-issue carnivals of the rest of the media.

There was an episode about chicken farming. Municipal violations. Stadiums. Food waste. Civil asset forfeiture. The world is filled with so many important issues that go ignored, or only get "reported" in the most boring way possible, the easiest way to tune out possible. Oliver felt valuable.

And they threw that all away so they could yell Drumpf over and over into people's silly bubbles. Do you believe the exact same shit all your friends do? Congratulations on John Oliver destroying all right wing people ever-- there aren't any more right wing people anymore, he destroyed half, and Samantha Bee screeched the other half of them into oblivion. You win (warning: side effects of right wing people being "destroyed" may include you losing all power everywhere to right wing people in every possible capacity).

They turned a funny show that I think was doing something genuinely exciting into just more impotent noise. By the end, there weren't any jokes. There wasn't anything to laugh about. People who probably do need to hear about payday loans, public defenders, financial advisers, etc. had a reason to turn off, tune out, dismiss. And not enough people were persuaded for any of it to have been even a little worth it.

Total failure.

FAVORITE GAMES

I don't really like to talk about the fact I like games, because I'm at an age where it feels like a shameful thing to like. But this has been a pretty damn great year for games. AAA games, Indie games, weird online gag-games-- it's just kind of been an unusual embarrassment of riches. Here were the high-points for me:

10 - Can You Have Sex with the President of the United States?

A Clickhole choose-your-own-adventure novel finally asked the question that I've always wanted to know the answer to.

The answer was yes.

This was all way more fun to imagine before Trump, though. Did Rouropo Kooshi didn't warn you about that, anime nazis?  Did it??

9 - Quadrilateral Cowboy

Brendon Chung's hacking game-- a quick cyberpunk puzzle romp, but one that swerves at the very end away from all those hijinx and lands somewhere very sweet, very gentle. I liked that the hacking cyberpunk puzzle game ended on such a human note.

8 - Dishonored 2.

Playing this now. I never played Dishonored 1, and the game's overarching story seems like some pretty dopey nonsense-- you're playing a character desperate to continue subjugating the poors under some kind of feudal monarchy. That isn't a fantasy I've ever personally gotten much juice out of.

But that's just the game's story-- the player's story is loads better than that. It all takes place in this gorgeous high-budget game world where every inch of it feels fussed over, layered, attended to with fake histories, hidden narratives, incidental world-building. And the game encourages you not to kill, so if you play along, each encounter can become a suspenseful rush with a million things that can go wrong. If you want to play along. Or you can go in guns blazing. Or you can sneak past everybody. And so on-- the game lets the player choose their own story to an impressive degree, and the rest of the game seems remarkably responsive to the choices the player makes.

7 - Oxenfree

Comics' Adam Hines (Duncan the Wonder-Dog) and a small team of gamedevs put out this small adventure game this year. Not everything about the story worked, but ... Other games have tried to focus on dialogue, but usually you kinda just try to skip past the dialogue as fast as possible to get back to the bits where you can play. With Oxenfree, they managed to have the dialogue not be so much at the expense of gameplay. Which made interacting with the characters feel like a reward for a change, or the point, instead of some box to check, a chore to get to the next level.

6 - Hitman--Sapienza

Hitman was sold on an episode-by-episode basis unless you bought a season pass. And when the first episode came out, I remember thinking they were in trouble because there was so many things wrong with how that game felt. Most notably, there were these crippling load times, that made experimenting and trying different things way too hard. It was kind of a bummer.

But then the second Hitman episode came out, Sapienza. All the things wrong with the first one? Still true of the second episode. The load times are horrendous. Except Sapienza is just such a superb level. It's this entire Italian resort town, filled with these little narratives that you can interact with; disrupt. Tourists watch a clown perform. Churchgoers pray quietly at pews. Family yell at each other from their apartments. Buddies have lunch with each other. Cooks stir spaghetti sauce. Fishermen stand at docks, and wait for a tug on their line.

It just feels good to walk around Sapienza.

5 - Firewatch

This game was all about being a lonely fire-lookout employee in 1980's Wyoming, and interacting with another, more senior employee by radio. Pretty to look at thanks to contributions from painter Olly Moss; well acted thanks to a cast that included Mad Men's Rich Sommer. Yes: the story had major issues. But getting to play this "relationship" with the other firewatch employee felt new and the execution on at least the relationship I thought was surprisingly strong.

4 - Stardew Valley

Oh god. This game was the time evaporator. It's a farm simulator. Which is never a genre I thought I would be into. But I just spent hour after hour blissed out, growing imaginary fruit and buying coffee for the lonely people in my imaginary farm town.

I think what got me so invested was just the beginning. The game opens with a character in a cubicle who hates their life, throwing their hands up and moving to the family farm to get away from modern life. So everything in the game is built around that idea that you've escaped something when you play it-- the escapism is just soaked into the premise.

3 - Uncharted 4

Naughty Dog makes my favorite games, and I thought this one was another big step forward. And the last scene landed perfect with me.

2 - Kentucky Route Zero Act 4

Just the most interesting games being built re: writing, themes, world.

1 - Inside

I just thought this was a perfect game.

I like Journey more but that's the only thing I'd even think to compare it to.

WORST GAME

No Man's Sky.

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvAwB7ogkik[/embed]

SKETCHES AND SHORT INTERNET VIDEOS

5. 110 Year Old Woman Flossie Dickey.

4. The Answers.

3. Donald Trump and Jimmy Fallon are Best Friends.

2. Eric Andre at the RNC.

1. Kenzo World - the New Fragrance.

Arriving 12/28/16

The final shipping list of 2016! This is has been quite the year and comics are ready to send it out in a big, BIG way! The return of DARK KNIGHT III, new SAGA, MONSTRESS, ALL STAR BATMAN and SNOTGIRL. Plus the debut of the brand new She-Hulk book, simply titled HULK, From Mariko Tamaki and Nico Leon.

Check the cut for the rest and see you on the other side!

