“The Matter of Britain Has A Desperate, Clawed Gravity.” COMICS! Sometimes I Suspect History Isn't Finished With Us Yet.

In which I go up against Warren Ellis' current series and...the usual snark is not deployed! Find out why after the “More...” INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

Anyway, this... INJECTION, VOLUME ONE Art by Declan Shalvey Written by Warren Ellis Coloured by Jordi Bellaire Lettered & Designed by Fonografiks © 2015 Warren Ellis & Declan Shalvey Originally published in magazine form as INJECTION #1-5 Image Comics, £5.49 (currently £2.99) via Comixology (2015)

I was going to start off on a portentous note by solemnly intoning something along the lines of “Britain is an old land...” But all lands are old, you know; Belgium didn't just turn up one day and forget to leave. Still stubbornly aiming for that serous note that would get me the gold elbow patches I so dearly I aspire to, I toyed with “Despite its size Britain is full of history...”. But all lands are full of history. Even Belgium. Clearly this wasn't working, particularly as I'm not exactly sure what Britain's history is. Not WW2 and The Corn Laws, no, I mean the stuff they don't cover in class; the bit when we were all running about in woad and worshiping trees and stones. But is even that Britain? I mean we were a very popular spot for invasions, seemingly right from day one. Before wi-fi the old rape and pillage were all the rage, and Britain had plenty to rape and pillage by all accounts. It's not much to brag about but we'll take what we can, thanks. And British people will drone on about how hardy we are, but a lot of the time the invaders won. E.g. in 1066, as commemorated on the Bayeux Tapestry (one of the first long form comics) the French arrived quite violently on our shores, and it wouldn't be until 1399 that we again had a king whose mother tongue was English. Strangely we don't go on about that a lot. But, boy, we never shut up about Agincourt. Like all races the British memory is selective, but facts dictate that the British are a mongrel race; we can agree on that at least? Which perhaps explains their preoccupation with defining British-ness. Seriously, I'm British but that shit is just tiresome. Here we have a comic by Declan Shalvey and Warren Ellis which is all about Britain and Britishness but...it's not tiresome in the least. I know! You could have knocked me down with a feather!

INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

When I first read INJECTION, I'll admit I was less than impressed. At first glance it looked like a rejig of the PLANETARY template: there's a group of hideously over competent specialists investigating singularly odd occurrences which all point to a larger, world threatening conspiracy. Is that PLANETARY? I didn't read past the first two TPBs, mainly because I got distracted, but also because there was a character called the Drummer who was, sigh, a drummer and every time he appeared I sighed a little harder until I had to drop the series lest all the air sigh from my body. But if I'm writing about a thing I usually give it a couple of go-overs (I know, arent I professional!), and a second read of INJECTION resulted in me ejecting my biases and appreciating the comic more fairly. And having given it a fair shake I'd say it was certainly among Ellis' best work. That I've read, naturally.

INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

In INJECTION Shalvey and Ellis have come up with a cast of five specialists, each of whom is typically sickeningly proficient in their area of expertise. (I am of course wildly jealous as I am the kind of man who calls heating a bolognese in the oven “cooking”.) There’s also a healthy spread of ethnicities within the group, unlike PLANETARY. Maria Kilbride is the notional head of the group and she may be white but she is ginger, which in bitter old Britain is treated as a distinct race and abused in a similarly unthinking fashion. Maria's also cracked in the head. Trained in the art of exposition-fu Maria is currently attempting to atone for something she and her gang of four did. And this Something is something the series makes clearer as it progresses. Simeon Winters is, for want of a better description a spy; he is also black. He allows Ellis to bring in his creepy feel for gadgetry and indulge in long stretches of artfully choreographed violence. During an an extended contretemps gone wrong in a plush hotel Declan Shalvey demonstrates once again (see MOON KNIGHT) that he is one of the premier action artists of the modern age. Falling chandeliers, knives through bone and faces smashed into unwashed dishes are just some of the stuff he pulls off. And all as the combatants dance their deadly dance through dimensions discretely defined and adhered to. Fucking beezer, in short. (If Simeon Winters is any indication that Ellis penned JAMES BOND: VAGNA might be worth a look.)

INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

Brigid Roth is your street urchin/hacker and is also not Caucasian, but she is Irish. Although she never exclaims “Bejaysus!” or dances a jig, so I'm taking this Irishness on trust. (Racism Disclaimer: I'm not mocking the Irish, I'm mocking the poverty of their portrayal in comics. I can mock the Irish if you like. Drop me a line.) There are only five issues collected here so not everyone gets equal space and Brigid gets sketched out nicely enough, but I imagine the depth will come later. However, in one of her pieces, Shalvey draws a super piece of body language in one panel as she scoots some discarded grundies under a chair with her foot while hoping her visitor won't notice. He also goes to town on her house and her tech bringing much needed sense of realism to this particular steet urchin hacker thing I find so difficult to digest. I know, I know, there are singing stones distorting the fabric of reality and ancient ents spitting Middle English in modern travel lodges, but what I have problems with is how such a street-wise scamp got so much PC kit. That's on me. Vivek Headland is another non-Caucasian and is the least defined character in the book. At the moment he is the OCD Sherlock type that is currently in vogue. Hopefully he'll be fleshed out later, and if not hopefully he'll fall under a bus. Fifthly and finally, Robin Morel is the token Caucasian male (how'd you like them apples; better get used to 'em. Multiculturalism is here to stay!) and the most explicitly British of the cast. So British in fact that his ancestors were Cunning Folk (i.e. druids) and it is strongly implied that his family tree has its roots in the first soil that settled on the rocks of Britain. He denies he is a magician or has any ulterior motives with all the strength and conviction of someone who is in fact a wizard and has ulterior motives to spare. Wesley's wise words to “always bet on black” are wise indeed, but Kane's creed of “always to keep your eye on the white guy” might also need heeding.

INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

Ayup, it's a varied and interesting cast. One which, for maximum narrative interest, we're introduced to in the present and also the past via parallel narratives. In the present strange and deadly shit is erupting, while in the past we find out why that is. Sure, Ellis can't help indulging in tediously sarky banter, but he does keep it to a minimum, leavng plenty of space for actual characterisation, nasty set pieces and technical gobbledygook, all driven by the visual urgency of Shalvey's art work. Art work aided by the sublimely accomplished colours of Jordi Bellaire. Now, I don't have a handle on colours but it's clear Bellaire's up to something here. The play of blues, greens and reds in particular across the pages suggest some underlying theme which I have not yet gleaned. Which is perfectly appropriate for a series I suspect has surprises yet to unleash. INJECTION is a work of quiet strength and that strength comes from the scope of its approach. Ellis works in a cheeky nod to Will Wiles' 2014 novel The Way Inn while also sprinkling in Olde England legends. Ellis explicitly brings in the legend of Wayland The Smith, and it's a cute way of showing the old stories still have meaning in the modern world. I think it's notable though that Ellis keeps Wayland sympathetic, because there's an ending to his legend that Ellis doesn't tell. A brutal and cruel revenge which makes him less symapthetic than he appears here. Which suggests that with this first volume of INJECTION we've just settled on the surface and deeper, darker depths will be broached soon.

INJECTION by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Fonografiks

Essentially, Ellis combines his fetish for the future with a passion for the past and creates a more balanced work than I've yet read from him. Being aided by Declan Shalvey (who similarly elevated Ellis' writing on MOON KNIGHT) ensures that the visuals are compelling and arresting even during the quieter scenes. Crucially then, Ellis keeps his Ellis-isms to a minimum and Shalvey appears incapable of doing anything but shine. I don't really know where INJECTION is going but the chances are good it will have more to say than it's all the Fantastic Four's fault. VERY GOOD!

NEXT TIME: I don't know! I'm not a machine! COMICS!!! COMICS!!!

“The One You See Coming.” COMICS! Sometimes Moon Knight’s Gonna Drive You Home Tonight!”

I am given to understand that self-proclaimed Futurist and alleged butter sculptor Warren Ellis is currently writing the comic book adventures of Britain’s favourite misogynistic throwback tool of the ruling elite. Not only that, but word has reached me that said knuckle faced sop to the Pre-Suez nostalgists like Your Grand-Dad is also currently tumbling out of explosions and beds while adjusting his cuffs at a Multiplex near you.  Talking about James Bond there, not Warren Ellis. Although, having said that, having said that…no, definitely James Bond. So, what could be more appropriate then, than to write about a completely different set of comics Warren Ellis wrote and Declan Shalvey illustrated. Probably a lot of things would be more appropriate, John. Yes, but this is what you got. Life lessons, we got 'em! MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

Anyway, this… MOON KNIGHT VOL.1: FROM THE DEAD Artist – Declan Shalvey Writer – Warren Ellis Colour Artist – Jordie Bellaire Letterer – VC's Chris Eliopoulos Contains material previously published in magazine form as MOON KNIGHT #1-6 MARVEL WORLDWIDE INC, $17.99 (US), $19.99 (CAN) (2014) Moon Knight created by Don Perlin & Doug Moench © 2014 Marvel Characters, Inc.