ACTION COMICS #970 AD AFTER DEATH BOOK 02 (OF 3) ALIENS DEFIANCE #8 ALIENS VS PREDATOR LIFE AND DEATH #1 ALL STAR BATMAN #5 BATGIRL #6 BATMAN BEYOND #3 BLACK PANTHER #9 BLACK WIDOW #9 BLUE BEETLE #4 CAPTAIN AMERICA STEVE ROGERS #8 CARNAGE #15 CIVIL WAR II #8 (OF 8) CLEAN ROOM #15 DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #7 (OF 8) DEADLY CLASS #25 DEATHSTROKE #9 DETECTIVE COMICS #947 DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #3 EAST OF WEST #30 ELEPHANTMEN #74 EXODUS LIFE AFTER #10 EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #17 IVX FLASH #13 FROSTBITE #4 (OF 6) FUTURE QUEST #8 GHOST RIDER #2 GI JOE (2016) #1 GOLD DIGGER CHRISTMAS SPECIAL #10 GREAT LAKES AVENGERS #3 GUIDE MARVEL UNIV AGENTS SHIELD SEASON 3 CARTER SEASON 2 HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #11 HARLEYS LITTLE BLACK BOOK #5 HARROW COUNTY #19 HELLBLAZER #5 HULK #1 NOW INFAMOUS IRON MAN #3 INSEXTS #9 JADE STREET PROTECTION SERVICES #3 JAMES BOND #12 JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #2 (OF 6) LUMBERJANES #33 MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS #10 MAIN CVR MIGHTY THOR #14 MONSTRESS #9 MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #14 MOTHER PANIC #2 MUNCHKIN #24 OVER GARDEN WALL ONGOING #9 PRINCELESS RAVEN PIRATE PRINCESS #12 PROWLER #3 CC RICK & MORTY #21 ROCKET RACCOON #1 NOW ROM #6 ROMULUS #3 SAGA #41 SAVAGE #2 SCOOBY DOO TEAM UP #21 SERENITY NO POWER IN THE VERSE #3 (OF 6) SEVEN TO ETERNITY #4 SEX #34 SHUTTER #25 SIXPACK & DOGWELDER HARD-TRAVELIN HEROZ #5 (OF 6) SKIP TO THE END #4 (OF 4) SNOTGIRL #5 SPIDER-MAN #11 SPIDER-MAN DEADPOOL #12 SPIDER-WOMAN #14 STAR WARS #26 SUPER POWERS #2 (OF 6) SUPERGIRL BEING SUPER #1 (OF 4) SURGEON X #4 TARZAN ON THE PLANET OF THE APES #4 (OF 5) TEEN TITANS #3 TERRA FLATS #2 THUNDERBOLTS #8 TITANS #6 TOMBOY #9 TRANSFORMERS TILL ALL ARE ONE #6 UNCANNY AVENGERS #18 UNCANNY INHUMANS #17 VIGILANTE SOUTHLAND #3 (OF 6) WARLORDS OF APPALACHIA #3 WAYWARD #19 WITCHFINDER CITY OF THE DEAD #5 WONDER WOMAN #13 X-MEN 92 #10 ZOMBIE TRAMP NEW YEARS EVE 2016

Books/Mags/Things 52 TP VOL 02 ALTER EGO #144 AVENGERS ENDLESS WARTIME TP BIRDS OF PREY TP VOL 03 BLADE OF IMMORTAL OMNIBUS TP VOL 01 BRIGADA HC VOL 01 CLEAN ROOM TP VOL 02 EXILE DISNEY DARKWING DUCK COMICS COLL TP VOL 01 IMAGE PLUS #9 (WALKING DEAD HERES NEGAN PT 9) INVINCIBLE IRON MAN TP VOL 01 REBOOT JLA TP VOL 09 LOVE IS LOVE MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR TP VOL 02 COSMIC COOTIES NIGHTHAWK TP HATE MAKES HATE PREVIEWS #340 JANUARY 2017 PRINCELESS RAVEN PIRATE PRINCESS TP VOL 03 THREE LOVE STORIE SANDMAN MYSTERY THEATRE TP BOOK 02 SECRET SIX TP VOL 02 THE GAUNTLET SPIDER-WOMAN TP VOL 02 SHIFTING GEARS CIVIL WAR II STAR TREK CLASSIC UK COMICS HC VOL 02 STAR WARS LEGENDS EPIC COLLECTION TP VOL 01 CLONE WARS

As always, what do YOU think?

“This Old FAMILIAR!” COMICS! Sometimes It’s Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasin' Bluegills And Tommycods.

Time for one last blast of comics magic before I shut down for the holidays. Read it or don’t. I wish you all the very merriest of holidays. And I send out a special thanks to Brian “ I have Top Men on it.” Hibbs for continuing to host my nonsense for yet another year. It is appreciated. Thanks also to Abhay for classing the joint up in his own uniquely spectacular way. And thanks most of all to you for, gee, just being you.  Have a very merry one, everyone.  And now Ho-Ho-Ho-HOOKJAW! HOOKJAW! By Boyle, Spurrier, Brusco, Steen

Anyway, this…

HOOKJAW #1 Art by Conor Boyle Written by Simon Spurrier Coloured by Giulia Brusco Lettered by Rob Steen HOOKJAW! Created by Ramon Sola & Pat Mills Titan, £2.49 (2016)

HOOKJAW! is a comic about a giant Great White shark which kills people. No, really that’s it. Oh, it has a hook in its jaw as well. What more do you want, tap dancing? No, you want a giant Great White shark with a hook in its jaw eating people; preferably with lavish quantities of misanthropy and a thundering commitment to grotesque carnage. Not only is that officially the Acme of Entertainment, it’s also what made the original HOOKJAW! so spectacularly timeless in its vileness. Yeah, it’s another old idea with a new coat of paint. Judging by the brief mention of the oil rig in the book this is actually a continuamination of, rather than a reimaginimagineering of, the HOOKJAW! serial first published in the 1970s UK weekly comic ACTION. There’s a text bit in the back of the comic which covers the whole ACTION and HOOKJAW! business, but I personally have already covered all that in my own lovably tedious way HERE, so you can read that if you want. No skin off my nose if you don’t. All you need to know is that the original HOOKJAW! was a tour de force application of blunt force trauma to the skull of narrative sophistication.  Of course nowadays genre comics are all about sophistication. Well, that’s how the writers like to sell it; really, it’s all about aping middle-brow television while stretching the most minimal of ideas across as many pages as possible. A lack of Sound FX, landscape panels and a surfeit of quips does not sophistication make, alas. Back in the ‘70s a five page episode of HOOKJAW! would cover as much ground as this 35 page comic and leave you reeling with nausea and groggy with cynicism. This new 2016 iteration comes a cropper on the rocks of forced sophistication early with a horrifically muddled and unengaging prologue. Seriously, what was that all about and (more pertinently) why did it take up so much space? Sophistication, I imagine. Don’t fret; this isn’t one of those old-man-upset-at-modern-approach-to-beloved-property-from-his-childhood rants. (You want a Star Wars fan for that.) No, in fact this book is pretty good, which makes the paptastic prologue even more egregious. Yeah, Spurrier’s shaping up to be a bit of a neat comic writer; he picked up and ran with Alan Moore’s CROSSED PLUS 100 with nary a stumble and his CRY HAVOC is intelligent and imaginative business. He’s a clever chap, and I’ll give his stuff a go without excess trepidation. Although, he can be a bit too self-consciously youthfully sparky at times, but then to be fair I am a somewhat dour old bastard. After the fart of an opening Spurrier rallies fast and certainly uses the rest of the pages to good effect. Like a good specialty butcher at Christmas Spurrier lays out an assortment of meaty treats for our titular piscine predator.