NB: This book was obtained from Derbyshire County Council's excellent Library Service. Do NOT let them take your libraries away.

In which we join Declan Shalvey and Warren Ellis in Marvel's continuing battle to make anyone care about Moon Knight (MK) post Bill Sienkiewicz. Changes have been made. Changes not only to the creative personnel but also to the set up itself. MK doesn’t have his old supporting cast anymore, but he does have a special Moon Mobile which is dead flash; like one of those big long cars, you know, like those limousines teenagers and hen parties hire to drive around Grimsby town centre in for reasons which quickly escape them. It drives itself, because of course it does. That’s Warren Ellis, The Futurist there (“In the Future cars will be faster, literally, and maybe have, uh, bigger wheels! MAYBE FLIGHT IS INVOLVED!!! Hic!”)  MK also has a drone thing, because drones are bad except in the hands of insane vigilantes who are unaccountable to anyone. Then they are cool. More spooky Futurism there probably (“Everyone (burp!) will have their own drone, like. To go down the shops and that, yeah? I drink whisky and swear. AND YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT!!!”) Also, I misspoke back there because it turns out Sir Moon’s not nuts no more. So the whole “lunar” and  “lunatic” wordplay thing has gone for a Burton. Shame, I liked that but then I am a bit traditional. Hey, keep up, old man, tradition’s for tossers and it’s the 21st Century (according to my Cats in Funny Hats calendar) so in the first issue both MK and we are told (in a phrase clearly intended to be quote fodder, and who am I to disappoint (shut up, mother! SHUT UP!)),  “You’re not insane. Your brain has been colonised by an ancient consciousness from beyond space-time. Smile.”  Naturally, this being Warren Ellis the flop sweat scented  linguistic razzle-dazzle errs away from the meaningful and more towards the polytechnic-lecturer-down-the-pub-with-the-new-intake-and-his-eye-on-the-wee-lassie-with-the-nose–ring-and-the badly-obscured-cold-sore. Like many an Ellis-ian concept splash it’s not like it ever gets mentioned again, but I think we all felt all the cooler for reading it. I know, being a simple soul, you might think having a character “colonised by an ancient consciousness from beyond space-time” might be something you’d want to expand upon a bit, but no. As it happens, astonishingly enough, it doesn’t matter because MK still acts like someone who needs a hug and a good chat. Just in a different way.

MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

Visually MK is redesigned as a man in a suit with a bag over his head. (Well, sometimes he isn’t, but it’s this image that works best and that you  come away from the book with, so in the interests of brevity: a man with a suit with a bag over his head.) Sounds silly but it isn’t. It’s a good design; men in suits generally look really quite grand, I find. Lot of graphic potential in a suit, you know. It’s just plain classy for a start. The bag’s okay visually too, and is a proper bit of Futurism because, and there is no way Warren “Future Sailor” Ellis could possibly have known this when he wrote the book, shops now charge you for a carrier. I am forever being caught out by this, but MK can just stick his chicken dippers in his hastily doffed headgear. No fool he. I imagine (many things, but let’s stick to this one) Declan Shalvey is the one who makes the redesign work quite as well as it does. (“He’s in a suit now, Declan, not that capey thing. Oh, stop whining, JUST BLOODY DRAW IT!!!”) It’s a sharply cut suit and the visual potential of a nicely draped ensemble’s ability to communicate flow and to just generally cut a flash dash on the page is fully realised by  the man Shalvey.  Someone has also decided not to colour MK in which makes him really pop off the page. Pages beautifully toned by Bellaire's subtly muted shades. Unlike Warren Ellis the Irish human being Declan Shalvey is a new one on me, but he’s very much worth watching as an artist (as opposed to watching as a “suspect”, but never rule anything out, eh). I was first struck by his apparent talent when I noted the jaunty angle at which he had cocked MK’s shoe sole on the initial splash. By the end of the book there was nothing apparent about it, Declan Shalvey was pretty firmly established in my fractured mind as a Talent with a  capital “T”. Which is lucky, because sometimes it’s Shalvey’s Talent that makes the book work as well as it does. Which is why everyone refers to it as Declan Shalvey’s MOON KNIGHT, right? Oh.

MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

It’s easy to knock Warren Ellis (so I did) but in his defence FROM THE DEAD collects six issues, the majority of which are very strong done-in ones (they vary, but are mostly good times). It’s possible Ellis even put his drink down and typed with both hands on some of them. Inevitably though there’s  a couple of underdone slips into the worst of Warren Ellis’ patented Post-It Note plotting. He gets a lot of stick for this, but in all fairness sometimes this works (and equally sometimes it doesn’t). I guess it depends how detailed his Post-It Note gets before he collapses from the exertion of coming up with a crunchy hi-concept soundbite hook. Because all these issues have a crunchy high-concept soundbite hook, but they don’t all have a story. I would hesitate to suggest that Warren Ellis occasionally has his writerly priorities wrong since, you know, he’s the feted millionaire author with a built-in audience and I’m the erratic  crank who has his hair cut at home and whose own love partner won’t read his stuff, but it did cross my mind every now and again. Particularly during “Box” which seemed to be based on “Moon Knight punches Ghost Punks!” and then forgot to be about anything else, although there was some half-hearted stuff about gentrification and a sad music box. All of which possibly interesting stuff was shuffled to the side-lines, because who doesn’t love pages of Moon Knight punching ghost punks! Haw, Haw. Oh, that tickles me. Ghost punks. Punching. Well worth all those pages. (There’s some sarcasm going on there but as I don’t use emoticons I’m just going to have to risk you missing it). It’s okay, sometimes comics creators are clearly having a lot more fun than their audience (Matt Fraction) which is fine in moderation (everyone else). Oh, Shalvey tries his best and it is gorgeous stuff, but storywise at base “Box” is pretty thin  gruel. However, in all fairness,  “Scarlet” works really well and that one’s just “Moon Knight beats up five floors of thugs to rescue a little girl.” Which as a story is equally austere in its development and complexity (“Declan, child, I have seen this film called THE RAID. DELIVER THAT UNTO ME, YOU CUR!!!”) But, ah, ah, but, crucially, this one is rich as Croesus in the visual opportunities it offers up to Declan “I can” Shalvey. The brutal choreography and general illusion of movement created by Shalvey’s art here is superlative stuff and truly cinematic in the very best sense. I winced more than once at the imaginary violence on show.

MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

Since Shalvey saves “Scarlet” there’s only really “Box” which is a damp squib. “Sleep” gamely attempts to present a creepy mystery; one which Ellis has given a decent beginning and a solid ending, but during the (lengthy) mid-section relies so hard on Shalvey’s phantasmagorical fungi fuelled  hallucinations it’s only they that prevent its title becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Slasher” is impressive for not only introducing the new MK set up with economical élan but also for cramming in a serial killer who MK hunts and bests using his intelligence. It even finds room for a little dig at the weaponisation of humanity to keep things current (“THEY’LL TURN US ALL INTO GUNS, I TELL YOU!!! Oh look, HOLLYOAKS is on”). It’s a tidy comic book script and Shalvey’s art keeps it interesting even during the largely static (and just on the right side of self-consciously flip) conversation  bits, but it really hits its stride when things get a bit weird under the streets where the S.H.I.E.L.D. creeps sleep.

MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

“Sniper” raises the game in term of storytelling. Yeah, Ellis really exerts himself on the one about the sniper. Or maybe it’s the case that Shalvey nearly busts a gut on this one. Perhaps it’s even a joint strainer. Whatever the case may be, it’s really just an exercise in storytelling rather than a story as such. But it’s such a good exercise in storytelling you can forgive the bit where the man walks in at the end to explain the point of the story to Moon Knight. And since that point is that bankers are dangerous assholes and we should never forget this since we are all still trying to claw our way out of a recession their unregulated greed caused with very little impact on themselves, I’m inclined to leniency. “Sniper” is a thing of beauty in its execution. As Shalvey's countryman Frank Carson once said, “It's the way I tell 'em!” and in “Sniper” the way Shalvey & Ellis et al tell it is pure COMICS!!! The volume closes with a smart call back to the first issue, “Spectre” (Now THAT's impressive futurism.), where a bit part player goes entertainingly if somewhat unconvincingly nuts and tries to replace Moon Knight. I say unconvincingly nuts but if anyone was exposed to the previous volume of Moon Knight (apparently fuelled by “years of research” into MK’s condition. Oh, give over.) then in comparison Warren Ellis’ treatment of mental illness here resembles that of B.F. Skinner.