HOOKJAW! By Boyle, Spurrier, Brusco, Steen

Most clearly positioned to elicit our sympathy is the central group of marine scientists who seek to catalogue, analyse and basically further our understanding of sharks. (HOOKJAW! HOOKFACT: Surprisingly little is known about sharks' mating habits and reproduction cycle, largely because they don’t have The Internet.) Within that group there’s the ‘comical’ Australian lady of advanced years who swears a lot. This old-lady-swearing joke isn’t as funny as Spurrier thinks it is, so she deserves to get eaten. There’s the hippy-dippy nature-is-magical dolphin aficionado who is clearly going to get an object lesson in nature and the redness of its tooth via HOOKJAW! Our actual protagonist is a plucky young woman, and we are supposed to root for her, but she is young and resourceful so I hope HOOKJAW! gets her because I am like that. Even younger is the wee Somalian lad who acts as cook and liaison with the frequent pirate boarders. His joke is actually funny, as he translates what the pirates say (normal, eloquent conversation) into what the scientists want to hear (stereotypical native “lawsy-lawsy!” bullshit), but a hallmark of HOOKJAW! is that it was unafraid to have kids get it, so he should die just on general principle.  This bunch are soon joined by Somali pirates (whose arrival is received with genuinely amusing ennui as it is so frequent as to be routine) who represent the depths indigenous people can sink to in a “failed state” which lacks sufficient sexy petroleum based resources for the West to interfere, but there’s no excuse for armed piracy so they too deserve to be devoured by HOOKJAW! It’s all getting a bit crowded by now, but Spurrier finds room for a group of Navy S.E.A.L.S. representing the cocksure swagger and fatally complacent arrogance of the Western military industrial complex, and who therefore absolutely deserve to be devoured by HOOKJAW! Basically (and thankfully) HOOKJAW! isn’t big on moral grey areas. HOOKJAW! doesn’t care if your Dad didn’t hug you enough, HOOKJAW! is hungry and you are made of meat and in his path! Well, this bunch are, and by the end of the issue the screaming has started.

HOOKJAW! By Boyle, Spurrier, Brusco, Steen

Conor Boyle’s art is entertaining enough, a kind of embryonic, scrappier Carla Speed McNeil style. Despite being saddled with such a large human cast he manages to make everyone  distinctive and while it shouldn’t be so impressive that a comic artist can draw young people, old people and people who are somewhere inbetween, it is. Whether that’s testament to Boyle’s abilities or a harsh critique of most other artists is a question for a less joyful season. He’s also good at the sea which, it stands to reason, is quiet important. (HOOKJAW! HOOKFACT: Sharks live in sea water.) Boyle also successfully distracts from the bulk of the book being set aboard a single ship, and also being quite talky, with a restless POV. There’s a brief burst of human on human violence which is efficiently staged, but let’s face facts, a book called HOOKJAW! sinks or swims on its sharks. After all, the sharks are the stars of HOOKJAW! Boyle’s sharks are imposing and not a little intimidating, and his art and Spurrier’s script work in tandem to differentiate them, because there’s a bunch of them. Oh yeah, there’s a whole harem of lady sharks before The Big Lad hoves into view. The true mark of Boyle’s success is that when the Big Fella shows up it’s a proper Elvis walking out on stage M*O*M*E*N*T. HOOKJAW! is here and everything else was prologue. Of course, that’s the last page because, modern comics pacing. But still, it works. And that’s the point.

HOOKJAW! By Boyle, Spurrier, Brusco, Steen

The book’s been well researched and is keen for us to know this via the scientists’ shop talk and, also, a text piece at the back full of Fun Facts about sharks. (HOOKJAW! HOOKFACT: No shark has ever paid money to watch an Adam Sandler film.) Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to read that bit, but it is important that you understand HOOKJAW is not real and should not be taken as representative of the true behaviour or nature of Great White sharks. While I derive a quite unseemly level of pleasure (verging on the sexual. Hurrr!) from seeing HOOKJAW munch on hapless humanity, I am also aware that due to negative media attention the great white shark has become a particularly vulnerable species. While it is probably somewhat less than helpful to the cause of the Great White to have a comic in which a colossal carcharodon carcharias chows down on a bunch of people, it is quite fun. Just remember it’s only a comic, and in the same way that millionaires rarely dress up as bats to combat crime, Great White sharks rarely eat people. And on that somewhat mundane and uncharacteristic note of responsibility I declare HOOKJAW! to be GOOD! And never forget that all your science, philosophy and finer feelings are but comforting mummery in the shadow of the mighty maw of HOOKJAW! Merry Christmas, and don’t have nightmares!

HOOKJAW! By Boyle, Spurrier, Brusco, Steen

NEXT TIME: It’ll be a new year, so who knows? But it’s most likely going to involve - capybaras COMICS!!!!

Arriving 12/21/16

The final shipping week before the holiday is here and it is like a monster! Check the cut for all the new holiday books!

4 KIDS WALK INTO A BANK #3 ADVENTURE TIME COMICS #6 ALIENS LIFE AND DEATH #4 (OF 4) ALTERS #3 AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #22 CC ANIMOSITY #4 AQUAMAN #13 ARCHIE #15 AVENGERS #2.1 BACK TO THE FUTURE #15 BACKSTAGERS #5 (OF 8) BATMAN #13 BATMAN #13 VAR ED BLACK HAMMER #6 BLACK HOOD SEASON 2 #2 BLACK PANTHER WORLD OF WAKANDA #2 BRIGGS LAND #5 BTVS SEASON 11 #2 CAGE #3 (OF 4) CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM WILSON #16 CAVE CARSON HAS A CYBERNETIC EYE #3 CYBORG #7 DARK HORSE PRESENTS #29 DEAD INSIDE #1 DEADPOOL AND MERCS FOR MONEY #6 DEMONIC #5 (OF 6) DEPT H #9 DIVINITY III STALINVERSE #1 DOCTOR STRANGE #15 DOCTOR WHO 10TH YEAR TWO #17 DOCTOR WHO 9TH #8 ETHER #2 FIX #7 GAMORA #1 GARTH ENNIS RED TEAM DOUBLE TAP #6 (OF 9) GOLD DIGGER ANNUAL #20 GRAND PASSION #2 (OF 5) GREEN ARROW #13 GREEN LANTERNS #13 GUMBALLS #1 GWENPOOL #9 HARBINGER RENEGADE #2 HARLEY QUINN #10 HE MAN THUNDERCATS #3 (OF 6) HOOKJAW #1 (OF 5) HORIZON #6 HUNT #5 INJUSTICE GROUND ZERO #2 INVADER ZIM #16 INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #2 JEM MISFITS #1 JOYRIDE #8 (OF 6) JUSTICE LEAGUE #11 JUSTICE LEAGUE SUICIDE SQUAD #1 (OF 6) KLAUS & WITCH OF WINTER ONE SHOT LADY MECHANIKA LA DAMA DE LA MUERTE #3 (OF 3) LAKE OF FIRE #5 LOCKE & KEY SMALL WORLD LUCIFER #13 MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #0 NOW MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC #49 MYCROFT #4 (OF 5) NIGHTS DOMINION #4 (MR) NIGHTWING #11 OCCUPY AVENGERS #2 PATHFINDER WORLDSCAPE #3 (OF 6) PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT #13 POWER MAN AND IRON FIST SWEET CHRISTMAS ANNUAL #1 PUNISHER #7 NOW RAVEN #4 (OF 6) SILVER SURFER #8 SIMPSONS COMICS #235 SLAM #2 SOUTHERN CROSS #10 SPELL ON WHEELS #3 (OF 5) SPIDER-GWEN #15 SQUADRON SUPREME #14 STAR TREK GREEN LANTERN VOL 2 #1 STAR WARS DOCTOR APHRA #2 STAR-LORD #1 STREET FIGHTER UNLIMITED #12 SUICIDE SQUAD MOST WANTED #5 (OF 6) EL DIABLO & AMANDA WALLE SUPER F*CKERS FOREVER #5 (OF 5) SUPERMAN #13 TANK GIRL GOLD #3 (OF 4) TEEN TITANS GO #19 THANOS #2 TMNT UNIVERSE #5 TOMB RAIDER 2016 #11 TRINITY #4 ULTIMATES 2 #2 UNCANNY X-MEN #16 IVX USAGI YOJIMBO #160 VENOM #2 X-FILES X-MAS SPECIAL 2016

Books/Mags/Things AETHER AND EMPIRE TP VOL 01 ETERNAL GLORY AFTER LAND GN VOL 01 (OF 3) AMAZING SPIDER-MAN EPIC COLLECTION GREAT RESPONSIBILITY TP BLACK WIDOW TP WEB OF INTRIGUE BRIGHTER THAN YOU THINK 10 SHORT WORKS BY ALAN MOORE TP DEADPOOL WORLDS GREATEST TP VOL 05 CIVIL WAR II DISNEY MOANA MOVIE GN ELEPHANTMEN MAMMOTH TP VOL 02 GIANT SIZE LITTLE MARVEL TP AVX GOODNIGHT PUNPUN GN VOL 04 GUN THEORY HC JUDGE DREDD MEGAZINE #378 KIM AND KIM TP VOL 01 MAD MAGAZINE #543 MANIFEST DESTINY TP VOL 04 SASQUATCH MASTER KEATON GN VOL 09 URASAWA MAXX MAXXIMIZED HC VOL 07 PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT TP VOL 02 DONT STOP ME-OW PUNISHER TP VOL 01 ON ROAD SILK TP VOL 02 NEGATIVE SPIDER-GWEN TP VOL 02 WEAPON OF CHOICE STRANGE KIND OF WOMAN GN VOL 02 SUICIDE SQUAD TP VOL 05 APOKOLIPS NOW SUPERMAN WONDER WOMAN TP VOL 04 DARK TRUTH TEEN TITANS YEAR ONE NEW EDITION TP THROWAWAYS TP VOL 01 TOKYO GHOUL GN VOL 10 TOMIE COMPLETE DLX ED HC ULTIMATES: OMNIVERSAL TP VOL 02 CIVIL WAR II VAMPIRELLA HOLLYWOOD HORROR TP WE TOLD YOU SO HC COMICS AS ART WILL EISNERS SHOP TALK TP

As always, what do YOU think?

“We Are All Monsters.” COMICS! Sometimes They’ve Got Some Ruddy Nerve, Talking My Country Down Like That!

Ah, days of Empire! Gunboat diplomacy! Wiffle waffle! The World under Victoria’s steely heel! Pip-pip! God’s Will, doncha know! Opium wars! Bringing them civilisation, isn’t it now? Tip top stuff, what! Like little children without us! Doing them a favour! “All the people like us are We/and everyone else is They.” Kipling? Not ‘arf, darling! Halcyon days, brings a tear to the old eye and all that. More sherry? Ah, with the Glory Days of Empire re-cresting the horizon as BREXIT delivers back unto us our sovereignty(!?!) what could be more timely than a look at this book, this EMPIRE OF BLOOD. Anyone for tiffin? Clip round the ear for the kids; never did me any harm! Never, never, never shall be slaves! Top hats in the air! Last Night of the Proms! Churchill! The Bulldog Breed! EMPIRE! EMPIRE! Yah! Yah! Yah! Huzzah! And a tally ****ing ho we go!  EMPIRE OF BLOOD by Alcatena, Gaind & Bidikar

Anyway this…

EMPIRE OF BLOOD #1 to 4 Art by Enrique Alcatena Written by Arjun Raj Gaind Lettered by Aditya Bidikar EMPIRE OF BLOOD created by Arjun Raj Gaind Graphic India, £1.99 each (2015)

“Nationalism is power-hunger tempered by self-deception. Every nationalist is capable of the most flagrant dishonesty, but he is also — since he is conscious of serving something bigger than himself — unshakeably certain of being in the right.” George Orwell, Notes on Nationalism (1945)

George Orwell talking us in there. What a guy, if he was ever wrong about anything he probably changed his mind later and ended up being right in the end. George Orwell; got to be in the running for The Greatest Englishman Who Ever Lived, eh? Shame he was born in Motihari in Bengal. That’s right; the same place Ghandi first practiced Satyagraha (the policy of passive political resistance against British rule in India.) Don’t choke on your cucumber sandwiches, pal; they’re just facts. Inconvenient things, facts, eh? No wonder people tend to ignore them these days. I mean, don’t panic, because Orwell was indeed English because he was born in British India, but as a name “Orwell” doesn’t immediately conjure up “Motihari” does it? Chingford maybe. Of course by the same token that does mean Arjun Gaind and Enrique Alacatena could be old schoolmates from Margate; after all it’s the 21st Century and there are plenty of folk with “funny names” and a pallor a tad more colourful than a blue-veined cheese who are as British as, say, binge drinking or failing to pick up after your dog. Turns out though, Arjun Gaind is “is one of India’s best known comic book writers” (so the Internet says), the author of proper books for Harper Collins (India) and a bunch of comic works for Graphic India/Virgin Comics/Westland. Had I known all that beforehand I would have also known he wrote a comic called THE MIGHTY YETI, and we’d be talking about that right now. There being a distinct dearth of yeti comics, in my opinion. But I didn’t know any of that, and in fact only picked this particular book because the cover art snagged my attention as I scrolled through The ‘Ology, looking for something a bit off the beaten track. Ah! A monkey in a turban attacking Britannia! Ah! Enrique Alcatena! Just the ticket! A few clicks later and I was reading this book.

 EMPIRE OF BLOOD by Alcatena, Gaind & Bidikar

Got a soft spot for the Alcatena touch, having had my taste primed for his Argentinian art by all those chaps in The Tribe. Seems a bit racist in hindsight but that’s how they were known, those artists The Big Two used as cheap labour (mostly) from the Philippines during the ‘70s. And like many a foreign workforce they, rather embarrassing this, were better than a lot of the homegrown talent. Anyway, Alcatena, like those guys has a very illustrative approach, in short; with not a lot of concern for conveying motion but with some fabulously ornate detail, often verging on the rococo. Flash Johnny foreigner, eh? Wouldn’t catch a Brit going rococo; I should bloody cocoa! Actually Alicante’s work here is not unlike that of Bryan Talbot (a Lancashire lad; good solid English stock), which is apt as his ‘Luther Arkwright’ stuff also does a job on the Empire via an Alt-Future version; wildly different approaches they may be, but both ‘Arkwright’ and EMPIRE OF BLOOD are quite steampunky in look. Quite why Alcatena & Gaind’s book is steampunk isn’t altogether clear. Unless it’s implicit that if the Empire never fell then it would just go on merrily using steam, but I would have thought steam would have been phased out anyway no matter who was on the throne. I…I’m thinking too hard about this aren’t I?