MOON KNIGHT by Shalvey, Ellis, Bellaire & Eliopoulos

Given the paucity of plot elsewhere there’s a surprising surfeit of it in “Spectre”, maybe too much. Might have been better to have it running as a sub plot through the other issues…but clearly it’s more important that each issue be “stand alone” and self-contained”  in line with whatever high-falutin’ modus operandi Warren Ellis has informed the world he is operating under via interviews I haven’t read (“NOW HEAR THIS!!! NOW HEAR THIS!!!). Remember all that horsefeathers about “comics as 7-inch pop singles” (“One day there will be 12-INCH POP SINGLES!!! Mark my words!”)? I know I am forever picking up copies of FELL and exclaiming, wow, this is like the comic as a 7-inch pop single! Rather than, Oh, yeah, another series he just left floating like the sad corpse of a duck that didn’t make it through the winter! Obviously that whole 7-inch single thing is a bit dated now, so this time out these particular comics are probably  “fibre optic nano-belches of picto-jism”. You know how he gets, that Warren Ellis. With his catchy tag lines and such. Oh, you can mock, you cur, but that’s what they pay him for. With MOON KNIGHT VOL1: BACK FROM THE DEAD Warren Ellis trots out his long running Warren Ellis schtick and gives us exactly what we expect, exactly what he gets paid for, warts and all. However, Declan Shalvey, the wee shaver, is a total and thoroughly pleasurable artistic revelation, so it’s on him that the book ends up with VERY GOOD!

Seriously, that “Sniper” Chapter is - COMICS!!!

"The Day Terry Vanished." COMICS! Sometimes You Should Take Off And Nuke The Idea From Orbit. It's The Only Way To Be Sure!

That’s right, it has been a while! No flies on you, me old mucker. Cringing apologies duly tendered and all that. Just so you don’t think The Savage Critics don’t love you anymore here's some words about a comic.

Anyway, this… DARK HORSE PRESENTS #2 Dark Horse Comics, $4.99 (2014)

Resident Alien: The Sam Hain Mystery Chapter 2 Art and lettering by Steve Parkhouse Written by Peter Hogan

by Parkhouse & Hogan

This one is called Resident Alien and is about an alien who is a resident in a Small Town®©. (Small Town is ® and © The United States of America.) Sometimes there are crimes and he kind of ambles around them in DHP but actually solves the crimes in other series outside of DHP. I’m guessing he solves them because I haven’t been sufficiently moved to follow his placid antics elsewhere. Could be maybe he doesn’t solve them; maybe he just kicks back and whittles, makes a scale model of the Mary Rose in a bottle, then someone walks past at the end and mentions they caught the Canned Peaches Killer, ayup, so they did, you betcha. Like I say though, I don’t know; maybe he hunts the killer down and exacts brutal and uncompromising revenge but then feels a bit sad about it so it’s okay that he did that. There’s a lot of that crap about these days so I’m quite receptive to a series where the main action involves some nail-biting box unpacking because Res Al is moving house. (Always label your boxes and ensure you pack the kettle last, so you unpack it first; top moving tips there, no charge). Ramping the thrills right up there are also some scenes of the Feds methodically failing to pick up his trail. I guess this isn’t exactly heart stopping stuff unless having crumpets instead of toast gives you palpitations (the razor’s very edge!) It’s an inoffensive and gentle mosey around familiar tropes in a kind of early Sunday evening TV fashion. No disrespect is meant when I say I can easily imagine it being on TV in the ‘80s with an elderly Bill Bixby in a latex mask helping out the character actor residents of a Small Town®© while The Authorities (Tony Danza) unhurriedly fail to track him down. Of course on TV you wouldn’t have Steve Parkhouse’s wonderfully precise yet sketchy art. Art which is unusually attentive to everyday details to such an extent that you are struck by the odd revelation that most comics just vamp this stuff. I’m so used to seeing characters wear Clothes (Shirt, Trousers, Shoes) and live in a House on a Street that Parkhouse’s unforced work here makes the hum drum as visually interesting as any alien world. It also enables Hogan’s amiable script become a decent comic regardless of any televisual ambitions. After all, I always figured my Mum secretly hoped Bill Bixby would run off with her so I prefer comics to Television. Resident Alien is GOOD! comics.