 EMPIRE OF BLOOD by Alcatena, Gaind & Bidikar

SO! Steampunk it is! But that’s not all! As if fearing today’s audience require an abundance of high-concepts in order to retain their skittish interest, Alcatena and Gaind chuck in vampirism to boot. Instead of Good Queen Vic, we’ve got vamp-lit staple Elizabeth Báthory (so memorably portrayed by Ingrid Pitt’s tits in ‘Countess Dracula’ (Hammer, 1971)). Herein she’s called the Blood Queen and The British Empire has (quite correctly, HURRAH!) retained its grip on the world due to the Brits being a bit superhuman (i.e. even more superhuman than the British naturally are, natch) due to regular infusions of the mysterious ‘Aqua Vitae’. Obviously if your ruler is called The Blood Queen and the ‘Aqua Vitae’ is red and gives you little fangs and an aversion to sunshine it’s not the most mysterious mystery is it now, Agatha Christie? But it doesn’t have to be does it? The Empire thought it was Right and so that’s why it existed, and it existed because it was Right that it do so. Very few people in the street gave it much more thought than that. (And it should be noted that back ‘ome things were still pretty shitty for the working class, so they didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on rights and wrongs; that was for their betters. And quite right too!) As a mystery ‘Aqua Vitae’ is a bit lacking but perhaps that isn’t what Gaind is after. If I may be even more reductive than usual: The Empire was a massive engine of subjugation and exploitation cunningly powered largely by those it exploited. No matter what you put in their tea, the British have never been numerous enough to control an area the size of the Empire without a bit of aiding and abetting on the part of the locals. The mystery isn’t what ‘Aqua Vitae’ is; it’s where it comes from. Our hero, Tom Lawrence, is sickened to learn that it is the Indian populace who are the source. The British are parasites, which is news to him but to Indians, ehhh, probably not news as such to them. So, ‘Aqua Vitae’ isn’t a mystery it’s a symbol. And not a bad one at that.

 EMPIRE OF BLOOD by Alcatena, Gaind & Bidikar

Tom Lawrence? Who he, John? He’s a Brit, in fact there is none more Brit than Tom Lawrence, our fair–haired, square chinned Caucasian hero. His almost cartoonishly Aryan features  are clearly part of a crafty manoeuvre the book pulls. Tom is admonished at one point that this “isn’t a Boy’s Own adventure”, which is true enough after a fashion. (Boy’s Own here refers to the Boy’s Own Paper, a British story paper filled with ripping yarns aimed at young boys, published from 1879 to 1967. No, I’m not old enough to have read it. Cheers.) But at the same time it kind of actually is a Boy’s Own adventure…if Boy’s Own Adventures sought to promulgate worthwhile values, rather than further entrench the repressive values of the Establishment. Everything about the story comes from the Boy’s Own manual - a plucky hero, a love interest, a struggle against the odds, giving the natives what for, manly bonding, secrets revealed, thrilling near-death escapes, a fateful destiny. But at the same time Tom discovers everything about his reality is built on other people’s suffering (yes, like ours. Merry Christmas!) and his Heroic Journey takes a drastic, and dramatically final, twist away from the restitution of The Status Quo such Boys Own narratives dealt in. There’s some nicely understated humour in it too. Gaind has the British live in the shelter of domes, under the curves of which are miniature reproductions of British suburbs; which subtly skewers the tendency of the British abroad to quietly terraform wherever they grace with their sublimely insecure presence; the British are forever rebuilding Barnsley under strange suns. When we as a race get our shit together and all act for the greater good and go to the stars, it’ll be about, oh, three days before a pub with guest beers, SkySports and a Sunday Lunch appears on Mars. After all the rousing antics which barely pause for breath it is a bit jarring how suddenly the book ends, but this is obviously so that it can do so on a hopeful note; in much the same way that it’s preferable to dwell on the fact that India gained its independence, rather than disinter the atrocities of Partition which preceded it. Basically, never go out on a downer, kids! Alcatena is firmly in cahoots with Gaind’s whole subversion via imitation business. His work here is wilfully archaic and presented in a kind of tinted monochrome, in which more than one colour may be present at a time but it never approaches full colour. It’s a creative gamble that runs the risk of being judged stale and dated but it worked for me. And that’s what matters: me.

 EMPIRE OF BLOOD by Alcatena, Gaind & Bidikar

See, hah, yes, but the thing is, how should one put it, hmm, ab irato perhaps, but still, it may well be, aheurrghhh, 2016 but we in Britain currently have a Foreign Secretary who has been known to use the word “pickaninnies” and the phrase “water melon smiles”. All just jolly japes and harmless larks, I’m sure, but the man’s still a pernicious disgrace; one which represents us on the world stage. So even if EMPIRE OF BLOOD were not a thrilling adventure comic which harnesses and subverts the tropes of Imperialist entertainment, it would still be  a necessary, and timely, corrective to the bizarrely jingoistic mind set currently at loose in England’s green and pleasant land. EMPIRE OF BLOOD was GOOD!

NEXT TIME: According to the Will of The People it's going to be - COMICS!!!

“Well, Chuck you, Farley!” COMICS! Sometimes Life is Cheap But That’s Okay Because So Are the Bananas!

Sure, right now the site is just saying: 403: FORBIDDEN. Which is less than ideal, and I think a lot of us can relate. But this isn’t the time to roll over, Savage Critics server, this is the time to stand up and keep, uh, writing self-indulgent “things” about old comics no one cares to remember. That’ll show those Ctrl-Alt-Del Nazis! So, anyway, if you can read this then the site’s no longer 403: FORBIDDEN. Hurrah! Let’s bloviate! Well, I’ll bloviate and you can run out of patience once we hit the bit about Ike.

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

Anyway, this…

AMERICAN CENTURY:SCARS AND STRIPES Penciled by Marc "No Blaming" Laming Inked by John "Doris" Stokes Written by Howard "Victor" Chaykin & David "Tsk" Tischman Lettered by Ken "The Bruise" Bruzenak Coloured by Pam "This Time We Win" Rambo Seperations by Jamison Logo Design by Rian Hughes Original Cover Paintings and Thumbnails by Howard Victor Chaykin Originally published in single magazine form as AMERICAN CENTURY 1-4 DC Comics/Vertigo, $8.95 (2001) American Century Created by Howard Victor Chaykin

Usually I ignore the quotes on books unless it’s from someone whose opinion I respect. Since for comics these are usually sourced from Neil Gaiman, mostly I ignore the quotes on books. (Hee hee!) The TPB of AMERICAN CENTURY: SCARS & STRIPES has a nice, refreshingly non-Gaiman, quote though:

"Now we know what would happen if James Ellroy and Graham Greene hooked up and wrote comics." - Editor's Choice, Entertainment Weekly

Yes, you could dismiss it as glib but it’s actually pretty smart, especially as Graham ‘Brighton Rock’ Greene isn’t the usual point of comparison for Comics’ Greatest Ballroom Dancer, Howard Victor Chaykin. James Ellroy’s name is not so surprising: unpleasant people doing unpleasant things against an unpleasant historical backdrop; the fictional creating literary friction with the factual; ayup, AMERICAN CENTURY is squarely in ‘American Tabloid’ territory. Less liberal-baiting racial slurs than the Demon Dog, though. But, Graham ‘The End of the Affair’ Greene? Yeah, it works. Just as Graham ‘The Human Factor’ Greene’s work took place in Greeneland so does Chaykin’s work take place in Chaykinland; both imaginary lands bearing some resemblance to the real world, but largely defined by the idiosyncrasies of the authors in question. Graham ‘The Power and the Glory’ Greene had Catholicism and Chaykin has Judaism; but whereas Graham ‘The Quiet American’ Greene wore his religion like itchy fetters, Chaykin sports his like a natty hat. Both Graham ‘Our Man in Havana’ Greene & Chaykin evince a healthy interest in the world around them, its history, and how this history affected people and vice versa (emphasis on the vice, alas). As approaches go the whole saying something about the world we all inhabit approach sadly proves, when it comes to comics, to be rare as hen’s teeth. So, despite the eruptions and ructions of the very recent past North American genre comics can be relied upon to continue on their merrily emptyheaded and decompressed way, telling us very little about not very much. Exceptions exist, but I put it to the Court, m’lud, that no one has so stubbornly endeavoured to elevate North American genre comics from insubstantial Pablum to something with some mental traction, than the thermodynamic miracle, Howard Victor Chaykin. (Well, no American anyway.) Of course there are very clear differences between Chaykin and Greene; Graham ‘The Third Man’ Greene definitely wrote ‘Travels With My Aunt’, but let’s face it Chaykin would be more likely to write ‘Travels With My Cock’. Comparisons only go so far, after all.

In many ways AMERICAN CENTURY (the 2001 Vertigo Comics series, of which this TPB collects the first four issues) is a succession of travels with Howard Victor Chaykin’s cock. Or his analogue’s cock at least. This time out that analogue is one Harry Block (later Harry Kraft) by name. Harry’s a Portuguese ginger midget with a wooden leg and halitosis that can stun an ox…oh, okay, Harry’s a tall, handsome, physically fit, dark haired, realistically cynical (or cynically realistic), heterosexual American Jew who might not be too smart, but is pretty wily and kind of self-righteous. That is, it’s the usual Chaykin mix of mensch and schmuck we know and love so much. Harry’s come back from the War and unsuccessfully settled into the suburbs. His wife’s a nag and his life is drab. Then he gets drafted for the Korean “Police (cough!) Action” And like any responsible adult he just ups and fucks off, leaving it all behind and sets out into the…(ta da!) American Century! Because, okay, sure, we have to give America that much; the 20th Century belonged to America. (Sorry, Yanks, the 21st Century is earmarked for Tonga. It’s Tonga’s Century, we’re all just living in it!)

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

The book is set in the ‘50s which is an interesting period in American history, one when America’s Imperialism, emboldened by the fact everywhere else was just plain tuckered out after WW2, was still a tad heavy handed. The ‘60s of course would force a slicker and quieter approach after Vietnam black America’s eyes (e.g. in 1968: 16,592 American deaths were reported in Vietnam versus, say, in 2014: the first McDonalds was opened in Vietnam. I don’t like McDonald’s, but I’d much rather dead cows than dead people. Sorry, vegetarians.) Of course Howard Victor Chaykin isn’t the only name involved here. Writing wise it’s Chaykin & Tischman, which, well, it’s a gobstopper isn’t it? I was going to go with “C&T”, “Tishkin” or maybe “Chayk-Man” for brevity’s sake. But “C&T” sounds like a cheap cocktail (or a regrettable medical procedure people who respect life but kill doctors want to ban), “Tishkin” sounds like a 19th Century Russian poet (author of ‘The Bronze Cocksman’, perchance) and Chayk-Man sounds like a really bad idea for a superhero (don’t ask). So, I’ll be sticking with Chaykin & Tischman, thanks.

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

On art there’s Marc Laming, with inks by John Stokes. Laming’s cut quite the rug lately over at Dynamite with his pleasantly solid work on the Kings Features characters, but back in 2001 he was a greenhorn and, alas, it shows. Working from breakdowns by Howard Victor Chaykin, Laming’s work is never less than efficient but hardly more than that either. Problems are apparent on the first page where he fluffs the distance between a coupling couple and a pile of books. The whole point of the scene is their physical infidelity topples the books and causes a crack in a wedding photo (SYMBOLISM!) Yet, the books are either too far away for it to work and the couple appear to throw themselves across the room, or they are comically large books.  Perspective, innit. Tricky stuff. (Wittily, one of the books is Norman Mailer’s 1948 novel ‘The Naked and The Dead’, wherein Mailer was swayed into the use of “fug” rather than “fuck”, because, uh, moral decency and all that good stuff. By 2001 Chaykin & Tischman are under no such constraints and revel in it. Swear like fucking sailors they do. Disgraceful fuckers.) Laming’s faces are also less than ideal, tending toward a samey-ness which can confuse. But, hey, that never stopped Jim Lee.  And it probably didn’t take Laming 6 months to draw someone’s tear duct. John Stokes’ inks manage to elevate Laming’s art for the most part but, alas, the art is at root the kind of stiff that results from artistic stage fright. Hey, it’s a big gig for someone starting out, and while Laming never excels, he doesn’t disgrace himself either. He’s good on the hardware and environment; cars, houses, offices all have that authentic repressed ‘50s flavour. Racism and homophobia saturated the '50s but they could sure design cars and fridges. Now we stil ahve all the bad stuff but everything looks like cheap crap. Uh, anyway. Fair’s fair, the story gets told; which is more than many can manage first time out. Some established pros still struggle don’t they, Tony S Daniel? Laming and Stokes’ art is given some visual pop via Ken “The Bruise” Bruzenak’s reliably playful lettering, but he struggles to integrate it as smoothly as he can with Howard Victor Chaykin’s art. Luckily with Chaykin & Tischman’s script there’s a surfeit of bawdy energy and surly humour which helps to paper over the artistic cracks somewhat. Unusually for comics then, AMERICAN CENTURY fares better on the writing than the art, with the script retaining the urbane combination of aloof and louche which makes Howard Victor Chaykin’s solo work sparkle so. I don’t know what the actual split on scribing duties were, but if Tischman was just tasked with putting Howard Victor Chaykin into historical scenarios and ensuring the tiny dynamo was waist deep in fighting and fucking, he couldn’t have done a better job. Tischman also writes the introduction to the TPB, and it’s a nice piece of clipped prose, evoking the hard-boiled likes of Cain and Hammett which the series seeks to channel, but also with that undercurrent of self-aware humour characteristic of Chaykin’s work. Even when others are involved.