Dream Gang Chapter 2 Story & Art by Brendan McCarthy Lettering by Nate Piekos of Blambot

by Brendan McCarthy & Nate Piekios of Blambot

This one is called Dream Gang and is about a gang of people in dreams. Or something, dreams figure in it though. I don’t think it’s about anything really, I reckon McCarthy’s just larking about which is okay by me. Because Brendan McCarthy can really draw; breaking news there. McCarthy’s lines are just brimful of confidence and so assuredly loose that his art has all the appearances of random doodles miraculously converging just shy of sense. He also knows how to colour stuff in and while I am dreadful at appreciating colours I do know the colours here are bright and inviting since the sight of them from a room length away caused my son (“Gil”) to express an interest. Maybe he can explain it all to me; maybe it is just crazy deep (man). I mean, I like it but McCarthy’s bull-headed insistence on evading clarity can get a bit wearing. It’s also kind of weird to me how Dreams are always this short hand for the imagination frolicking in delighted play and that they are just obviously Technicolor gear and fabgasmtastic but in contrast real life is all grey drabbery. In dreams I have never ridden a marsupial boat on a tangerine river under a liquorice sky. And nor in dreams have I walked with you. More often than not I wake up feeling like someone’s been at my soul with a bone saw; gone at my very essence with a craft knife or something. Not so much Yellow Submarine as Das Boot when everything creaks just before the ocean bursts in. I guess me and Brendan McCarthy will just have to beg to differ when it comes to dreams. GOOD!

Wrestling With Demons Chapter 2 Art by Andy Kuhn Written by Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray Colours by John Rauch Letters by John J. Hill

by Kuhn, Palmiotti, Gray, Rauch & Hill

This one is called Wrestling With Demons and is about a man who has to wrestle with demons. Literally. Not metaphorical demons like eating too much chocolate or boozing until he shits himself or a penchant for bouncing his wife’s head off the worktop. No, proper demons. Which he wrestles. Literally. I’d hesitate to suggest either Palmiotti or Grey is coasting but I will just point out that Steve Niles manages to do this kind of workmanlike sticklebricking of stale ideas all by himself. Last issue was the introductory chapter with decent dad and sassy kid bonding on a road trip before it turned into Fight Club for Demons (and Dads who want their sassy daughter back). I just made it sound really interesting didn’t I, like Joe R Lansdale or something. While Lansdale would routinely turn something this slight into a fast and nasty blur of invention and profanity here the set up just sits around going from predictable beat to predictable beat. Oh, these comic writers and their beats. You need a bit more than beats, folks. But then I remember when beats were nice boys touching each other in pretty cars in between smoking menthol cigarettes and typing be-bop prose & poems. Beats. Anyway this is astonishingly dull stuff considering I used the phrase “Fight Club for demons”. I was watching this movie Shooter the other day, because it was on while I was sitting still for a bit and after a while I was watching the background because I don’t live in America and I like to see what it’s like. Also, the movie was predictable shit so in a defensive move my brain was focusing on the setting. I think it was set in San Francisco because there was a bit where he drove down a hill really fast and the only hill anyone ever drives down really fast in movies set in America is in San Francisco. I didn’t see Brian Hibbs so maybe it wasn’t set in San Francisco; it’s not an exact science. Yeah, I know, it was probably filmed in Canada for tax reasons and they tilted the camera to make it look like Mark Wahlberg was going down a hill. Movie magic in action. Anyway, the big thing I took away from Shooter was that America isn’t really fussed about architecture is it? No, not your old stuff, you’ve got some nice old buildings; we probably built them so, y’know, you’re welcome. Mostly though you have these big things which yell “FUTURE” and then everything else is all boxes. Big boxes and little boxes, yes, but basically boxes. (And then there’s the odd nice old bit here and there like someone spread Barnsley over 3,794,100 square miles) So, boxes with a big shiny thing or two stuck in the middle, that's you that is America. Now, it’s possible, maybe, perhaps, that I could be misjudging the architecture of what is essentially 50 discrete cultures there. But then basing an impression of an entire nation’s architecture on five minutes of an unnecessary Mark Wahlberg movie will do that. My real point is that the actual movie was dross but I found something to keep my synapses firing. So, I was reading this Wrestling With demons and I tell you I appreciated Andy Kuhn’s artwork a lot because everything else was just rote time wasting. Basically compared to the writing in Wrestling with Demons, which was as tepid as an unnecessary Mark Wahlberg movie, Andy Kuhn was America. And it was still just OKAY!