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

The post-WW2 period when America was still King Shit of Cock Mountain, all swagger and unreflecting self-righteousness, unsurprisingly provides plenty of grist for AMERICAN CENTURY’s revisionist mill. The book starts off with a swift precis of ‘50s suburban Hell; people living the American Dream, but finding dreams are just fantasies which reality rides roughshod over. These people don’t just play charades at dinner parties, you hear me? People being piss poor fits for perfection, AMERICAN CENTURY shows how everyone is unhappy in a different way despite the air-con, fridges, autos and rictus grins. But the book isn’t interested in everyone; it’s interested in Harry Block/Kraft. A lot of the characters get short shrift because of this, but only in comparison. (And the series swings back in later issues to see how most of them are doing.) Character-wise, considering the set-up takes place in one issue it’s an impressive piece of compression. The book’s cast is swiftly delineated as being an All-American rainbow of racists, repressed homosexuals, sexists, dipsos, adulterers, anti-Semites, moral cripples, physical cripples, and probably a few other things I forgot; all swiftly and ably done in less than one issue to boot. It’s a lot to take in in a short span of pages. But the key here is to read the book slow. Seriously, you can’t breeze your way through AMERICAN CENTURY like most comics; you have to take your time. AMERICAN CENTURY assumes you want to spend time with it and operates accordingly. If you just zip through the book like it’s a chore to be done rather than a pleasure to be savoured you’ll think it’s a jumbled mess. It ain’t. Having done all that scene setting spade work AMERICAN CENTURY then throws it all out of the window as Harry absconds in an aeroplane, and Chaykin & Tischman drop Harry into a fantastical scenario where America is sticking its oar into another country’s business. What utter nonsense! Ah, well, unfortunately it isn’t. For the rest of the book Harry has to fictionally negotiate the factual US backed Guatemalan coup of 1954 in a tale which is both lurid and educational, both fiction and fact, with not a little Howard Victor Chaykin sexual wish-fulfilment on the side. Yes, all the Ladies Love Cool Howard, from the dirt poor hooker to the Eva Perón-a-like. It’s a curse, I imagine. Hang on, John, the US backed Guatemalan Coup of 1954? The US backed What of The When?

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

Remember Ike, whom buttons proclaim we all like? Well, in 1952 people liked Ike enough that Eisenhower became President of America on the back of a campaign, within which was snugly nestled a promise to actively combat, rather than inertly contain, communism (N.B. America is not a big fan of communism. Just so you know. They hide it well, but they can’t fool me.) The prior Truman administration had been increasingly wary of communist influence in Guatemala but had played largely fair, using only economic and diplomatic pressures. (PBFORTUNE its one attempt at covert action was quickly shelved once it became somewhat less than covert. Oops!) Fairness was off the board post-Truman as McCarthyism (i.e. the hysterical self-aggrandising scaremongering of Senator Joseph McCarthy, not an outbreak of impressions of Edgar Bergen’s ventriloquist doll Charlie McCarthy) was rife within Eisenhower’s Government, the Cold War was escalating and Russia was a totalitarian shitshow giving socialism a bad name (link to Bon Jovi: “BAD NAME!”); all in all things were looking bleak for Guatemala on the non-intervention front. Geopolitically speaking America was cracking its knuckles in an alley waiting for someone to distract Guatemala’s attention. But why? Guatemala? Bizarrely the culprit was a fruit company with its nose bent out of shape. I didn’t even know they had noses!

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

Because I am largely docile I have spent a large part of my life thinking the United Fruit Company (UFC) was just some kind of CIA front with a typically silly code name, and while the CIA and the UFC were indeed linked, it turns out the UFC was actually and primarily a fruit company, probably a united one to boot. Yeah, fruit; Bananas and that. I find it odd to this day that a fruit company (!) could have such an effect on history as this one. Well, any effect on history besides providing people with fruit. Now, because unrestrained capitalism is just great, just absolutely fantastic, this US based company had basically ended up running a private fiefdom within Guatemala; true this was via concessions from various Guatemalan rulers who liked money rather more than their people. Hold on though, fruit isn’t the only fall guy in this scenario as these bad practices had their root in the 19th Century and the concessions made to plantation owners when coffee demand blossomed. So the humble coffee bean has to shoulder some of the blame. Yes, History makes even breakfast a guilt trip! What larks.  In clear violation of anything even remotely close to human decency, land was sold from under the (poorly shod, I imagine) feet of the Guatemalan population to the plantation owners and, acting like monopoly is just a board game, the UFC ended up being the only banana game in town, with control over the communication and distribution infrastructure required by such a business. You know, little things like roads and rail tracks. Things were pretty awesome for the UFC all told, but less so for the average Guatemalan. I don’t know, but I imagine they were controlled by repression and violence, which are all okay obviously as long as they are happening out of the customers’ sight and people get their iPads, I mean, bananas. In 1929 the Great Depression happened and, boy, that was what historians call “a doozy”, there are books about it and everything. Surprisingly though, The Great Depression didn’t just affect America; everywhere was a bit down in the mouth. In Guatemala it was all getting a bit much; life was shit and now this? Finally, the Guatemalan people rose up (hurrah!)…and were pushed back down (boo!). Actually they were pushed even further back and even further down by Jorge Ubico’s (US Supported) regime, for which the word repressive is probably soft soaping it. The important thing here though is Jolly Jorge Ubico not only gave the UFC massive amounts of public land, but also exempted it from all taxes.

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

Taxes! People fucking hate paying taxes don’t they? I just want to make this point here because currently people seem to think paying tax is some kind of cheeky imposition, some kind of theft. Look, tax puts the money back. Not all of it; you can keep some for being successful, because there’s nothing wrong with success and the rewarding thereof. (Despite what they tell you Socialism doesn’t punish success.) Hey, I’m no economist (SPOILER!) but here’s a clue about trickle-down economics – if you divert all the money into bank accounts in Panama it isn’t going to trickle anyfuckingwhere, certainly not back into society where it is needed. It’s really cute that you can afford someone to cook your books so you avoid paying what you should, but don’t expect us peons who have to pay full whack or face going to prison to be cheering you on. If you are paying someone to get creative with your taxes I’m not sure you should do that. It’s “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” It’s not “From each as little as you can fucking get away with, to each none of mine if at all possible.” Squirrelling your money away off-shore is as Left Wing as Enoch Powell’s arse. Yeah, I do know the difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance. And, yeah, I know one’s not illegal, but I also know it is still immoral. So, yeah, my names JohnK, and I think my shit don’t stink or whatever you think will shut me up, but, hey, pay your taxes. It’s not a little game between your accountant and the gubbermint; people die due to lack of adequate funding. You know - human beings. Die. And they don’t come back like in the comics. But of course you’ll never see them die and you’ve got your bananas, right? You’ve got aaaaaaaaaaaalllllll the bananas. Well done you. Hang onto those bananas. Like a big fucking chimp. Man, 2016’s really soured my mood. Sorry about that. No, no I’m not. Scratch that.

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

So, uh, where were we? (Christ, who was that guy? “Immoral”? Dude, it ain’t the 16th Century. What a fucking “snowflake”. Hurr.) Right, so, if history has shown us anything it’s that The People will put up with far too much shit before kicking back. But eventually kick back they do, and in 1954 the Guatemalan people did so and Ubico valiantly ran off, leaving a Junta in his place which continued his charming policies. This being a less than ideal outcome, the Guatemalan people had another crack at it. Persistence paid off as The October Revolution threw the Junta out. A real kick in the Juntas there and, miracle of miracles, there was a free election. Like, uh, democracy and that. Democracy, which America loves; unless it gets in the way of its bananas. Juan José Arévalo won the election and while he was by no means a communist, he was certainly an improvement and sensibly pragmatic. He shook things up, but not enough to shake them to pieces. Education, health and the labour code all improved, and there was even a minimum wage. Civilised stuff, I trust you agree. Keeping America sweet he was openly anti-communist (America still had its doubts about him, because being anti-communist would be perfect cover for a communist wouldn’t it? Yes, America. Keep taking the pills, America.) Human nature being what it is, for improving the lot of the Guatemalan people Arévalo’s reward was around 25 attempted coups. Over here Jeremy Corbyn (who also only wants to improve people’s lot) has only had one attempted coup so far, but there’s time yet. Jacobo Árbenz was elected next and he started to step on some UFC toes. (Uh oh.) He began to roll back some of the ridiculous concessions granted under Ubico and, worse (i.e. better), his 1952 Agrarian Reform Law (sexy stuff! Batman? Pah! Agrarian Reform Law, that’s the sexy business.) confiscated 100s of 1000s of acres of uncultivated land from the UFC, with compensation based (get this, this is truly excellent, I like this bit:) on the valuation used by the company for its tax payments. I adore the chutzpah of that. Let’s see, who thinks the valuation the UFC used for its tax payments was anywhere in the region of the real worth of that land? Hmmm. Anyone? I’m not seeing any hands. Good, so we all know how the world works. So, hoo boy, that pissed the UFC off. Big mistake. I know; it’s a fruit company (bananas and that) so how come the CIA would help it stage a coup? How precisely do you get from bananas to blood in the street?

AMERICAN CENTURY by Laming, Stokes, Chaykin, Tischman, Bruzenak, Rambo and Jamison

Unfortunately, I don’t know. I doubt anyone knows. To this day the reasons why the Eisenhower administration backed a coup in Guatemala due to the discomfort of a fruit company forced to exhibit the barest modicum of decency are shrouded in eerie wisps of mystery. While it is true that Secretary of State John Foster Dulles and CIA Director Allen Dulles had both arranged several deals for the UFC while previously working in Law, and it is true also that Undersecretary of State Bedell Smith later became a UFC Director, and it is additionally true that the wife of the UFC Public Relations Director was personal assistant to Dwight D. Eisenhower, the President of The United States of America, surely to suggest any inappropriate conflation of interests is tantamount to an act of treason, sir. I mean, good luck trying to join those dots, huh? Paging Woodward and Bernstein! Geraldo, even! It’s a two-pipe problem and no mistake, Sherlock. Golly, I guess we’ll just never know. Unless you read about the Guatemalan coup on Wikipedia, where there is also a handy cut out and keep list of all the regime changes America has had a hand in (although it misses off the Australian coup Britain also had a hand in. (Sorry, Australia; poor form on our part there.)) Coups always make for good reading, as there are always unbelievable bits like that part where a force of  60 (US supported) insurgents were arrested by a single policeman before they even crossed the border from Ecuador. Coups also make for sad reading, because they mean something’s gone wrong. In the end the US Sponsored Guatemalan coup won, not because it was well planned, efficient, or in any way professional, but because everyone knew America was behind it (America wanted everyone to know for precisely this reason), and knowing that once you’ve got rid of the "rebels" America is going to start swinging its nuclear powered fists takes the wind out of most country’s sails. Or maybe it succeeded because America is the Hand of God working upon this Earth. Yeah, if you’re a stone cold lunatic, that’s certainly another explanation you could go with. In 1999 the renowned woman botherer and then President of the United States of America Bill Clinton apologised for all the US shenanigans in Guatemala, which made everything okay, and America never messed in other countries’ affairs again, the wicked stepmother recanted, the dish ran away with the spoon and we all lived happily ever after.

Aren’t you all glad I didn’t go all the way back to The Monroe Doctrine? I know I am. Obviously you don’t need to know all that up there to enjoy AMERICAN CENTURY. I didn’t know all that. I had to go and look it up on Wikipedia; it’s not like I carry around ‘Ye True and Fplendide Hiftory of Guatemala’ in my head. But the point (yes there is one) is that Howard Victor Chaykin and David Erasmus Tischman had to know it, and the fact that they succeeded in spinning it into an entertainingly racy tale is even further to their credit. The value of fiction in giving us tools by which to apprehend the nature of the world we live in seems to have been forgotten by most comic creators. Stick your head in the sand too long and history will kick you in the arse. This year History’s been kicking far too many arses, and it might be beneficial if comics remembered there was a world beyond their borders, and helped push our heads out of the sand. Just a thought.

In case you were wondering, AMERICAN CENTURY was VERY GOOD!

NEXT TIME: Less strident half-witted recapping of Wikipedia and more COMICS!!!

Ah! Back for a minute at least!

So, look, we're REALLY sorry for the yo-yo on the site (it goes up, it goes down).  As far as I can tell we got hacked at some point and each attempt we've made of clearing out the databases for whatever malicious thing that is there keeps undoing itself, so we're clearly missing something.  I am already several hundred dollars in the hole in trying to fix this on previous occasions, so I am thinking that we maybe have to give up on wordpress, and figure something else out, or otherwise reset the existing site in some fashion, but what I'm trying not to do is pour more money into what has never actually been a profitable website! My special apologies to John K (UK) and Abhay Kholsa who are all kinds of wonderful for putting up with my lack of communication (usually because I don't know what's actually going on!!!).  John, especially, more or less single-handedly keeps this thing running while I've been distracted by other things.

I want to keep the site up, and I especially 100% want to preserve the YEARS of posting here, because, y'know, there's almost no legacy left of the "early" comics internet!  If there's someone out there who really strongly knows wordpress and how to de-hack us (like, we couldn't even set up a redirect page to say "we know there's a problem, we're trying to fix it!" because the site is somehow generating its own redirects to seemingly random-ass websites), AND can do it for cheap (ha!), please get in touch with me.  I'd prefer to stay here than deal with the hassle of a migration, I think?

Either way, we ARE aware of the problems, and we ARE trying to fix it; I believe that by February '17 we'll get this fixed, either by fixing it here, or by migrating somewhere else.  I have Top Men on it. Top Men. In the meantime, we're back in business for the moment, at least until we get taken down again -- John K might even start posting stuff again?

Thanks for continuing coming here!!!!

-B