Banjo Art by Declan Shalvey Story & Colours by Jordie Bellaire Lettering by Ed Brisson

by Shalvey, Bellaire & Brisson

Sometimes I wonder whether or not reading comics from such a young age has somewhat degraded my finer sensibilities. Never have I wondered this more than when I finished reading a prettily illustrated and lightly written short revolving around the power of music and memory, in which a young girl wishes only for her father to return from the savage bastardry that is war, and my first thought is disappointment that there wasn’t a final panel of a skull telling me that “..the only victor in the WEIRD War is DEATH! HA! HA! HA!” Sometimes, I appal even myself. GOOD!

Action Philosophers: Action Philosophy! Art & Lettering by Ryan Dunlavey Written by Fred Van Lente

by Dunlavey & Van Lente

My favourite Philosopher Fact is that Nietzsche claimed to have caught syphilis by sitting on a piano stool. But back to the comic and I’d have thought this was the kind of quirky attention getter that would be kicked straight to the curb as soon as the either of these classy dudes got a regular seat at The Big Table. But no, here they are soiling the joint with wit and intelligence like they actually care about this stuff. Alas, they are playing to an empty house because everyone's pissed off to watch Shooter. GOOD!

Aliens: Field Report Art and Colours by Paul Lee Written by Chris Roberson Lettering by Nate Piekos of Blambot

by Lee, Roberson & Piekos

Here Lee and Roberson commit a few scenes from the movie Aliens straight to the comics page. Almost. It’s an attempt to graft the new Aliens series (ALIENS: TURNER & HOOCH) into the canon. You know, so that it counts. God forbid it just be good. So Hicks notices the spaceship from the new Aliens series (ALIENS: CHEESE & PICKLES) on a monitor. Limited to a single page (and it could easily have been limited to a single page) this would have been a cute little come on. Maybe with a jokey nod at those Hostess Twinkies ads. Okay, maybe not. It doesn’t matter because this is 2014 so it isn’t a page long, no, it goes on for pages more than it should and then tells you to go buy ALIENS: SONNY & CHER; wherein you won’t find anyone from Aliens (well, except the aliens obviously) but you will find the ship Hicks saw on a screen in that one panel. Lee’s art is lifeless and flat while faithful to the source but he dismays everyone when he chooses not to draw Paul Reiser and instead hides him with a shadow. While I know I’m supposed to be all out of touch and stuff even I have a sneaky suspicion that all this Alien activity is due to the release of that new Alien videogame, ALIEN:ISOLATIONISM. Apparently it’s about Alien in America during the period just before it entered WW2. What? Yes, I suppose isolationism is a misnomer for American foreign policy at that point but since the game isn’t called ALIEN: NON INTERVENTIONISM I worked with what I had. (Our Motto: there’s a reason this stuff’s free.) Back in reality, the game looks proper good and all. I’ve heard it’s hard as time served in San Quentin but well authentic. There’s even some DLC (yes, I do know what that means, cheeky.) where you can play as members of the original Nostromo crew. Who doesn’t want to play as Yaphet Kotto!? Who doesn’t want to wander about effing and jeffing about bonuses in space. If it tells me to “Find Cat” it can **** off; it’s the escape pod for me, baby! Ma Parker raised no fools. EH!

Peppered throughout this issue are various spot illustrations by Geoff Darrow: Scrumdiddilybloodyumptious and no mistake, me old plumduffs! VERY GOOD!

Right then, this issue of DHP was a bit lacking to be honest. But that’s the thing with anthologies; there’s always an element of pot luck involved. I appreciate reading a bunch of stuff I probably wouldn’t have sought out and that’s probably the true value of a book like this; reminding me how good Andy Kuhn is or that some comic writers still think about the world. The big mistake in this latest iteration of Dark Horse Presents is the lack, two issues in, of any Howard Victor Chaykin. I don’t want to influence anyone or anything but DHP would be a little bit richer in content if it had more stuff like that one where General George Armstrong Custer survives Little Big Horn, becomes President and invades Canada. All in about 8 pages too. Just saying. In conclusion, I had a decent enough time so I’ll go with OKAY!

Hope that'll do ya, because you know what don't read themselves - COMICS!!!